Sadly, No!

Last week we talked about the Wing Nut battle against Subway Restaurants for what they felt were anti-American tray-liners. Chief amongst their complaints was the fact that the liners made reference to the movie Super Size Me and its claims that much of the fare provided by the American fast-food industry is unhealthy. And if you’re Tom DeLay, there’s nothing more un-American than good health.

Today we’re going to tell the story of a Right Wing crusade to clear the good name of McDonald’s and make the world safe for fast food conglomerates once again. But before we get into that, we have an update (thanks to Uncle Horn Head for the link) about how Subway decided to stop their use of the offending materials.

Complaints from outraged Americans have had the intended effect: Subway sandwich restaurants in Germany have yanked an advertising campaign featuring anti-American tray-liners.

We already know who the outraged Americans were. But what kind of “news” source would say “anti-American” without also saying “allegedly?” That would be CNSNews of course (via TownHall).

The tray-liners at German Subway outlets featured an obese Statue of Liberty holding a burger and fries in her hands, under a headline asking, “Why are Americans so fat?” According to the Center for Individual Freedom, the headline used the word “Amis,” which is considered a derogatory term for Americans.

Having actually lived in Germany, I can say that the term “Amis” isn’t particularly derogatory. And it certainly wouldn’t be accurate to say “is considered a derogatory term.” But of course the Wing Nuts know well enough to throw accuracy aside if the good name of McDonald’s is at stake. It’s like the war on terror – we have to make a few trade-offs and sacrifices in order to defend our most cherished gifts.

The effort paid off: The Center says Subway’s German franchises have ended the tray-liner promotion. According to one wire report, the German franchises told Subway they “felt bad” about it.

Typical liberals. Always talking about their feeeeeelings.

But that may not be the end of it. The Center wants Subway to issue an apology as well.

And I’m pretty sure our little cowboys won’t sleep until they get it.

But it turns out that the Wing Nuts aren’t just mad about Subway. No, they find themselves incensed at any perceived attacks on our giant corporate entities (or as Ken Boehm from the National Legal and Policy Center says, “symbols of our nation”).

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. In the eyes of the Right, we have now officially become the United States of McDonald’s.

But don’t think it stops at fast food. World Net Daily published an article over the weekend entitled The Cola Jihad. It’s all about how some people in the Middle East think they actually have a right to compete with American beverage corporations.

Coke’s legacy had spurred the launch of an alternative soft drink company, Mecca-Cola, some three years ago. It was designed to cash in on anti-American sentiment around the world. Mecca-Cola was introduced in France in 2002, and is now exported throughout Europe and the Arab world.

If you cater to both Arabs and French, well, how much more anti-American can you get?

WND goes on to imply that the Middle Easterners fill their cola drinks with harmful messages.

In most cases these messages are anti-American, anti-Semitic or anti-multinationals ? while at the same time cleverly promoting subliminal Islamist ideas. In essence these products, marketed with western techniques, serve as a means of condemning the very concepts used to bring them to consumers’ shelves.

Normally I would just try to make a bad joke here but I have to step aside for a moment and ask the question: What the hell has Conservatism come to that being “anti-multinational” is the equivalent of being anti-American or anti-Semitic? It’s unfortunate that a detailed analysis of the WND article is beyond the scope of this piece because it just gets wackier and wackier as it progresses.

Anyway, the Wing Nuts have decided that letter-writing campaigns to defend our poor maligned multinationals aren’t enough. Enter the aptly-named Soso Whaley.

Soso Whaley, voice of the downtrodden

Ms. Whaley decided that the movie Super Size Me was nauseating in its attack on all that is American and began working on a little project.

On April 1, 2004, Soso R. Whaley embarked upon her McDonald’s odyssey. Vowing to eat only the meals the fast food giant offered over the counter for 30 days, Soso set out to prove that one can maintain a healthy lifestyle and even lose weight by making wise food choices. After losing 10 pounds and lowering her cholestorol, Soso is happy to report she is doing well after her experiment.

