Sadly, No!

Hi, remember us? French Canadian, nasty attitude, unhealthy obsession with Amber Pawlik’s breasts… in other words, the regular management of Sadly, No! It was eight weeks and two days ago that we last posted here, turning things over to Peanut, World O’Crap‘s s.z. and Blair. Much changed while we were away from S,N! Enterprises. All of a sudden, many of the posts here turned out to be insightful, demonstrated research, were funny and informative. Will they continue to be so now that we’re back? (Sadly, No!)

Indeed, effective immediately we announce a return to what had made S,N! what it is: the mocking of mentally retarded Canadians (we didn’t get to be ranked #3 by Google for nothin’,) more Amber Pawlik tit jokes than you can shake a tit stick at (not that you would want to do any such thing, believe you us,) and stick figures pornography. Yes — we know. Your first reaction upon reading this is “Hey Sadly, aren’t you just doing the same thing that the people at The Corner do?” Well insightful readers we ask you: have the people of The Corner ever sent their readers a smart forfour? An old Simpsons CD? Will they send them a smart formore in 2006? Malheureusement, non!

We hope you’ll join us in saying thanks to the trio of guests we had here to keep you busy and away from doing whatever you people would otherwise have done, though we bet it would have involved sharp objects and in Frederick’ case, this. So we’re back. There seems to be a lot of crap to catch up with, so please make yourselves comfortable while we see what the usual suspects have been up to. [And stay tuned as well for more S,N! news…]

PS: The first person to respond to the question that constitutes the title of this post with “Sadly, No!” will receive a free kick in the balls or a knee in the temple and…

Over the winter months, bestseller lists have been crowded with books exposing the misdeeds of the worst administration ever, written by democracy geeks, disgruntled whistleblowers and rogue reporters doing the job of an AWOL press.

Stabbing their way up the line are factesque wrong-wing epics bulk-purchased by generous billionaires who fork out big bucks to get the authors on TV as pretend experts, and to give unfortunates who don’t really read an uplifting book-owning experience they wouldn’t have otherwise. (These sales are marked with a dagger, representing a knife in the back of free enterprise and accurate measures of culture.) The books normally have soft covers so no one gets hurt when they’re hurled across rooms, but many have hard covers to thump emphatically should shouting the contents fail to convert skeptics to the Republican Faith, the one true political faith.

But now that steamy weather is upon us and the reading public pants for something more believably reassuring than Yes, America Can Pretend Harder, the spanking new Sycophant stable of media romance authors is ready to be unleashed on a public not yet ready to look reality dead in the face without whiskey under a dramatically swinging naked bulb.

Enter the new, non-maverick Sycophant publishing house, which last night introduced its bulging catalogue of Sycophant Romances with a steamy offering from literal heavyweight, Tim Russert. The Sycophant series provides the reader with exciting pairings between credulous, fawning media and the rugged administration heroes who involve them in the eternally enthralling dance of beat it, I love you/c’mere I hate your pointless guts. True to the traditional leadership/press romance format, the government is terse, manly, opaque, rude and corrupt while the press is languid, vague, befuddled, obedient, babbling, confused, and neurotically on edge wondering if its phone batteries are dead. Sycophant rejects the charge that the books are formulaic or predictable in any way, as each tale provides not only the titillation of validation sought, withheld, denied and achieved, but a level of erotic suspense unique to each author.

Tim Russert’s I Blow Him in The Preface features some of modern history’s most erotic yet tender examples of love and absolute mind control exchanged between a journalist and his leadership, which Sadly, No! will cheerfully excerpt in upcoming posts. For now, please enjoy a transcript of Punkinhead’s appearance on the Daily Show flogging his new book and showing a fake tv journalist what a genuine phony looks like up close.

[commercial break]

STEWART: We’re talking to Tim Russert from Meat the Press. Let’s talk a little bit about what’s going on, obviously, in Iraq and these abuses. We saw a clip earlier in the show, the President said, this is the difference between democracy and dictatorship — is that, we deal with our abuses openly yet I can’t help but think if the press hadn’t published these pictures, because they [the administration] knew about this back in January, we still wouldn’t be dealing with it. Is that hypocrisy or am I just misreading — ?

RUSSERT: It’s an important question because the pictures came from the father of one of the National Guardsman who’s been charged with the abuses because he was afraid his kid was going to be made a scapegoat and he provided them to 60 Minutes II. I think we have to step back and look at this. One, when they dragged American bodies through the streets and charred them and hung them from bridges, that’s an outrage. We should be outraged. The Arab world should be outraged. But the United States has to stand for something and it’s called having a moral presence in the world. We have a military presence in the world. We have a military force. We have to have a moral force too and when we commit atrocities in a military prison that Saddam Hussein use to use —

STEWART: Right

RUSSERT: — it’s very confusing to people in Iraq who are saying, “Wait a minute, you’re the liberators,” and therefore we as a country have to say, “We have to find out who did this. Did National Guardsman bring over their own hoods and their own dog leashes? No. Someone told them this was the way to break the Arab male mentality, by challenging his sexuality. That’s a big deal, that’s a big issue.

STEWART: So you’re talking about military intelligence. This is a more of a CIA type issue.

RUSSERT: Right. And a chain of command. We have to find out who in the United States government authorized that, not because we’re trying to punish America, but what we’re trying to say is, “We’re better than that.” My dad who was in WWII as you’ve talked about, he took great pride in the fact that the Germans and the Japanese treated prisoners of war different than Americans, because we believe in a moral certitude that is important to embrace.

I have to pause the tape here because it’s simply astonishing that the state of media is so bad, this supposed journalistic bulldog would equate investigating a story involving:

• potentially wide-scale systemic abuse and torture,
• of people we supposedly went to Iraq to liberate,
• a completely collapsed foreign policy,
• a war spiralling out of control militarily, in purpose and in cost,
• waged on false premises that intentionally abused the trust Congress and the public gave after 9/11,
• that has left two countries on the verge of chaos or civil war,
• with no exit strategy in sight,
• and the homeland more vulnerable to terrorism than ever,
• and potential allies driven far away from arrogance and stupidity
• with a weakened military
• with strategy continuing to be submissive to the needs of corporate cronies and fanatical ideologues
• rather than geared towards a successfully achieving the security to attract international support

with trying to punish America. Is the GOP koolaid really that yummy? At least we have real fake journalists asking hard questions.

