Sadly, No!

Oh Jesus, she’s at it again:

Deja Vu [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

This makes me primary mad all over again:

Prominent evangelical leaders are warning Sen. John McCain against picking former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney as his running mate, saying their troops will abandon the Republican ticket on Election Day if that happens.

They say Mr. Romney lacks trust on issues such as outlawing abortion and opposing same-sex marriage and because he is a Mormon. Opposition is particularly powerful among those who supported former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee in the Republican presidential primaries earlier this year.

“McCain and Romney would be like oil and water,” said evangelical novelist Tim LaHaye, who supported Mr. Huckabee. “We aren’t against Mormonism, but Romney is not a thoroughgoing evangelical and his flip-flopping on issues is understandable in a liberal state like Massachusetts, but our people won’t understand that.”

I started to get intense anti-Romney e-mail again a few weeks ago, when I wrote this anti-Huckabee column. When it comes to Romney, there is almost a religious fervor opposing him, despite a record of helping social conservatism in recent years.

“Almost” a religious fervor? Uh, no, K-Lo. It is literally a religious fervor.

See, right-wing Evangelicals maybe cuckoo for Coco Puffs, but they aren’t nearly as stupid as you are. They know that Bush and the GOP have used them for money and votes while not lifting a damn finger to seriously help their causes. Consider the GOP’s track record on law-breaking: they’ve been perfectly willing to break laws against torture and warrantless wiretapping, but they didn’t lift a damn finger to send in the National Guard to replace Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube. Priorities, people!

So yes: for all their craziness, the Christian Right will only eat so many platefuls of shit. And in Mitt Romney, they correctly see a dung heap the size of a large walrus.

Continuing:

I honestly don’t know why someone so successful would feel the need to continue play-acting, faking his way through conservatism just to be John McCain’s vice president (I find it hard to believe conservatives will ever get enthused in 2012 by someone who was a part of the McCain administration) or, worse, John McCain’s running mate on a losing ticket.

I mean, right? Why indeed would Romney want to deceive people about his true nature just to up his chances of getting a piddling, dead-end job like the vice president of the United States? After all, look at how unhappy Dick Cheney seems to be — when he’s not spending all his time cooped up in his undisclosed location, the poor guy is reduced to getting wasted and shooting his friends in the face with birdshot. Not to mention the poor guy’s pet project of invading Iran seems to be going nowhere. Who on Earth would want such a tedious and thankless job?

Mitt Romney — is an example of someone who came to the wisdom of conservatism through practical experience. He saw its reasonableness in the face of liberal overreach. We should want to embrace such conversions. We should want to encourage people to get Right.

Or we can fervently close the door to them and their contributions and fresh blood. What a good move for a movement that needs re-energization and recruits.

Mitt Romney is an example of someone who is stunningly and embarrassingly full of shit, even by the standards of modern politicians. The fact that he has failed to pass the smell test of notoriously gullible crackpots such as Tim Lahaye shows that his hangers-on are the very dimmest of bulbs. K-Lo, congratulations.

Shorter Michelle Malkin:

The Tennessee Church Shootings

• Horrible. Confederate Yankee zeroes in on what’s important — i.e., absolving conservatives of responsibility for this passing anti-Christian incident in which only two people were killed (both of whom were old).

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Bonus Confederate Yankee:

Update: Apparently there are some people who want to go on a shrieking political bender about this tragedy (both right and left), but that isn’t going to happen here.

[deletes all comments]

Comments off.

Fauxtonement: “Prayergate” Takes a Weird, New Turn

• Even though an Israeli confessed to stealing Obama’s prayer from the wailing wall and giving it to the press, there is still not an iota of proof that Obama didn’t leak the prayer to the press himself in order to “thuggishly politicize the holiest and most sacred site of world Jewry.” Therefore, I demand a full investigation.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Tom “FU” Friedman’s last column starts poorly enough:

What would happen if you cross-bred J.R. Ewing of “Dallas” and Carl Pope, the head of the Sierra Club? You’d get T. Boone Pickens.

What would happen if you cross-bred Henry Ford and Yitzhak Rabin? You’d get Shai Agassi. And what would happen if you put together T. Boone Pickens, the green billionaire Texas oilman now obsessed with wind power, and Shai Agassi, the Jewish Henry Ford now obsessed with making Israel the world’s leader in electric cars?

But it really gets going (i.e. hits the crapper) when he quotes Shai Agassi:

Agassi is a passionate salesman for his vision. He could sell camels to Saudi Arabia. “Today in Europe, you pay $600 a month for gasoline,” he explained to me.