Soso’s creative juices flowing as quickly as her digestive ones, she decided to make her own movie showing how eating at McDonald’s is actually healthy and how Morgan Spurlock is just a big stupid liar.

Eating massive amounts of food Spurlock claimed to have ?proven? that McDonalds food is bad for you and causes all sorts of medical problems. This anti-corporate, anti-fast food take on the ?evil? McDonalds is nothing more than simple junk science and should be relegated to the comedy section at Blockbuster once it is distributed. To be honest, I?ve had it with all the doom and gloom, alarmist, anti-everything attitude of certain individuals and organizations who want to control my life, your life, everyone?s life with little regard for individual tastes, freedom of choice and personal responsibility.

So just stop picking on poor old McDonald’s you big mean liberals! And don’t think Whaley didn’t have a good time. After her experiment, she said she felt “excellent” and “energized.”

No less regarded a source than the Moonie Times had this to say:

She dropped 10 pounds from her 5-foot-3-inch frame in the first month of her experiment, slimming down to 165 from 175. Her cholesterol level fell to 197 from 237 by the beginning of May.

Of course we also learn that as she continued her “diet,” her cholesterol crept back up. But back to Moonie.

Like Mr. Spurlock, Ms. Whaley said she tried every item on the menu at least once. But she spent about an hour doing moderate exercise three times a week.

Although she did have salads, Ms. Whaley said she stuck with sandwiches, fries, diet sodas and shakes.

“I actually had a much tougher time when I got back in the real world [in May] because I was so used to controlled portion sizes” at the burger chain, she said.

Sounds like a happy life to me! All that choice about portion sizes can be a real drag.

McDonald’s spokesman Walt Riker said the Oakbrook, Ill., fast-food chain has had no contact with Ms. Whaley other than giving her permission to film her documentary inside its restaurants.

“We’re certainly interested in seeing [Ms. Whaley’s] film. It certainly proves what we have been saying from Day One ? that there is plenty of choice on the menu for a balanced diet,” Mr. Riker said.

He’s right. Some days you can eat a hamburger and fries. Other days you can eat a fatty salad and fries. Still other days you can eat chicken nuggets and fries. No matter how you look at it, the fries always remain balanced.

Ms. Whaley estimated the cost of the film to be $30,000 to $50,000. That does not include her time spent or the staff help from the Competitive Enterprise Institute, a Washington think tank advocating free markets.

It’s certainly no surprise that the CEI, an organization called “the best environmental think tank in the country” by The Wall Street Journal, an organization dedicated to “promoting free enterprise” by rolling back cumbersome environmental safeguards and regulations, would be interested in a project like this.

Because that’s what this all boils down to. Making this country safe once again for our patriotic multinationals. And making sure there are enough fries to go around. Well, to those able to afford them, anyway.

God bless America.

As you’ve probably already heard, the lovely S.Z. from World O’Crap recently came down with some kind of mystery illness and was forced to forgo her normal blogging responsibilities for a couple of days. Unfortunately, her illness meant she was unable to give us the final installment in Doug Giles’ masterful trilogy – a three-part work exploring pastors and how they should become Right Wing operatives.

Not willing to let Doug fade into obscurity, I ignored my own obvious lack of qualifications and decided to give him the forum he deserves. So if you want to spend a special belated Sunday service with Doug, head on over to The Dark Window where he’ll be talking all about his “nads” and their strange relationship to God.

But while I have you here, let’s get back to S.Z. and her illness for a moment.

Never one to throw around unsubstantiated rumors, my goal here is simply to report the facts and then let you decide what the truth is (Just think of me as a really hot Fox News). So in the worthy tradition of Bill O’Reilly, I’d like to present you with a timeline of events that have recently transpired in our own warped little corner of the blogosphere:

(1) Amber Pawlik, living in Seb?s closet, gets mono.
(2) Seb leaves for vacation to an undisclosed location.
(3) S.Z., who lives in an undisclosed location, comes down with an unnamed illness.