STEWART: Do you believe we’d have heard about this if the pictures hadn’t have come out?

RUSSERT: We would — we — we did hear about it because it was announced there would be — there was an investigation January 16th. The severity, no.

STEWART: But that memo — it was very difficult to tell —

RUSSERT: The severity —

STEWART: I mean, they basically announced, “And then I had cake.” Like it wasn’t — you couldn’t — when you look at that memo, it doesn’t have anywhere near the litany of abuses that were occurring.

RUSSERT: The interesting thing is how widely circulated these photographs were amongst the military men and women on the digital cameras. They were sending them back home.

I’m with the real fake journalist here — the lameness of the memo (suggesting an attempt to bury the story) is more journalistically interesting than troops passing around war porn, which has been done at least as far back as the widespread exchanging of lurid urns during the Punic wars.

I don’t underestimate the power of war porn, though. The entire Fourth Estate is already stepping back in line to whore for access to the torture-smut the administration has comandeered to control foreigners’ inexplicable feelings of rage and the media’s unwholesome fascination with lurid specifics such as who ordered torture where and what the did President know and when did he know it?

This sensible strategy looks to be successful from a security standpoint, as widely disseminated nauseating material is really easy to control once digitized, so it will be obvious that any credible fakes making their way across the net can be identified as such. But back to Punkinhead.

STEWART: It’s a whole new world. You know, that kid from American Idol who sang “She Bangs”, that’s all over the place. Like you can’t stop anything. Look at how quickly “The Macarena” took off. Like there’s nothing you can’t — that’s something I think people don’t realize. What concerns me slightly and you might know about this is, this administration keeps talking about all our ideals and how open we are and yet I can’t help but think they’re incredibly closed.

RUSSERT: You can’t blame the press for this.

Ahem. He wasn’t.

RUSSERT: Lindsay Graham, a Republican from South Carolina —

STEWART: Right —

RUSSERT: — said, put all the pictures out there, now. Let the world see it. Lindsay Graham said, don’t say, tell the Senate or the Congress to get off the back of Donald Rumsfeld. We have a right to investigate. This is a Republican Senator. The easy thing is to shoot the messenger. We’ve got to make this right — Democrats, Republicans, Liberals, Conservatives. This is not what the United States of America should stand for. If we’re trying to win the hearts and minds of the people worldwide, we have to be better than other people in terms of what we are as a moral force in the world.

STEWART: Do we lose the moral force by invading a country or can we get it back by you know —

[crosstalk]

STEWART: You know when you say you’re going to bring democracy to a place, I always thought you could say, like maybe, if you give elections, if you have a little legislature we’ll maybe give you a billion dollars.

RUSSERT: Your first question was very serious. The fact is, what do we do in terms of invading a country with a pre-emptive strike. Three fourths of both houses of Congress supported the presidential enterprise. 80% of the American people were for it. This is back in October.

STEWART: They supported a resolution. I don’t think anybody had any idea how far along that war was. And when they supported that resolution, that was an abstraction and I thought that when — the day that that passed — that administration went, “Holy Crap, we can do whatever we want now.” And I think that was a huge mistake.

RUSSERT: The issue there was, the primary rationale was the weapons of mass destruction that so far have not been found?

STEWART: Yes?

RUSSERT: That’s a big deal, John.

[applause, crosstalk]

STEWART: … clearly, I wish I really knew what I was talking about, cause boy, I’d be dangerous. But you know, I’m as confused as the next guy right now.

RUSSERT: Well it’s complicated but, you know, if you step back and look at it, you can connect the dots. And I think it’s important that we have a presidential campaign where we have candidates with big differences about big issues so if George Bush says we’re gonna stay the course, then John Kerry, I think, has an obligation to say “We’re gonna have a different course and this is what I suggest,” and let the country decide on this, because it is a huge issue. I think this campaign is all about Iraq, and the economy and our level of security or anxiety, and if there’s a lot of anxiety, we’re going to have a new president and if there’s a lot of security and stability, we’ll keep our incumbent.

STEWART: I think this year, voter turnout: almost over forty percent. I’m really excited about that. [Applause, laughter] “Big Russ and Me”, it’s on the bookshelves now.

Tim Russert on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, May 11 2004 (Transcribed and checked once off cached audio for accuracy. Parenthetical snark mine.)

I realize that Punkinhead was just on to flog his book, but it’s unbelievable that Democrats are so marginalized in his head that their platform — the representation of well over half the population (pre- and post- the stealing of the election by the current Emperor) — should be framed not on their own wishes and merits but on whatever the Fuckup in Chief discards.

Spoken like a big phony voluntarily serving at the pleasure of the Fuckup!

Are the comments broken? Will you get really frustrated typing brilliant replies to our entries when you get an error message after clicking on “post?”

Sadly, Yes! The powers that be are working on it — for now the comments have been disabled on the most recent posts.

Your Coalition Provisional Authority, November 4, 2003:

Your Coalition Provisional Authority, January 2004:

The Ministry of Electricity requests money for parts and materials being procured through CPA Contracting on behalf of the Ministry of Electricity. Electricity infrastructural maintenance is widely considered a necessity to ensure that Iraq reaches its goal of 6,000 MW by 1, June 2004… [Emphasis added]

Your Coalition Provisional Authority, May 2004:

Goals: Improve generating capacity to 6000MW by July 1, 2004.

7-day average capacity for the first week of May: 3,740MW. The good news is that they can change the date again if needed.

