Sadly, No!

Michelle Obama: For the first time in my adult lifetime I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change.

Wingnutosphere: ZOMFG!!!1! Michelle Obama hates America! Why, they’d be speaking German in Cambodia if it warn’t fer us! And what about the goddam Olympics? No, there aren’t many black people in the Winter Olympics, I meant the ones in the summer, wiseass! She went to Harvard, for God’s sake! Can’t she at least be proud of that breeding ground for liberal fascism? The goddam fucking rugrats from the Anacostia projects I took a fucking cocksucking couple of hours out of my motherfucking goddam cocking day to work with that one time were sure as assbanging shit proud of this here motherfucking tittysucking anal stringwarted country! FUUUUUUCKKKKK! GAHHHHHHKKK! MRMMMBBPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!! MICHELLE. OBAMA. DOES. NOT. SPEAK. FOR. ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Michelle Obama: Wow, that feeling didn’t last very long.

UPDATE: The Wankeress takes a break from comparing the tribulations of her Lenten chocolate fast to those of an Auschwitz victim, to note that TEH HITLERIES! THEY R EVERYWHERE HATING AMERICA!

UPDATE II: Don Surber floats some trial-balloon spin on Michelle Obama …

Cindy vs. Michelle

No contest. The winner is the one who said: “I have and always will be proud of my country.”

Michelle Obama. Millionaire. Harvard Law grad. Wife of a senator. A person who has been afforded the best of opportunities in that land of opportunity that we call the United States, told a crowd in Milwaukee this: “For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country, and not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change.”

Cindy McCain. Also a millionaire. USC educated. Wife of a senator. A person who has been afforded the best of opportunities in that land of opportunity that we call the United States, told a crowd in Brookfield, Wisc.: “I am proud of my country. I don’t know about you? If you heard those words earlier, I am very proud of my country.”

So, Don, you’re saying that the elite should be proud of their country because they get to be elite in it. Gotcha. It’s one way to look at patriotism. But it’s a little short on Mom and apple pie and playing golf on the moon. You know, the stuff that’s supposed to make all us non-millionaire, state-school congressmen’s wives bleed red-white-and-blue.

So back to the drawing board of slime for you, mister.

UPDATE III: Victor Davis Tiberius Pontius Pilate Jefferson Monroe Chinese Gordon Father Tom Coughlin Hanson advises that ungrateful welp Michelle Obama (Damn Her Eyes For Impudence!) and her ingrate of a layabout of a husband to make haste for Boston to seek the counsel of a cynical old cigar-chomping campaign-scarred potato-faced Irish drunk. You know, to find out what plays with the kids casting votes in America these days.

UPDATE IV: Malkin weighs in, of course. Wouldn’t miss this one for all the garbage in Graeme Frost’s alleyway. Lots of funny stuff in the comments, but the person who thinks Don King is the shining example of an American for Michelle Obama to learn from, takes the cake:

On February 19th, 2008 at 10:42 am, SpeakEasy said:

Mrs Obama needs to spend an hour with Don King. Yes, that Don King, the boxing promoter. He can help her to see all the wonderful things in America that are hidden in plain site. If you have never heard him speak about his love of our country, you should. He is truly an American success story and he knows why.

The lowlife who refers to Michelle as a termagant as a close second, though. He gets quadruple bonus points for antiquated, doubly offensive, nonsensical construction.

The first instance we saw of the whole “Obama’s all hope and no meat” line was from our good friend Charles “Chuckles” Krauthammer:

And now, in the most amazing trick of all, a silver-tongued freshman senator has found a way to sell hope. […] Organized religion has been offering a similar commodity — salvation — for millennia. Which is why the Obama campaign has the feel of a religious revival […] “We are the hope of the future,” sayeth Obama. We can “remake this world as it should be.” Believe in me and I shall redeem not just you but your country […] Hope will have carried the day. […] Promises to fund his other promises by a rapid withdrawal from an unpopular war — with the hope […] My guess is that he can maintain the spell just past Inauguration Day. After which will come the awakening. It will be rude.

It should probably come as no surprise that David “Lobster Dinner” Brooks follows up with exactly the same thing a mere four days later:

When the Magic Fades […] These patients had experienced intense surges of hope-amine, the brain chemical that fuels euphoric sensations of historic change and personal salvation. But they found that as the weeks went on, they needed more and purer hope-injections just to preserve the rush. They wound up craving more hope than even the Hope Pope could provide, and they began experiencing brooding moments of suboptimal hopefulness. […] Up until now The Chosen One’s speeches had seemed to them less like stretches of words and more like soul sensations that transcended time and space. […] They know that most of his hope-mongering is vaporous. They know that he knows it’s vaporous.

