Sadly, No!

As the story of the angry dead wingnut with the dirty bomb sits around practically untouched by anyone (although noted: Dan Riehl of all people took an interest in it, gaining him the satisfaction of having us be all “noted: Dan Riehl“), we keep finding ourselves distracted by the gathering storm of steel-hard vengeance that is rising to scour the traitor scum from the hallowed something of America, perhaps tiles or tub surfaces, with brutal valor and some kind of more-in-sadness-than-in-anger thing, as its iron boot crushes the very existence of the liberal hyaenas who laugh and gloat and point mockingly in their false victory of socialist doom sabotage.

Because oh, it’s gathering, this storm. Last time, we checked in with our old pal Confederate Yankee, who’s apparently slipping inch by inch toward full kindergarten-massacre disapproval of the settling Obama darkness. Today — well, what can we say in favor of Sean Hannity’s pal Hal Turner¹ that hasn’t already been said against him?

Above: The Turner ‘Die!’ Arias

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After we kill them; what to do?
February 14, 2009

After we kill the people who have wrecked this country — yes, you KNOW who I’m talking about — what are we going to do as a nation to move forward?

I don’t actually know who decided that computers in television and cinema ought to go “deedle-eedle-eet” every time the keyboard is used or something happens on the screen — nor why anyone might have decided that they should not go “deedle-eedle-eet” or make any other sound (e.g. triumphal booping in synchrony with a flashing message such as “DNA MATCH FOUND”; an insistent chittering accompanying a rotating 3D wireframe object that has been ‘zoomed in’ from a newspaper photo, etc. and so forth) at any time in which the computer screen is not visible to the camera.

The fact that this is endemic to computers of desktop size and larger, and not to laptops or hand-held computing devices, is something that we will have to ask them to explain before we kill them.

Above: Day By Day is righteous in its white-hot, you-attacking fury (original cf).

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There are lots of very very serious things to consider. What to do with the people who are presently living solely on social security? What to do with people who depend solely on medicare? What about the infirm, the retarded, the disabled?

I have also observed cell phones depicted normally when used to place or receive phone calls, whereas when used to trigger remote actions or to receive “data” or “codes,” they go “deedle-eedle-eet.” This has convinced me that the sound — it is always the same sound — represents an imaginary torrent of ones and zeros, in contrast to the means used to transmit voice signals, which is a torrent of invisible letters.

Oh, the infirm and so on. After we kill the Social Security leeches and Medicare parasites and allow the infirm to stand on their own two legs or die like supine animals, and after we cleanse ourselves of the blood-shame of the retarded and so forth, then what? Because how about we feed it all to the filthy illegals?

Except that would interfere with the free and private dog or pig food market HAR HAR. And no, do you know what would really stick it to the liberals? Burning them up in a big, smoky fire so they turn to carbon in the air. Haw haw!

Or no, gibbets. Gibbets on the public roads would serve as a stern example to the traitors and saboteurs in our midst, with their schemes and plots and the way they engineer poor harvests and manipulate gold prices and Powerball numbers and hide three-prong adapters and the Phillips-head screwdriver to make you think you’re going crazy, and put disgusting homosexual pornography on your computer in a folder marked hot carribbean moresomes: reggae cumsplash 2 “traitors and saboteurs to definitely kill.” And the bottle opener; they put it places.

What to do about the debts incurred by the people we got rid of? Repudiate them? That causes wars.

And whoah, let’s not go around the bend here. Besides we have, um, a trick, um, knee, so we can’t actually do war-war, but just the kind where people don’t get all shooty or run around too much. Luckily liberals are super dumb BLAR-HAR-HAR!! They whine it’s unfair and discrimination and boom you shoot them in they’re fucken face.

Um, no, but seriously: slave labor camps until debts are paid, then some kind of system for mass killing? There’s probably an electric conveyor belt or a poison gas that would be good for this. Test ahead of time on cripples and retards?

As you might imagine, these are serious issues not to be left to haphazard guesswork after the fact.

I want to form serious working groups; think tanks, to seriously consider these matters.

Your ideas are intriguing to us and we would like to subscribe to your newsletter!

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“Who does he remind you of? Huh?”

