Sadly, No!

A good while back, our Clif recommended Chernow’s biography of Alexander Hamilton. Well, I finally got a copy and started it the other night. Flipping through, I could tell that I’d hate Chernow’s slant, but I decided to read it anyway just to see if anything interesting popped up in the details.

So far, so good. Everyone knows Hamilton was a horndog, but Chernow shows just what a smoothie Ten-dollar Bill Man really was by quoting a letter from young Hamilton to the fantastically rich and well-born Kitty Livingston (wealth or beauty alone were enough to make Hamilton lay it on thickly; together they inspired him to spread the purple with a trowel):

I challenge you to meet me in whatever path you dare. And, if you have no objection, for variety and amusement, we will even make excursions in the flowery walks and roseate bowers of Cupid. You know I am renowned for gallantry and shall always be able to entertain you with a choice collection of the prettiest things imaginable…You shall be one of the graces, or Diana, or Venus, or something surpassing them all.

The promises, the flattery, the style, even the cadence is pure Smoove B Love. All that’s missing is the concluding “Damn.” And, perhaps, a reference or two to doggie-style sex.

As a patriot here in the heartland who appreciates the wisdom of the Founding Fathers, I have no choice but to try some of Hamilton’s phrases on Marie Jon’.

Ace has his new site design finished.

New Design Preview
Update: Final Design Added

Okay, so Liberrocky mocked up a new banner some time ago. Really cool. I passed that on to Jen of Demure Thoughts for her to play with.

I asked her, “Look, if you start to play with this, you’re not going to make it all girly are you? I don’t want it to look like Bethany’s MySpace page.”

She was offended by the question.

[…]

This is her current mock-up, which I think isn’t just white hot, but shite-hot, as the singer from The Darkness says about his brother’s guitarwork.

Above: New Ace banner

I know the white background on the banner is different, and I resisted it at first, but now I’m thinking it’s nice and stark and clean. The black on white is kind of skull-like, anyway. And it’s less Instapundit-ish. Instapundit has a good design, and I guess I sort of aped the basic color scheme, but it’s good to not be quite so derivative.

Thoughts?

Yeah Ace, as a matter of fact, we do have a thought. Do you have any idea how long we worked on this?

Above: Our prototype

Oh, but maybe it’s too Instapundit-ish. Maybe it doesn’t have that nice, stark cleanness that’s such the big trend in conservative blog banners these days, or so we hear.

Cripes, what do we ever do around here but help people with things? I mean, Jeez.

Jesus H.! This account of the Bush administration’s attempt to engineer a coup in Gaza is more terrifying than anything I’ve ever imagined. Let’s look at the gory highlights:

[Palestinian national-security adviser Muhammad] Dahlan says he warned his friends in the Bush administration that Fatah still wasn’t ready for elections in January. Decades of self-preservationist rule by Arafat had turned the party into a symbol of corruption and inefficiency—a perception Hamas found it easy to exploit. Splits within Fatah weakened its position further: in many places, a single Hamas candidate ran against several from Fatah.

“Everyone was against the elections,” Dahlan says. Everyone except Bush. “Bush decided, ‘I need an election. I want elections in the Palestinian Authority.’ Everyone is following him in the American administration, and everyone is nagging Abbas, telling him, ‘The president wants elections.’ Fine. For what purpose?”

The elections went forward as scheduled. On January 25, Hamas won 56 percent of the seats in the Legislative Council.

Few inside the U.S. administration had predicted the result, and there was no contingency plan to deal with it. “I’ve asked why nobody saw it coming,” Condoleezza Rice told reporters. “I don’t know anyone who wasn’t caught off guard by Hamas’s strong showing.”

“Everyone blamed everyone else,” says an official with the Department of Defense. “We sat there in the Pentagon and said, ‘Who the fuck recommended this?'”

And since the elections didn’t go as the Boy King planned, guess what he did then? That’s right, he tried to undermine them:

Washington reacted with dismay when Abbas began holding talks with Hamas in the hope of establishing a “unity government.”

[…]

At their joint press conference, Rice smiled as she expressed her nation’s “great admiration” for Abbas’s leadership. Behind closed doors, however, Rice’s tone was sharper, say officials who witnessed their meeting. Isolating Hamas just wasn’t working, she reportedly told Abbas, and America expected him to dissolve the Haniyeh government as soon as possible and hold fresh elections.

Apparently, Condi believed that having an American-backed leader dissolve a democratically-elected government would warm the Palestinians’ hearts to American aims.