Update: Added some quotes and links to the extension. Did the administration’s desperation to find a smoking gun create an environment where torture was condoned (or encouraged) because the WMD leads had run out? (BushCo’s hand-picked 1000+ WMD sniffers weren’t doing much beyond underwriting everything the UN team said.) Were prisoners punished for not coming through, and further, made scapegoats for the deplorable circumstances of over-deployed, over-extended, repeatedly misled troops?
Read the rest of this entry »

“There are international standards that civilized regimes adhere to and then there are regimes like Saddam Hussein[‘s]…” U.S. Sec’y of Defense Rumsfeld, 03/23/03 CNN

“We expect [US POWs] to be treated humanely, just like we’ll treat any prisoners of theirs that we capture humanely … If not, the people who mistreat the prisoners will be treated as war criminals.” – GWB 03/23/03 WH

Weirdly, GW Bush didn’t apologize to the people of Iraq or to the tortured Abu Ghaibri prisoners, but to King Abdullah II of Jordan, who cancelled their previous meeting in protest of events in Iraq and had the misfortune of standing next to him at this photo op. The weak apology was the diplomatic equivalent of attacking an uninvolved, irrelevant country — say, Iraq — to “avenge” the 9/11 attacks. It would be like an Arabic-speaking country lumping all English-speaking countries together and sending the envoy for the US to Scotland, another English-speaking predominately Protestant country, and heck, saving a bit on air fare. I loved the look on King Abdullah’s face as he watched the diplomatic non sequitur: Why doesn’t he apologize to Luxembourg? Qatar? Trinidad and Tobago? combined with Aw crap, talk about a photo trail that will haunt my career.

[King Abdullah and I] also talked about what has been on the TV screens recently, not only in our own country, but overseas — the images of cruelty and humiliation. I told His Majesty as plainly as I could that the wrongdoers will be brought to justice, and that the actions of those folks in Iraq do not represent the values of the United States of America.

I told him I was sorry for the humiliation suffered by the Iraqi prisoners, and the humiliation suffered by their families. I told him I was equally sorry that people who have been seeing those pictures didn’t understand the true nature and heart of America. I assured him Americans, like me, didn’t appreciate what we saw, that it made us sick to our stomachs. I also made it clear to His Majesty that the troops we have in Iraq, who are there for security and peace and freedom, are the finest of the fine, fantastic United States citizens, who represent the very best qualities of America: courage, love of freedom, compassion, and decency. – (GWB 05/06/03)

Grrr, no wonder the Preznit’s steamed … if only that self-avowed champion of justice and puppies could get in touch with the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States and give that asshole a piece of his mind! (Where is that guy, anyway? America could really use a disciplined commander of the nation’s military right about now.)

And in what other nation now or at any time in history could a world leader get away with “explaining” that he couldn’t even fathom the possibility of torture EXCEPT FROM WHAT HE HAPPENED TO SEE ON TV??? What, did Barney sit on the remote, surfing away from Davey and Goliath for a second to 60 Minutes II?

Excuses that appear to satisfy the White House Press Corpse just wouldn’t fly anywhere else, especially with the abundant examples of illegal detentions and a hinky human rights record starting from, oh, 9/12. Are there no journalists at the Emperor’s court with the huevos or huevaries (aside from primieval journalistic natural force Helen Thomas) to ask questions like, “Mr. President, do you have anything less ridiculous and insulting than that utter crock of shit you just said?” or “Mr. President, your latest accountability dodge is that your intel to marshall the world’s most powerful military comes to you through accidental tv-viewing. As we’re in wartime, aren’t you worried voters might choose a leader who’d mix the occasional Frontline documentary in with their animated religious vegetables?”

But remember, no matter what horrible fate befalls people and nations from another one of the Preznit’s Miserable Failures, once he swiftly passes the buck (and only after the public has demanded accountability), no one suffers more than he does, or is more indignant over witnessing clear wrongdoing:

The acts were abhorrent, Steve. They sickened my stomach. I know they sickened yours, too. You’re a decent American. Any decent soul doesn’t want a human being treated that way. And it is — it’s a stain on our country’s honor and our country’s reputation. I full understand that. And that’s why it’s important that justice be done. (GWB 05/06/03)

And we’ll find out the truth. We’ll take a good look at the whole system to determine — to make sure this doesn’t happen again. But I am — I am — I am sickened by what I saw, and sickened that somebody gets the wrong impression of people who are serving this country and this world with such dignity. (GWB 05/06/03)

Phew! At least this will take his mind off the shock that someone, damn if only he could figure out who, on his staff put the hit on Joseph Wilson’s wife! Or ordered ugly attacks on other critics of the president and administration! Or ignored 911 warnings! Or who pressured various parties to hide budgetary and intelligence information from Congress! But all of that combined isn’t remotely as distressingly urgent as finding the person or persons responsible for hyping those scary non-existent Iraqi WMDs on every available media outlet! (If only he could get his hands on video or transcripts of some sort!) Adding to his discomfit is the realization that some will use these torture “images” as propaganda, if you can imagine! (It’s always only the spin of an issue that concerns this administration, and they say it!)

I think people in the Middle East who want to dislike America will use this as an excuse to remind people about their dislike. – GWB on Arab TV05/05/05

The Preznit and his war party have been obliterating human rights conventions and stonewalling human rights groups since 9/11. If the Preznit didn’t know specifically about Abu Ghaibri prison in Iraq, he must have known about abuses in Afghanistan and Guantanamo, since he personally did a lot of tap-dancing and semantic-twisting to dodge human rights codes. (Relevant quotes in the extension.)

Here’s another enthralling exchange from the US Department of Hooey:

Q Isn’t [the President] upset that he was the last to know, in effect, how bad this was?

MR. McCLELLAN: He is not happy about what occurred in these images that people saw last week. And he wants to make sure that strong steps are taken to stop that from happening again, and that those responsible are held accountable. And that’s what the military is doing. And that’s where the President’s focus is.

Q … [H]as he issued a worldwide alert that all military prisons under U.S. control are not participating in such abuse? And does he know — how about Guantanamo? Is it clean?

MR. McCLELLAN: Helen, our military adheres to high standards of conduct. And when — and when there is a bad behavior —

Q We don’t need that lecture. We know that. We believe in our country.

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, the way you phrased your question doesn’t make it sound like you do — 05/05/04 WH Briefing

Now there’s an administration that lives up to its billing (below) that “America is a country of justice and law and freedom and treating people with respect“. The abuses that have come to light are just the tip of the iceberg:

U.S. soldiers who detained an elderly Iraqi woman last year placed a harness on her, made her crawl on all fours and rode her like a donkey, Prime Minister Tony Blair’s personal human rights envoy to Iraq said Wednesday. The envoy, legislator Ann Clwyd, said she had investigated the claims of the woman in her 70s and believed they were true. During five visits to Iraq in the past 18 months, Clwyd said, she had stopped at British and U.S. jails, including the notorious Abu Ghraib Prison in Baghdad, and questioned everyone she could about the woman’s claims. (05/06/04 UK Herald)

Indeed. Apparently, troops tortured the elderly and adolescents too, and given the lack of camera shyness among the war criminals, there will probably be new, and possibly worse pictures.

