Rush Limbaugh, January 19, 2004:
In order to raise money, John F-ing Kerry is mortgaging his Renoirs. I think it’s a brilliant strategy for Senator Kerry to show how he?s in touch and understands the plight of the common man.
Rush Limbaugh, December 19, 2003:
I haven’t been to the grocery store in a long time. I have staff that does that for me.
Adam Yoshida has your mission:
Real patriots need to start smearing these [Kerry & Edwards] left-wing douchebags before the media gets a chance to begin playing up their “good” qualities.
Go!
We saw but could not bring ourselves to read Sullivan’s latest Sunday Times of London column. As always, the indefatigable SullyWatch cuts through the crap and notices that once said crap is removed, all you’ve got left is newspaper ink on your fingers:
Finally, after seven grafs of this, his stunning conclusion is that … he has no idea what this means. In better days, a pencil-chomping editor would have chewed him out and sent him back to his typewriter to write a real column, one that, you know, has an actual point other than to satisfy the minimum requirements of his contract.
Adam “Gonzo” Yoshida has another brilliant idea:
We [sic] must declare it openly that it is totally unacceptable that any power other than the United States be a superpower. […] We must know that it is worth dying, and killing, to prevent the Chinese ascent. The rise of China to leader of the world would mean the probable end of Western Civilization and, certainly, the end of human progress as we have known it.
So what’s a Canadian boy to do you wonder? It’s as easy as Now-Medication-Free:
extensive aid should be given to pro-democracy activists in Hong Kong, including money and, possibly, weapons to more radical groups. […]
Third, extensive aid should be supplied to the followers of Falun Gong. Again, I have no great love for the followers of this ?religion?, there?s a group of them who line up every morning in the park I walk thought and, quite frankly, I think that they?re little more than another weirdo pseudo-cult. However, they are clearly a powerful force within China itself and aid to them is bound to increase social disorder and alienation from the government.
Fourth, China?s large and growing Christian population should be funded and encouraged to geographically concentrate in areas of potential future value, especially those accessible from the coasts. […]
Fifth, extremely covert efforts should be made, through the use of agents placed within Islamist groups, to direct some of the fury of Islam against China.
This last idea is our favorite, because if there’s one group of people out there who are just totally keen on helping the US maintain its status as the world’s sole superpower, it is Islamic terrorists. What do you say guys? Finally, a word from our sponsor:
American power is, and must be, eternal. We cannot lose it unless we lack the resolve to keep it. It is America, and only America, that can lead humanity into the stars and its next stage of evolution. It is only America that can carry forward those great traditions of the West, our peculiar heritage, onto eternity.
This haiku, poster by a visitor to Adam’s blog, is worth reproducing here:
In Yoshida’s world
like a great big game of Risk
I call blue pieces
Showing once again that Adam is a younger, Canadian version of Steven “Stratego” Den Beste.
Because if it can’t, it’s time to go to the ANA Gate Tower Hotel Osaka:
Rooms include a Washlet? (an electronic toilet seat with built in nozzle that sprays a stream of water for personal cleaning), trouser presser and safety deposit box. [Emphasis added]
Update: Commentor forked tongue points out that World O’Crap has discovered someone whose toilet has a most unique feature.
We’ve offered Afghanistan News Roundups in the past (December and November to be exact.) It’s a new month and a new year — so how are things now?
EP Verdi, frequent Sadly, No! commentor and lover of all things Amber, emails to suggest a State of the Union Drinking Game. (Should you think this is a disturbing idea, keep in mind that his her last email to us bore the subject Amber Pawlik, bag buster, so this is a big improvement.)
To get things started he she proposes shooting back a shot of Remy [is EP the ladies’ man?!?]:
every time Saddam is mentioned with no mention of WMDs every time 9/11 is mentioned with no mention of Osama.
We would add a shot of Jagermeister:
every time Bush claims we can grow our way out of the deficits. For every proposal that is labeled “market based.”
In addition, at every mention of the word “compassionate” the last person to stand up must drink a shot of tequila.
As is always the case when we offer posts like this, readers are invited to add their own ideas in comments.
This post is dedicated to posting even after you’ve completely run out of ideas.
From multiple Koufax awards nominee, Sadly, No! Enterprises Slave, and Subliminal Cinema Expert World O’Crap comes the news we had (all) been waiting for: our precious has returned:
[Sadly, No!’s] dream girl, Amber, is back at Men’s News Daily (sure, she said that they were misogynists and meanies and she would never have anything to do with them again, but apparently it was just one of those lover’s spats that end in wild passion and a renewed dedication to feminism bashing).
Not only is she back, but she’s discussing vaginas. We can’t lie to you good people, and must admit that we were pretty excited. Sadly, Amber’s latest oeuvre turns out to be mostly recycled crap about The Vagina Monologues, a play that as TBOGG put it when he wrote about Amber’s earlier thoughts on the matter has caused Amber to have “problems getting dates.” Would Amber let us down completely however? Happily, no! And so it begins:
sexually perverse plays targeted at young (read: impressionable) college females
Yes, how does that saying go again? Oh, now we remember: Casserole, Bouilloire, Noir? No. Topf, Kessel, Schwarz? No, not that either. Ah yes: Pot, Kettle, Black.
Let?s discuss what effect this play might have on your fifteen year-old daughter. Not only will she potentially watch this play; she might even star in it!
How awful! And now, the punchline:
First of all, a bunch of women sitting around discussing vaginas for extended periods of time is pure, utter lesbianism.
Although David Kupelian let us down yesterday, Amber comes to the rescue! Confusion reigns however. In the past, Amber has written that women who enjoy too much cock (not her certainly, but other women) are likely to become lesbians. So if too much cock is pure, utter lesbianism, and too much vagina is pure, utter lesbianism — what does that leave for straight women?
Fifteen year-old girls should be blushing when around boys. Any talk of sex, even the simplest thing like holding a girl?s hand, should bring a rush of embarrassment, titillation, and excitement.
The same holds, of course, for graduates of Penn State University.
Many young women come up to me and tell me they?re confused about their sexuality.
So Amber, how many sisters do you have?
heterosexual women will still be repulsed by the idea of engaging in lesbian sex acts with another woman.
Which is why Amber only engages in lesbian sex acts with men.
In a way really this whole ‘vagina issue’ of Amber is ironic — while Amber seems to hate hers, her role model can only dream of having been born with one. And that’s the most ridiculous item of the day.
And now, a song:
Isn’t it awfully nice to have a penis.
Isn’t it frightfully good to have a dong.
It’s swell to have a stiffy,
It’s divine to own a dick.
Thank you.
Norbizness, the Caption King, has (at last!) left blogspot and moved on to even happier and furrier times at norbizness.com, brought to you by Movable Type.
Go say hello.
No day is complete here at S,N!E? (Sadly, No! Enterprises) without World O’Crap’s TownHall summary. The amount of time we’ve saved as a result has been most useful, as the multiple posts about Ayn Randian Princess Amber Pawlik have shown. Today however we read that:
“Mini” because stupid AOL crashed when I had the full review almost done but not saved, and I only had enough willpower to redo this much of it.
Now — there are only two columns missing. One, however, is by Jeff Jacoby, a personal favorite of S,N!E?. What did Jeff have to say?
I wish homosexual stopped whining about not wanting to marry people of the opposite sex like they used to in the good old days.
But of course gay people have always had exactly the same option. They are free to marry someone of the opposite sex, and throughout history, countless homosexuals have done exactly that. Nevertheless, Sullivan claims, for gays and lesbians, opposite-sex marriage “is no meaningful option at all.”
And now, a song:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can’t be found.
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.
Thank you.
