Sadly, No!

When we noticed earlier that this post is the first result returned by Google if you do a search for “child abuse prison iraq,” we thought that made some sense.

But when we found out that MSN Search returns this post as the first result for “excited nipples,” we knew someone out there on the internet had to be very, very disappointed. And likely too busy throwing up to send us an email to complain about it.

At least both MSN and Google agree: Sadly, No! is the place to be to find the hottest new conservative writer on the web.

So does this mean we posted a new Flash Friday animation? Sadly, No! (Although our thanks to Daniel for pointing it out, as we had kind of forgotten — that’s how we are.) Between working on making enormous video clips available for download and mowing our lawn, we got busy and didn’t have time. And while we can’t share the details with you yet, we can tell you we are working on a new project so excellent it will make Flash Friday look like statistical analysis by Trying to Grok.

So stay tuned and quit your whining.

Michelle Malkin (yes, Michelle Malkin) links to World O’Crap’s discussion of her discussion of the Happy Meals of Destruction incident.

Will wonders ever cease?

Added: Not everyone loves the World O’Crap (though we do!:)

However, criticizing the emotional tone of the story rings a bit hollow. I know this sounds misogynist to some, but women are “emotional.” […] If you read between the lines, the blase’ attitude with which World O’ Crap treats this is fraught with their political anxiety. “No, really. We’re returning to normalcy! Vote John Kerry! There’s no threat, you racist, simplistic ninny.”

The American Spectator (TAS,) July 16, 2004:

Democrats think they’ve come a long way, but sexism remains institutionalized in their ranks. Hillary, as a woman, didn’t stand a chance to get on this year’s ticket. [Emphasis added]

TAS, July 1, 2004:

There was no indication of who the “surprise” candidate was. “It could be Hillary. It’s assumed that she has been vetted on a separate track from the others. At least that’s the talk. No one here knows for sure,” says the source.

TAS, February 17, 2004:

“If Bill wants Hillary on the bottom of the ticket, all he has to do is make a few phone calls — Kerry would have little to say in the matter if it got that far,” says a DNC fundraiser. “Kerry may think he’s going to be running things, but he’s in for a rude awakening.”

Please also see: Stop Hillary PAC.

Sure, everybody here hates America, despises freedom and loves gays. But at least we’re not about to be killed by al Qaeda’s extensive arsenal of nuclear bombs:

Williams presents clear evidence showing that, in the chaos following the breakup of the Soviet Union, the Chechen Mafia got its hands on portable Russian nuclear weapons. Between 1996 and 2001, mafia members negotiated the sale of twenty nuclear “suitcase bombs” to representatives of Osama bin Laden. Far worse than so-called “dirty bombs,” each suitcase bomb is capable of killing millions of Americans while exposing millions more to deadly radioactive fallout. According to Williams, reliable sources indicate that these bombs may already be in the possession of al Qaeda operatives in such major cities as New York, Washington, Miami, Chicago, Las Vegas, Houston, and Los Angeles.

Do you know what time it is America? It’s time to… duck and cowver!

Also included in the book are bin Laden’s “Letters to America” and his “Declaration of War against the Americans Occupying the Land of the Two Holy Places,” as well as the World Islamic Statement declaring “Jihad against Jews and Crusaders.”

And if you call now, you can also get your very own copy of bin Laden’s 25 Tips for Making the Perfect Thanksgiving Turkey. You’ll also get bin Laden’s How to get the most out of your rotisserie BBQ oven. Remember, these products are not available in stores! Call within the next 30 minutes, and learn how to hide those nasty bald spots because you never know when you might lose your turban.

Although the media have reported on some of these threatening developments and government insiders have acknowledged the threat of nuclear attack, until now no one has put all the pieces together in a coherent, nonsense way.

Right, until now.

Our good friend mortal enemy Pete M. at the Dark Window has found himself a new girl:

A quick trip over to Bush Country reveals that the terrorists hate us because of our gays! The ever informative Tamara Wilhite has written a new column explaining why terrorists want to kill us. At least I think that’s what it’s about. It gets a little confusing. And fast. Anyway, here’s Tammy.