All of that makes the script he used on US-friendly Arab TV media outlets sound even more ridiculous. (BushCo’s own Al Hurra network — pure croney-pork that Kerry voted against and the fact being used by the Bush campaign to label him weak on defense — is watched by a whopping 6% of Iraqis.) These comments (strung together like beads) have Karen “dozens of weapons of mass destruction program related activities” Hughes light touch:

I talked to the Secretary of Defense this morning, by the way. I said, find the truth, and then tell the Iraqi people and the world the truth. … We stand side-by-side with the Iraqis that love freedom. … America is a country of justice and law and freedom and treating people with respect. … [W]e believe the Iraqi people have got the capacity to take care of people who are willing to terrorize innocent Iraqi citizens. … The people of Iraq must understand, sovereignty will be transferred on June 30th. And there’s a process now in place to make sure that there’s an entity to which we transfer sovereignty. And then there will be elections. (GWB 05/05/04)

There’s no evidence connecting Iraq with the 9/11 attacks or with al Qaeda. GWB has repeatedly admitted there is no evidence, yet continues to use 9/11 to justify actions in Iraq. (He’s like the protagonist in Memento.) And if there’s any sliver of Iraqi being not already fulminating with rage, yakking up some well-chewed 9/11 cud that all but his most rabid supporters find disgusting ought to do it:

Q Mr. President, critics are saying that by your action in Iraq actually invited al Qaeda and other terrorists to do business with you over there. Could you address that?

THE PRESIDENT: Sure. Do you remember September the 11th, 2001? Al Qaeda attacked the United States. They killed thousands of our citizens. I will never forget what they have done to us. They declared war on us. And the United States will pursue them. And so long as I’m the President, we will be determined, steadfast, and strong as we pursue those people who kill innocent lives because they hate freedom.)

…

THE PRESIDENT: But the truth of the matter is, they [al Qaeda] hate us, and they hate freedom, and they hate people who embrace freedom. (GWB 05/05/05)

The nation of Iraq: So why don’t you fucking bomb and torture them, then????

More and more extensive quotes in the extension, particularly relating to the administration’s attitude towards earlier reports of prisoner abuse. Update: corrected some citations and smoothed out some rocky passages.
Read the rest of this entry »

There will be a meeting of the Committee on ARMED SERVICES
Friday, May 7, 2004 starting at 11:45 AM

To receive testimony on allegations of mistreatment of Iraqi prisoners from:

Hon Donald H. Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense
Gen Richard B. Myers, USAF, Chmn, Joint Chiefs of Staff
Hon Les Brownlee, Acting Secretary of the Army
Gen Peter J. Schoomaker, Chief of Staff of the Army
Lt Gen Lance L. Smith, USAF, Dep’y Commander, CentCom

Live TV coverage on:
CSPAN
CNN

Update: I haven’t found audio links to the hearings (they’ll likely appear on the CNN and CSPAN sites when they’re updated). Here are some links to reports and articles on the events:

The Agonist has archived the Taguba Report online:

The report was prepared by Maj. Gen. Antonio M. Taguba on alleged abuse of prisoners by members of the 800th Military Police Brigade at the Abu Ghraib Prison in Baghdad. It was ordered by Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez, commander of Joint Task Force-7, the senior U.S. military official in Iraq, following persistent allegations of human rights abuses at the prison. Editor?s note: The report includes graphic descriptions of events some readers may find objectionable.

MSNBC has key excerpts from the report.
Read Torture at Abu Ghraib by Seymour M. Hersch, The New Yorker magazine (Issue of 2004-05-10)

The story exploded on CBS News 60 Minutes II. Updates, online video and other resources are available at the main site.

MoJo’s RumMeter has some key links
Alternet links to various background material on the story
US officials ignored reports about Abu Ghaibri prison from the International Red Cross
The Daily Mirror (UK) reports on British forces’ alleged abuse of Iraqi prisoners
Were contractors hired to circumvent accountability to human rights codes of behavior?
The CPA/occupation routinely blames foreigners for violence in Iraq, but the presence of outside fighters may have been exaggerated.

Dr. Condoleezza Rice Discusses Iraq and the Middle East, Interview with Al Arabiya television
Room 459, Eisenhower Executive Office Building
May 3, 2004, 1:24 P.M. EDT

Interviewer for Al Arabiya
Dr. Rice, Grand Vizieress of the evil Crusader Forces
Khalil, the humble and virtuous Arab translator

Q: [AL ARABIYA INTERVIEWER] Dr. Rice, thank you for giving us in Al Arabiya this chance to talk to us. We have to be clear about these pictures and images of abused Iraqi prisoners. The pictures are everywhere in the media.

KHALIL, THE TRANSLATOR: The interviewer has established the ubiquity of evidence proving the bestial madness of Crusaders and their contempt for the humanity and righteousness of Muslims.

[DR. RICE nods]

KHALIL: As Dr. Rice tenses her face, doubts of her honesty bloom in my mind like the apricot orchards a fabled Vizier of the Ottomans planted as tribute to the beauty and chastity of his thousand virgin daughters, one tree for each, each tree yielding one thousand perfect blossoms yet not matching the beauty of the one thousand perfect blushes of modesty emanated from each daughter.

Q: In the street, some people are saying that Saddam’s [rule was] better than American [rule].

KHALIL: The questioner graciously wishes to spare the Vizieress the shame of lying before an intelligent audience by informing her that even that pizzle of a rutting camel Saddam Hussein, before embracing Islam, was not so bad as the Crusader beasts.

Q: — this came in a time that U.S. engaging in heavy, heavy public diplomacy. How do you see this?

KHALIL: And to make explicit the extent of our intelligence, oh brothers and sisters, the questioner is making clear to the Vizieress that we are aware of the Crusaders’ attempts to pack our ears with the camel dung they call public relations so that we may be deaf to the cries of our defiled brothers and sisters. The questioner seems to be inching towards asking the question on every Arab and Muslim mind for nigh on fifty years. Is the Crusader-Zionist alliance intentionally trying to make things so bad, and us so mad, to execute their plan of obliterating our lands with nukes, vindicating our suspicion that first disarming us of weapons was a means of securing our submission to ease our enslavement without rendering the oil radioactive.

