‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Above: Gets paid for writing this stuff
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
As you may recall, several months ago it looked as if one of America’s two major political parties was going to have a serious “party unity” problem. […]
And yet, these tensions were overcome! And not overcome, primarily, by endless hand-holding sessions in which the various aggrieved parties recited their complaints from one side of their mouth while talking of their admiration for each other out of the other side. And they certainly weren’t overcome by speaking in more detail about a policy agenda. Rather, though there was of course some hand-holding, unity was primarily achieved by shifting attention off the internally controversial of their nominee and his relationship to other party figures and on to the internally uncontroversial subject of how awful the other political party is.
Yep.
It’s been long obvious to anyone who has been following politics for more than the past week that the Republican base really does not like the guy they nominated for president this year and that the only way he can win will be to focus them on how much they hate the other guy.
It’s time for the Dems’ dirty tricks team (does one even exist?) to start ratfucking operations, my friends. Ideally, you’d want to exploit St. BBQ’s divisions with the anti-immigrant wingnuts and the religious wingnuts, and McCain’s warm embrace of Daddy Yankee has created an opening to do just that. I’m picturing a new 527 group called Values Voters Against McCain. Their first ad would be something like this:
For years, the Republican Party has promised values voters that it would stand up for morality in Washington. But after years of Republican rule, abortion is still legal, activist judges are redefining marriage and our airwaves are still being polluted with sex and violence. And now, the Republican Party has put up a candidate who admits that he doesn’t care about social issues and who mocks our morality by appearing in raunchy Hollywood comedies. Isn’t it time that we sent the Republican Party a message that if they want our votes, they have to respect our values?
The GOP base really doesn’t like St. BBQ, and a few well-funded and targeted ad campaigns to remind them of this fact could make a difference come November. As the Editors is fond of saying, “These rats ain’t gonna fuck themselves.”
Gavin adds: It seems a bit late in the season to start a new 527 group, but a good ratfuck is timeless, so here’s the relevant section of the tax code. Note that organizations with revenues under $25,000 are exempt from certain requirements. If you’re like us, and just spent $10,000 on a jade-inlayed three-finger ring (Beijing 2008, suckas!), you can appreciate how quickly that kind of money can fall out of your pocket. Indeed, ‘well-funded’ is generally the tricky part in these things.
Then again, there’s a whole wide world of ill-funded shenanigans to consider. If anyone wants to spring for a micro-targeted ‘John McCain, Por La Raza!’ banner ad campaign, that stuff costs, like, high two figures and up. Because naturally, we’ll donate the artwork.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Above: ‘Paleoconservative’ Alex Jones gives a fleeing Malkin a harsh talking-to
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
I made it to Denver — or, precisely, Boulder. And thanks to the kindness of strangers, I have a Big Tent pass; thanks to the kindness of an old friend, I have a place to stay. More later after I sort out computer and logistics issues.
ABOVE: Rich “We’re Winning” Lowry
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Holy shit:
By Richard Cohen
Monday, August 25, 2008; Page A17I saw another man dance with Joe Biden’s wife, Jill. It was almost three years ago, on the terrace of the sublime Villa d’Este on the shore of Italy’s stunning Lake Como, and Biden watched, smiling broadly and sometimes laughing, as the man gracefully moved Jill around the dance floor. It was late, and the guests still there looked on keenly because Jill Biden’s dancing partner was very good-looking and very famous. He was John McCain.
Simple rule of thumb: if you’re a political reporter and you find yourself talking about any politician the way that I talk about Tom Brady, it’s time to retire.
Like. Seriously.
Shorter Robert Stacy McCain:
Above: Skrewdriver Karaoke Night at the League of the South
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
* McCain’s white supremacist background: Cf., cf., cf., and cf., with plenty more where that came from.
Update: Here, from a few days ago, is Robert Stacy McCain upholding a high standard of fair play:
[…]
As I explained to some friends earlier, before departing for Denver, my plan is to stop by Kinko’s and run off a couple dozen [phony credentials] and put them on cheap lanyards. Then, while covering the protest scene outside the Pepsi Center, if I encounter any truly obnoxious Code Pink protesters, I’ll give them one: “See? It says right here, ‘Total Access.’ With one of these, they have to let you in.” Then enjoy the fun of seeing them tasered and dragged away in flexi-cuffs when they try to get past Secret Service.
Actually, our plan for Denver is to keep an eye out for Robert Stacy McCain, and when we see him, to throw a Malkin-sized victim fit, wailing to the authorities that we are being threatened by his threatening threats, and that no child is safe until this avowed saboteur with ties to right wing terrorists is stopped from carrying out his vicious attacks.
Afterward, while he’s being Tasered and dragged off in cuffs, we’ll all do a group high-five, then strut around for awhile preening that we are not afraid of such weak and pitiful losers as he.
And then when he says we’re ‘Malkinizing’ him, we’ll be like, “Pfff. You are unhinged.”
Hey, kids, let’s go poke Albert “Amy” Alkon with a stick and have some fun, mkay?
Although “Amy” is allegedly a libertarian, she’s indignantly snorting and huffing about Obama’s selection of Joe Biden. She’s upset because she thinks Biden is a plagiarist. So why should a “live-and-let-live” libertarian like “Amy” be getting all moralistic and all cranked up about something that doesn’t hurt anybody else? Here’s why:
Maybe it isn’t a big deal to a lot of people, but for me, stealing the words somebody’s sweated onto the page is akin to stealing somebody’s TV, but without all the heavy lifting.
We can debate elsewhere whether this is a good analogy from a libertarian point of view. Right now, let’s just mosey over to another post “Amy” made just before her post dissing Joe Biden for plagiarism. Well, lookey-here, it looks like “Amy” has gone and busted into the Wall Street Journal’s offices and stolen all their teevees! Of the 504 words in the post, 448 words were copied directly from a 732-word WSJ editorial — in other words almost all of her post was nothing but almost all of somebody else’s work product.
I can hear “Amy” now cranking up her poutrage schtick and screaming to anyone that will listen that she said the quote was from the Wall Street Journal and that we’re just trying to silence her. Okay, then, “Amy,” when and if you publish another book, you won’t mind if we print 60% of it here as long, of course, as we give you credit, right?
So, “Amy,” give those TV sets back to the Editorial Board of the Wall Street Journal. With an apology, of course.