You can see where this is headed:
Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s Drake Bennett, from the Fall TV issue of Slate:

There’s nothing new about denigrating the laugh track. It’s been viewed with scorn and suspicion from its invention in 1950, when it debuted to little fanfare on a short-lived comedy called The Hank McCune Show. In the decades since, it has stood accused of everything from bad faith to brainwashing to mere artistic laziness. It’s survived all the opprobrium, however, and, in one form or another, it’s likely to survive further still. In fact, at a time when it’s seemingly being relegated to the pop-culture curio closet, its use is actually extending beyond the sitcom—and even beyond television itself.

Indeed. But, you know, if you swipe some studio-audience footage off the TV and paste it into your comedy webcast, it can really help bolster the illusion:

Coming next from Brent Bozell’s Media Research Center: cute kittens and a canned ‘Awww!’ track.

…Also, in a very special episode, Warner Todd Huston puts on waterskis and jumps over a shark.

Update: Steve H. of the Hog on Ice blog asks a technical query:

While I was fiddling around trying to get information on the latest round of fake debate questions planted by Democrat candidates, I accidentally started a Youtube video over at Newsbusters, the conservative site dedicated to exposing liberal establisment media bias. It was a Daily Show sort of thing, featuring and anchor named Jodi Miller. I watched for a minute or two. It really wasn’t bad. Not the funniest material in the universe, but a pretty good effort. And the production was slick, and it appeared that they had a genuine studio audience which did not come in a can. Is Newsbusters big enough to have a studio, or are they faking it with some piece of Adobe software or other?

Hi, Steve. The Media Research Center, a 501(c)(3) organization [.pdf], reported its 2006 income as $10.8 million, so yes, Newsbusters is quite a bit bigger than Michelle Malkin — big enough, even, to have a studio significantly spiffier and more copious than the one Malkin has in her laundry room.

However, as you can imagine, filling such a studio week after week with an audience of presentable humans… Well, there’s the thing. The software is Adobe TwoClappingGirls CS3, which generates a video image of two girls clapping. The laughter and applause is Brent Bozell himself, recorded on multiple tracks as the video segment is replayed again and again in the control room. The microphone is a Beyer M-160.

This internet affair appears to be no more:

Jimmy Wales, the creator of the world’s best collection of Outkast lyrics, has announced in a statement on the website that he’s no longer seeing Rachel Marsden, the saucy Canadian right-winger who started chatting him up after her Wikipedia profile came under attack. (See Valleywag’s exclusive transcripts of their secret love IMs.) One hopes Marsden didn’t learn about the split by reading Jimmy’s love note online. As late as last night, she told a friend that she and Wales had patched things up. […] Marsden subsequently told friends that Wales gave her feedback on her website design — is that what kids are calling it these days? — for 24 hours straight in a D.C. hotel.

It’s business, it’s business time:

Thanks to Michael for the link.

ABOVE: Nina Imelda Evita Mussolini
Pinochet May

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Most of the wingnuts have been busy for the past several days parading around relics of Saint WFB in a monstrance and recounting stories of various miracles that could support canonization. But not Nina May. No siree. She’s got her eye straight on the ball and reminds us that Barack Obama’s middle name is Hussein:

Most people know that the past Iraqi Dictator’s name was Saddam Hussein, and ironically, Hussein is Barak [sic] Obama’s middle name.

Of course, most people know how to spell “Barack” as well, but I suppose the missing “c” makes it look more Moooooslim.

John McCain … chastised a surrogate for using Barak’s [sic] full name, apologizing for the implications …. Everyone is missing the obvious point of that entire discussion. If we as a nation are off limits as far as mentioning a possible president’s middle name because it might offend him, and others who have that name and possible evil intent against the nation, then it is a no-brainer that Obama should never be close to that office.

It is a no-brainer in the sense that only someone completely lacking in a brain would think that what Nina said makes any sense at all. Is she really saying that someone who has a middle name with unpleasant connotations can’t be President. Er, ‘fraid so:

If we are censoring ourselves, and implying that to mention his middle name is offensive, inflammatory, derogatory or degrading, then how in the world is he to stand in front of the world and answer the question [sic], “ I Barak [sic] Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States”? Will he interrupt and make the announcement that we are never allowed to mention his middle name?

Because of course if Obama doesn’t say his middle name the oath of office is invalid; and if he has to say it on inauguration day to become President, then it’s okay for us to say it over and over again. Apparently everything Nina learned about making arguments she learned on a sixth-grade playground.

Seb adds: Nina is the fancy version of Kerry L. Marsala:

She is also an accomplished artist with her oils and watercolors in galleries around the world and the U.S.