DR. RICE: The President spoke about these terrible pictures the other day when he said that he was personally sickened by them.

KHALIL: The Vizieress Dr. Rice, whose tribal name means some kind of small, insignificant white speck and whose first name Condoleezza means “The Only Daughter of Africa in Existence Who Wears a Little Mullet”, has avoided addressing the torture to accentuate President Bush’s pain. Oh, righteous servants of Allah, the Head Crusader Devil is uncomfortable. Oh, how wracked with pain is the tummy of the Devil. Oh, how our brothers and sisters’ suffering upsets his stomach as he fills his blabbering idiot mouth with unclean pig flesh while lounging around watching the sport of cradling an inflated ellipse of unclean pigskin in one’s armpit and saying “Booyah!“

DR. RICE: And we all feel outraged at these pictures.

KHALIL: Our anger is as insignificant to them as our pride, as the Vizieress does not acknowledge either. But oh, how the Crusader Devils are angry and shocked. Yes, it is they, not us, who tremble with anger and shock, for what are we but mere burden beasts to tote the oil to market so their sons may emulate the Head Crusader Devil and buy their drugs and their daughters may emulate the whores of yore and bedeck their feet with toe cymbals and girdle their bellies with jewels?

DR. RICE: I won’t speak to the individual cases. People will have their individual rights respected as they are — as they go through process.

KHALIL: Indeed, our brothers and sisters are respected in the abstract while being defiled and humiliated in sickening fashion. The Vizieress flogs these lies as a cruel keeper of the camels would harry his caravan to market in time for the end of Ramadan.

DR. RICE: But I can — I want to assure people in the Arab world, Iraq, around the world, and the American people, that the President is determined to get to the bottom of it …

KHALIL: While attempting to lull us with a glittering tapestry woven of serpent words that deflect their true intent as the scales of the snake hides it from the sandaled foot of the righteous pilgrim passing unaware, the Vizieress has employed a double-edged vulgar phrase. Either she means that the Head Crusader Devil intends “to investigate thoroughly”, or that he intends to personally defile the bottoms of prisoners with the shame of sodomy.

DR. RICE: … to know who is responsible and to make sure that whoever is responsible is punished for it and held accountable.

KHALIL: Ah, she claims to use the vulgarity to mean “investigate thoroughly”, and yet an educated woman cannot have chosen such a phrase without realizing its implications in this context. Apparently the Head Crusader Devil who sent the bloodthirsty minions to torture and shame us is announcing that he wants to know who ordered this large-scale mission to torture and shame us. Oh, brothers and sisters, with how much of this foul dung must we pack our ears before we are deafened to the cries of our brothers and sisters being beaten and shamed into submission?

DR. RICE: And he’s determined to find out if there is any wider problem than just what happened at Abu Ghraib.

KHALIL: Apparently the Head Crusader Devil pleads ignorance at the widescale punishment of our people for weapons we did not possess, though so he did falsely claim. Oh, how foully he lied to invade and conquer the lands of our children’s sons and daughters whose yet unborn laughter flows through the air like cooling breezes of an elder’s most joyful imaginings that calm his restless sleep on a sweltering night.

DR. RICE: And so he has told Secretary Rumsfeld that he expects an investigation, a full accounting.

KHALIL: The Head Crusader Devil has, for appearances, instructed the Overseer of his Sodomite Excecutioners to oversee the fictitious investigation of his minions’ foul crimes. The Vizieress belches the stench of decay from her lips as a camel briskly farting after feeding on an immense meal of fig rinds and fruit peel.

DR. RICE: Americans do not do this to other people.

KHALIL: The Vizieress hopes for us to substitute pitch-black unseeing blindness for the glittering golden cast of the sun rising against the minarets at the time of morning prayer.

DR. RICE: Those pictures were awful because America — American men and women in uniform, active and reserve, are serving in Iraq at great sacrifice. People are losing their lives. We came there to help to liberate the people of Iraq.

KHALIL: Oh, understand the cruel logic, brothers and sisters. We are beaten and defiled, yet the Crusader armies are the ones who suffer. Oh what pain they endure, lolling in the cool marble of Saddam’s palaces eating their soggy patties of ground festering pigflesh with a reeking “special sauce”, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. Oh, how they writhe in the torment of twenty hells filling their fat bellies with the gaseous liquid evil of Coca Cola and alcoholic drinks while our sickened and hungry children cry for a cup of boiled barleygrain.

DR. RICE: We came there to build schools, and to build clinics …

KHALIL: In bombing our schools and clinics the Crusaders meant to convey that they came to build schools and clinics.

DR. RICE: … and we want very much that the images of Americans should be the images of helping the Iraqi people.

KHALIL: Oh, brothers and sisters, the tintinabulations of her foul lies clang like the cookware seller’s store after a brawl has rolled inside to escape the punishments of the local constabulary. The Vizieress is referring to shameful defilements we have suffered as “images” and instructs us to replace those “images” with new ones. The Vizieress believes that we are so base and dishonorable as to forget the outrage simply by changing the television channel to the moronic propaganda sop the Crusader Zionist alliance wishes to feed us, as a great sultan’s disloyal falconer would lull his hunting birds with drugged bits of goat to stifle their noble instinct to hunt so that he may earn double on his bets.

DR. RICE: It’s simply unacceptable that anyone would engage in the abuse of Iraqi prisoners. And we will get to the bottom of it. And those who are responsible will be punished.

KHALIL: The Viziaress once again uses the vulgar phrase meaning both investigation and sodomy. As no investigation is necessary to ascertain responsibility, this must be a statement that she is jealous at not personally participating in the defilement, possibly with an impement strapped in some way to her evil loins to mimic a penis, so corrupt and whorish are these Crusader women. Also, she would like to indulge in general recreational S&M with her own kind.

Q: The American image right now is under heavy — in the area. The story is developing every day. What kind of strategy do you have right now to manage this crisis? It’s getting a crisis, really, in the area, in the Middle East, and still, the story is developing. So what kind of strategy you have right now to manage this crisis coming out of this —

KHALIL: With the gracious generosity a modest merchant showed the Prophet Mohammed in his travels by setting before him a banquet many times the splendor of his eldest son’s wedding to his fourth and most beautiful and virtuous wife, the interviewer is graciously giving the Vizieress a last opportunity to stop looking both foolish and mendacious, and to speak intelligently with the viewing public, though Allah and the tea merchant’s gossipping second wife Fatima only know why.