The “original” parts of Brooks’ article are, surprisingly (we keed, we keed!), crap:

Read the rest of this entry »

Ugh:

Hillary Clinton has a new ad running in Ohio, making a pitch to working-class voters — especially working women — who feel left out of the modern economy:

“She understands,” the announcer says, as the screen cuts to a picture of Hillary working hard at her desk. “She’s worked the night shift, too.”

Dear presidential candidates (and this goes for all of you, not just Hillary),

Please stop trying to convince people that you’re a bunch of salt-of-the-earth meat-and-potatoes NASCAR-lovin’ Amurcans. You ain’t. You’re a bunch of narcissistic weirdos who love power. This is not to say that you’re any worse from politicians of the past, mind you. I’m just callin’ it like it is: only power-hungry narcissists would actually want to be the damn President of the United States. It’s bad enough that we have to elect one of you assholes to be president every four years. Please don’t make it worse by pretending to be “normal.” That is all.

Love,

Brad

…adding, that I think the media is just as responsible for this kind of BS as are political candidates. Look at all the silly and preposterous articles written every campaign cycle about which candidates are more “genuine” and “in touch with the common folk.” I honestly don’t give two shits if either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama wants to have a beer with me. I just want them to do their best to not destroy the universe. Needless to say, George W. Bush has failed in this regard.

Who knew that evil oil tycoons could be so funky?

ABOVE: John Ruberry

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The Pajama Medias superstar and not-so-swift “Marathon Pundit,” a/k/a John Ruberry, engages in a little not-so-swift-boating of Barack Obama:

Now a (gasp!) tenured education professor at the University of Illinois-Chicago, [Bill Ayers is] a campaign issue for Barack Obama.

Ayers was once a member of Weather Underground, an anti-war group that bombed public buildings to protest the War in Vietnam.

So what is the connection between Obama and Ayers that has Ruberry piddling in his pundit pants? Is Ayers a member of Obama’s campaign? Has Obama publicly praised Ayers and claimed him as a dear friend? Has he had sex with Ayers in a bathroom stall? Did they share a toothbrush? Er, no:

Ayers is The Woods Fund board chairman, and a young state senator, who like Ayers is living in Chicago’s Hyde Park neighborhood, is a fellow board member–that person of course is Barack Obama.

Obama and Ayers were on the Woods Fund board between 1999 and 2002. Other notable terrorist-sympathizers that have served on the Board of the Woods Fund include senior officers from UBS, BP and Skidmore, Owings & Merrill, as well as the President of McCormack Theological Seminary, all of whom I guess must now renounce all participation in politics, apologize for their lapses of judgment, and just go into hiding forever.

What’s next? Obama was seen speaking to someone who is a next door neighbor to someone who went to school with Ted Kaczynski? I think Ruberry has spent too much time playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

He still had us at pornographic emails:

Harris County District Attorney Chuck Rosenthal resigned Friday under the weight of a scandal involving the release of dozens of pornographic, racist and political e-mails on his office computer.

But then he lost us here:

Mr. Rosenthal was forced off the March 4 GOP primary ballot by the scandal but steadfastly refused to resign, saying “stupidity” was not grounds for quitting.

Dude, you’re the DA — is it too much to expect of a DA that he not be a total moron?

ABOVE: Rob Port, champion laptop
hurler, trains for the Beijing Summer
Olympics

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From the safety of the Home of Economy store he manages in North Dakota, Pajamas Media blogger Rob Port takes the students of Northern Illinois to task for not throwing their laptops at the gunman in the recent shooting tragedy there:

In a recent post about the campus shooting at Northern Illinois University one reader, who lives near the campus, posted this:

I am discouraged that no one took their books, laptops, anything and just threw it at the guy, no one fought back. It’s that passivity that troubles me.

That’s a great point.

Is this dirtbag really that stupid? Does he have any idea how far you can hurl a laptop or even how far bullets go? Obviously, Port gets his exercise and his view of reality from playing first-person shooters where he can find a magic laptop that can be thrown 100 feet at 600 mph and will completely waste the reptilian alien monster chasing him through subterranean tunnels.

And why are college students just a bunch of panty-waists who won’t throw their Dells at crazed gunmen? Because of liberals, of course:

It seems that far too often modern Americans have an instinct to cower or run away when threatened instead of fighting back. Especially younger Americans, and based on my personal experience I’d have to say that it’s being learned in our schools. When I went to school fighting, even when fighting back against a bully who was threatening you, was enough to warrant suspension. Maybe even a call to the police and/or expulsion. I think the kids who grew up with that approach to discipline are the same ones who don’t fight back as adults.

Woohoo! More schoolyard brawling! That’s the ticket. If kids got gold stars instead of detention for beating up on classmates, you can be certain that each and every one of the kids in that classroom would have challenged the gunman to a fight by the bike rack during recess.