The entire (and scary) post has more.

The Editors link to a streaming video clip of a Seymour Hersh talk given at an ACLU event last week. Quoting Ed Cone’s summary:

Seymour Hersh says the US government has videotapes of boys being sodomized at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq.

“The worst is the soundtrack of the boys shrieking,” the reporter told an ACLU convention last week. Hersh says there was “a massive amount of criminal wrongdoing that was covered up at the highest command out there, and higher.”

As a public service to haters of America everywhere, we’re happy to offer this downloadable clip of Hersh’s speech (RealMedia 10, 8.3MB.) The quality isn’t anything like the original, but it beats having to stream 71MB.

Added: We’d be quite curious to know if this BitTorrent link works for anyone. [Note: ok, the file is available now for those interested.] ok, who needs BitTorrent when Scott is your ISP? For those who want their Seymour uncompressed, you can download this 71MB video clip. (Still in RealMedia format.)

Added II: Full transcript available at Past Peak.

Alan sends us a link to this story published in The Stranger:

In late April, Ian Spiers–a 37-year-old photography student at Shoreline Community College–took advantage of a sunny spring day, and headed to the Hiram M. Chittenden Locks, better known as the Ballard Locks. He wanted to get a picture of the old railroad bridge that spans the ship canal. After realizing he’d made an amateur mistake–there was no film in his camera–he headed home, to his Ballard apartment.

Not long after he got home, two Seattle police officers knocked on his door to ask him what he’d been up to. Spiers asked if he’d done anything wrong, and the police said no–but they’d received a call that Spiers’ picture-snapping behavior seemed “suspicious.” The cops asked for his ID, so they could run a background check. Finding nothing, they left Spiers’ apartment. “I thought it was a hilarious little misunderstanding,” Spiers says.

Spiers set up a web site here, with links to the police report and a statement.

It’s easy, it lets you make just about any point you want, it kind of looks scientific. What is it? Using Google search results to make the point that Democrats are scum. Latest to join this movement is John Leo:

As a test of the state of “Bush the Nazi” rhetoric, I went to Google and typed in “Bush is a Nazi” and got 420,000 hits, well behind “Hitler was a Nazi” (654,000 hits), but then Hitler WAS a Nazi and had a 75-year head start. (Computer searches like this are very crude instruments. They sweep up many references that cannot fairly be listed as slurs. But they do offer a rough idea of the amount of name-calling. [No shit!])

President Clinton did fairly well in the Nazi sweepstakes (158,000 hits, but that’s only 20,000 references for each presidential year, compared to 120,000 annually for the 3 1/2 year-incumbency of George Bush.) The odd thing is that I typed in the names of every Nazi I ever heard of, excluding only Hitler himself, and the group total was still less than George Bush gets alone. This might indicate that either that George Bush is by far the second most important Nazi of all time, or that the Democrats and the left now require some sedation.

Yet as anyone likely noticed, John did not actually enter “Bush is a Nazi” in Google, because if he had he would have gotten 837 hits, not 420,000. (We got 404,000 at 9:10AM EST.) We got 215,000 hits for Clinton and Nazi.

But searching for George Bush Nazi only produces 252,000 hits, not far ahead of Clinton Nazi’s 215,000.

But don’t call now! Clinton and rape turns out 257,000 hits, while Clinton and murder checks in with 537,000 hits. That’s even more than Bush and Nazi. [And isn’t it great that once Google indexes this post there will be one more of all those entries to be counted?]

And by the way John:

A modest suggestion: Democrats might want to ease up on the Nazi rhetoric and stick to actual arguments. Our politics are poisonous enough already.

Go fuck yourself.

PS: The following words are very common and were not included in your search: John Leo is a clueless fucktard.

Homer Simpson:

It’s so easy to miss Canada, tucked all the way down there.

Andrew Sullivan:

MARRIAGE IN CANADA: Another province, the Yukon, grants gays the right to civil marriage. [Emphasis added.]