Sadly, No!

ABOVE: Paul Mirengoff does his best Lynndie
England impersonation

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Paul “Shemp” Mirengoff, lawyer extraordinaire and extra-clever right-wing blogger, has exposed yet another fraud perpetrated by the mainstream media in its unending quest to demonize torture:

It turns out that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was not waterboarded 183 times in one month by CIA interrogators, as the liberal MSM widely reported.

Apparently a close examination of the documents reveals that the “3” was typed in later by an un-named Obama operative using a Smith-Corona typewriter. In fact KSM was waterboarded only 18 times before he confessed to his plans to destroy the entire earth by hijacking an asteroid and flying it into one of the 12,371 strip-mall Taco Bells in Orange County.

Actually, Mirengoff’s breathless revelation is even sillier:

Instead, … 183 represents the number of times water was poured onto Mohammed’s face — not the number of times the CIA applied the simulated-drowning technique on him.

This new innovation in wingnut arithmetic has many useful applications. As in: “Your honor, I didn’t shoot my wife 53 times, I only shot her once with 53 bullets.” Or: “Mirengoff hasn’t said 500 stupid things. Instead he wrote 100 blog posts with 5 stupid things in each.”

ABOVE (l-r): Charlie Smith, Whoopsie O’Walkback

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Ding-dong, who’s there?

Hi [comedy pseudonym],

I wanted to remind you that tomorrow is the deadline for nominating a young, conservative activist for our College Republican of the Year award. Have you taken the time to nominate a deserving College Republican?

Why no, why no we haven’t.

So far, we’ve received 85 nominations from supporters like you. But we know, there are more exemplary students working hard to spread our conservative message that need to be identified by their peers and community. Can you help us?

Why yes! Why yes we can!

Please take a few minutes to recognize a young leader today:

http://crnc.org/activist-year

We greatly appreciate your role in our nationwide search for the College Republican of the Year.

Hooray!

Sincerely,

Charlie Smith
National Chairman
College Republican National Committee

Do not forward this post, for it contains a title so bad, it urk dead thump

John Hinderaker, Powerline:
Public Getting Nervous About Terror

It’s been a while since Calvin Woodward appointed himself the fact-checker of the American press, but then again, we might not have noticed, because John Kerry hasn’t been much on our minds lately. Also, we’re the fact-checkers of the American press, including all Woodwards great and small.

Calvin Woodward, Associated Press:
FACT CHECK: Obama disowns deficit he helped shape

• OBAMA: “Cats go ‘meow.'” THE FACTS: Roaring is not ‘meow,’ and according to the nonpartisan Cat Fancy magazine, lions are almost 50% more likely to be a cat than the average house pet is.
• OBAMA: “Dogs bark.” THE FACTS: Obama did not mention that bark is also the thing on trees.
• OBAMA: “Water is wet.” THE FACTS: Given his background, Obama is almost certainly aware that Hawaiian Punch is also…

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

ABOVE: Wingnut failnancial expert Blumer

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You know you’ve launched a real poo submarine when NewsBusters thinks you’re a boon to journalism:

Tom “Wrong Way” Blumer, Newsbusters:
AP’s Calvin Woodward Does Astonishing Fact Check on Obama

Somebody needs to ‘fess up. Who put truth serum in Calvin Woodward’s coffee this morning?

Whoever it is, they’re in a heap of trouble, as Woodward produced a fact-checking critique of Barack Obama that is so good you’d swear most of it was ghostwritten by a conservative talk host.

It will be interesting to see how much distribution it gets. I would suggest not counting on too much, but being open to a pleasant surprise.

Regardless of its distribution, you’d better believe they’ve read it in the White House, and they’re wondering what in the world happened.