DR. RICE: It’s just extremely important that we continue to talk to the people of the region directly. I was just with the Jordanian Foreign Minister. And we will have other Arab leaders in the United States very soon. It’s important for us to go on Al Arabiya and to talk directly to your viewers and your listeners.

KHALIL: The Vizieress has stated outright her intention to use as puppets the leaders in the region, to convey the lies now resting on her tongue like mongrel curs, tired after an ill-begotten feast on the food stores of the entire tribal compound and now sleeping on the tribal leader’s finest carpet. It’s his best one, too — the most excellent Persian one weaving the jeweled colors of the most blazing of dawns with the cool quietude of a restful sapphire dusk over the Basrat sea at evenrise.

DR. RICE: The President will speak directly to the Arab world.

KHALIL: The Head Crusader Devil intends to inflict upon us a suffering perhaps even greater than the ignominious torment of our defiled brothers at Abu Ghaibri prison, by befouling our airwaves with his imbecile blabberings. Oh, spirits of all the martyrs, with each beat of my heart I ask, when will these foul creatures leave us in righteousness and peace?

DR. RICE: We want everyone to understand that the United States believes in peace.

KHALIL: Oh, this whore is insufferable, lying, lying, lying like a sea of dunes in a windless desert when the sun is at its zenith.

DR. RICE: We believe in the ability of men and women to pursue happy lives, to pursue those happy lives in a context in which they can speak freely, and in which they can pursue prosperity for their children. And the United States has tried in the Arab world and around the world to stand for a set of values. We believe that when people hear our story, that they will understand, at least, then for themselves.

KHALIL: The lies have leapt up from the carpet of her tongue and are stampeding through her front teeth, causing them to swing to and fro like the doors of the best spicemonger in the village after offering his most fragrant Ras el Hanout “Sultan’s Blend” at half off to the common folk to clear space in advance of the arrival of his new stock.

Q: To prevent this from happening again, to improve the situation inside the Iraqi prisons right now, could you tell us about any procedures being done just to improve the situation, as today, after this happened?

KHALIL: The interviewer continues graciously to allow the Vizieress, the slither-tongued Viper Queen of Venomous Lies to quell her poison-thickened serpent-tongue and speak like a virtuous, honest woman.

DR. RICE: Well, already, there is a general — General Miller, who has gone out to take over the administration of the Iraqi prisons. That happened a few weeks ago. He’s experienced. He will make certain that the operation is one of which we would be — really be proud.

KHALIL: The Vizieress continues to be more concerned about maintaining the pride of the Crusaders than acknowledging the shame of those they have tormented and defiled. The latter she has not directly addressed once. I suspect she has no intention of doing so.

DR. RICE: Obviously, people have to be incarcerated if they’ve done something wrong, but they should be treated with dignity. We will also — the President has told Secretary Rumsfeld that he wants a full investigation of what happened. And he wants to know if there’s something that we need to do systemically in the training of our people, in what people are told to do. We want to know the full picture, and so there will be a full investigation.

KHALIL: The Viziaress offers the blandest ground pap that one might feed a servant child too idiotic even to distinguish the flavor of chickens’ gruel from the sweetest figs of summer and calls it a banquet to our disbelieving senses.

DR. RICE: It will be transparent. The United States is an open society. And one good thing about democracies is that when something like this happens, democracies themselves react. The American people are reacting. The American Congress is reacting. The American President is reacting because no American wants to be associated with any dehumanizations now of the Iraqi people. And we are deeply sorry for what has happened to these people, and what the families must be feeling. It’s just not right.

KHALIL: At last she has said the word “dehumanization”, though only in the context of what pain it causes the infidel Crusaders to look into the blood spattered vortex of their own misdeeds. Oh, brothers and sisters, what pain they suffer. Oh, how it interrupts their gorgings and the farting orgies had after their sporting festivals tossing inflated pigskins on the pitch or through netted hoops in their raucous arenas.

DR. RICE: And we will get to the bottom of what happened.

KHALIL: The foul whore cannot stop lusting for sodomy.

Q: If you allow me, I’m going to move to another issue, the road map.

KHALIL: The Vizieress will now move to the Zionist portion of her propaganda. I implore the righteous sons of the Islam to send their wives and daughters out of the room, as witnessing this belching whore only assaults their petal like ears.

Q: And this administration endorsed the Sharon plan, and last week the Likud rejected the plan. Are you still stating that you are endorsing this plan? Are you endorsing only Sharon on this? Or what?

KHALIL: As it is ridiculous for me to translate propaganda we have heard a thousand times, I will tell an amusing bawdy tale I heard earlier at the tobacconist’s stall, a story that is both diverting yet instructful in the ways of the vile whoring Crusaders. A young soldier who has not sampled the erotic stench of a flea-ridden whore he mistakes for the sweet fragrance of righteous coupling asks his grizzled captain what the troops do around here for sex …

DR. RICE: We believe and the President believed that what he is endorsing is an opportunity that if Israel can find a way to disengage, to unilaterally withdraw from the Gaza and from the four West Bank settlements, that that gives a new opportunity to Palestinians to begin to build their state. It’s not the end of the road — it’s the beginning of the road. We believe that the road map and the two-state solution, and the President’s June 24th vision will eventually get us to the point that you have two states — Israel and Palestine — living side-by-side in peace.

KHALIL: The lustful young soldier’s grizzled captain jerks a thumb towards the tent flap. The soldier looks outside and sees only the silhouettes of camels against the moonlit sky. He is too young and embarrassed to speak outright the implications, as even among the corrupt Crusaders can one find those still modest enough in youth to recoil at bestial practices.

DR. RICE: The President has been very clear that all of the issues have to be negotiated between the parties. It has to be mutually acceptable to the parties, but we have been for three years unable to get everything moving. And we saw in what Prime Minister Sharon was proposing an opportunity to get moving again along the road map. We don’t know what will happen inside Israel. It’s up to the Israelis and their political system to decide how to proceed. But we still think it’s a good idea, and we hope that we’ll have a chance to pursue the opportunity.

