Sadly, No!

We couldn’t add anything to this:

Over at The Rant, home of the hottest conservative writers on the web, Andy Obermann writes:

First and foremost, under the Fair Tax System, Americans would keep 100% of their earnings. […] States will still be able to derive revenue from payroll taxes.

Mr. Garrison: “OK, now let’s try to get an answer from someone who’s not a complete retard.” (Hello Bruce.)

The final reason this plan makes sense is simply America is a nation of consumers. Rather than punishing the wealthy for being successful (as our current “progressive” tax system does), it will tax based on lifestyle. This makes the entire system “fair” ? as liberals so often demand of our tax rates. [Emphasis added.]

So how much does the homosexual lifestyle cost at Costco’s these days anyway?

The Virgin Ben (a registered trademark of TBOGG GmbH,) wants to alert us to the greatest threat faced by the United States today. Vladimir Lenin:

When Vladimir Lenin began his meteoric ascent to power, he was just a 30-year-old Marxist hoping to start a revolutionary newspaper called Iskra.

And so it continues for the first 375 words of Ben’s column, which feature Lenin’s name 10 times. And then, things get really funky:

Michael Moore has no excuse. America is a republic, and Moore is a threat to the republic.

He appears to pursue Lenin’s goals. After dropping out of University of Michigan-Flint to pursue political activism, Moore started the Flint Voice, an alternative newspaper that became the Michigan Voice.

First they came for the Muslims
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Muslim
Then they came for the overweight filmmakers from Flint, Michigan
And I did not speak out
Because I was not an overweight filmmaker from Flint, Michigan

Moore attempts to undermine the very system of American government. […] Like Lenin, Moore has twisted the war in Iraq into a club with which to beat the Bush administration.

Who shall delivers us from this menace??? Maybe it’s time to call on Ace & Gary?

The vitriol of his minions approaches the brink of violence. Moore seeks to undermine faith in American republicanism, capitalism and American foreign policy. Let there be no doubt: Michael Moore is a threat to the American way of life.

It “approaches the brink of violence?”

Is this similar to The Virgin Ben approaching the brink of sexual intercourse by jerking off to Sheri Valera‘s GOP convention video essay?

The battle over the title of the hottest new conservative writer on the web is, as regular readers know, a fierce one. For all the talent exhibited by the would be recipients of that proud distinction however, there are things only a seasoned veteran, like Wilson “C” Lucom, can do:

Now is the time for President Bush and Congress to go to Secretary-General Kofi Annan and demand that he put into operation the Lucom Plan to End Terrorism. Write to your representative and senator asking them to insist that President Bush contact Secretary-General Annan and insist that he prepare a resolution incorporating the Lucom Plan to End Terrorism. Annan must make sure it is passed by the U.N.

The Dark Window has the full story. Choke on it Yosef.

Sadly, No! favorite Kerry Marsala (an older Amber Pawlik) is back on the wagon. Or off:

In the beginning God created male and female. The male was to be the decisive and logically thinking side and the female was created to be the emotional and nurturing side.

And yet, God lets women write articles on politics. It’s amazing really.

There are crossovers of strength and character between the sexes. Men by nature are physically stronger and able to endure impossible tasks of strenuous proportions.

We must stop Saddam Hussein and his impossible tasks of strenuous proportions.

For sometime now, women have been contributing to a slow degeneration of what needs to find balance, if we are to survive as men and women. Due to an over zealous pendulum swing men have been under constant attack and it needs to stop.

Unless it does, we shall all become sexless creatures — neither man nor woman. And because Kerry wouldn’t get us all worked up over nothing, you know she has good evidence to support her theory:

Watch the comedy show Raymond for a few episodes[.]

Oh oh, the wheels are starting to fall off the logic bus.

Yes, there are lousy guys who go around impregnating women and leave, so does this give women the right to use men for their sperm and then walk away?