Am I saying that S.Z. got mono from Amber via Seb? Of course not. That would be an irresponsible accusation.

But just in case it’s true, make sure you go visit her at World O’Crap and wish her well.

Important Update: S.Z. seems to have risen from her sickbed and is currently over at her blog having some kind of carnival with female Wingnuts. It’s all a bit confusing and she even promises a “Townhall Review” later. It’s possible that this “Review” will include some reference to Doug Giles. If this is the case, I recommend that you read her Doug Giles instead of mine. It’s bound to be the funny one.

No More Mister Nice Blog has a very disturbing story about a Gothic Wing Nut. Being a fan of the dark side myself, I just have to say that if Dave Vanian were dead, he’d be rolling over in his grave.

Slacktivist has a hilarious new entry in his novel-length review of the first Left Behind book. If you haven’t been reading his series, you should be.

And finally, Oakland’s finest blogger tells us about a surprising choice to take over Jack Ryan’s Aborted Illinois Senate Campaign. Hint: It’s not Alan Keyes.

After Bill Clinton’s electrifying speech last week at the Democratic National Convention, several TV commentators made reference to his soon-to-open Presidential Library. This got me thinking of another library (one you may not have heard so much about) and I thought I’d do a little investigating.

I speak, of course, of the Counter Clinton Library. I’m sure you can already imagine the depth of learning that will take place in a “library” recommended by NewsMax.

This cutting-edge research facility is being built for two main reasons: To counter the “lies” put out by the official Clinton Library and, surprise surprise, to stop Hillary’s perpetually-imminent presidential ambitions.

The Counter Clinton Library’s purpose is to set the record straight about the “Co-Presidency” of Bill and Hillary Clinton. The founders of this Library recognize that the official Clinton Presidential Center and Library, soon to be opened in downtown Little Rock, Arkansas, will represent little more than a propaganda machine for the ongoing effort to mold the Clinton “legacy” and boost Mrs. Clinton’s future run for the presidency.

Take a visit to the CCL website and you’ll hear a great deal about Hillary. You’ll probably even get the impression that she’s still planning to run this year.

The Counter Clinton Library, at a site within walking distance of the official “LIE-brary,” will feature exhibits, research material and artifacts that present the public with the truth about the most corrupt administration in American history. The ultimate goal of the Counter Clinton Library is “To let not one Clinton lie go unanswered, to let not one evasion go unquestioned, and to let not one Clinton slander go unchallenged.”

Artifacts? If they could get it, I’m pretty sure they’d even put Vince Foster’s skull on display. Hell, Ron Brown’s too!

Given the goal of so much truth-telling, one might wonder who is behind this prodigious effort. Well, frankly, one could probably come up with most of the names by a simple act of guessing – names like Bob Barr, Gary Aldrich, Sean Hannity, and Dick Morris. Don’t worry; They’re all there. But the main driving force behind the effort is legendary NewsMax columnist and former Congressman from New York, John LeBoutillier.

If you’re familiar with John, you probably already know about his intimate relationship with truth and accuracy. If not, perhaps the best introduction would be to read an excerpt from a story he “broke” at NewsMax a couple of years ago, during the height of the Gary Condit affair:

“Now, here is the dirty little secret behind the disappearance of Chandra Levy: Condit goes both ways. He likes to get sodomized by male prostitutes before having sex with women. The gay sex turns him on and he can then ‘perform’ with women.

“Condit had one particular Caribbean male prostitute that he frequented. When it was determined that Chandra had to go, this guy was given the assignment. He picked her up on his motorcycle, took off somewhere, killed her, and dumped her body. Then, on orders from Condit and with money from Condit, he headed back to Haiti or wherever he came from ? far, far away from investigators and the feds.”

A few hours after he published it, an amazing thing happened. The article disappeared. Turns out that even NewsMax didn’t want it on their site! In other words, that’s the level of credibility we’re dealing with.