KHALIL: And yet the young soldier is so siezed by lust he thinks to himself, what harm can it do? I am in the desert and if everyone else does it, it must be all right.

Q: I have last question here. Critics are saying by endorsing Sharon from — by this administration, like U.S. negotiating with Sharon on behalf of Palestinians — why are putting their way of just talking about this road map — how do you react to that?

DR. RICE: The President remains completely committed to the road map as the viable way to get to a two-state solution. But when you have the Israeli Prime Minister come to you and say, we’ll withdraw unilaterally from the Gaza and from four West Bank settlements, we believe that that is worth doing, that it is a good thing is Israel begins to withdraw from land, because — and to tear down settlements. All of the negotiations that we’ve had over many, many years, we’ve never been able to see the Palestinians actually recover land. If the Sharon plan or some version of it goes forward, then the Palestinians will begin to recover land. And it’s that opportunity to which the President was reacting. We believe that the Palestinians need an opportunity to build the institutions of their state.

KHALIL: Afterwards, the soldier returns to the tent still somewhat embarrassed yet relieved of his lustful feelings. “That was fast,” says his captain.

DR. RICE: The President was the first President to say that there should be a Palestinian state and it ought to be called Palestine. That is really a tremendous change, really. It was a tremendous change in American policy. This President stands for peace. He believes that Palestinians deserve a better future than they have had till now. He believes that Israelis deserve also to live in peace. And he believes that they can live in peace.

KHALIL: Blushing hotly, the soldier admits that once he overcame his self-consciousness, mating with the beast was easy and indeed more pleasant than imagined. Truthfully, he hoped to repeat the experience soon.

Q: Dr. Rice, thank you for this time you gave to us. And we’d love to have you again and again.

DR. RICE: Thank you very much. Thank you.

KHALIL: “You dumb pig,” says the captain. “I meant we ride them into town.”

[Voiceover Announcer] Please stay tuned for Al Arabiya’s The Capitol Gang. Tonight’s panel will ponder, when will the Foul Crusaders leave our righteous lands?

I was going to post about possible ways to observe the Mother of All Flip Flops, but I’m delaying that to highlight stories that have emerged within the last 48 hours.

Big Bush supporters Sinclair have decided that uttering the names of troops who have died in combat in Iraq is “political”. At issue is the 04/30/04 Nightline installment, The Fallen, where Ted Koppel will read the names of the troops who have died in Iraq since the Mission Accomplished photo op. (Read ABC’s outline of the controversy.) Apparently Sinclair’s definition of what’s “political” depends on whether something makes George W. Bush look bad. But reading the names of the fallen on the anniversary of the vainglorious Mission Accomplished extravaganza isn’t political, any more than is reading the names of the September 11 dead on that anniversary. Standards of human dignity shouldn’t depend on which party holds power.

I don’t want to hear from chickenhawks about John Kerry’s medals or that his injuries weren’t severe enough. The discussion is repulsive to me. Every last vet deserves respect and gratitude, period, even the ones whose service was no more painful than being the most boring thing they ever did. Kerry is a legitimate hero, who put his life on the line to rescue his unit. Shame on any Bush shill or Republican in Congress who attacks this service, tries to diminish it, or allows attacks to occur without stepping forward and asking, At long last, have you no decency?, because gaining brief partisan advantage is more important to them than giving a vet his due.

One reason I protested Gulf Junior even harder than I protested Gulf Daddy was that I deeply feel we shouldn’t wage war without fully understanding what we ask of people by doing so. We ask for the risk and sacrifice of their lives but also for something more: that they put their humanity on the line by killing others or taking prisoners, or being taken themselves. Iraqis and the Arab world around them are witnessing the reintroduction of prison torture, complete with rape rooms and mass graves in Fallujah:

The people of Fallujah carried their dead to the city’s soccer stadium and buried them under the field on Friday, unable to get to cemeteries because of a U.S. siege of the city. As the struggle for Fallujah entered a fifth day, hundreds of women, children and the elderly streamed out of the city. Marines ordered Iraqi men of “military age” to stay behind, sometimes turning back entire families if they refused to be separated. “A lot of the women were crying,” said Lance Cpl. Robert Harriot, 22, of Eldred, N.Y. “There was one car with two women and a man. I told them that he couldn’t leave. They tried to plead with me. But I told them no, so they turned around.” (04/09/04 AP Navarro/Qader Saadi)

You may remember that one of the themes of the Mission Impossible photo op was liberating Iraqis from all that.

A big reason this administration and its supporters have no compunction abut treating the dead and wounded in war with disdain is that they are enabled by fawning courtier press that shields them from criticism. They are supposed to be alert watchdogs who serve the people the president is also supposed to serve, but the White House Press Corpse has become a lazy, toothless pack whose only expertise and interest seems to be licking their own balls. We have a president who can do the following without fear of exposure and widespread outrage from public and press:

They [George and Jeb Bush] were out of view as reporters dodged fire ants, and within minutes moved within view of the cameras. A reporter asked the president about allowing Baathists into the Iraqi leadership, what message it sends to the Iraqi people. The president, now tieless and dressed in gray slacks and a light blue shirt, ignored the question and kept pulling weeds. Jeb stayed in the background. At one point, President Bush addressed an AP writer, referring to the young volunteers he had watched: “Put this on the wire. These people are from all over the country.” (04/23/04, 2:46pm entry in Ryan Lizza’s Campaign Journal)

The most bizarre irony of the Mission Accomplished flip flop has to be that Bush now routinely refers to the people he was supposedly liberating as if they were the enemy, and the people he was liberating them from as his allies. Very few asslicks in his courtier-press, even though increasingly disgruntled, will point that out, though it should color the first paragraph of any news they transmit.

There is no war one can always win, even as Bush is attempting to do here, showing “resolve” by always moving the goalposts to suit his needs of the moment. WMDs no WMDs, what’s the difference? Regime change is the thing. Now everyone’s pretending this is really about 911 again.