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I hadn’t been over to Clown Hall to visit Michael “Porn-stache” Medved for a while, so I sashayed over there looking for something to blog and, boy, was I in luck. Medved was getting all torn up about the nerve of that atheist, crypto-Muslim baby-killer Barack Obama daring to open his mouth at the National Prayer Breakfast. You know his column is going to be good with this opener:

No one wants to stir up controversy regarding an annual gathering meant to unify religious believers …

Which of course means that, in fact, this is exactly what Medved intends to do. And he starts out by accusing Obama of being a bad Christian, even though Michael is about as much an expert on Christianity as I am, say, on heterosexual S&M fetishes or the best dog restaurant in Seoul.

For instance, the President of the United States … made a glaring mistake of Biblical attribution. At the center of his speech, Mr. Obama declaimed: “We know too that whatever our differences, there is one law that binds all great religions together. Jesus told us to ‘love thy neighbor as thyself.’” Actually, it was God the Father, or Moses, or the anonymous compilers of the Old Testament who communicated that commandment at least 600 years before Jesus.

Now normally SadlyNo! is not a place where we engage in Biblical exegesis, mostly because it takes precious time away from promoting gay abortion and making fun of Jonah Goldberg’s face mullet, but, hey, it’s Sunday. So, let me pull out my trusty Bible from under my collection of “art” books and magazines. Why, lookie here, I turned right to Matthew 22:39 and there was Jesus saying exactly what Obama said he said.

Medved also thinks that Obama is a bad Jew:

ABOVE: Publicity still for “Medved Does
Miami”

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After explaining what “Jesus told us” Mr. Obama went on: “The Torah commands, ‘That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow.’” Actually, these worthy sentiments appear nowhere in the Old Testament. But they do echo a famous passage of the Talmud (Shabbat 31a). …

In any event, he [sic] President’s use of the word “Torah” in this context should have raised red flags among his editors and speechwriters. One of the most toxic misunderstandings concerning the relationship between Christianity and Judaism involves the mistaken belief that Christians center their faith on the Bible, while Jews base their belief on a separate book called “the Torah” which, like the Koran, includes a great deal of distinctive, alien, non-Biblical teaching. In fact, the word Torah (as defined by any dictionary) refers in its primary meaning to the Five Books of Moses (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy) rather than any other arcane religious teachings.

Oh, Sweet Moses on a Segway, so impeach him already. What kind of idiot gets the Talmud and the Torah confused? Next thing you know Obama will misspell Deuteronomy or forget how many wives Abraham had. And, it’s a slippery slope from there to forced necrophilious marriage.

But wait, Medved does a quick little side-step:

Occasionally, Orthodox Jews do use the term “Torah” to refer to the full accumulation of scripture, law, tradition and interpretation – including the Talmudic passage cited by the President …

Now to a normal person this would kind of let Obama off the hook for his alleged error, but Rabbi Medved is hardly normal:

… but the Reform and Conservative Jews who constitute Mr. Obama’s most fervent supporters resist and contest that application of the word.

Worst. Save. Ever.

Far more significantly, he took [the] notion of moral equivalence for all religions (and no religion) to a dubious and in fact dangerous extreme in his talk’s most noteworthy single passage. “We subscribe to different accounts of how we came to be here and where we’re going next – and some subscribe to no faith at all. But no matter what we choose to believe, let us remember that there is no religion whose central tenet is hate. There is no God who condones taking the life of an innocent human being. This much we know.”

With this sweeping simplification, the President of the United States offered instant exoneration to those who follow the false Gods of fanatical Islam or, for that matter, bloodthirsty Marxism.

And if we’re going to call Marxism a religion, lets not forget the Bajoran religion. Obama exonerated them too, filthy Klingon that he is.

Now, of course, I might be inclined to agree with Medved that this is a sweeping simplification if Medved didn’t stop with his only two examples. After all, there is this:

137:8 O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us.

137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

Religion of peace and sanctity of life and all that. And if any of you want to get offended that I’m knocking religion, you should know I’m a card-carrying Episcopalian, but you probably would have guessed that, what with our gay bishops and everything.

