Sadly, No!

Last week Americans For Limited Government For Rich People Who Don’t Need Abortions invited Andrew Breitbart to a bar in DC to explain to about six of its members his new vision for conservatives, which basically boils down to his idea that more Republican Congressmen should dress like Andrew and go to Andrew’s extremely talented barber. Andrew’s well-lubricated “speech” was almost 20 minutes. Who has the time for that? So click on the above video and get all the good parts in about two minutes with, of course, some things that needed fixing.

ABOVE: “The Horror! The Horror!”

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Oh, I feel just awful. Really awful. My modest little attempt to poke fun at Jo-No and K-Lo has Jo-No all upset and stuff:

Okay, so my syndicated column went up at Townhall today. As I mentioned earlier, they messed up and put it under Kathryn’s byline.

If they messed up, Jonah, then why is it still under K-Lo’s byline more than 24 hours later? I know that most of the folks at the Heritage Foundation have to call IT each time they need to launch a web browser but surely by now they could have stopped their webmaster from downloading porn and playing World of Warcraft for the 4.34 seconds it takes to change a fricking byline.

Her actual column is up over there as well.

Er, sadly, no.

It’s annoying, but such glitches happen. But apparently some leftwing blogs think this is the most hilarious revelation imaginable.

Well, at least the most hilarious thing since the publication of Liberal Fascism: From Mussolini to Annoying Clerks at Whole Foods. Oh, and those left wing blogs, which Jo-No is too chicken to link are, of course, yours truly and Wonkette.

I’m being pelted with really stupid and juvenile email from people who think this is some sort of major scandal, that it’s proof of plagiarism and lord knows what else.

Of course, the “lord knows what else” — being pwned by an intern, columns being written by Ramesh’s uncle’s outsourcing operation in Bangalore, Jo-No and K-Lo making the two-backed wildebeest — certainly presents ample reason to giggle. And if it were indeed just a simple clerical error, K-Lo certainly would have said something about the bad byline at this late date rather than spending most of yesterday afternoon slamming down Mudslides in the Ruby Tuesday at 41st and Seventh.

I mean, is this the best leftwing blogs have? Misprinted bylines? I knew having Bush gone would be rough for that crowd. But this is really sad.

Of course, we’ve been ridiculing these lard-butts for ages, long before Bush left. But thanks, Jonah, for your concern. We’ll stop blogging and go get happy lives now.

Gavin adds: What, and give up show business?

In which the erstwhile Jane Galt learns that if you hang around long enough, Chomsky will be right again:

What it does suggest is that global capital flows may be way more problematic than I have historically been willing to credit.

Though perhaps “learns” is too strong a description — she’ll have forgotten all this by tomorrow.

Cf.

Shorter Gateway Pundit:

House Passes Hitler Youth Bill

• Oh my God, they say Major League Baseball has a Designated Hitler rule.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

Notes:

Shorter Pantload:

Re: Deep Inside the JournoList

• In my heart, I know I’m funny.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

As if a column at Clown Hall by K-Lo entitled “Big Bedfellows” isn’t enough to make you want to drill a hole in your skull and erase the image by pouring directly onto your brain a mixture of Drano, Clorox and Everclear, the identical column appears at America’s Shittiest Website™ with Jonah “The Whale” Goldberg as its putative author. The links above might not continue to work, so I post the incontrovertible evidence completely free of any Photoshop tampering on my part:

Now, of course, there are many innocent explanations for this. Perhaps Jonah Goldberg is the drag-king identity of K-Lo. Perhaps K-Lo has been writing Jonah’s columns for him in exchange for sexual favors and posted this one accidentally under her own account at Clown Hall. Perhaps the reverse is true, with Jonah writing the columns and K-Lo putting out. Or perhaps everything written by either is written by some underpaid intern while K-Lo and Jonah whoop it up together at The Olive Garden, and this is all some sort of intern revenge. Whatever the case, there’s some hanky-panky behind it all.

Developing. . . .

UPDATE: It’s 10:25 a.m. (almost two hours after I uncovered and reported on this scandal) and the same column is still posted under both names. Apparently K-Lo and Jonah are arguing over whose column goes and whose remains. K-Lo is making veiled threats about getting Lucianne involved in this.