Here are key paragraphs from Woodward’s rundown, which is really, seriously, a read (and save) the whole thing item (it is saved at my host for future reference; HT to Mark Levin, who excerpted the…

I mean, Woodward, if you’re out there, these are characters who want to destroy objective journalism, or rather to redefine the words ‘objective’ and ‘journalism’ to mean zany propaganda from the extreme, dangling fringe of the paranoid right. Psst: They’re not really your friends.

Hindy’s being snarky, reeling off the single-entendres like tomorrow was nobody’s business.

John Hinderaker, Powerline:
How to "Rebuild the Party"

According to the New York Times, we Republicans are having a debate “over how to rebuild the party in the wake of Senator Arlen Specter’s departure.” Just like how the Democrats had to rebuild their party after Ben Nighthorse Campbell switched parties. You remember that, don’t you?

Yes, that was in 1995, just after Bill Clinton lost his historic race against Bob Dole with the global economy going down in flames, plus the lying and the starting a useless war and the torture, yes. Then Democrats were all like, “The American public thinks we’re insane, and, so let’s teach them a lesson by acting double-super crazy, blar-har-snuck-har,” and tried to unseat Ben Nighthorse Campbell in a primary against Amiri Baraka.

Then all of a sudden all Hell broke loose for no reason at all, sparking a big debate, which never happened because Hindy is clearly passing the kouchie on the left-hand side, not to mention the dutchie.

No, what this means is that Republicans are having a debate over how to rebuild the party in the wake of Senator Arlen Specter’s departure, and Hindy wasn’t invited, therefore it must all be part of the Liberal Media Conspiracy, which plants false stories in the press in order to advance a left-wing agenda at home and defeat American troops overseas.

You know what’s ridiculous? These people have been claiming that for years, but it’s only now that they’ve wrecked themselves and the country that the ‘liberal MSM’ has started to challenge that wackadoodle crackpot conspiracy theory as something other than a legitimate opinion demanding of respect, and most ridiculously of all — in fact paradoxically — deserving of equal time.

PAUL remembers: If memory serves, the Dems internalized the lesson implicit in Campbell’s switch, promptly moderated all of their liberal positions, and were swept back into power as the party of moderation.

Here abides reasoning. The Dems didn’t learn this imaginary lesson and ended up eating a decade of Cinnamon Fail Crunch — so we don’t have to learn it either.

Keep at it, boys. You’re doing a great job.

It’s been a hectic couple of days for guys like Erick Erickson. Let’s see how Erick reacts to changing events this time: by creating a teetering Jenga of rationalization that makes them seem to confirm what he already believes, or there’s actually nothing to go after the ‘or,’ so this sentence ought to have ended awhile ago.

Erick Erickson, RedState:
Blackballing Toomey and Hating DeMint
In which I am forced to disagree with a whole heap of guys far smarter than myself and who I greatly admire.

That happens to us all the time, only in reverse.

In what I can only believe is coordination with the Senate GOP Leadership because everyone is on the exact same talking point, I am more than a little disappointed with the wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from the Republican commentariat.

X is secretly doing Y. My rage is actually disappointment. It is in sadness that I bellow and smash my TV with a folding chair.

The other day, Senator Jim DeMint told Arlen Specter that DeMint would be backing Toomey. Somehow he is to blame for Specter jumping to his natural party. Nevermind that Specter’s staff says it is because Specter can’t win a Republican primary.

OMG some villainous conspirator smashed my TV with a folding chair. We are somehow to blame for Specter secretly being a Democrat for 43 years just because we were trying to oust him in a primary and replace him with the president of a wingnut-welfare foundation? Gaah! [smash smash] family heirlooms [smunch crash] grandparents, priceless [foosh!] flamethrower ha ha ha!

And it is not just that. Everyone from Ramesh Ponnuru to Michael Barone to the Wall Street Journal

We like both kinds, country and western.

…is collectively wringing their hands about the selfish conservatives and Club for Growth wanting to remain an ideologically pure minority party that can’t win the majority because it shuts out squishes.