Don’t look now, but Confederate Yankee is not only still fantasizing about armed insurrection; he’s beginning to unravel the whole tangled skein of wheels-within-wheels that makes up the cloak which covers the many-armed bananapus of conspiracy that some in the know like to call ugh ack strangling me plan is called plan is called bonk croak

History, New Retail Spending Figures Suggest Recession May Be Over, Democrats Attempt to Ram Through Multi-Generational Financial Rape Anyway

It was never about helping the American people, folks. Never.

Above: Copies sometimes appear on Ebay

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What do we notice right away, folks? Well, folks, When Mr. Yankee affects a certain signature Rush Limbaugh tic, then folks, you’d be right to suspect that he’s been holing up in some wifeless garage or basement redoubt, smoking up big fatties of talk radio.

You’ll never guess what ‘it’ was about. Sure, it was a conspiracy of Jewish Bankers, but did you know that they have been secretly engineering our destruction?

You know, this is just another sign of how much standards have been improving in the wingnut community. If they aren’t sending out bloodthirsty anti-liberal manifestos after being sentenced to life in prison for a murderous rampage at a Unitarian church, they’re turning out to have been literally building a dirty bomb at the time of their murder by their long-suffering wife in Bangor, Maine.

It was never about helping the American people, folks. Never.

In our collection is a pamphlet whose usefulness seems never greatly to diminish, but unfortunately, the heading, “When Wing-Nuts Decry Papal Conspiracies Which Threaten American Prosperity, espc. Through Obscure Manipulations of Finance,” gives only the riposte, “We smell something, sir, yet for certain it is not popery! (viz. pot pourri)”. Did that one age well? I don’t think it did.

See, fashions certainly change, but it seems like only a little while ago that we were supposed to be worried about the Muslims and their global Sharia banking conspiracy. And sure, it was definitely the Jews for awhile there, but for a long time before that, the problem was in fact the waves of far-ranging Papist conspiracies. These followed hard upon the nation-stopping panics over Illuminism and Masonry. And oh, how easily we forget about those golden years after the War, with Eisenhower being “a dedicated, conscious agent of the Soviet conspiracy,” and the Soviets secretly controlling US military movements, and the Bilderbergers using the Republican Party as a pawn of international communism, not to mention the secret control of the world by the Council on Foreign Relations and the Trilateral Commission, and the planned famine for America, and the liberal-engineered suicide of civilization, and. . .oh wow, there’s still someone who supports the once-popular Samuel F.B. Morse theory that America is being subverted by Austrians in the pay of the Jesuits. What if it is we who are the crazy ones, while it is only he who is still sane!?!

Frickin’ Austrians.

If Democrats had wanted a true stimulus to help the economy, they could have easily crafted a bill that both parties would have supported fully for just over $100 billion dollars. Instead, the House and Senate Conference bill is a 1,434 page bloated spending spree costing $798 billion, with even more massive spending in the wings as Democrats will attempt to spend at least that much again on more government bailouts of the financial sector.

If Democrats had wanted a true stimulus, they could have trimmed away 88% of the stimulus. But no, they had to pork it up into a whole big spending spree and blow it all out into the economy where nobody will ever see it again.

If liberals were this dumb, they would have spent the last eight years being like, “Let me tell you, folks, if Bush had wanted a true tax cut, then folks, he could have raised taxes to pay for it.”

While our Easter bunny continues to spread fear, uncertainty, and doubt (FUD) in an attempt to bully the American people into accepting the solution offered by Democrats, the American people are increasing rejecting the pork-filled corruption that is this “stimulus” bill. Further, it is a bill, that like most government intervention, appears to be too little, too late to matter.

Oh, oh, actually, if Democrats had wanted a true stimulus, they could have spent more money and done it sooner. But no, they had to pork it up into a whole not-big-enough corruption dawdle, and then… Okay, wait. Our level of hyperbole is constant; historically significant levels of stupidity can overtake it, leaving us as relatively measured and plainspoken as a Matt Yglesias or an Ezra Klein. If we hadn’t rebiased to correct for the all-frequency, needle-pinning razz of stupid now jamming the receivers, you would have just read the sentence, “Confederate Yankee misses the point when he cites as irresponsible an unwillingness by Democrats to reduce the size of the stimulus,” instead of the one above, which concludes:

…skull-rape America’s eye socket with a big hairy monster peen.