UPDATE 2: Some more evidence, which speaks for itself:

D. Aristophanes adds:

Big Bedfellows, Part II

By Kathbob Jean Doughpez

Zzzzzzzz … *snort* … hrmphh … blecchh. Jellydonutsjellydonutsjellydonutsjellydonuts … wuzza? Snrrttttt … ahh! Masticatemasticatemasticatemasticatemasticate … *groan* … *heave* … *burp* … beefjerkyjerkyjerkyjerkyjerkyjerky … yummmm! Uhnn … ohhh … ahhhhhhhh … mmmmmm … mmmmmm … mmmmMMMMMOOOOOORRRE! MORE! MUST … HAVE … MORE … JELLYDONUTSJELLYDONUTSJELLYDONUTSJELLYDONUTS … hrmphh … *snort* … zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz …

UPDATE 3: Jonah, er, weighs in:

My column today is related to the point Newt was making on Hannity (and is tied to my cover story in the current issue as well). Note: The Townhall version of my column was mistakenly given Kathryn’s byline. .

Gavin adds:
 

The Townhall version of my column was mistakenly given Kathryn’s byline. But it’s mine, all mine.

K-Lo, however, is keeping suspiciously quiet, refusing to confirm or deny that the Townhall byline was mistaken. Jonah unwisely reveals his pique against K-Lo with the rather strange “it’s mine, all mine.” I don’t think that Bedfellowgate has played out completely yet. Stay tuned.
 

UPDATE 4: Here.

Shorter Victor Davis Hanson: We need a new kind of leader, one who shows his independence from Wall Street by cutting rich people’s taxes.

Shorter Hans A. von Spakovsky: Executives must have a short-term economic incentive (and government subsidies) to rebuild the same businesses that short-term economic incentive caused them to destroy.

Shorter David Kahane: While President Obama-Stalin-Castro-Lenin-Tito-Ho-Che-Mao was yukkin it up with Leno, trying to sugar-coat his Communistic Satanic Communism, my family and I drank and joked, knowing that America is doomed. Are we not the epitome of sangfroid?

Shorter Larry Kudlow: We owe the stock market’s rise in the last few days to the fact that Milton Friedman’s theories are being implemented by the Fed, while Barack Obama’s policies are not — yet.

Shorter Fr. Thomas Berg & Michael Augros: We see your relaxed abortion laws, laws that make it easier for victims to sue pedophile priests, your forcing conscientious doctors to dispense emergency contraceptions, and your opposition to our opposition to gay marriage for what it all really means: you’re implementing a pogrom on Catholics.

Shorter Mario Loyola: Liberty or security? To torture or not torture? These questions were pondered deeply by the geniuses of the Bush Administration whose broad knowledge of Enlightenment philosophy led them to decide as they did. Eventually, the simple Obama will come to understand and appreciate his predecessors.

Shorter Jay Nordlinger: John Negroponte is a delightful man who regaled me with his adventures in Iraq, Vietnam, and Latin America.

Shorter Duncan Currie: Before Obama becomes totally protectionist and punishes outsourcers, he should read this unbiased and informative paper commissioned by the Business Roundtable and like-minded trade groups.

Shorter Mark Steyn: Ok, in theory perhaps, AIG exec positions could be outsourced to Indians. But demagogues who preach class warfare — people like Barney Frank — have precluded that possibility, which is just the latest way by which they are making it even worse for the little poor people by being so mean to the precious, precious rich people.

Shorter Clifford D. May: Woe to you my fellow countrymen who no longer believe in American Exceptionalism, for such loss of faith will inexorably lead to the sort of European pussification which ends character-building economic hardships and invites total Islamofascist domination.

I was taking the railing off the stairway so that people could ascend and descend the stairs with greater efficiency when I heard a terrible crash outside, near the stop sign that I had taken down to enable motorists to drive according to rational self-interest. “A violation of market principles,” I cursed as I ran outside waving an unregulated firearm.

Natasha Richardson and "Medical Capital"
by William Anderson

Two cars had crashed due to government regulation, and one of the drivers was seriously hurt due to the onerous safety and fuel economy standards forced upon the auto industry. The other, sadly, had gone Galt.

In writing about socialist medical care like they have in Canada, one of my points has been that socialist systems tend to be undercapitalized, as in such a system, capital becomes a liability rather than an asset. For example, the county where I work has about 80,000 residents and has as many MRI machines as does Montreal, which has several million people living in the area.

“Ambulance…” said the injured driver, opening a new market. “Ambulance,” I affirmed, punching a number into my phone and showing it to him. The figure was high, but he was hardly in a position to be a chooser. “I know a hospital with three people and a dog in it,” I pitched, “and it has as many MRI machines as all of France. Look it up! Look it up on the Internet!”

One doctor has pointed out that it took close to three hours to drive Richardson from Mount Tremblant to the trauma center in Montreal because Quebec has no medical helicopter system, unlike the USA, where such helicopters are common.