(John LeBoutillier, Noted Truth-Teller)

John is also something of a dreamer and in a past fundraising plea at NewsMax, he held out hope that the Clintons would be unable to fund their own “Lie-brary.”

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if enough of you Americans donate the money and we build the COUNTER CLINTON LIBRARY while Bill and Hillary can’t build their library?

It just might happen.

Right. That’s the guy behind it.

But enough about our founders. Let’s take a look at the Library itself. Here’s a virtual rendition of how the very exciting finished project will look:

Once inside, one will be bombarded with unchanging truth and accuracy. Of course in the interest of unchanging truth and accuracy, I should point out that the CCL had originally planned to showcase a room that would feature an “exact recreation of the White House as the Clintons left it ? trashed, damaged and defiled…We will recreate this to show ? in the most vivid manner possible ? just how much damage the Clintons did to ‘the people’s house.'”

For some reason, all reference to that room is now gone from the website. Perhaps the eternal truth-tellers at the CCL finally decided to have a look at that pesky GAO report…

Other rooms will focus on subjects like “Deaths.”

Throughout Bill Clinton’s political career, opponents and others who sought to expose the truth about “Slick Willie” often ended up dying under mysterious circumstances. Among the more prominent “accidental” or “natural” deaths were Vince Foster, Ron Brown, and James McDougal. This area will use photographs and news clippings to establish a pattern of foul play from the famous cases like Foster to virtually unpublicized events like the deaths of many former Clinton bodyguards.

Virtually unpublicized indeed. Here’s another exciting aspect of the library John discussed over at NewsMax:

We are devoted to countering ? with the truth and with facts ? each and every lie, distortion and exaggeration about his White House years – and also about Hillary?s campaign for President.

Wouldn’t it be nice if their countering of distortions and exaggerations about Hillary’s campaign for President addressed, well, the distortions and exaggerations about Hillary?s campaign for President?

It really makes you wonder where they’re going to get their information. Uh…Maybe it doesn’t:

We also will have access to never-before seen documents. For example, long-time Clinton insider Dick Morris has agreed to donate all his secret White House Agendas to the Counter Clinton Library.

Right. Should have figured Dick would be “toeing the line” on this one.

The Counter Clinton Library will be the most high-tech center ever built. Using video and audio monitors, a visitor is going to see and hear the actual lies and purposeful evasions of the Clintons.

Seriously. What could possibly be more high-tech than video and audio monitors? Congratulations on your great project, John! Let’s give him one last word:

We are going to use their own behavior against them!

God, this part worries me. I suddenly have this horrific image of Carl Limbacher trying to seduce me with a cigar.

And now, because of the length of this piece, I invite you to come over to my own blog, The Dark Window, to explore some of the other fascinating aspects of the CCL. Over there we’ll continue our virtual tour, shop in the CCL giftshop, and read “quotes” from some enlightened supporters. I promise that a fun time will be had by all. Well, okay, maybe not by the Wing Nuts.

So please…Head on over!

Update: Thanks to readers Yosef and Hogan, it’s come to my attention that the Daily Show did a very funny report on the Counter Clinton “Lie-brary” a couple of weeks ago. Check it out to see John LeBoutillier discussing the 70-odd people Clinton probably killed. (Once you get to the page, simply click on the icon for “True Library.”)

As you may have noticed, we had something of a technical problem here at Sadly, No! yesterday and nobody (including me) was able to access the site. Predictably, the treacherous liberals who read my own blog used this opportunity to become rabid Blame-Pete-Firsters and are over at The Dark Window spewing forth their venomous slurs.

Being the industrious sort, I chose to ignore them and used the time that Sadly, No! was down to wander over to NewsMax so I could catch up on my reading. Imagine my delight when I clicked on an article and came across the following surefire money-making scheme!

“I Used to Be Ashamed of What My Wife Was Doing for a Living…”

Yep. This is definitely NewsMax.

“How I Helped a Spanish-Speaking Immigrant Make $111,240 in One Year!”