History suggests that the worst of the recession may be over, and a rise in retail spending seems to support that possibility. Corporations that have been hard hit are still reporting a curious increase in sales to new customers, and the CBO itself said that without any intervention at all, the economy would correct itself in 2009.

Wokay, let’s look at these pivotal assertions one by one.

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ABOVE: Pambo (in battle gear)

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We should all be thankful that the ever-vigilant Pamela Geller is going to war for us against the Muslim hordes that Barack Obama will unleash on us once he accomplishes his secret goal of establishing the caliphate, imposing Sharia law, and remaking all banks along the principals of Islamic finance with the help of his Muslim brother George Soros. In preparation, Pam has strapped a bandolier (mostly filled with red font, bold keys, exclamation points and capital letters) across her, er, chest, standing ready to open fire at anything suspicious — the leaves rustling on the ornamental ficus tree behind which Osama bin Laden is hiding, the crackling sound made by the floorboards under which Ayman Al-Zawahiri is lying in wait, the dog howling in the next yard at Iranian troops scaling the backyard fence, the random C-Span interview with a Congressman blinking his eyes in Morse Code to communicate secret messages revealing the precise details of the overthrow plot.

And so Pamela opened fire when she found a You Tube video of Paul Kanjorski allegedly describing a $550 billion dollar “run” on the banks which either the Muslims, or their stooge George Soros, engineered right before the election to guarantee that their puppet Barack Obama would win, thereby edging the Islamofascists one giant step closer to a global caliphate and a burqa on Pam Geller.

This is un-frickin-believable. The financial crisis was deliberate, planned, staged. Who made the run? …

On Thursday Sept 15, 2008 at roughly 11 AM The Federal Reserve noticed a tremendous draw down of money market accounts in the USA to the tune of $550 Billion dollars in a matter of an hour or two. Money was being removed electronically. …

More to think about. Somebody took a lot of money out of the banks. A lot. So where did it go? Who to? …

A run is a banker’s term of art [Pure. Comedy. Platinum. With Marshmallows. And Fudge Topping. — ed.], and it is like a herd stampede, or panic, or a psychosis of a lot of people. …

So, the people who do such things, who monitor who and where the orders come from, and who keep track of whose accounts the money is taken from, have to have been able to figure that out, and who was responsible.

Yet, they do not tell us. …

And while I do not pretend to be on the inside of any of these nefarious machinations – it can’t help but raise a red [sic] that the US treasury department, one week after nationalizing the banks, is giving seminars in Islamic finance and George Soros is buying our assets from the FDIC.

Oh where, where, where to begin? Well, for starters, of course, with what actually happened. Given the time frame mentioned by Kanjorski, he’s referring to the following sequence of events. On September 15, Lehman Brothers declared bankruptcy. A major money market fund — the Reserve Primary Fund — held almost $785 million in IOUs from Lehman Brothers, causing a number of investors, both institutional and individual, to withdraw funds from the fund. The large volume of withdrawals cause the Fund to “break the buck,” meaning that each share was worth a few cents less than a dollar. Money market funds aren’t supposed to do this, and that prompted large transfers of funds from other money market funds to other investments and accounts

Now, of course, among the points of hilarity in Pam’s financial sleuthing is the idea that this money was “disappearing” from the system, as if an acceptable destination of an electronic funds transfer was “under my mattress” or “behind the rock near the front of my cave in Pakistan.” Equally insane is her notion that a Treasury Department seminar on a Islamic banking is a harbinger of a takeover by Muslim terrorists and proof that the transfers were engineered by Islamo-terrorists. We probably shouldn’t tell her the Department of Agriculture provides classes teaching people how to speak Arabic.

This Pambo post, however, is a two-fer, with a second post just going up with more “proof” that Al-Qaeda engineered the money market fund withdrawals:

9/11/2008 CATASTROPHIC FINANCIAL TERRORIST ATTACK CAUSED ECONOMIC MELTDOWN

The recent bombshell that Rep. Kanjorski dropped gets bigger and bigger. Atlas reader Suzanne picked up on a mindblowing “detail” in my blog post: “RIGHT BEFORE THE ELECTION OF PRESIDENT HUSSEIN: “A $550 Billion Electronic Run on the Banks”. Paul Kanjorski describes the closed door session of Congress where it was revealed that there was a $550 billion electronic run on the banks and that was what caused the economic crisis.