I.e., seeing every victory as a mandate to become angrier and more extreme, while every defeat makes them try to ‘show it who’s boss’ by becoming angrier and more extreme. After a couple decades of this, you have guys like Erickson yelling for violent resistance against the Obammunist death squad pancake gophers, while normal Americans quite naturally think they’re insane.

And if you have to ask what a squish is, buddy, keep ringing that doorbell for all I care.

That’s garbage and they should know it.

RAMESH: Erick, look, this is the handle of the shovel, and this is the shovelly end. You hold it this way.

ERICK: [points at the shovel] That’s garbage and you should know it.

RAMESH: That’s the garbage, in that big freaking pile right there. OMG, you shovel it into this can with the shovel.

MICHAEL BARONE: It’s true.

ERICK: [sits down on pile] I’m not going to stand for this garbage.

I, for one, have no problem with a big tent.

I welcome Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe. I welcome Rudy Giuliani. I’m fine with Charlie Crist as long as he stays where he is

…because a real conservative could actually win the Florida Senate seat. I’m fine with John McCain.

At least when he’s trying to get rid of Specter — an idea unique among RedState ideas in that it failed backwards, i.e. worked too well. Otherwise he totally hates him.

I think most Republicans and most conservatives realize we are never going to have a majority without tolerating a certain number of more liberal party members in areas that have decided to shut out conservatives for one reason or another.

That lesson was really brought home lately, when some bunch of jerks tried to force Arlen Specter out of office, and ended up in a world of butthurt.

Re: ‘a certain number,’ that number is roughly calculable. Erick can solve for X: About 22% + X = 51%
Read the rest of this entry »

The black-white divide in Obama’s popularity

• If I ignore the fact that black people really like Obama, I can make a case that he hasn’t been a very popular president so far. And hey, if I just kick it old skewl and restrict Obama’s popularity ratings to those of white male property owners, then I can make the case that… what, why are you all looking at me like that?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

(Via.)

Folks, we have received confirmation that not only is K-Load horribly, horribly real … but the two lovebirds are now apparently using the Corner to schedule their booty calls:

Weird News [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

I’m en route to Los Angeles to meet up with Jonah. Odder still, when you consider that in the early years we labored to rarely be in the same room. All for the sake of The Corner, natch.

Above: Is that a Snickers bar in your pocket or are you
just happy to see me? No, seriously — is that a Snickers bar
in your pocket? Give me the fucking Snickers bar, Jonah!

Ruh-roh:

Lugar to support IU law professor’s nomination

Sen. Richard Lugar, R-Ind., said Tuesday he will support the nomination of an Indiana University law professor to head the Obama administration’s internal law office.

He is the first Republican to publicly declare his backing for Dawn Johnsen, whose selection to head the Office of Legal Counsel has grown into a fight about abortion rights and counterterrorism practices.

Some Republicans have promised to try to block Johnsen’s confirmation either because of her support for abortion rights or because she criticized the legal justification used by the Bush administration for the torture of detainees.

I smell a primary challenge and another party defection comin’ down the pike! Don’t lemme down, GOP — it’s time to purge another senator!!!

Arlen Spector’s Switch

• Arlen Spector’s move to the Democrats, which potentially gives them a filibuster-proof majority in the United States Senate, is excellent news for Republicans.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

I’m sure the Democrats at some point in the future will mess up and get tossed out of power. The party that replaces them needs to do better than Newt on the whole “having any grasp on reality” thing that has clearly eluded him.

Dude, losing senate seats is not a victory for your party or for the conservative movement. I just don’t get how you guys think.

UPDATE: Funniest. Comment. Of. The. Day:

A Sinking Ship: “Yay! We’re rat free! We have no more rats! Not a single rat on boa…glub! Glub! Glub! sputter! Glub! Glub! gasp! Not one single ra… glub! Glub! GLUB! Gurgle… gurgle….

glub…”

[an eerie silence, as the waters close and become still]

W0rd.