So says Paul Lawrence, the visionary who dreamed up this remarkable money-making system.

(If she can do it, surely you can do it too!)

It doesn’t sound like Paul takes a very lofty view of Spanish-speaking immigrants. Did I mention that the one in question is his wife?

Dear Fellow Entrepreneur,

It was one of those Christmas parties you don’t want to go to, but you force yourself to do it for business reasons.

I always thought the purpose of Christmas parties was to celebrate Jesus’ birthday. Well, anyway, Paul now begins to describe the bizarre scene at this non-Jesus-celebrating party. Evidently, everybody’s sitting around a table and laughing at his immigrant fiancee for having a lousy job.

The truth is, I didn’t like most of these people. The reason is that they had laughed at my fiancee in the past. You see, Blanca was born in Peru, and when she came here she spoke almost no English. So, while none of these people were rich, they had jobs which were considerably better than any job Blanca could get.

Paul must be one hell of a husband. I can see the conversation now…”Hey, honey…You know all those people who mocked you last year? Well, we’re going to their party next week because it’ll be good for my business. Love ya!”

As the conversation moved from person to person, Roger, with a glint of mischief in his eyes, snatched a quick glance at me and nodded at Blanca. “So, how is ‘the job’ going, Blanca?”

Roger Ailes? (Probably, but I’m not saying which one)

The others at the table could scarcely contain their snickering and eye-rolling when Roger’s girlfriend whispered, “She’s not still doing that, is she?”

Who the hell are these people and why isn’t Paul getting up with his wife and leaving?

“Actually,” Blanca responded with an air of confidence in her voice, “about a month ago, I decided that I should go into business for myself.”

Oh. That’s why. Blanca now matters as a person because she makes money. Hooray for Blanca!

Roger gave her a patronizing grin as he said, “That’s nice, dear, but going into business for yourself isn’t easy. I was in business for three years before I made a profit.”

At this point, the story is interrupted by a giant banner that reads:

How Blanca Was Able to Start a Profitable Business in Less Than 30 Days – With Almost No Capital – Using The Quick and Easy Microbusiness System

There’s even this cool photo of Blanca counting what appears to be $80:

Murmurs of agreement sounded across the table. Then Blanca very casually replied, “Really? I guess I should be happy that I’m already making enough money to have quit my job.”

Instantly, there was a tense silence.

That certainly doesn’t seem to have gone over very well. Just wait until she tells them about her new car!

“Blanca still can’t believe she drives an expensive new car after less than 6 months in business.” (actual caption)

So what’s the secret to Blanca’s success and Paul’s happiness? You’re going to have to pay $99 to find out. Fortunately, that appears to be a pretty good deal:

Although it almost seems crazy, for the next 30 days I am going to be allowing anyone who wants to go into business for themselves using the unbelievable Instant Microbusiness System to do so for an investment of only: $129 $99 special offer!

Why don’t we take this opportunity to meet the man behind this life-changing offer.

My name is Paul Lawrence, and I am now happily married to Blanca – who continues to operate her latest profitable business while I run several different profitable businesses of my own.

You know, I can’t even go on with this. I think that pretty much says it all. Paul is NOW happily married to Blanca.

Thank you, NewsMax, for another great and informative “article!”

Paul Lawrence – Loving husband and the brains behind the Microbusiness System

Buried in a Telegraph (UK) article about Michael Moore and the Saudi Royal Family:

Prince Turki said that the Saudis were also keen to help stabilise the situation in Iraq. ‘Much of the equipment we have seized during raids on al-Qa’eda cells has come from Iraq,’ he said.

‘There is no doubt that as a result of the Iraq war it is easier for al-Qa’eda to sell their point of view to potential recruits. Al-Qa’eda has become stronger and more active since the Iraq conflict.’

What a way to spend our resources.

The General has an update on the children abuse scandal in Iraq.

Well, it’s Sunday here at The Dark Window Sadly, No! and that means it’s time to get a little old time religion into all you evil liberals. And where better to get it than over at Bush Country?