A helicopter flew overhead. I pointed. “You wouldn’t get one of those in socialist Quebec, because medical helicopters are only common in the USA and north-beer-hockey place with the Barenaked Ladies, whattayacall, wait wait, damn it, okay, the opposite of Mexico, you know, with the Neil Young and the being-up-there thing, like Wisconsin except all the way across like a whole… from the… Geddy Lee, that band, three-piece with the good drummer, not Triumph, plus who was the bad poet, Ron McKuen? Because he, wait, Calgaria? Can-dinavia, Scanandia, Skasma-chawan…ta? French people up there, speaking French, ‘Wee-wee, zees ees ze Skatsawah,’ Canoo? Cahookawa? The upside-down Australia, up there with the thing. Northistan, Mark Steyn-stan, ha-ha, Eskimos, Mounties, I mean Rush, with the drummer. ‘To-day’s Tom Sawyer, mean mean pride, He gets high on you, mmm-hmm stride, Bum-bum-bum-BAH, diggida-diggida-doogada-doogada, Bum-bum-bum-BAH, boom-doom-doom-doom-cha-cha, Bum-bum-bum-BAH, tickita-tickita-tockita-psh! Bum-bum-bum-BAH, neer-neer-neer-wah-wah-ladies-and-gentlemen-the-blonde-guy-on-lead-guitar, beer-neer-neer,’ Rik Emmett was the guy in Triumph. ‘Take off, eh?’ Ha-ha, ‘Look out, it’s a blizzard, whsssh! A blizzard? No way, hoser!’ Cad, Cadabnia, ‘It’s sure cold up here in Cabana, eh?’ Canan-dia, William Shat-nia, caboose, penguins are from Antarctica; no penguins. Panda. Panadians? ‘A-lex Tre-bek, huh-huh, boobs,’ wait, Alex Lifeson guitarist in Rush, beer-neer-neer, awesome. No, okay, whatsis. Country. Andia, Bandia, Canada, Danada, Ee-ana, Fee-ana, Gambia, Hannastan, Weird-round-bacon-stan. Where’s-the-can, Stan? ha ha, Tim Horton’s, coffee, a can of the dry ginger ale. Wait, Banana-fanna-fo-fanna-the-dry-ia, ‘Hi, I’m from Acanna-DaSoda; I’m Acanna-sodan.’ Hi, no, hi, okay, I’m from Szechawa… Sketcha-watcha-wah. Hi, I’m from Sudbury. The it, the place, the on-the-map, the Alaska-whattayacall, the up-there-thing, Hi, I’m Bullwinkle, I’m Bachman-Turnover, ‘Taking Karen’s biscuits, every day…’ Heh, it really sounds like they’re singing that. The, uh, geese of certain geographic distinction. The Dudley Doright from you-know place with the first-pressing D.O.A. ‘Disco Sucks’ single on Sudden Death records. Vancouver and the Johnny Hart cartoon cavemen enlivening its civil life, or so rumor informs. ‘Beauty A,’ celebrated in great measure whilst her runners-up toil unmentioned. The Tragically Hip, best band ever in the history of the planet, or by God, MuchMusic is in on the con. Edmond Tenoilers, star athlete from the rural interior. Whatsis, thingy. Canasta. Heh. No, wait. Loonies, Oat in a Boat. No, wait.”

We should not be surprised. In Canada, no medical device has the…

“No, four words: Taco Bell Fries Supreme. No, wait.”

We should not be surprised. In Canada, no medical device has the capability of producing an income, so hospitals and medical care facilities often lack what is common in this country. For example, if a hospital or medical practice here purchases an MRI, that machine is able to provide an income to the provider as patients use it.

However, because no one can charge medical consumers for anything in Canada, the decision to purchase an MRI machine is purely one of cost. Medical facilities have only so much money to use, and the purchase of a…

Oh, I can’t take it anymore. Mr. Anderson of the Mises Institute is clever, but clever as well are the Quebecians or residents of Quebec, for the long waiting times for non-emergency MRI access there — the ones that have been so happily described by the ideological opponents of national health care in the US, often to the exclusion of any other consideration or relevant statistic, and/or whilst yanking it into a Jergens-scented tube sock, or eating an entire pint of chocolate-dipped strawberries in the bathtub while talking on the phone, if female or oh look Adam has a new pair of glasses — where was I? Oh, right.

…Forcing market purists, as the world falls to bits around us all, to Shutty McUppington for a distributed average of .0002 seconds apiece so as to discover the plain and objective way in which this startling discovery — this also-having of Canada of private medical care for those able and willing to pay — really, if you’re intellectually honest about it, just further confirms what they were saying all along.

The rustling of socks, the splut-splut of the Jergens dispensers — can you hear them already?