While wading through Don “Jim Bob” Surber’s shiite at his eponymous blog, it struck me that it is quite possible that Surber has done something most people would think impossible. He appears to be getting dumber. Like many, I had thought that Surber had dug himself to the bottom of the stupid hole, but I truly think that I was mistaken.
Let’s start with Surber on voter ID requirements, which, of course, he likes:
To buy a pack of smokes, you get carded.
Doesn’t matter how old you are.
To buy a pack of beer, you get carded.
Doesn’t matter how old you are.
…
Why should you not get carded to vote?
Apparently, Surber doesn’t get out of his trailer much and makes his common-law wife do all the shopping for his liquor and tobacco. How else could he think that everyone buying a pack of cigarettes has to whip out a driver’s license first regardless of how old they look? But let’s suppose that in Poca, West Virginia, this really is the case. Isn’t there perhaps a teensy-weensy difference between smoking and voting, other than, of course, the mortality rate? Maybe voting is like going to the movies, and you should have to pay $10 first. Or maybe it’s like going to college and you have to take a test first. Or having sex and you have to take your pants off first.
Then Surber moves on to crystal meth.Not surprisingly Surber believes that the right to manufacture crystal meth is more important than the right to vote. Surber is upset that West Virginia is requiring a prescription for Sudafed. So he takes another unfortunate gambol down analogy lane and, once again, steps on a rake and breaks his nose. Surber points out that in the oldey-timey days moonshiners use sugar to make moonshine
Which raises the question: If we had the same people in the Legislature then that we have today, would they have banned sugar?
That analogy might have more oomph if people sprinkle Sudafed on their morning oatmeal, stir it in their coffee, and make donuts from it. Or if Sudafed were being banned.
Next Surber moves on to the gays. Polishing up his Jim Hoft award for journalistic excellence, Surber refers to Bradley Manning as “the gay intelligence analyst who gave away all our secrets.” I would have thought that the U.S. perhaps had a few more secrets than could be found in the Wikileaks cables such as, say, our nuclear launch codes and whether Obama dresses left or right, but what do I know? According to Surber, Andrew Sullivan and Glen Greenwald are complaining about the treatment of Manning, and in particular the Army’s decision to take all of Manning’s clothes from him at night, because they are both gay, gay, gay, gay, gay and Manning is gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
They can be gay all they want. Gay with each other. That is not the problem.
The problem is they are being less than honest.
You see, Gay Glenn and Gay Andy, because they are gay, aren’t mentioning that Gay Bradley joked that he could gay kill himself with his gay flip-flops and that is why the Army had no choice but to make him spend his evenings in his cell with no gay clothes. How someone can kill themselves with a pair of flip-flops is a problem that Surber has not bothered to consider. Probably he thinks that the gays have some secret gay flip-flop tricks that can be used in exigent circumstances and that Gay Glenn and Gay Andy are keeping these tricks secret to make straight people look bad.