Pastor Joseph Grant Swank (graduate of “accredited college and seminary” according to his bio) has graced our Sabbath with a message of God’s love and everlasting mercy. It’s called I Am Blessed, I Never Watched The Dem Convention.

Some may say I?m sheltered. Not so. I?m blessed.

Some may say a lot of other things about you too, Joe. I, for instance, say you’re a moron.

This year I determined that I could be graced with absence. It is the void needed. So I have stayed away from everything having to do with the Democratic National Convention. No need to get into the godless, evil propositions set forth.

Joe’s wonderful. He says those things that all the other Wing Nuts are thinking but that only Ann Coulter is “brave” enough to say.

The whole Democratic voice has become so frighteningly left wing, otherwise known in Christian theology as spiritually rebellious, that it cannot hold actual hope for any genuine believer.

I’m beginning to wonder about that “accredited” Joe mentions in his bio…

Of course, there are plenty of church people who are a part of the Democratic war against God and His Word. But church people don?t necessarily equal biblical Christians. There is plenty of chaff growing alongside the wheat these days, just as Jesus predicted.

Many Wing Nuts beat around the proverbial Bush. Not Pastor Swank. He just flat out says that if you’re a Democrat, you’re not a Christian.

Not only that, but if you’re a Democrat you’re also fighting a war against God and His Word. Of course if that’s anything like our Bushman’s “war against terror” then you’re probably spending most of your time fighting against idols instead because somebody told you they had a hidden Word (and that they once had coffee with God in Prague).

So with that, boredom must reign at the convention. So utterly predictable. And yet so helplessly spiritually undone. Yet that?s what will count at the judgment.

I can see it now. As I’m standing before God’s holy throne, He’ll look down at me and ask, “Did you watch the Democratic National Convention in 2004? Because if you did, you’re so going to hell.”

These conventions come and go. Elections are held and then wane. Presidents walk into power and then disappear. It?s the Final Judgment that will wind all matters up for eternity.

I’m kind of worried. I watched the convention. Not only that…I enjoyed it! Does this mean that my matter’s already wound for eternity or do I get a second chance? What if I promise not to watch the next one?

I am a rich man ? wealthy in soul. And with that I cannot dare let the DNC rob me of one second of this season?s pleasure ? God?s smile above it all.

I don’t think that’s actually a smile, Joe. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s the face God makes when he’s turning up his nose.

Reverend Skank Swank
(Glamour Shots)

Make sure you mosey on over to the RNC website to cast your vote for Hans Zeiger for primetime speaker at the upcoming Republican Convention. Because let’s face it…If anybody fits the image of the Republican Party, it’s Hans.

Besides, Sheri Valera (the “totally hot” candidate) won’t put out.

Seb’s cryptic last words to me before leaving for his vacation had been: “No matter what happens, you must not look in my closet. Do you understand?” I’d nodded absently and then promptly forgotten all about his warning.

When I got to his house the next day, though, I found a hastily scrawled note from somebody named “Amber P” claiming she was locked in a closet. Being the valiant sort, I thought maybe I should have a look. But then S.Z. told me Amber was a fictional character Seb had made up to convince people he’s a heterosexual. I doubted his little scam would convince anybody but it did seem like the kind of stunt he’d pull and I again forgot all about her.

And then this happened.

When I woke up this morning, I heard some strange scraping sounds from the general direction of the closet and, curiosity getting the best of me, decided to have a look (May God have mercy on my soul).

Imagine my surprise when I opened the closet to find a not-unattractive girl locked in a cage. Not only that but she was wearing one of those Hannibal Lechter masks. Her eyes started to bug out as soon as she saw me and she began to make a series of unintelligible and muffled noises.

‘Just what kind of monster is Seb?’ I thought. ‘How could he do a thing like this?!’ I immediately reached over to remove her mask and, after wiping the foam from my hands, was treated to this:

Leftists at the Democratic Convention this week are saying that they were united with the country on September 12, 2001. (And then the big bad Republicans waged war and divided everybody). I was in a hot spot of leftism on September 11, 2001, on campus, and I can say: like hell they were.