$600 (€400) a month?!? The average car in Germany does just over 14K km per year (To check our figures: learn German, open PDF, do the math). To spend €5,000 per year on gasoline (at €1.50 per liter*, assuming just about the highest price yet), you’d need to acquire 3,333 liters of regular or super. Which would imply that the average car gets 4 km per liter.

Assuming your car needs 10 liters per 100 km (23.5 MPG), you’d need to be driving 33,330 km per year to spend that much. And unless the average car consumes 23 liters per 100 km (10.2 MPG — we doubt that), Agassi isn’t anywhere in the ballpark or in the right (flat) world. Or is everyone driving a Hummer in Europe these days?

* A pretty generous assumption, might we add.

Oh goody. The Justice Department has issued its final report on Monica Goodling’s illegal hiring practices for career DOJ positions. There’s plenty of fun stuff in here, such as this:

We interviewed Angela Williamson, who was the Department’s Deputy White House Liaison and reported to Goodling during most of Goodling’s tenure as White House Liaison. Williamson attended numerous interviews conducted by Goodling and told us that Goodling asked the same questions “all the time” and tried to ask the same questions of all candidates. […] After Goodling resigned, Williamson typed from memory the list of questions Goodling asked as a guide for future interviews. Among other questions, the list included the following:

• Tell us about your political philosophy. There are different groups of conservatives, by way of example: Social Conservative, Fiscal Conservative, Law & Order Republican.

• [W]hat is it about George W. Bush that makes you want to serve him?

• Aside from the President, give us an example of someone currently or recently in public service who you admire.

We found that this last question often took the form of asking the candidate to identify his or her most admired President, Supreme Court Justice, or legislator. Some candidates were asked to identify a person for all three categories. Williamson told us that sometimes Goodling asked candidates: “Why are you a Republican?”

Several candidates interviewed by Goodling told us they believed that her question about identifying their favorite Supreme Court Justice, President, or legislator was an attempt to determine the candidates’ political beliefs. For example, one candidate reported that after he stated he admired Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Goodling “frowned” and commented, “but she’s pro-choice.”

It goes on like this.

Upon becoming president, Hussein Obama X’s very first act — after freeing Mumia, signing a reparations bill and implementing Sharia law, of course — should be to oust every single unqualified hack that Bush hired right out of Regent University and banish them from ever working again in any job. God knows how many more of them are out there.

ABOVE: K-Lo at the beach

---

Over at America’s Shittiest Website™, K-Lo is incensed about the latest fad that is turning young girls into shameless, godless hussies: bikinis.

[F]or heaven’s sake. This Washington Post piece on three 16-year-old girls shopping for bikinis in Tyson’s Corner is begging for a dad to be on the scene. Mom’s no help — one of them provides financial assistance because a teenage girl just has to have a bikini, you know. “Bikinis are more popular because they’re sexier. They draw a guy’s attention.” Where’s dad to just say no?

Next thing you know these young girls will want to be dancing the “twist” and going out in public without male relatives as chaperones.

Note: I’m at the beach this weekend, so “New Wingnut of the Week” is on temporary hiatus and will return next Sunday.

Above: “And then Comedy Central took on
a new form — that of a giant Slor!”

‘Jest-O-Matic’

• Sure, my conservative pundit friends and I may make the occasional honest mistake, but that’s nothing compared to these lying comedians with their dishonest “jokes” and so-called “humor.”

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Seb adds: If you’re going to complain, as Frum does, about the practice of making up quotes:

But even on “fake news,” I think it is improper to represent faked clips as if they were real.

Then you might want to consider not running the ad below right on the same page:

I’m working on the unfinished Obama/Goldberg post below, but in the meantime, please enjoy this emerging classic of the mass-forwarded email genre.

This isn’t one of those snarky jokes we’re so often accused of making. It’s real, and it’s likely coming soon to an inbox near you (replete with nine-hundred AOL and Hotmail addresses in the ‘cc’ column).

You’ve heard of the Clinton Body Count, and now it’s time for…

The Obama Death List

The following is a partial list of deaths of persons connected to Barack HUSSEIN Obama during his time inside the United States. Read the list and judge for yourself…

SARAH BERKLEY – Author of “The Jihad at the Ballot Box” – a book examining Obama’s relationship with radical Islam. Died in a mysterious car crash in 2003.