In the video, Kanjorski says this occurred on Thursday, September 15, 2008. September 15th was a MONDAY.

THURSDAY was  …….SEPTEMBER 11, 2008

This was a Financial Terrorist Attack on the seventh anniversary of 9/11. Aren’t the American people entitled to know who was behind the run on the banks?

Except, of course, the run started on September 15 and Kanjorski’s mistake wasn’t the date but simply the day of the week. But since Pam is too busy looking for the face of Mohammed secretly burned into her toasted bagel by her dhimmi-crat toaster, this possibility, of course, doesn’t even occur to her.

[John Cole pointed out Pam’s first post to me and it’s his fucking fault that I’m arguing with a crazy woman at three in the morning. Thanks, John!]

Can anyone guess what this story was about?

“The police found him in a mini-bus next to the woman who sells fresh milk, yogurt and cream door-to-door.”

Bonus points for not clicking on the link before giving your answer.

If the Wall Street Journal’s fabled editorial section has been letting in too many drafts of puzzling and infuriating reality during these past few weeks, why not head over to the Washington Times or Investors Business Daily, grab yourself a straw and snort the Kool Aid mix straight up your nose?

Above: Washington Times editorial page, 2/11/09

Actually, it’s a fortunate day to visit the Washington Times editorial page, because you can go a lot of Hitler-free days over there before getting the Hitler. I mean they don’t always give it up. Sometimes it’s all teasing and tassels and then the curtain closes and you’re standing there with no more Hitler than you came in with.

This was not one of those days, nor was this or this. Nor for that matter this. Let’s examine the second-to-last one, there.

Is Adolf Hitler’s image in trouble?

There may well be a risk that the ongoing excess of commercial exploitation of the monstrous Nazi mass murderer’s reputation could turn him into a flattened cartoon, the way Vlad the Impaler was first reduced by actor Bela Lugosi’s Count Dracula and then morphed into a Muppet character (Count von Count) and a children’s chocolate breakfast cereal.

Perhaps not. But it does seem that when the…

See, that’s pretty much what we were just saying, only right-side up and frontwards!

It’s almost a shame to disturb the irony by remarking on it, but this is in fact a pretty good book piece from James Srodes, apparently one of that rarest of North American wingnut types, the fluent thinker. (John Derbyshire is disqualified as a Briton; the rarity of the type is evidenced by Mark Steyn’s reputation as a humorist and Victor P.D.Q. Hanson’s as a classicist.) One of the books under review, Icon of Evil: Hitler’s Mufti and the Rise of Radical Islam, seems to be one of those sausaged-out propaganda tracts that make ‘cases’ for things that conservatives wish were true — in this case the notion that Nazi Germany and radical Islam are in some way meaningfully coextensive with each other and with Saddam Hussein. Srodes wastes little patience on it, calling it “shameful hype” and offering that the horrors of religious fundamentalism (he uses this non-specific term) are only cheapened when falsely behitlered. This seems exactly right, although not exhaustive of the topic.

Anyway, designwise, you have to admit that the Srodes piece lends itself to an illustration of a flattened cartoon of Count Chocula or of other things relevant to the text. Something of the kind could also help raise the tone of the newspaper, since the Washington Times just drags out the same file photo (above) whenever the Hitler runs out and the paper needs rehitlering.

Above: What do we ever do around here but fix things for people?

But back to the main thing. What we learn today from the Washington Times is that medical records must not be digitized as the Obama plan proposes, but can only exist in paper form because YOU KNOW WHO LIKED EFFICIENCY HITLER THAT’S WHO. And certainly, such naïve, Godwin-unaware amuse-gueules of instaHitler are in the category of always-funny. I personally like to laugh at things that are funny, and would imagine that other people feel the same.