What do you want to bet that if somebody got caught shoplifting a three-pack of Fruit of the Loom briefs at Rob’s store, he’d hide behind the coat rack in the back of the store until the cops came? And then once they came, Rob would emerge, take credit for collaring the shoplifter, wave a can of WD40 wildly at the perp, and tell the perp he was lucky that he hadn’t suffered the full wrath of Rob Port.

Let’s assume you had turned in an article about a freak javelin accident that opened in the following manner:

On Friday the 13th in July, Tero Pitkamaki of Finland, one of the world’s best at what he does, rumbled forward and released his javelin during a Golden League meet in Rome. It sailed far off target to the left, and nearly 80 meters away it landed in the back of an unsuspecting long jumper, Salim Sdiri of France.

Let us further assume that you felt this wasn’t really a good way to start your article. How would you fix that? Well, if you’re Christopher Clarey of the International Herald Tribune/NYT, you go for this:

In the he-said, Clemens-said world of professional sports, it is tough, even under oath, to separate truth from fiction. But there is no doubt about what happened in Rome on Friday the 13th in July of last year.

Tero Pitkamaki of Finland, one of the world’s very best at what he does, …

Was that really necessary? [That edition of the IHT had a Clemens piece on the next page, fwiw. And the NYT version of that article has the non-Clemens opening.]

Here’s a little something to cheer you up for the weekend:

A British man wrongly charged with training the pilots in the Sept. 11 attacks and imprisoned for six months can claim damages from the British government, a British court ruled Thursday. […]

Wait, wait, don’t get too giddy yet — this gets better:

Mr. Raissi was picked up by the police at his home near Heathrow Airport 10 days after the [September 11] attacks at the request of the United States, the court noted. During the seven days he was questioned by the British police, an F.B.I. agent observed “from a remote location via a television link,” the court said.

When the seven-day holding period was up, the United States sought to extradite Mr. Raissi after hastily filing what the court called “trivial” charges: failure to note on his pilot’s license application that he had had knee surgery, and that, at the age of 19, he had been arrested for stealing a briefcase at Heathrow and given a false name at the time. [Emphasis added]

Is there any way we can add anything to that? Sadly, yes!:

Mr Raissi, they said, was the “lead instructor” for the hijackers. The courts were told there was evidence that he falsified flight logs to hide the fact he trained Hanjour. Videotape had been found of Hanjour and Mr Raissi together. A notebook said to belong to Abu Doha, a major terrorist suspect, that had been found in London contained Mr Raissi’s phone number.

One by one, over the course of ten court hearings, Mr Raissi’s solicitor proved that the allegations and the evidence to support them were false, if not fabricated. …

In February 2002, Mr Raissi was released from Belmarsh jail. But neither the British nor the American authorities were prepared to say they had been mistaken. He remained a suspected terrorist, unable to travel outside Britain except to Algeria.

Well, ain’t that a kick in the head.

Charles “Chuckles” Krauthammer, having noticed that Obama is doing pretty well in the primaries, takes a break (but only in part!) from his usual Clinton-bashing beat:

And now, in the most amazing trick of all, a silver-tongued freshman senator has found a way to sell hope. To get it, you need only give him your vote. Barack Obama is getting millions.

This kind of sale is hardly new. Organized religion has been offering a similar commodity — salvation — for millennia.

Of course, the hope for a better future is something only a devious black man would try to sell. And confidence in a nation’s ability to get things done provided some policies are changed isn’t something that anyone other than Obama would pitch. Well, Obama and this dead guy we guess — the one Chuckles told us about in 2004:

Reagan was optimistic about America amid the cynicism and general retreat of the post-Vietnam era because he believed unfashionably that America was both great and good[.]

Look everyone, it’s morning again at America’s Even More Shittiest Website™: [Careful! This means the quote below is from Free Republic people, not Chuckles, ok?]

It takes more than a pretty video and a bunch of celebrities singing to make a great president. It takes a person who understands where the true greatness of America lies.

Long before anyone ever heard of Barack Obama, Ronald Reagan challenged Americans to hope, to dream, to believe….

In themselves.

He brought change. He told us that “yes we can”.

So yes, we can praise a man for outlining his vision, based on optimism (and made-up anecdotes) for the country. And yes, we can praise a man for his rhetorical skills. Well, except for, as someone at AEMSW™ put it, you know: [Again with the Free Republic, not even Chuckles deserves to be confused with them*.]

Obama is a fine orator. However, the ideas he is “orating” in such a fine manner are Marxist at worst and National Socialist at best, which means they are doomed to failure.

So there you have it: Yes we can control the means of production. And yes we can kill all the Jews of National Socialism. [Edited to identify source of last quote more clearly-er. Edited again for same purpose.]

* Actually, yes.