RUSSELL MCDOUGAL – Former FBI operative, January 23rd, 2007. McDougal was known to hold sensitive information about meetings Barack Obama had with arms smugglers. His wife was murdered March 2006 after he went public with his initial reports. His father died July 8, 2006 four hours after McDougal presented his findings on the Savage Nation. Suffered administrative retaliation after reporting discussions by jihadist groups concerning Obama to his superiors.

RODRIGO VILLALOPEZ, a television news camera man who shot the footage of Obama describing small town voters as “bitter” and “clinging to their guns during the primary season.

BRIAN GORING – A defense attorney for Obama patron Antoin Rezko during his trial for extortion and bribery. Died of apparent “natural causes.”

MERCEDES HUGLEY, one of Obama’s many white, female conquests while at Harvard. Filed sexual assault charges against Obama for date rape in 1990. Because “date rape” was not considered a crime like it is today, she ended up dropping the charges. Two years later, she was found dead of an apparent cocaine overdose.

Fun game: Try to determine how many of these people even exist. We’re coming up cold blank on several so far, including the ‘Sarah Berkley’ who wrote the apparently nonexistent book, The Jihad at the Ballot Box — which is, you know, supposed to have tied Obama to radical Islam at some point during his career as an Illinois state senator. The best might be Darsano Rahardjo (below). Egad, who can say it isn’t true?!

Read the rest of this entry »

Shorter Douglas MacKinnon:

GOP Unfairly Branded Racist

• As a Republican and a conservative with a strong familiarity with the Black community, I am disappointed and offended by Barack Obama’s recent remark that Republicans will, as he claims, “try to make you afraid of him” saying that he has “a funny name,” and that we would say such a scurrilous and irresponsible thing as, “Did I mention he’s black?”

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Shorter Pam Atlas:¹

America’s New First Family

• Blacky blacky blackity-black-black African ooga-booga blacky-blacky boogie-boogie me-name-Abongo funny-name woggity-blackity blacky woo-woo! Check out Mr. Blacky B. McBlackington and his black, black, dusky-hued Blackamoor blacky-blacks.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Bonus Pam Atlas from one day ago:

What Are You Doing Tuesday the 5th? GO WEST!

[…]

In response to Obama’s claim that Republicans will use race to stoke fear, Lt. Col Allen West,² candidate for Congress in Florida’s 22 District issued this release:

My advice to Senator Obama is to run as a Man and Leader, and the American people will evaluate you as such, not as a victim. This is a Presidential race, based solely on a capacity to lead the United States of America. It is not about skin tone…however, perhaps we should come to expect these immature statements.

It also seems rather humorous that the Presidential candidate who was supposed to be such a “uniter” and transcend race is the one talking about it the most. If Senator Obama was confident in his abilities and character, he would not need to create a crutch for failure. Senator Obama has just tipped his hand, any criticism of him and his policies will be directly attributed to racism. I congratulate Senator Obama for taking race relations in America back some 30 years

¹ Since this is a week for such things, the meaning of Pam Atlas’s civilian maiden name, ‘Pamela Geller,’ is ‘honey yell’ (from the Greek and the German, respectively).
² J— adds: “That’s Allen West the former military officer who resigned from the Army so as to avert a court martial for assaulting an Iraqi detainee.”

Indeed it is!

Shorter Confederate Yankee:

When Denied A Chance to Turn Wounded Troops Into A Photo Op, Obama Declined to Meet with Them at All

Above: We are too lazy to Photoshop him in front
of a new Wacky Packages card today.

• Ho ho. Riddle me this, liberals: When Barack Obama, according to an anti-Obama email allegedly sent by an anonymous soldier that I stand behind even though the Army now biasedly and dubiously claims that it is a so-called “fake,” insulted the troops by canceling a cynical photo-op that attempted to use the troops — who according to another email which is not proven to be fake all hate him and do not want to meet with him — as a campaign prop; then whether or not the Pentagon itself suggested canceling the visit and insulting the troops because Obama was brazenly campaigning on foreign soil with his campaign staff and not his Senate staff, was he also at the same time misappropriating taxpayer funds by bringing his Senate staff on the trip? Because if so, then the blame for the Pentagon’s wholly proper decision must doubly rest on Obama’s arrogant and dishonest attempt fxjgddt auyio5lrig;o111… jljlkj lljkljk32

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

¹ See here and here.
² Since this is a week for such things, Mr. Yankee’s civilian name, ‘Bob Owens,’ means ‘bright fame of the nobility’ in the original English.