But it’s also the case that these tantrums represent something different to the wingnut mind than to the clinically normal one. To the wingnut mind, or according to the wingnut assessment of what would shock and upset liberals (a nearly identical consideration), the notion of the totalitarian dictator naturally refers to Barack Obama, and to a chain of previous images of Obama-as-cult-leader, Obama-as-false-prophet, Obama-as-Manchurian-Candidate, as usurper, as dictator, as “chosen one,” as false Christ. “Imagine,” the editorial is saying, “If Obama could access our medical records. What would stop him from euthanizing the weak, the so-called ‘unfit,’ or the ‘politically incorrect?'”
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I’ve just run across the most remarkable speech ever given on American soil. It was apparently given by the highest-placed Communist ever to hold elected office in American government.

On October 5, 1947, sooper-sekrit Communist Harry Truman gave the first televised speech by an American president. The subject of the speech was the proceedings of the ominously-named “Citizens’ Food Committee.” Honestly, have you ever heard a more pinko-sounding name for an organization in your life? And the thrust of the speech? Well, see for yourself….

Oddly enough, considering that this is the the first televised presidential address in history, I can’t find a video of it. You’ll have to make do with a transcript and an audio recording. Listen and decide for yourself if Harry Truman was either a Communist, an ultra-Communist, or a super-ultra-mega-Communist.

The context of the speech is that it was made in 1947. While life was all chocolates and roses here in the States, life in Europe was somewhat less than salutary. The bulk of the continent hovered on the brink of starvation, there was no extant infrastructure to speak of, and the basics of medical care and sanitation were almost impossible to come by. Harry Truman, bless his little pinko heart, decided that the proper American response to economic hardships was to encourage them to all take out second credit cards and buy as much as they possibly could in the hopes of stimulating an economic recovery.

Oh, wait. That’s not right. Truman urged Americans to refrain from buying anything they didn’t absolutely need in order that our surpluses might be sent to Europe as aid. Because he was obviously a goddamned Commie.

And when he discovered that some Americans were speculating in grain markets, seeking to profit off the unstable nature of world food markets, he praised their bold entrepreneurial spirit and innovation in finding new ways to create wealth.

No, that’s not right, either. He chided these people as unpatriotic douchebags who sought to profit off the misery of others, condemned them as greedy scumbags, and threatened federal intervention in grain markets if people couldn’t find a way to rein in their greed on their own. Vladimir Lenin himself would’ve been proud of Truman at this point. Not that speculation in food markets has any significant parallels in this day and age – although we can all be confident that there are no Communists in our prior or current administrations who would tell people to avoid making a profit just so that some stupid hungry people can eat somewhere in the world. Frigging Commies.

Transcript and audio of Truman’s address after the jump. It’s a truly amazing piece of history – you can tell that Truman’s not really comfortable with the televised format, even from just the audio. If anybody can find me linkable video, I’ll send them my favorite chocolate-toffee cookie recipe.

Just out of curiosity, has anyone ever heard supposedly gigaCommunist Barack Obama call for an inquiry into the food or energy market speculation that did so much to destabilize prices in the leadup to our economic crash last year? I’m betting not, because Harry freaking Truman – author of the “let’s beat the Commies” Truman Doctrine – is more of a communist than Obama is.
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The War on Home Runs

• Look, if it’s okay to use boner pills to have sex, what’s wrong with shooting up some ‘roids to get a few home runs? After all, who the hell’s gonna pay good money to watch a game full of bunts? I’d rather watch a scoreless soccer game with a bunch of Euro-fags. If a guy’s willing, for the good of the game, to shrink his balls, cover his back with zits and scream his head off at anyone who looks at him funny, what right do I have to complain? (The fact that I’m a Yankees fan has not influenced me at all in holding this opinion.)

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

‘LOLcons’ concept created by Jon Swift and named by Marita.

Above: The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Malkin

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Cinema house concern troll Debbie Schlussel relates a series of imaginary jive-laced exchanges she endured with the Coloreds at a recent penny dreadful screening. Sadly, her gently dispensed advice on the proper upbringing of pickaninnies seems to have been met with naked impudence:

Tonight, I saw–or rather, heard–at least two crying babies at the ‘Friday the 13th’ showing. And I saw at least two parents with VERY young, impressionable kids. It was one of those times I wish I had a video camera with me. I spoke with each of these parents I saw. …

First, there was a single Black mother with her baby. I shouted to her, ‘Why did you bring a baby to “Friday the 13th”?’ ‘Shut up, bitch,’ was the response. To another film critic’s questions, she and her friends said, ‘Mind ya own damn bid’ness.’ Um, well, we would, if we wouldn’t have to hear the result of your bid’ness throughout the movie, sister.