Uh…You’re welcome? But then I guessed she’d probably had a lot of time to think about this and I decided to humor her.

On September 13, 2001, after Penn State did not call classes off, I walked into an English class, and the first question we were asked was, ?What did we do to deserve this?? What followed was a lecture on how only the irrational would want to retaliate to what happened.

I remembered how right after the attacks psychologists said that canceling work and school might actually be detrimental to people because they’d have no way to channel their energies and focus their thoughts. Even so, Amber made it sound like the people at Penn State were pretty cold bastards and I thought I’d better check her story out. Especially since one of my friends is a PSU grad and a noted Blame-America-Firster.

A quick trip over to the Penn State website, however, led me to this statement issued by the President of the University on September 11th:

Because of the emotional crisis that such events evoke in all of us, we are hoping that faculty, when comfortable doing so, will use their classrooms to help our students search for answers and cope with this tragedy.

For students who are unable to attend class, or who feel that they are not yet psychologically prepared to do so, we are asking faculty to show compassion and flexibility in addressing student concerns about attendance.

Well, you know, if you’re locked in a cage, you’re bound to be a little foggy.

After students started hanging up American flags in patriotic fever around campus and talked about joining the military, the left screeched at us that we were nothing but mindless patriotic dolts with blood lust. (So much for ?unity.?)

I found this a bit difficult to believe. Even in the Castro District here in San Francisco (a more liberal neighborhood I cannot imagine) there were American flags as far as the eye could see. Shop owners wanted to show their pride in America so badly that when they didn’t have actual flags, they filled their windows with glittery red, white, and blue rave t-shirts.

I went to a ?pro peace? rally hosted by leftists (to protest it) before any action was taken by the United States ? before the war in Iraq and Afghanistan.

You go, girl! There’s nothing quite so patriotic as protesting peace!

The only thing the left screamed at us in the days and weeks that followed September 11, 2001 was, ?WHY DO THEY HATE US?? They had nothing but sympathy for terrorists and disdain for America. They were so loud that we gave them a name: Blame America First-ers.

I was beginning to see why Seb kept her in the closet.

Planting seeds of moral guilt and promoting an anti-war agenda came from the left since September 11, 2001. For them to stomp their feet and announce they were united then, and the Republicans are evil for waging war against terrorist regimes in the Middle East is the height of absurdity.

Terrorist regimes?

Apparently what they wanted us to do was nothing, and be the suffering victim forever, gaining the sympathy of the rest of the world (in order to ?stay united?).

Which is why the left overwhelmingly supported action in Afghanistan and the real war against actual terrorists.

What is ?divisive? about taking out someone like Saddam Hussein? Let me explain the war in simple terms, understandable to the left: Saddam Hussein was a bad man, we are at war with an entire culture that wants us destroyed, and taking him out can do nothing but good. There is nothing about this that is too terrible.

I now realized there’d be nothing too terrible about closing that closet door again, too.

You have free speech in this country, even to cripple your own countrymen and soldiers during war time. But when you do it, don?t expect the rest of the country to forget it. Leftists, we remember your treason.

And with that, Amber punched me in the ribs, causing me to lose my balance momentarily. Unfortunately, she used the opportunity to escape from her cage. Once she was out, she began to run madly through the house.

“Loony loony loony!” she squawked as she hopped from chair to chair, wearing nothing but Seb’s Bananarama t-shirt and a crazed grin. I dove for her but narrowly missed and crashed into a potted fern.

“Woop woop woop!” she shrieked, bursting through the front door and out into the Stuttgart night. I gave chase briefly but lost her when she ran into traffic. Seb always told me she was fast…I’d just figured he meant something else.

Anyway, I must now warn you all that Amber Pawlik is on the loose. Should you see her, please notify Interpol or the local Polizei immediately.