Above: CPAC Blogger of the Year, Ace of Spades

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In generous response to a fool who has excellent reason to re-think not just his ignorance of the “heated…politics of the 1970’s,” but indeed his ignorance of all politics prior to September, 11, 2001, Dr. Atrios sez:

I used to imagine there would be some generational shift in the media, leaving behind the previous baggage, and things might improve. But from what I can tell you have the perpetually lost in the 60s crowd, the 70s anti-partisan crowd, the 80s Reagan is The Awesome crowd, the 90s Republican Revolution and Bill Clinton’s Penis is a WMD Crowd, and then the 00s George Bush’s crotch looks awesome in that flight suit crowd.

It’s never gonna end.

No, it won’t. It might be helpful to think of it in shrill terminology of a JW tract: “Millions of wingnut memes now living will never die!!!” Because there is a system in place — that has been in place since the late ’60s — that guarantees the perpetuation of wingnut talking points.

Read the rest of this entry »

Shorter Kevin McCullough: I’m not saying he’s a queer or nothin’, but I bet Barack Obama thinks unicorns kick ass.

Shorter Janice Shaw Crouse: Get it straight, United Nations: teenage mothers — especially the married ones — in the Third World don’t need your advice, or your contraceptives.

Shorter Doug Giles: The fact of the matter is, if Jesus were to return tomorrow, He’d be packing a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world…

Shorter Steve Chapman: Just look at these pathetic liberal bureaucrats, punishing buildings instead of spree-killing psychopaths.

Shorter Nina May: So we right-wingers (except that back-stabber John McCain) like to emphasize Obama’s middle name. So what’s wrong with that? What’s Barack Saddam Neville Chamberlain Osama Hussein Islamic-Manchurian-Candidate Obama afraid of?

Shorter David R. Stokes: Good night William F. Buckley, sweet prince; I shall remember how you stood up to that RINO bastard Richard Nixon. No, of course not because of the Dirty Tricks, but because of detente.

Shorter Salena Zito: Let me tell you of an ethnic group too long ignored by politicians: The Scots-Irish, whose Protestant, war-embracing, right-wing identity politics I rather like.

Shorter Paul Jacob: Economic law, consisting of immutable facts gathered through hard science, dictates that Free Trade is the only rational policy — who, then, would dare oppose it but an ignorant and superstitious person like Barack Obama?

Shorter Nick Nichols: Though their fear of persecution is understandable, I wish CEOs would just stand up to environmentalists, because if they don’t, we’ll have to eat all the polar bears.

Shorter William Perry Pendley: The only good Indian court is a dead Indian court.

Shorter Paul Kengor: Bless Bill Buckley: He helped me find Jesus. He also helped me get wingnut welfare.

Shorter Diana West: Barack Obama’s wishy-washy comments apropos Louis Farrakhan merely reinforce my suspicion that the Senator is a whitey-hating, anti-Semitic, uppity-negro Muslimbot.

Is it too late for me to take back my Obama vote?

Above: My dream candidate.

Obama is hoping to appoint cross-party figures to his cabinet such as Chuck Hagel, the Republican senator for Nebraska and an opponent of the Iraq war, and Richard Lugar, leader of the Republicans on the Senate foreign relations committee.

I’ll be so depressed if he takes this “bipartisanship” nonsense seriously. Personally speaking, I’d like any Democratic candidate to spend their whole first day in office standing atop the White House roof dressed in pirate garb shouting “NOOOOOOOO PRISONERS!!!!!” at the top of their lungs. I want someone who will appoint Rudy Ray Moore as a Supreme Court justice, who will punish the Keyboard Kommandos by passing a Constitutional amendment banning Cheetos and Funyuns, and who will look into every Republican’s eyes and tell them that he drank their milkshake. HE DRANK IT UP!!!

As I’ve said before, there are more important issues facing this country than my bloody-minded quest for revenge. But even if Obama doesn’t plan on systematically destroying every Republican by using the Justice Department to slap them with bogus corruption charges, he could at the very least not appoint any to his cabinet. And while it’s true that Hagel and Lugar are some of the least objectionable Republicans out there, they are still Republicans. They bear the taint; and though not prosecutable in law, in custom and nature the taint cannot be ignored.

No prisoners, Hussein X. Please don’t disappoint me.

Here’s Christian Newswire:

Homosexual Activist Blames Pastors for Murder: An Apology is Demanded

MEDIA ADVISORY, Feb. 29 /Christian Newswire/ — “Radical homosexual activist Matt Foreman, of the Gay and Lesbian Task Force,
spoke in a very irresponsible manner, slandering the reputations of Christian ministers in Broward County by inferring that they are in some way responsible for the murder of Simmie Williams,” said Rev. Gary Cass, of the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission. “Foreman is guilty of gross Christian bashing, the very kind of bashing he says he opposes against homosexuals.”

You know, we never considered it quite like that before.

Fig. 1: Radical Matt Foreman committing a physical ‘bashing’ attack on Christians

Fig. 2: The very kind of thing Foreman does, only against a queer

In a video posted on the Sun Sentinel website, Foreman declares that the pulpits of Broward County are teaching hatred of homosexuals, inferring that Christian ministers are in some way responsible for the murder of Simmie Williams Jr. who was found dead in Broward County on a sidewalk dressed as a woman.

Official accounts say nothing as to why the sidewalk was dressed like that, but it’s certain from viewing the video that Foreman not only inferred, but even implied such a thing. Indeed, he plainly said in English that hatred of homosexuals is not innate even among Floridians, but is instead taught, through vectors including the pulpits of Fort Lauderdale.

As Antonia Timmens used to say, it is possible!

Above: Gary “Does Not Resemble Randy
Jones Of The Village People” Cass

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“Radical homosexuals like Foreman are quick to exploit this tragic situation for their own political purposes and in order to bash Christians,” said Cass. “Matt Foreman owes the ministers of Broward County an apology.”

Hmm. Exploiting things for political purposes… Oh wait, that Gary Cass: The one whose last job was as the director of a notorious right-wing Fort Lauderdale megachurch whose media foundation was fueled by a $37 million budget. The Gary Cass whose first book, Gag Order: The Government and the Sinister Plan to Silence Your Pastor, provided cover for a failed Republican plan to allow tax-exempt churches to support political campaigns. The one with the new foundation entity¹ whose most recent book, Christian Bashing, exposes the “threats, slurs and violence” that are being perpetrated against this helpless and long-suffering majority group of Americans.

Their tribulations include literally several carefully-worded and tactically ambiguous anecdotes, most of which had previously made the rounds via the Wingnut Telex — those massively-forwarded chain emails of the sort that identify Barack Obama as a Muslim extremist and that attribute Dominionist statements to Andy Rooney. Witness the atrocities:

• In Illinois, an employee of a national insurance company was fired for writing an op-ed in support of traditional marriage, even though he did it on his own time and on his own computer.

• Christopher Hitchens, on the day Jerry Falwell died, appeared on CNN and referred to Falwell as, “a little toad … a horrible little person… an evil old man… a conscious charlatan and bully and fraud.”

• Bill Maher, who regularly belittles Christians, began his HBO program on May 18 with a vicious, blasphemous attack on the Christian faith, making lurid remarks associating Holy Communion with homosexuality.

• Less than 24 hours after the shooting of Simmie Williams, Fort Lauderdale resident Melbourne Brunner was beaten outside the Floridian restaurant by a man who shouted anti-gay slurs at him and his partner. “This is how I break faggots’ necks,” the man threatened, before punching Brunner in the face.

• An employee of an Idaho computer company was fired after displaying Bible verses in his cubicle–in response to a pro-homosexual flyer distributed by the company.

• Howard Stern on his nationally syndicated radio show said, “If I was president, I would have you (pro-lifers) gassed. I would march you into the ovens.”

• Kathy Griffin, a self-identified militant atheist, was honored for her cable reality show. Upon receiving her reward she said, “A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this. He had nothing to do with this, …suck it Jesus! This award is my god now!”

Except we added an extra item to the list. See if you can tell which one it is!

Apparently 2007 was a high-water year for anti-Christian pogroms and makings-fun-of, and other brutalities unique and unprecedented in human experience. The seven most unspeakable outrages committed against Christians last year include the Christian who shot all those Christians at the Christian church, The Golden Compass, the Federal Hate Crimes Bill, and Amanda at Pandagon. Back to Cass:

“Faithful Christian churches must oppose homosexual behavior, just as they must oppose other behavior they consider to be sinful, but where is the proof that any minister has ever suggested or condoned violence,” asked Cass. “The fact is, no one knows who killed Simmie Williams Jr. or why. It is pretty safe to assume that the murderer was not a church member acting on advice from his pastor.”

This is, of course, consonant with the teachings of the Gospels, for when asked by Pilate to account for himself, did not Christ say, “I didn’t do it, you can’t prove it, nobody saw me”?

Plus, murder-schmurder: Some kids in Tulsa have been running around their high school with a digital recorder, saying ‘Jesus loves you’ and playing it backwards so it sounds like ‘We smell sausage.’² A Christian heard and was torn to pieces by lions discomfited for literally almost an hour. Will your children be the next victims? Please check this box if you would like to make a repeating donation.

¹ On the other hand, they’ve got Star Parker on their advisory board, suggesting that this operation might go blooey at any time.
² It actually does.