Then, there was the single Black father and his aging mother with a baby. I’d bet money his mother is raising this grandkid. They were parked next to me, and after the movie, I asked, ‘Why was it necessary for you to bring your baby to “Friday the 13th”? Don’t you think that’s rude and irresponsible?’

His response: ‘He say he wanna get scared.’

Me: ‘Huh? How old is this kid? Can he even talk?’

Baby Daddy: ‘He one-year-old.’

Me: ‘A one-year-old can understand what’s going on in “Friday the 13th”? Come on …’

Baby Daddy: ‘You’d be surprised.’

Me, getting into my car [and locking all the doors with pepper spray at the ready — ed.]: ‘Well, that’s very irresponsible parenting and very rude to the rest of us who heard his crying.’

Properly chastened, Baby Daddy would go on to father a dozen fewer illegitimate children than he had originally planned for that night’s wilding.

Meanwhile, the color-blind Debbie had been done sawed some broke-ass crackuhs who be takin’ dey scair’t l’il chilluns to de same pitcha sho’. . .and sho’ nuff ain’t she g’wine git all up in dey bid’ness jes’ de same as dem triflin’ black folk!

White Single Mother #1 took two young daughters to see this disgustingly violent, explicitly sexual movie. …

Me: “Great parenting. You’re a moron.”

All that, folks, and she’s available for parties!

Housing, Job Data Signal Recovery, Not Recession
7/25/2008
By Donald Luskin

Hello, investors! Is the glass half empty? Or is the glass half full?

The way the stock market dropped Thursday, you’d think the glass was downright empty. In fact you’d think the empty glass had been dropped to the pavement from the top of the Empire State Building. In fact, you’d think it had fallen into a boiling hot volcano. That’s how empty you’d think that glass was.

Above: Remarkable growth

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Trampled by a big fat elephant. But I still think there’s more than one way to look at the economy and the market. Here’s how I see it:

Let’s say you have a hundred dollars, and then eighty dollars catches fire and burns up. Now you have twenty dollars. But here’s where it gets interesting: Add just 20% to that hundred dollars and now you have forty dollars. You’ve just doubled your money. (See chart at right.)

Above: Remarkable growth

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It also works the other way, as with Thursday’s stock crash. If you compare the stock market to August 6, 2003, it’s up by around 2,000 points. Would you call that an empty glass? (See chart at left.)

As for me, I just have to go with the facts, not the fantasies. Bull market ahoy!

Think We’re In a Recession? Head to Disneyland.
8/8/2008
By Donald Luskin

Sure, when I wrote here several weeks ago that I didn’t see any evidence of recession during my trip to a high-end Hawaii resort, I opened myself up for criticism that I wasn’t really looking at the typical vacation experience of ordinary middle-class people. Well, here I am at Disneyland, and let me tell you: Mobs of people are lining up to spend money in America, sometimes for an hour at a time!

Booming business sectors in America include aerospace, railroads, marine architecture, zoology, souvenirs, and miniature performance automobiles. Weaker is alternative energy, including wind propulsion, specifically in the piracy sector.

When I talked about this on CNBC this week, one of the usual perma-bears tried to dismiss it, but evidence says that perma-bears should eat a big bowl of dicks. Heh heh.

The Worst Recession Since the Depression? No Way.
8/22/08
By Donald Luskin

So economist-of-the-hour Nouriel Roubini predicted the so-called ‘bursting’ of the so-called ‘real estate bubble.’ Big whoop — wasn’t he wrong until the prediction came so-called ‘true’? Funny how you don’t hear much anymore about Roubini running around predicting things that haven’t happened.

Now Roubini says “we are in a recession, and denying it is nonsense.” Not only that, but it is going to be “the worst since the Great Depression.” Gack! Gack! Pardon me for barfing.

Let’s get in touch with an old friend of mine who I like to call ‘reality.’ The official determination of recessions is made by a committee of the National Bureau of Economic Research, not by hoity-toity airy-fairies with their binkum-buncombe and hocus-pocus. I’m talking about objective standards here, not some Mickey Mouse fantasyland.

Hey stopped-clock Roubini, I guess if you say the same thing enough times, it will eventually be true. Haw haw! Too bad about your face, which looks like someone’s ass.

Fannie, Freddie Bailout Should Be Good for the Market
9/12/08
By Donald Luskin

Whew, color me relieved. This sudden and unpredicted financial panic ought to be over within a week. More troubling: Before the takeover, these companies were worth $11 billion. The next day they’re supposedly bankrupt? I’ve seen a lot of things, but I’ve never seen money just disappear into thin air.

I’d call my lawyer if I were you. What if the government expropriators next decide to seize healthy companies like Lehman Brothers?

Now is a good time to buy stocks.

Quit Doling Out That Bad-Economy Line
The Washington Post
9/14/08
By Donald Luskin

An economy in trouble? Well excu-u-use me folks, but I’m about to introduce you to a little thing that I like to call ‘reality.’ The delusional brayings of the naysaying recession Eeyores are utterly discredited by every relevant economic indicator — and that’s not just opinion; it’s ice-cold, diamond-hard fact that you can bring to the freaking bank at full flounce with your flip-flops flapping, any ding-dang day. Let me be plain: If this is a recession, I’ll eat dead goat anus.

Ha ha! O triumph eternal, O fortes Fortuna adiuvat. Ha ha! Wait, look, I’m Paul Krugman: “Doy, dime dupid.” Hey Paul, I’m you: “Dey dive me da Dobel Prize in Eck-nomics,” Ha ha! How d’you like me now? How d’you like me now? Boo-yah. You talkin’ ta me? You talkin’ ta me? Mama said knock you owwwt. Mama said knock you owwwt.

Whee! Nothing can go wrong now! Ha ha! Since you are about to die, Mr. Bond, I might as well tell you all about my plan. Ha ha! Dear Acme Co., Please send item #33527-02, “Ramjet-Propelled Kangaroo Costume with Flammable Glue Cannon.” Ha ha! Say, one thing this mountain stronghold could really use is a red LED timer marked ‘initiate self-destruct sequence.’ Don’t worry, it isn’t loaded. Don’t worry honey, I’m a good driver. Hey ev’rybody wartch this, hyuk-hyuk! Twelve…ice-cream…cakes! O Zeus,
The All-giver,
Dweller in the darkness of cloud,
I do advise McCain and thus,
Thy name do I forsake,
In pride of myself and kings.

Woo! I’m Rick James, bitch. Woo! I’m Rick James, bitch. Bow-chicka-bow-wow.

In conclusion, this economy is sound, sound, sound, folks, and remember I said so, because if I’m wrong, I vow that I will literally stick this flare gun up my ass and pull the trigger. Signed, Donald Luskin, L-u-s-k-i-n. Flare gun, baby! P.S. Krugman can eat a piping hot Thermos of dicks. kthxbai

Via C-Span, Rep. Paul Kanjorski (D-PA), chairman of the House Capital Markets Subcommittee:

“I was there when the secretary and the chairman of the Federal Reserve came those days and talked to members of Congress about what was going on… Here’s the facts. We don’t even talk about these things.

“On Thursday [September 18], at about 11 o’clock in the morning, the Federal Reserve noticed a tremendous drawdown of money market accounts in the United States, to a tune of $550 billion being drawn out in a matter of an hour or two. The Treasury opened its window to help. They pumped $105 billion into the system and quickly realized that they could not stem the tide. We were having an electronic run on the banks.

They decided to close the operation, close down the money accounts, and announce a guarantee of $250,000 per account so there wouldn’t be further panic, and there… And that’s what actually happened. If they had not done that, their estimation was that by two o’clock that afternoon, five-and-a-half trillion dollars would have been drawn out of the money market system of the United States, would have collapsed the entire economy of the United States, and within 24 hours the world economy would have collapsed.”

“It would have been the end of our political system and our economic systems as we know it.”

Washington Tries to Clean Up Mess It Created
9/19/08
By Donald Luskin

O hai!

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