Troops are dying in appalling numbers and in deference to the latest goalpoast shift, Bush’s big donors regard the reading of their names as inconvenient. Meanwhile, Bush is wishing his new allies, Ba’ath thugs good luck in subduing the citizenry of Fallujah, the goalpost moved once again. The thugs’ new master won’t be challenged by his court scribes, who’ll give him PR points for castigating their acolytes even while enabling new atrocities now. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss! This is a war Bush can’t lose! That’s because you’ll never find him risking anything, for all his talk of bold decisiveness. Anyone can look in control when all they do is spin whatever happens by saying that was part of the plan all along.

But losers there will be. I’ve learned from the vets in my own family and from working with refugees, many of them survivors of military torture, that the wounds of war can be longer than lifelong. The sickening experience of fighting in war and being exposed to it in any way can be like a perfidious virus. Like the contagion of diseases that form plagues, you don’t know who’ll catch it. It can passed between casual friends, marital partners or through generations of a family. If a military family is lucky, healing from war wounds can bring the family closer together and add tensile strength to family ties. Families can be blown apart suddenly, as if they stepped on a landmine. No one can predict if this will happen — no one can even tell if the family environment is mined.

A psychic war wound can be an ugly scar that, like a physical one, eventually stops being painful but may shock and horrify people who witness it unprepared. It can burden the one carrying it with occasional awkwardness or a deep persistent shame. It can be something they wear it like a badge of honor that sets them apart from the average or something that wanes in their awareness as they matter-of-factly work and live around it.

I know that the most fundamentally decent person I ever met or am likely to know, my grandfather, was needlessly stained by the shame of war throughout his life. He confided to me that his greatest regret was killing a young soldier who was almost the mirror image of himself — in age, demeanor, fear and confusion — rather than finding a way to say, even on the battlefield, let’s lay down our arms and work instead to end this madness.

Here’s the thing: war never doesn’t hurt. There’s probably a more grammatical way to say it less truthfully; I’d rather err on the side of meaning. There is always sacrifice in war. It’s always painful. Big or small, it will come from many many people and long after the mission really is accomplished beyond a politician’s transient concerns.

The reasons for waging war should be clear cut and straightforward. The justifications should be understood in advance, as should the price to be paid. War shouldn’t be sold like a cheap used car or unveiled like a Fall Product.

The cost of waging war should be shared by all, but those who promote war should be at the vanguard of accepting responsibility, always. Last for the applause, first for the condemnations, until every last grunt and their families have been personally thanked first. It’s called leadership.

If it’s shown that war has been waged on a faulty premise and that people have been hoodwinked, willingly or by accident, those responsible should make amends and not try a new bait and switch. They shouldn’t, as Bush is doing now, scurry around like a cockroach grabbing any missed crumbs while avoiding getting crushed under a heel. Or, like Cheney just tried to do, misrepresent the content of his speech at a college just to grab an opportunity to bash a political opponent.

Out of one side of his mouth, Bush condemns the torture of prisoners, yet he keeps the “unlawful enemy combatants” in his care separated from their human rights while letting his administration extract the maximum use from them, even if it’s only propaganda (see James Yee). He does as great a disservice to his prisoners as he has done to the “private contractors” specifically hired to dodge Geneva Convention definitions of combatants. He strips them all of their humanity.

I used to think that giving a limb or one’s life was the ultimate sacrifice. I’ve increasingly come to believe that there are worse things to lose. Those scared, foolish, arrogant stupid, burned out parties committing torture have lost touch, perhaps permanently, with their humanity.

They have their cheerleaders among those who regard war as a game or a TV show, their masters among the chickenhawk brigades happily earning money or fattening their egos with this optional war. The Codpiece in Chief is the most arrogant of fatheads, the biggest coward strutting among them, their Great Leader. I don’t know how or even if this group is ever judged or how they’ll pay, if at all — whether it will be by a court convened by the world body, by history or by their own consciences deep at night. It’s still unknown, and humanity is hard to quantify.

But many already have measurably paid for this war, with limb and life.

And when there’s a chance to acknowledge these most generous who have served and paid, we should take the time to hear their names, deeds and circumstances.

Saying and hearing their names isn’t politics. It’s decency. It’s humanity. So many people have become disembodied from that. Let’s not be separated from ours. Whatever you think the ultimate sacrifice is in war, please watch Nightline tonight and pay your respects in your particular way. If you missed the broadcast, please read about the fallen by going to the Nightline page.

Notes and links in the extension. Copy edits made online so apologies for any disruptions.
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“You would never see LBJ, Reagan, Bush Sr. or Clinton sitting there with the vice president in a hearing like this. They wouldn’t have even thought of it. They were rugged and independent. Their personalities wouldn’t have allowed it.” – James Thurber, director of the Center for Congressional and Presidential Studies at American University in Washington (04/29/04 Chicago Trib/Zeleny)

Today’s profile in courage

After an exhausting week and $10 million attacking John Kerry’s outstanding military service from behind Karen Hughes’ voluminous 80’s tapered pants …

Exactly a year after snapping on a codpiece to declare major combat operations over …

And challenging terrorists to “bring it on” and fire at soldiers who, unlike him, actually showed up to serve …

And imperiously thumbing his nose at allies who could provide a real multinational presence in Iraq acceptable to the local populace …

Causing the tragic additional deaths of 669 troops …

Which our Great Leader has tried to hide by forbidding media coverage because it might make him look bad …

Yet disgracefully uses their memory for fundraising and to label his critics as unpatriotic …

He now faces his greatest challenge: hiding behind Dick Cheney and desperately hoping the 9/11 probe asks the VP and not him uncomfortable questions.

• If it’s the CIA’s fault, why did their explicit warnings about Osama bin Laden compel the pResident to take what was nearly the longest vacation in presidential history?
• Why does the pResident continue to bury Clinton administration documents related to counterterrorism, even though Clinton and Gore have asked for their release to the probe?
• Why does the pResident continue to blame the Clinton administration?
• Why is pRresident Bush appearing with Cheney and why do they refuse to testify under oath?
• Since they’re not under oath and it’s only a “meeting” to explain the pResident’s “attitudes” about terra, why will the pResident have three attorneys present?
• On what fucking planet would anyone with sparking synapses regard the worst pResident of the worst administration in history as the only option for national security?

Meet the original president baby by the inimitable Tom Tomorrow, who appears every Monday in Salon. Non-subscribers have to see an ad first. Tom Tomorrow is also archived here at Working for Change.

Check out related quotes and attributions in the extension to this post.
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