You guys, going around impregnating women! We bet most of them don’t even know what’s happened to them! How long before something like this happens to Sheri Valera?!?

Well mom, I was out and ran into this guy who goes around impregnating women and what do you know…

we leave the most important part out of the miracle of creation-it’s called love between a man and a woman

Uh no, actually it’s called the penis goes into the vagina. Sheri can explain.

Men are wonderful—they’re unique, they’re our counter-balances.

They’re never calling me even though they said they would! Tabarnak!

So the real question is: Are you A Man or just a male sperm with fecundating fluid that enjoys being kicked in the groin?

Funny, that is so not the question we had come up with after reading this.

This posted is dedicated to insomnia and Black Russians.

PS: Don’t try to fool us Kerry, we know you made this mistake on purpose, as is your wont:

propensity not to remember things (like wear she put the checkbook[.]) [Emphasis added.]

From Kerry’s bio:

At least her lack of punctuation and grammar seems to irritate the heck out of the liberals.

Last February, we wrote about the unidentified lifeforms featured in commercials for Quiznos.

Well, the spongmonkeys as we’re told they’re called are back. The management urges caution when clicking on the link.

(Link via Spartacus.)

Over at TBOGG, Tom writes about Atrios’ decision to post a picture of himself:

Now that Atrios is no longer a man of mystery, I can’t get that damn Paul Simon song out of my head….

Having seen recent pictures of Jesse, Ezra, and Kos it just seems that all of the mystery of blogging has just up and left the room…

Well then we figure, so be it. As luck would have it, we recently needed to get new pictures of the management to stick on our resumes. (You think we want to work here forever? Sadly, No!) Yet simply posting the picture seems, well, so easy, we thought it would be fitting to go the extra mile. As a result, we decided to draw on the same technology used by the Wall Street Journal to make those little stipple hedcuts to bring you this: the first ever artist rendition of the management, in all its, uh, connected dots.

Ready?

Click here, and the truth shall set us free.

As at least a few of you noticed, we were away last week. Fortunately, Pete M. from The Dark Window filled in for us, and fun was had by all. What we did not expect, however, was the find the following emails in our inbox on our return. Both were sent to a troll discussion group in which we are involved. The first was sent by Alan, known to regular readers for launching a discussion on “how do you say go fuck yourself in Spanish?:”

Can we just take a moment to offer a collective “here! Here!” to Seb? His li’l writing project over there in alemania is kicking ass these days. I
haven’t been online much lately so I was just now catching up. There is some
really good writing and analysis there.

To which Blair, our regular provider of links to newspaper articles we had already read anyway, replied:

Well, this usually happens when he has a guest-blogger.

G*, another well known troll who likes to mock our French Canadian origins chimed in with this:

Let me know when he comes out with the English language version…

And Scott, the ISP of a thousand wonders piled on:

It’s only kicking ass because he isn’t writing it at the moment 🙂

The second email was sent by Blair:

Via the new, improved S,N! …

So the bottom line is that we’re looking for replacement friends. Please leave your name in the comments if interested.

* Not her real name.

USA Today columnist, National Review contributor, CNN commentator Ann Coulter:

What liberals normally do in response to a principled conservative argument is lie, manufacture quotes, and call conservatives names [.]

Tom Mortensen, Swift Boat Veterans for Truth:

Kerry is, and always has been, a financially secure, ideologically international Marxist elitist and supremacist. He has no clue what liberty is. He’s an appeaser. I suppose, first and foremost, he’s an opportunist that betrayed his “Band of Brothers” (including me and most Viet vets) in a quest for personal power as do most megalomaniacs.

He was a contributor to the loss 3 million lives to totalitarianism in SE Asia[.] [Emphasis added]

Added to Ann’s unemployment description. Thanks to Trish.

It’s been so long since we last produced a Flash Friday animation you might think we’ve forgotten about the whole thing. Yet the answer remains… Sadly, No! Until we do get back to work however, we are happy to offer this post with links to all of the previous animations: