Do Gay Elephants Dream of Ivory Keyboards?
Homosexual™
When the Obama Administration announced yesterday that it would stop defending the Defense of Marriage Act in lawsuits challenging DOMA’s constitutionality, I thought: “At last, something Obama has done that even America’s Dumbest Homosexual™ and his blogging cohort at GayPatriot Bruce Carroll (aka America’s Most Ridiculous Homosexual™) won’t complain about.”
Then I came to my senses.
Obama could guarantee free blow jobs from cute boys for life for the both of these sex-starved losers and they would still complain that it was a government takeover of the best prostitution system in the world. So I figured we’d get the standard grousing from one or the other of them about state’s rights and the constitutional right of straight people to tell gay people where to put their naughty bits and for how long and under what circumstances — just the usual spectacle of a few cattle longing for the abattoir.
But even I was aghast at what Bruce Carroll had to say about the DOMA reversal:
I don’t want to debate the “right” or “wrong” of the Obama Administration’s latest gymnastics over gay rights issues.
Sadly, no! Because the very next sentence that’s just what Brucie is going to do
But I would like to offer this provocative question:
Would that be how can Obama waste his time on gay rights when we have unions to bust? No, it’s worse.
Should a President who both knowingly signs a law that is unconstitutional (Obamacare) AND who refuses to defend a law (DOMA) passed by Congress and signed by a President that he deems to be unconstitutional be charged with impeachment?
And I bet you know Brucie’s answer to this before I tell you:
And they told me that if I voted for McCain, there would be an Imperial Presidency. They were right!
Is it completely wrong of me to fantasize about the White House saying that it was virulently opposed to gay Republicans gouging out their eyes with rusty spoons and then shaving their own testicles with box cutters?
Wait a minute. I’m trying to follow his logic and I’ve gotten myself all twisted up and fell down.
Somebody obviously flunked his 7th grade civics class.
And they told me that if I voted for McCain, there would be an Imperial Presidency. They were right!
Isn’t that Instapundit’s shtick? Heh.
Whatever happened to the commenter “Malfunctioning Instapundit Post-bot” (or whatever) anyway?
Uhhhh…I don’t even understand what he’s saying, so I’ll just go with “He looks like an ugly Ed Helms.” Which I think I’ve said before.
“Sadly, no! Because the very next sentence that’s just what Brucie is going to do”
C’mon, Tintin; you know that when a conservative says “I don’t want to debate,” what he really means is “I don’t want to debate because I’m going to throw my ahistorical lie out there and I DEMAND that it be accepted as fact no backsies.”
Also too, should a President that is being manipulated from behind the scenes by a shadow cabal of 60’s-era extremists and Kenyan anti-colonialists be reviled because of his Constitution-threatening Freedom-hating policies, or because he’s really a space alien with DNA transplanted from Betelguesian brain slugs?
I like the way he worked gymnastics into it.
The only obvious conclusion is that it is an impeachable offense for the Chief Executive to operate the Executive Branch.
How could anyone miss that?
Obama deems W to be unconstitutional? You learn something new every day.
Is it completely wrong of me to fantasize about the White House saying that it was virulently opposed to gay Republicans gouging out their eyes with rusty spoons and then shaving their own testicles with box cutters?
Yes, I think the box cutters should be the rusty item, rather than the spoons.
But I would like to offer this provocative question:
What is Chewbacca doing on Endor?
Very simple.
“The President of the United States is the only person in the country who CANNOT deem a law unconstitutional. And actually, not ALL presidents, just one who is – is – oh, you’re being divisive by making me say it!”
How can somebody be “charged with impeachment,” anyway? Is that like being “impeached”?
They told me that if I voted for Bill White, we would have a douchebag for Governor. And they were right!
Should a President who both knowingly signs a law that is unconstitutional (Obamacare) AND who refuses to defend a law (DOMA) passed by Congress and signed by a President that he deems to be unconstitutional be charged with impeachment?
Who would you rather have assess the Constitutionality of a statute: a dry drunk fake cowboy with the intellectual curiosity of a snail, or a Constitutional law professor?
Answer: The White guy!
Obama should be impeached for being President while not white and Republican.
~
“The President of the United States is the only person in the country who CANNOT deem a law unconstitutional. And actually, not ALL presidents, just one who is – is – oh, you’re being divisive by making me say it!”
Black.
I posted this in the last thread but I’ll put it here as well, for visibility.
Update on the Wextboro Baptists Anonymous thing:
Someone posts a warning to WBC, posing as Anonymous. WBC responds with “bring it.” Anonymous denies responsibility, says it was a hoax and they don’t weant to have a war with WBC. WBC continues on as before. Anonymous grows tired of pesky gnats and thoroughly fucks them over.
http://i.imgur.com/1UjAt.png
I bet at least 25% of U.S. presidents have signed into law legislation they knew to be unconstitutional, going at least as far back as the Alien & Sedition Act. Since it came up yesterday I’d add Taft-Hartley for its anti-communist provisions, but it was never signed by Truman; who do you impeach when 2/3 of Congress “knowingly [enacts] a law that is unconstitutional”?
Alternate shorter:
“But I would like to offer this provocative question:
What is Chewbacca doing on Endor?”
If the Wookiee don’t fit, you must acquit.
Should a President who both knowingly signs a law that is unconstitutional (Obamacare) AND who refuses to defend a law (DOMA) passed by Congress and signed by a President that he deems to be unconstitutional be charged with impeachment?
You’re correct, sir. It’d be much more American of him to add a “signing statement” at the bottom of DOMA describing what he thought it meant and which parts of it he was going to enforce.
Update on the Wextboro Baptists Anonymous thing
LOL.
I didn’t realize that it was unconstitutional for the executive branch to carry out the duties that are outlined as theirs in the constitution.
Update on the Wextboro Baptists Anonymous thing:
Well done, Anonymous!
Holy shit. Shorter Glenn “the Democratic Party left me Reynolds:
No, seriously, he says that. Here’s the real quote:
What the fuck is wrong with these people?
*For the record, here’s the video. People who are actually being assaulted don’t respond by saying, “Hey, that’s my private property.”
Re: WBC/Anon
If you haven’t heard this song you need to. (lyrics NSFW)
People who are actually being assaulted don’t respond by saying, “Hey, that’s my private property.”
We normals know that, but Libertarians don’t. They think that human rights, such as they’ll admit to existing, arise from the fact that your body is your private property.
“…the tendency to assault women with cameras.” And to have those assaults covered up by the press.
So the evidence that assault occurred is the absence of any evidence in the press?
Meaning, they shitted on themselves while trying to make a shit trap. A shitty irony for the shitty church.
Needs MOAR SHIT-MOAT.
*For the record, here’s the video. People who are actually being assaulted don’t respond by saying, “Hey, that’s my private property.”
Yeah, I mean, I don’t tend to be a person who accuses people of making up assaults, but come the fuck ON.
Also, nice MySpace picture at the top of the post, Michelle. Nothing gets conservative men more riled up than defending young, helpless conservative girls against ravenous hordes of raping liberal cocks.
Should a President who both knowingly signs a law that is unconstitutional . . .
1. Clinton and ’96 Communications Decency Act was ruled to be unconstitutional by SCOTUS 9 to 0. Everyone new it was unconstitutional when they voted for it but “must not be seen as pro internet porn.”
2. Also IMHO Clinton and DOMA. In this case the (R)’s were trying to bait him into making gay marriage an issue before the election and Clinton refused the bait.
I thought a ll the writing type cornservatives had an intial as a first name X. Bruce Carroll. Or is that just at Amurican Stinker? I’m still confused more still again.
“The thug who assaulted Tabitha Hale was from the Communications Workers of America. So it’s no surprise that we’re not seeing as much reportage as the story might otherwise warrant.”
What the FUCK is he talking about? GodDAMN, everybody on the right really needs to stop guzzling Glen Beck’s semen. The conspiracy theories are getting irritating.
I believe the test for being a committed conservative is you have to insert a circular piece of glass in your anus, much like the window in a hobbit’s living room. Then you have to smash the glass with your face.
If you can still blame the liberals for your trip to the emergency room, you’re in for life.
UPDATE: From Tabitha Hale
This is the first time I’ve encountered “Tabitha” outside of Beatrix Potter stories.
Does she have any letters scratched backwards on her cheek?
At least in Mordor we’re not dumb enough to sign into laws that are unconstitutional! Good ol’ bedrock Republicans have kept us from becoming another Lie-bural Banana Republic!
Uh, at least liberal anyway.
I gather that each and every federal law and regulation should be enforced to the letter.
GO GO EPA!
Yeah, I mean, I don’t tend to be a person who accuses people of making up assaults, but come the fuck ON.
Oh, yeah, me either. When I first I heard of this I figured someone lost his cool and did something stupid. But after actually seeing the video I don’t believe that there was any kind of assault at all. It fits in with other phony assault victims Kenneth Gladney, who fell during a scuffle he was obviously involved in (when that video opens Gladney’s standing over an SEIU guy on the ground); that girl who carved the “B” into her own cheek; the Tea Partier who got his finger bitten off . . . after he punched a smaller person in the face several times; that guy who took a dive Don King wouldn’t have defended at the Martha Coakley event; and probably more.
And even if this guy had slapped this girl, comparing her plight to Lara Logan being attacked and sexually assaulted by a mob is disgusting.
You know, when I’m thinking of qualified sources of laffs and wit to rip off, the first guy I think of is the Ole Perfessor. Hehindeedily!
It is not uncommon for politician to vote for something that helps their re-election that they know is bullshit and unconstitutional. They get to posture on a popular issue and they let the courts do their dirty work for them by striking the law down. Then they they get to blame “activist” judges. Win win.
when I’m thinking of qualified sources of laffs and wit to rip off, the first guy I think of is the Ole Perfessor.
Hope and change!
Also, nice MySpace picture at the top of the post, Michelle. Nothing gets conservative men more riled up than defending young, helpless conservative girls against ravenous hordes of raping liberal cocks.
Dammit. And I was all ready to send her an email over at her OkCupid account and ask if she wanted to see pictures of my…go out for coffee. But now that I know she’s the sort of slut who puts herself in a position to be slapped by evil liberals, I guess that won’t be happening.
“Who would you rather have assess the Constitutionality of a statute: a dry drunk fake cowboy with the intellectual curiosity of a snail, or a Constitutional law professor?
Answer: The White guy!”
DUH! You make it seem as though there could be a DIFFERENT answer.
“This is the first time I’ve encountered “Tabitha” outside of Beatrix Potter stories.”
You forget Samantha Stevens’ first born.
“This is the first time I’ve encountered “Tabitha” outside of Beatrix Potter stories.”
You forget Samantha Stevens’ first born.
Also someone must not have been watching MTV News, where you bumbadumdumdum hear it first.
Here’s one of Tabitha Hale’s supporters on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/driver.anderson I like his picture combined with his favorite book.
Is Bruce Carroll related to Rick Moranis?
Tabitha Soren. I forgot she existed.
And even if this guy had slapped this girl, comparing her plight to Lara Logan being attacked and sexually assaulted by a mob is disgusting.
I like how *we’re* the ones who want to score cheap political points.
I have to say that this faux-violence does indicate one thing: they know, even if it’s just subconsciously, that the right wing commits more violence than the left wing does. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be ginnning up fake assaults and screaming about “thugs.”
BTW, they love that word. I think it’s because it’s associated closely with young black men these days.
“This is the first time I’ve encountered “Tabitha” outside of Beatrix Potter stories.”
Stephen King married one!
Unionized chardonnay sipping welfare street thugs! The whole lot of ’em.
I leave the speculation to others as to whether they belong to the welfare/unemployed Union or the Chardonnay-sipping Union. Either way, their benefits should be cut.
So the guy slaps the camera out of the woman’s hand and suddenly she’s Lara Logan? WTF?
She will soon show up on FOX “News” in a weelchair and a neck brace.
in a weelchair and a neck brace.
I read this as “necklace” at first and was all stoked to make a dirty joke.
. . because the President recognized the Constitutional protections afforded gay people who also wish to marry. Okay, good — where were we?
Right, he’s evil and should be killed or something.
Gay rights gymnastics are like so gay amirite.
“I read this as “necklace” at first and was all stoked to make a dirty joke.”
Gocart ponders what T&U could possibly think is sexy about the handicapped wearing jewelry.
. . in a steel cage wrestling match between stupidity, homosexuality and masochism, which one’s Randy Savage?
“Randy Savage”
Best S&M porn name ever.
what T&U could possibly think is sexy about the handicapped wearing jewelry.
If the answer isn’t “everything” then we just need to retire that word right now.
via Jason Mazzone at Jack Balkin’s place.
IOW, Bruce is technical wrong – teh Obama Admin is not refusing to defend DOMA – just acknowledging that DOMA fails under “heightened scrutiny”. Balkinization has a series of posts up right now regarding the DOMA decision that are quite excellent. It’s actually simultaneously moar and less important than I thought it was.
I’m going with the gay = Savage. Because of the tendencies to go Shakespearean blazes in conversation. They’re ALL like that.
Gocart ponders what T&U could possibly think is sexy about the handicapped wearing jewelry.
Huh? I was just going to make a joke about pearl necklaces. Because I’m 15.
“Huh? I was just going to make a joke about pearl necklaces. Because I’m 15.”
No, no, no. 15 would be a QB or DB. The numbers for linebackers are in the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s.
Snark fail on my part. Poor choice of words that may seem to slight the handicapped as I think Geds is implying which was not my intent. I realize you are only 15 T&U and I knew what you were getting at but as I said “joke fail”.
Also, she is handicapped a teh sexy.
http://ccinsider.comedycentral.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/11/29/grindhouse2_large.gif
Ha! From and old Sully Watch post.
What Bruce Carroll doesn’t want you to know from that little bright-college-days self-blurb is that his tenure as Editor-in-Chief of the Daily Orange came to an unnatural end midway through the 1989-90 academic year when the rest of the editorial staff had finally had enough of the cockiness and attitude of him and managing editor Jay Strell and got together and told them, either you two go or we go. The next week’s issues had nothing about this save the change in the masthead and the complete absence of their bylines (This can be confirmed in the archives of both the DO or the Syracuse New Times, the city’s alt-weekly that was the only place it got reported on. We highly doubt they’re online from that far back).
You could have seen this coming. The previous year, as editorial page editor, Carroll had a regular habit of writing the sort of ill-informed, sweepingly judgmental pieces, both signed and unsigned, that … well, conservatives are good at. That pissed a lot of people off.
No, no, no. 15 would be a QB or DB. The numbers for linebackers are in the 40?s, 50?s and 60?s.
You’re on thin ice there, buddy.
Poor choice of words that may seem to slight the handicapped as I think Geds is implying which was not my intent.
I implied nothing. I’m not one to let social awareness get in the way of a quick rejoinder. At least not in these here parts…
Mmmmmm. Tabitha Soren.
Pearl necklace? Umm, I’ll be in my bunk…
No, rilly. Need a nap before work. I’ll be in my bunk. Dirty minded bastids.
God, its hard in theory sometimes to cheer /b/, but they are definitiely doing the lord’s work on a number of fronts – go get ’em, WBC is a pinpoint of evil, like on an old atlas (paper maps? WTF) the size of a city was indicated by the size of the dot or font size, and it needs to be bulldozed and have a bypass built.
“Daddy, you promised me a hundert dollars.”
“That’s right son.”
“Well, this is only ten dollars.”
“No, son, that’s one hundred dollars.”
“But there’s only ten of them.”
“Son, each one’s worth ten dollars.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Double-dog sure daddy.”
Yes, son, double-dog sure. Now go play with your friends.”
the handicapped wearing jewelry
Interest, website, newsletter…
“I implied nothing. I’m not one to let social awareness get in the way of a quick rejoinder. At least not in these here parts…”
Oh yeah, well so’s your moms.
“Mmmmmm. Tabitha Soren.”
Whatever happened to her? I thought she was MTV’s bright young journalistic star on the rise.
You’re on thin ice there, buddy.
Caught my attention as well.
And I will not be goaded into showing bikini shots of myself. Or even my hot-ass Twitter avatar.
while not white and Republican
I thought you weren’t allowed to be the second without being the first.
“And I will not be goaded into showing bikini shots of myself. Or even my hot-ass Twitter avatar.”
Well, dammit. We’ve tried honey; we’ve tried vinegar. Guess I’ll just have to search for pr0n the old fashioned way. Hey, wait a minute. Where’s VS?
And I will not be goaded into showing bikini shots of myself. Or even my hot-ass Twitter avatar.
Ok let’s compromise: how about bikini shots of your hot ass?
“And I will not be goaded into showing bikini shots of myself. Or even my hot-ass Twitter avatar.”
This is responsible of you because of child porn statutes, you being 15 and all.
Or even my hot-ass Twitter
Frist!
Is that what you kids call it these days?
This is responsible of you because of child porn statutes, you being 15 and all.
I’d hate to have anyone go to federal prison here on account of my insecurity about being called a fatass linebacker.
Wait, what, what are these child pron statues of which gocart mozart speaks?
Creating a restore point.
Which I mention ’cause I just attempted to download Windows 7 Service Pack 1 & it crashed the old devil-box.
You have been warned.
This is responsible of you because of child porn statutes, you being 15 and all.
There’s parts of Az and UT at that age you’d be married and have kids. You’d be wife #3.
Tabitha Soren, wife and mom http://www.babble.com/mom/work-family/michael-lewis-tabitha-soren-parenthood-parenting-book/ photographer
http://www.tabithasoren.com/ and so on
http://www.chronologicalsnobbery.com/2010/03/tabitha-soren.html
Sounds like Tabitha Soren has two children on her hands.
This is responsible of you because of child porn statutes, you being 15 and all.
“There’s parts of Az and UT at that age you’d be married and have kids. You’d be wife #3.”
Just because you can have sex and or wed someone at 15 does not mean that you cannot be convicted of possessing naked pictures of them if they are under 18.
Sounds like her husband is/was a dick.
What a douchebag.
At least they could afford a nanny, though. I guess.
Do gay elephants dream of ivory keyboards?
Golf clap, martini, etc.
veiled “Dick” reference. Yes.
Dis right here be Where Da Magic Happens, dawg.
(Warning: will autoplay, but there’s a pause button halfway down the page, thank Gog & Magog)
Reason # 37615715757 why conservatives fail at humor.
http://reason.com/blog/2011/02/24/evil-koch-bros-support
Obama could guarantee free blow jobs from cute boys for life for the both of these sex-starved losers…
False! Even the most desperate prostitute held at gunpoint would choose to throw himself on razor wire or the bayonet or even the open pits of Hell rather than be forced within spitting distance of those men’s pox-encrusted snail-like organs.
Obama, nor any leader on earth, nor– nay!– the Lord God Jehovah Himself– would not have the power to compel any sentient being,* either through money, blackmail, or threat of death, to veer anywhere near their grasping leechlike tongues, their pudgy pincher-fingers, their unbearable breath.
* also, non-sentient beings, like pasta or lamps
Reason # 37615715757 why conservatives fail at humor.
I don’t even know what he’s trying to say. Is he taking those points seriously? I am so confused.
What is Chewbacca doing on Endor?”
Well, those Ewoks are just the right height…
I’d hate to have anyone go to federal prison here on account of my insecurity about being called a fatass linebacker.
Baby, you’re not fat… you’re substantial.
Is VDH permanently trapped in “HEY YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN” mode?
http://pajamasmedia.com/victordavishanson/the-rise-of-the-adolescent-mind/
Get your own fantasy, damn it. This one’s mine!
Oh wait. My fantasy involves rusty sporks. and bolt cutters.
Sorry!
Is VDH permanently trapped in “HEY YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN” mode?
The whole conservative “movement” is!
Don’t read the comments there.
I really don’t understand libertarians. I accidentally insulted someone the other day, she was talking about reading “Atlas Shrugged” (the book, not the shrieking harpy), and I said “huh, that’s funny, you don’t look like a 14 year old boy” — she acted like I’d punched her baby. Oops.
Which I mention ’cause I just attempted to download Windows 7 Service Pack 1 & it crashed the old devil-box.
That’s why standard new Service Pack protocol is, “Wait two weeks until the early adopters have bricked their PCs and Microsoft figures out why.
I used to not do it right away because I was lazy. Now I’m still lazy, but can pretend I’m not…
Baby, you’re not fat… you’re substantial.
See, B^4 knows what’s up.
That’s why standard new Service Pack protocol is, “Wait two weeks until the early adopters have bricked their PCs and Microsoft figures out why.
There’s a new service pack?
Wait, do I even have Windows 7?
Ahhh. The other two updates didn’t seem to have any problem. Don’t think I’ve downloaded an actual service pack before.
Patience is a virtue, then. (My excuse for sloth.)
I accidentally insulted someone the other day, she was talking about reading “Atlas Shrugged” (the book, not the shrieking harpy), and I said “huh, that’s funny, you don’t look like a 14 year old boy”
That doesn’t sound particularly “accidental” to me.
Here’s some
funnypathetic crap.Plus which, from the Juan Cole Libya link:
At least, the glorious Peoples Soviets take control!! Just a matter of wks. now until the Commie Caliphate has been established.
Oy gevalt, AJB:
This is totally different from Republicans throwing a hissy fit about how “unfair” it is that we can’t afford to cut taxes on the rich, or how “mean” it is that we can’t continue to fund their wars indefinitely on the kind of budget we have now.
Right, the union, which has already agreed to cuts in pay and only wants the right to continue, well, existing, is the unreasonable person here, not the people who just sank their state’s budget by handing out tax cuts to the people who need them least in the middle of a deficit crisis.
Wait. You want public school teachers to be paid the same thing their counterparts would be in the private sector? So, my friends working in inner city schools in Washington DC will be getting paid the same as the teachers at Georgetown Prep in shiny suburbia?
VDH, I don’t know what to say! All those years pretending to be a stone-hearted conservative, and now this!
Beer snob, that’s AWESOME.
At least, the glorious Peoples Soviets take control!! Just a matter of wks. now until the Commie Caliphate has been established.
That’s even funnier when you consider that Kadhafi claims his government to be “a direct democracy without any political parties, governed by its populace through local popular councils and communes (named Basic People’s Congresses).”
He wanted a direct democracy, now he’s got one. He financed violent revolution in every corner of the planet for decades, now he’s got one on his own hands. Poetic justice is just. And poetic.
Here’s some funnypathetic crap.
“Facebook Accunt” has given me the church giggles.
Speaking of early ’90s MTV personalities and glibertarian dickheads, I stumbled across some article on Kurt Loder attacking the Affordable Care Act a few weeks back. ‘Twas five minutes I’ll never get back.
Well, I don’t like to use words like that*, but it is descriptive of Facebook.
“Whore” is OK, ‘though.
10 points.
T&U, if you ever make it to the Superbowl, I will be rooting for you. It’s exciting to think women could break into such a traditionally male-dominated sport. And you won’t have to shave any more!
Packing the service protocol
But I would like to offer this provocative question:
How normal is weights on the penie?
I’m not telling how much mine weighs. It just leads to trouble.
T&U, if you ever make it to the Superbowl, I will be rooting for you. It’s exciting to think women could break into such a traditionally male-dominated sport. And you won’t have to shave any more!
Dampniche, I am going to make you rue the day you were born.
I’m not entirely sure what day that was, since the Gregorian calendar wasn’t invented yet, but you’ll regret it, nonethelss.
It was accidental in that I didn’t realize she was reading it because she wanted too. I didn’t know people like that existed in the real world.
the Gregorian calendar wasn’t invented yet
Now that’s humor!
Of course, I condemn you for your ageism.
Dave Weigel (another creepy youth) offers us this photo.
Why is this piece of crap platform hiding links?
I didn’t know people like that existed in the real world.
I tell ya, if you find a good quality hardback copy of one her books, put it on e-bay. The Randboys love ’em. The one we had was a 10th edition and they went crazy on it
How can somebody be “charged with impeachment,” anyway? Is that like being “impeached”?
The fine legal distinctions evade me. As I understand the Constitution, ‘being impeached’ is analogous to being charged with a crime by the House of Representives; the trial determining guilt or innocence occurs thereafter in the Senate.
If, however, there was a criminal law against frivolous or negligent impeachment, then Jim Sensenbrenner, Lyndsey Graham, Bob Barr, and Henry Hyde could be ‘charged with impeachment’.
Does that help any?
“This is the first time I’ve encountered “Tabitha” outside of Beatrix Potter stories.”
Stephen King married one!
KIng married a Beatrix Potter novel? He’s sicker than I thought.
Which I mention ’cause I just attempted to download Windows 7 Service Pack 1 & it crashed the old devil-box.
Of course it did.
Twas indeed excellent, Tintin.
“Daddy.”
“Yes, son.”
“Could I have another hundert dollars?”
“What?”
“Nother hundert dollars.”
“What for, son? What happened to the money I already gave you?”
“That lady over there took it.”
“What?”
“That lady over there said she would show me the most amazing thing in the world if I’d give her a hundred dollars.”
“What did she show you son?”
“I’m not sure daddy. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Wait here a minute son.”
Daddy walks over to lady lying on beach towel.
“Excuse me.”
“Yes?”
“My son said that if he gave you a hundred dollars, you would show him the most amazing thing in the world.”
“That’s right.”
“Well, would you show it to me?”
“Sure. For a hundred dollars.”
“OK. Here’s two fifty dollar bills.”
Lady shows daddy most amazing thing in the world.
Mac truck runs over everybody on beach.
KIng married a Beatrix Potter novel? He’s sicker than I thought.
He had to, after – well, you’ve heard the rumors too, or you will soon.
Packing the service protocol
Packing the structure
Unpacking the structure
Sending packets to the Æther
Y’all, it is NASTY out. It’s raining, hailing, sleeting, and snowing all at the same time. I don’t even know what to call it.
Poetic justice is just. And poetic.
Very little poetry going on in Libya right now.
Always slow on the uptake, I thought up an awesome new sexual euphemism inspired by Gov. Scott Walker’s conversation with “David Koch”:
Whipping out the Reagan.
Sorry I’m a thread and a half late with that…
Crashing the old devil box
Speaking of which, T&U, you know I’m just making fun. You’re a tall, beautiful woman, strong and feminine. You turn heads and break hearts. And the halting limp gives you a vulnerability that more than compensates for the huge, muscular hands.
rodertrudis: I must be a stickler. The universal story-ending deus ex machina is a Mack truck (with a ‘k’).
No piece-of-crap Peterbilt will get it done, either. Always go with the best.
stroking the keys
Of course it did.
You’d better be posting that from your precious Steve Jobs fanboi iPhone while you are milling around in front of your capital, rotter.
Deerhoof, Silversun Pickups, and Anna Ternheim. Ears are pleased.
Of course, I dunno how much capital you have, so go mill around in front of your capitol building.
I thought maybe it was an iMac truck. Anyway, Tonka trucks rule.
The universal story-ending deus ex machina is a Mack truck (with a ‘k’).
No, it was a Steve Jobs-mobile. A Mac truck.
Macking the Truck?
Larkspur is cleverer & faster than I.
No real surprise, but I felt i should note it.
“The Aristocrats!”
Small “i” ’cause, you know …
And the halting limp gives you a vulnerability that more than compensates for the huge, muscular hands.
I’d threaten to kill you, but I’d think at your advanced age, you’d actually welcome it.
Apropos to nothing, the previous thread, and musical link I provided earlier:
Tounging the harmonica
‘Mack’ing the beach.
Oh great, now I get to hear Robert Siegel mischaracterize the DOJ DOMA thang.
M.Bouffant, you are much cuter than I am. I am a great big strapping country woman whom T&U asks for help when she can’t open a particular jar or keg or whatever.
Tonka trucks rule.
Also Dinkys (if anyone remembers them).
Oh, Speng, I heard on the news that there may be a dusting of snow on the Santa Monica “Mountains” this wknd., which might make you right. As discussed yesterday or sometime.
(Starting to feel inadequate around here.)
Am I the only one here who is exploring homosexuality by cruising up and down Sunset Boulevard dressed as a panda bear, pulling up at red lights, and goosing bicycle cops?
I can’t be.
With your bear hands.
I am glad you are dressed as a panda bear, Spengler, for it is cold outside and the wind is cruel.
Fuck you all! *I* am using an iPad and it sucks (in comparison to using a real ‘puter). Because we’re moving and the DSL is shut off here. So shut up.
“cruising up and down Sunset Boulevard dressed as a panda bear, pulling up at red lights, and goosing bicycle cops?”
GET OFF MY TURF OLD MAN!
M.Bouffant, you are much cuter than I am.
Not impossible, maybe, but certainly not bloody likely.
(No details will be offered, but I’ll guess that, say, T&U is taller than I but I outweigh her by about 100 lbs.)
Pupenius, can you type louder? We can’t hear you.
Also Dinkys (if anyone remembers them).
Matchbox for me.
Pupienus Maximus, I guess this means you are not cooking up something outstandingly delicious for supper, huh. Darn.
And Barbara Bradley Haggerty piles on. From bad to worse.
And the halting limp gives you a vulnerability that more than compensates for the huge, muscular hands.
Also makes it easy for zombies to catch up.
With your bear hands.
Now you’re just getting kinky.
Nope. Prolly order from the chinkateria tonight.
Should a President who both knowingly signs a law that is unconstitutional (Obamacare) AND who refuses to defend a law (DOMA) passed by Congress and signed by a President that he deems to be unconstitutional be charged with impeachment?
Ignoring the fact that I’ve yet to hear a single Constitutional scholar say it’s unconstitutional, wasn’t Obamacare also passed by Congress and signed by a President?
I am having a grand old time watching Bouffant self-pwn through the latter part of the threadle.
I blame Microsoft.
Y’all, it is NASTY out. It’s raining, hailing, sleeting, and snowing all at the same time. I don’t even know what to call it.
So says my sis in KC, too. (Lost her phone when wires came down.)
We worries about yer cankle, T&U. That multi-layered, multi-textured crap is SO much more treacherous than straight-up snow. Do you have many outside steps to contend with?
Bet yer infuriating co-worker calls in sick Friday….
Holding my breath here.
I am a great big strapping country woman whom T&U asks for help when she can’t open a particular jar or keg or whatever.
BTW, thanks for holding me up for that keg stand the other day. Those frat boys didn’t even know what hit them.
With your bear hands.
It’s enough to give one pause.
bear hands
I LOL’d, but dude, she’s gonna kill you.
Now you’re just getting kinky.
“just”?
I heard Bouffant squeezes rabbits and sells the resulting liquid as a scalp unguent under the trade name “Bouffant Hare Dew.”
Keep the tape running. I’ll start again from the top.
With your bear hands.
It was a honey of a comment.
So says my sis in KC, too. (Lost her phone when wires came down.)
Shit. They always get hit harder than us.
We worries about yer cankle, T&U. That multi-layered, multi-textured crap is SO much more treacherous than straight-up snow. Do you have many outside steps to contend with?
No, but I made the mistake of wearing (tiny) heels today without packing more grippy shoes and I had to walk down a fairly steep hill. It was a little nervewracking, but I made it.
Plus, I had my dragging knuckles to support me…
Bet yer infuriating co-worker calls in sick Friday….
Keep the tape running. I’ll start again from the top.
FUCK IT!!! DO IT LIVE!!!!!!
No bear puns. You’ll make an urs of yourself. It will be a g______ sight, almost un____able.
Plus, I had my dragging knuckles to support me…
are they hairy? AFAF….
heh
Whoops. Leave that last bit off.
Or not.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she did.
Big laff time, zrm, biggity biggity laffs from moi.
I think Spengler is Smokey-ing something.
I don’t even know what a linebacker DOES!
About 25mph at top speed.
Won’t your football pads protect you if you slip on the ice?
Any room for someone dressed as a goose who chases cops in Panda cars?
AFAF
T+U has stranglers hands is all I’m sayin’
Hello tigris, you been away. we won’t take action this time
No lagomorphs are harmed in our manufacturing. We extract the rabbit dew using natural, organic methods.
I don’t even know what a linebacker DOES!
The fourth or fifth string cheerleader.
Linebackers back up the defensive linepeople. They use stances. They are big, like us.
Hello tigris, you been away. we won’t take action this time
you ALSO won’t send a zombie some of teh Riddled Dopplebock.
Splitters.
I’d rather back a line than toe one any day.
We extract the rabbit dew using natural, organic methods.
Large stones are natural.
Jess sane.
you ALSO won’t send a zombie some of teh Riddled Dopplebock.
Or persons of refinement and taset as we call them
NO MONEY NO HONEY
Oops.. Gotta go and start working on a new Fuck You Friday. back after I am drunker.
Won’t your football pads protect you if you slip on the ice?
Isn’t it time for you to take your Boniva?
taset= taste and tassels
NO MONEY NO HONEY
What happened to “first one’s free?”
“No lagomorphs are harmed…” M.Bouffant, I did not know what you meant. For a second I thought you were referencing Shakespeare in a way I am too uneducated to understand. Something about Iago that everyone else gets but I don’t. Then I began to think you did not mean Iago at all. Then I looked it up on the Wiki, and discovered that I am both more and less ignorant that I had thought. Thanks a bunch.
taset= taste and tassels
LArfed rather than dinged you for the wonderful typery.
T+U has stranglers hands is all I’m sayin’
Funny, you didn’t seem to mind the other day.
Howdy Kiwi, I was in Georgia where the internetz is a string tied to cans. They long for the day they can go wireless and use just the cans.
Thanks a bunch.
Bouff is a ray of sunshine, he is. Making everyone’s day just a little bit brighter.
First one’s free then the whole damn world wants free” Gil Scott Heron (nearly)
What’s shakin in Georgia, and which Georgia do you mean ezzackly?
Now I have to get up and put on some Silversun Pickups. Damn you, Spengler!
Bear Paws are delish!
Oooh, drunkenness! I can do that.
[actual trip to fridge]
Cuntgristle. Out of beer. Must rouse self, go to store. LIFE IS CROUL!!!
T&U, you know you’re the only complete stranger I’ve never set eyes on for me.
T+U has stranglers hands
Hugh Cornwell would like them back.
YES I AM OLD.
Oh shut up Spengler. I hate you.
Funny, you didn’t seem to mind the other day.
You told me that the kittens had all had heart attacks at the same time!!!
Hughing the Cornwell
Oh shut up Spengler. I hate you.
I think he was encouraged by all of us buying his book.
T&U, you know you’re the only complete stranger I’ve never set eyes on for me.
Awwww, that’s cr…….nice?
Stomping the Kiwi.
T&U, you know you’re the only complete stranger I’ve never set eyes on for me.
You know Dampniche. When you fall asleep, he will take some of the leftover eyes from M. Bouffant’s gig, and set them on you….
You told me that the kittens had all had heart attacks at the same time!!!
Sir, you may say I’m a large woman, insinuate that I have man hands, accuse me of playing some sort of sports position I am not acquainted with, but I am NOT a kitten strangler.
Unless that’s some sort of euphemism.
I don’t want to Strangle the Kitten.
I hate leftovers, too.
Wait a darn minute. I shouldn’t be like this. I should turn my frown upside down. I should be a rainbow, not a painbow.
When you fall asleep, he will take some of the leftover eyes from M. Bouffant’s gig, and set them on you….
It’s like a macabre version of all those hidden cameras I keep finding.
“I must be a stickler. The universal story-ending deus ex machina is a Mack truck (with a ‘k’).”
Of course. I should know that. We’re a Mack family. TruculentandUnreliable gave me a lesson on the deus ex machina a couple of photos back. Just trying it out.
Holding my breath here.
I’m guessing that was sarcastic, MB. (You have elite Top Gun sarcasm skillz.)
I sure as hell ain’t holding my breath waiting for Our Prez to show up on the picket like. Or show up on any policy he promised, for that matter….
Also, I’ve been poking around looking at blog designs and features…and I’m blown away by your site and the amount of content you generate. It makes my shoulders slump in despair will I futz around with Tinker Toys.
Also, too, and moreover: Matchbox vehicles were great! Most of mine were Matchbox. But they didn’t hold scale as well as Dinkys. (What the hell kinda kid cares about scale? I was a strange child.)
The Atlanta and Athens Georgia. Not much shaking, but it was much warmer than Massachusetts which was nice for a change of pace. Glad to be back where allergy season hasn’t started yet, though.
You told me that the kittens had all had heart attacks at the same time!!!
Now I am sad. Also I bet T&U has beautiful hands.
I’m with you on the kitten question, Y&U. I don’t even use them for playing poker any more. I am evolving. Yes.
will = while
“No bear puns.”
Not to pooh-pooh the dictum but you have no bearing on this matter.
I should be a rainbow, not a painbow.
STOLED.
(Same goes for T&U, too.) Tigris, where I live, it’s acacia season. Those are some mean pollen generators.
Very stoled. Same place what has the kitten poker. I steal from there quite often. It’s also kind of like sonar; I just put it out there and see if anything pings back. ‘Course, I may not totally get how sonar works. (A vague disclaimer is nobody’s friend.)
Larkspur, I want you to come to my house, beat me unconscious, and nurse me back to health.
TruculentandUnreliable gave me a lesson on the deus ex machina a couple of photos back.
I did? I’m so confused!
Also I bet T&U has beautiful hands.
Aww, thank you!
Isn’t it time for you to take your Boniva?
How it all started.
Spengler, I love a good hurt/comfort scenario. Now I like you again, except for when I hate you.
I don’t even know what a linebacker DOES!
Provide napkins to wipe up after failed jokes.
Apparently one of the side effects of Boniva is the sensation of razor-edged knives flaying the meat off your bones. Hence the setting aside of the day. My wife has decided she’d rather be three feet tall than take that shit ever again.
Hey, maybe T&U can carry her around if she needs to reach stuff!
Why do I have wood?
Larkspur, you can split my wood all winter.
Oh my dear, I wasn’t accusing, I was warning of my intent to pilfer.
How it all started.
Dude, if that included ranting about the name “Boniva,” I would swear you stole it from my drunken rantings when I saw that commercial for the first time.
Also, ranting. RANTINGS!!!!
Oh rats, tigris. You weren’t responding to my sonar? I am so alone, always so alone.
“Why do I have wood?”
I just noticed that ‘Boniva’ phonetically anagrams to’ I’ve a bone’. Odd, that.
RANTINGS
We pour our beef rantings over pasta. Great side dish.
I’m in the target demo for Boniva but I do not want. I would rather strengthen my bones by repetitive weight-bearing movement, such as when I stomp over to frat houses and hurl kegs at the boys, and then grind their bones to make my bread. Sure, I have to set aside an hour or two every week. But I’m worth it.
Did you think I wrote “strangled kittens’ good heavens no, I wrote “expertly made sausages”
Boniva=Bonvita? Beware the bonvita addicts.
BOOP.
“expertly made sausages”
They’re a little fuzzy.
repetitive weight-bearing movement
A little of the old in-out, in-out, my droog?
No it does not = bonvita. I shall go rock back and forwards inna corner
Yay, tigris! Now tell me somethin else. I assume you are Tigris in the same conceptual universe as Euphrates is, yes? Otherwise I would have to wonder if I shouldn’t be mentally pronouncing it as tehGREE.
I wrote “expertly made sausages”
I haven’t had any expertly made sausages in my household for a while.
tigris: It is nice to see you back here again.
(Btw, I’ve wondered where bilo is. It’s been–what?–two weeks since he’s posted? Also Steerpike.)
PENIS veil reference.
Also, whatever happened to that Righteous Bubba fellow?
Oh god. Okay, weight bearing movement and/or exercise for everyone.
I killed Steerpike. With my bear hands.
T&U, it’s not how the sausage is made, it’s how it’s prepared.
M.Bouffant, I did not know what you meant.
All credit to Mr. 32®©, as I didn’t know what they was neither ’til he brought it up.
T&U, it’s not how the sausage is made, it’s how it’s prepared.
Dude, at this point, I don’t care as long as it’s not raw.
Must rouse self, go to store. LIFE IS CROUL!!!
Pink Dot out of business?
T&U, SO SPICY.
Okay, I must get to the store before the Los Angeles Blizzard of ’11 shuts down the entire region.
[makes list]
beer
Pink Dot. Damn! I keep having to look stuff up. On the bright rainbowy side, I am learning stuff. And it is easy to look stuff up with a block-select and a right click, and shpadoinkle, there it is.
Y’all are adorable. You know that, yes?
Thanks, Fenwickians, it’s nice to be back. I will cop to the computer being the second thing turned on after the heat.
Larkspur, it’s tigris like the species. It’s typically pronounced the same way but you can say it any way you like because BOOP I will still TOTALLY GET IT.
“I would rather strengthen my bones by…”
There’s always more than one way to skin a cat. The best way is to get the cat while it’s still warm and make a medial ventral incision between the hind legs, cutting anteriorally to the neck. Don’t cut too deeply, just go through the skin. Then …
QUANTITY IS QUALITY!!!!
blown away by … the amount of content you generate
16-18hrs. a day in front of the devil-box. It’s easy when you’re agoraphobic. (In original & current sense.)
Then …
expertly-made sausages?
Okay, tigris, so I blockselected and right-clicked “tigris” and got the Tigris Foundation, and oh my, so so beautiful. Hello, kitties.
the name “Boniva”
Great, now I
feel worsehate you ’cause I missed that aspect.MB: Thanks for linking to your 2007 article / essay / rant on Boniva.
(The date makes me despair even more of my Luddite disabilities: I didn’t even have the internets toobz when you wrote it. How can I be in my 60’s and simultaneously be such a n00b?)
MBouffant, the marketplace isn’t afraid of you.
Oh, I shouldn’t mock. I am afraid of the marketplace too.
It’s easy when you’re agoraphobic. (In original…sense.)
You’re afraid of Greeks selling olive oil?
I actually read Larkspur’s comment before I typed and it didn’t register.
Can I AHEM myself?
Fenwickians, why should you despair? Even if you weren’t Ludditiously-impaired, you might not have seen the 2007 rant. But you have seen it now. This is excellent, and is not cause for sadness, but for rejoicing. Or at least another shot.
Consider yourself AHEMed. And giggled at.
Consider yourself AHEMed. And giggled at.
It’s considered polite to point at me when you giggle.
(The date makes me despair even more of my Luddite disabilities: I didn’t even have the internets toobz when you wrote it. How can I be in my 60?s and simultaneously be such a n00b?)
Not to worry, I didn’t have a devil-box ’til my common-law bro-in-law died in late 2003 & I got his Compaq 2000, which he had gotten from the Good Will, & which used to belong to Paramount Pictures. Still had to get a box w/ an ethernet card & go broadband, rather than using AOL w/ new fake acc’ts. every few months before I exposed myself to the rest of the world.
Worst part: Had read about this “web log” stuff in the paper (Stop laughing, robots!) in the late ’90s & thought, hey, that might be fun, I’m semi-literate & could cause some trouble.
If I’d jumped on it then, I might have hit the big time in the smaller pond of the time. But someone probably would’ve beaten the shit out of me (minimum) by now.
N_B, I was pointing at you.
“…I might have hit the big time in the smaller pond of the time…” This. It should be set to music and played every solstice.
But I am not bitter. I still adore Dooce, even though she is making megabucks. Why shouldn’t she?
Fenwickians, why should you despair?
Snidely’s trying to get a web log going. I didn’t mean to encourage or dissuade, but apparently my showing off/jumping on the Boniva® reference didn’t help much.
Fenwick, if you can type you’re way ahead of me already. If I didn’t have to correct my huntin’ & peckin’ I could be putting out double the dung.
Consider yourself ACHMED. And giggled at. Just for the halibut.
~
Great, now I
feel worsehate you ’cause I missed that aspect.That’s okay. You’re still loads more cynical than I am.
Call me
IshmaelAchmed.Oh, forgot the “our sad existence is a series of regrets & recriminations” bit @ (John) 3:16.
M.Bouffant, stop it. You are excellent, okay?
I’m glad dooce® is raking it in, but are there no more standards?
(Unless of course this is some cooking/clothing [both?] deal I missed in Home Ec. that “homemakers,” mothers & the like do that I am unaware of.)
I am now going to make like a tree and leaf. Or make like a banana and split. Or go elsewhere and do other stuff. If I weren’t so huge and imbued with such ungodly strength, I’d hug all of y’all.
Oopsie, sez dooce, I reckon. Bye.
Almost everybody.
“Mam….excuse me, Mam?”
“Yes.”
“Hi, I’m from CNN. My name’s…”
“Oh, hello, I thought I recognized you. I guess you’re here because of all this.”
“Yes mam. We are. Pretty awful. Really awful.”
“Yes it is. I just came out to work on my tan, then, all of a sudden, there’s this giant Mack truck just running over everybody, just awful.”
“I understand that you were the only one to escape.”
“Yes. I guess so. There was a man here with me. We were chatting, then, all of a sudden, oh gosh, it was just awful. One second he was right next to me, kind of bent over a little, and then, this giant Mack truck, not a Peterbilt, just took him away.”
“You say you were working on your tan?”
“Yes, I come here once or so a week and lie right over there….oh, look, there’s my beach towel…..”
“Here, I’ll go get it. No, really, let me. I know you must be pretty shaken up.”
“Oh, yes, thankyou.”
“Here, hasn’t been touched. The truck tracks were right next to it. Practically on top of it.”
“Well, yes, the truck went right by us….I could smell the engine, I could just smell it.”
“Here. This was under the beach towel. ”
“Oh, thank you. I forgot all about that.”
“Lot of money.”
“Yes it is a lot of money.”
“Listen, I know you must still be awfully upset by what happened here today. Why don’t we go back to my hotel. You might be a lot more comfortable being interviewed there.”
“Interview? Well, I don’t know….”
“Or we could do it right here, right here on the beach, really, it’s up to…..”
“Interview. Gosh. With a camera? TV? I’ll be on TV?”
“Yes….sure…that’s Ok isn’t it, I mean, you look fine, everything’s fine…we could put a little makeup on you if you’d like, but, well, you really don’t need it…”
“No, you’re right. Why don’t we go back to your hotel. I don’t want anyone to see me with all this.”
“Ok then. Ok. Here, let me help you with that.”
“Oh, it’s nothing. I’ll carry… really…I don’t mind. Where are you parked?”
“Oh, so you didn’t drive? I mean, you don’t have a car here? You must live really close by.”
“No, I mean yes. No, I didn’t drive…..I live about three blocks in.”
“Oh, Ok then. Well, we can go in the van, or we can walk, or we can….whatever you want to do.”
“Let’s just walk…..Ok?”
“Sure. Walking’s good.”
As they are crossing A1A a Mack truck runs them over.
M.Bouffant, stop it. You are excellent, okay?
Thank you, I know. You can not find a more inner-directed, “What do I care what others think?” being than I. Just mocking myself (& T&U, who occasionally makes w/ the “I hate myself/am a loser” bit, but I bet she doesn’t, really) to maintain the colossal ego at a reasonable size. Studio apt. & all.
maintain the colossal ego
Preventive maintenance.
but I bet she doesn’t, really
It’s a work in progress.
To continue the motif from the last thread…
“Maintaining my colossal ego”
Ego stroking.
Showing your id.
he will take some of the leftover eyes from M. Bouffant’s gig
I am given to understand that MB needs all the peepers he can find.
I was a bit busy sewing my oats.
What is Dooce sewing? Baseball paraphernalia? A catcher in the rye?
I should be a rainbow, not a painbow.
If life gives you kinks, forge Kinkades.
If life gives you kinks, forge Kinkades.
[falsetto] And the men who hold high places
Must be the ones to start
To forge a new shlock art, closer to the kinks…[/falsetto]
It’s Schlitz o’clock at my place!
T&U, before I sign off, I want you to know if I’d realized you sometimes experience self-loathing I would not have mocked your dense, matted pelt.
fiquesque’d
PENIS veil reference.
AHEM.
Preventive maintenance.
ooo! That’s a good one!
…even if it should be PREVENTATIVE maintenance.
all the peepers he can find
Ocular TB. Could happen to anyone.
I do love the hidden Cult, ummm..cultists.
experience self-loathing
T&U expresses it, but I’m not sure the experience is really there.
My agent just called. He wants me to pitch TV & cable ideas to the bullpen at William Morris/ Endeavor.
This can only end in hot, salty tears — but my pecker just reached my knees.
agoraphobic
I’ve got a mild streak of it, too, MB. Nothing nearly so difficult as the real thing, I imagine. Only a thread in the tapestry of my screwed-up mind.
I seldom leave home during the daylight unless I have an appointment or somesuch. I use the cover of darkness and empty streets. Do my shopping at all-nite supermarkets and like that.
So, solidarity.
Your agent has a lot of nerve calling after business hrs.
I’d offer to help, but the last good idea I had was for a sitcom similar to “Family Ties,” just a few yrs. early. My partner was such a weasel we never finished it. (He then became a libertarian who sells precious metals or something. I can sure pick ’em.)
T&U, before I sign off, I want you to know if I’d realized you sometimes experience self-loathing I would not have mocked your dense, matted pelt.
Look, I’ve already proven my hands are normal-sized. I’m not taking a picture of my back. First of all, it’s too difficult, and second of all, it’s creepy.
I like big, noisy crowds of unwashed Turkish wrestlers swirling about me beneath a roasting noonday sun.
Plus if he’d really cared he would’ve offered to brush it instead of the mocking.
I exaggerate a bit, agoraphobia-wise. ‘Though I completely get going out after dark. It’s not that the outside world makes me that nervous, but it’s soooo nice in here.
My agent just called. He wants me to pitch TV & cable ideas to the bullpen at William Morris/ Endeavor.
Wow. I’m in awe. You do indeed live in Providence.
I took a picture of your back just this afternoon. From the roof diagonally opposite.
That was for T&U, not Fenwickians of any stripe.
T&U expresses it, but I’m not sure the experience is really there.
Hmmm, maybe not, but I don’t take two antidepressants because I enjoy the side effects.
Therapy is fun, though. It’s nice to have someone’s undivided attention, even if you’re paying for it.
Plus if he’d really cared he would’ve offered to brush it instead of the mocking.
At least he didn’t offer to wax it.
I like big, noisy crowds of unwashed Turkish wrestlers swirling about me beneath a roasting noonday sun.
that’s how you can tell he’s a perfessional arthur.
It’s nice to have someone’s undivided attention
I’m sorry, did you say something?
I’m sorry, did you say something?
Oh, I forgot. Your ears rotted off.
I SAID “IT’S NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE’S UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.”
trying to get a web log going.
I’m committed to doing it. It may be a while before I put it up. I so want not to screw this up. Also, I’m trying to switch over my nym to align with the blog. Kiwi warned me about the confusion that results when a person uses different nyms in different places.
Lord, I sure been through a truckload of them here, huh? Ice-Nine, Snidely Whiplash, The Variants. At long last, I’m trying to stabilize the nym and stay with it.
The Fenwickians and/or Fenwickian. Sometimes I feel plural, sometimes singular. Sometimes I feel like chocolate, sometimes i like a nut.
insert ‘feel’ Cripes, I’m ten-thumbed today.
T&U slideshow. Luxurious.
Neither therapy nor Lexapro® did me any good, so I gave up on both.
Not being a wage-slave under the thumb of fascist jerks can un-depress one considerably, however.
rodertrudis: I’m still laughing my fool head off. Belongs in a seminar on the Proper Use of Mack Trucks in Fiction.
T&U slideshow. Luxurious.
My summer home? Yeah, it’s okay, I guess.
Nym stabilization is overrated (IF that is your real name!).
~
Test. FYWP for swallowing the last two attempts.
I like T+U’s new pad. Not so keen on blue stripy chairs. But table tennis table, classy. Can we bring pets?
Not being a wage-slave under the thumb of fascist jerks can un-depress one considerably, however.
I’m trying to get there.
I’m much, much better than I was when I first started hanging around here. In fact (sincere moment time!), this place really helped me regain my voice
I like T+U’s new pad. Not so keen on blue stripy chairs. But table tennis table, classy. Can we bring pets?
Of course!
I don’t like dogs who beg, though. Keep those away from me.
Also, there is a Wii and this game in every room.
(Holy hell, I could see that leading to some awkward, awkward situations…)
Weird how this “Imperial” announcement has so much of the left in the US shrugging … because they actually bothered to RTFA & largely concur that it’s every bit as wishy-washy a Change!™ as most that Obama has brought about in the last year or so: “we’re not going to defend this one section of DOMA, maybe, sort of, if that’s okay with you guys – but if anyone in Congress wants to give it a whirl we’re fine with that.” Yep, that’s some real harsh imperious shit goin’ down right there.
I think Obama’s giving the GOP serious conniptions because he’s been so steadfast in his dedication to hardcore radical blandness as POTUS. Even with the golden opportunity of a major fiscal crisis, dude’s been President J. Alfred Prufrock right from day one, even while he’s been getting major shit done that’s going to be bloody-near impossible to undo – & making them look like refugees from the Heaven’s Gate cult by contrast.
As for the brave martyr Tabitha Hale? Yeah, that sure looks like an assault to me … no, wait, make that TWO assaults … no, sorry, it’s at least three.
Law may differ in Yanquistan as to what constitutes assault, but up here if somebody asks you to GTFO three times & you keep getting all up in their grill, you’re guilty as sin, whether you so much as touch the other person or not – & I bet that guy told them to buzz off many times before the start of the video. They were plainly invading his body-space & doing their best to provoke a reaction, & they got one. I’d guess that any lawyer worth their salt is going to tell these dipsticks to drop it, because not only can sign-duffer make a pretty solid case for self-defense but they’re begging for charges of their own if they opt to pursue it … which I kind of hope they do.
Also another freak who is relatively reclusive/agoraphobic – a quirk which makes the morning rush-hour commute homeward on transit a real hoot, believe you me.
Speaking of shameless pimping, The Ho is taping the national pledge event of Out In America this evening. Soon to show up on YOUR local PBS station. – prolly sometime in March which is usually when the begathon happens. I’m just so _proud_of him…. Keep your eyes peeled and show your PBS station some love.
You fruits, er, Kiwis that is, need not apply.
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Gad, I hope it doesn’t flop – he worked so hard on this.
West coast snowpacolypse update: there were about 4 inches of nice fluffy snow at my house by 8:00 this morning. Campus was open as normal, had to go to work. Drive in was slick, but uneventful. Normally-stuffed-to-capacity (veiled something reference) campus parking lots were half empty.
It all melted and dried out throughout the day, so of course they shut down work early and decided to delay opening the university until 10:00AM tomorrow. Brilliant.
We got _maybe_ 1 1/2 inches, none of which stuck. YET ANOTHER OREGON SNOWPOCALYPSE!1!!!1
We got ripped off. It’s just cold.
I don’t take two antidepressants because I enjoy the side effects.
One anti-depressant and one mood-stabilizer here. I’m so glad we–I feel like a collaborator in my treatment–finally found the best combination for me. Went through a shitload of ADs in the last fifteen years…and patiently endured a shitload of unpleasant side-effects while we tinkered with types and dosages. They finally found the right AD (venlafaxine) for me when I was in the ward…at least one that provided some benefits for me. Adding the mood-stabilizer (lamotrigine) was huge improvement. I can function in the world again.
Therapy is fun, though. It’s nice to have someone’s undivided attention, even if you’re paying for it.
I believe in therapy. I know it has helped me over the years. When I talked with my counsellor today, for example, much of the conversation flowed from the impending blogging. Talking helped me unravel some complicated threads and increased my self-confidence and determination to do it.
I’m so fortunate that I’m in the Johns Hopkins Community Psychiatry Program; the co-pay is based on means, and I am very poor. (I lost my life’s savings when I went into the Black Hole). My prescribing psychiatrist is on the JH School of Medicine faculty; his special interest is mood disorders.
So I, too, live in Providence.
Down to -14 Celsius with a -24 windchill tonight at work.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
refugees from…Heaven’s Gate
I would so love to see this epic sometime. I read Final Cut last year. It was fascinating watching the story and characters unfold, like a forensic autopsy of one of those gotta-slow-down-and-gawk traffic accidents of hideously twisted metal. Highly recommend the book for anyone who loves film
jim: I perhaps overstated the agoraphobia. Mine is very mild (if it exists at all). Your description of ‘reclusive’ fits better. In addition to the Reclusive hat, I also wear the Village Idiot hat well.
That cold is un-fucking-believable? Where the hell are you? Murmansk?
The Ross Ice Shelf?
Also larfed muchly at President Prufrock. I often laugh at him, btw.
I seem to have slain yet another thread. My damage here is done.
*swings into the saddle and rides off to AJ, a black silhoutte against the setting Middle Eastern sun.*
Dating tips, or, Why D-KW is the way he is.
Aw, guys, not wanting to go out much doesn’t mean you’re agoraphobic. Maybe you’re just like me and you hate other people.
Not here, of course. Just IRL.
This thread just got fucking real.
Aw, guys, not wanting to go out much doesn’t mean you’re agoraphobic. Maybe you’re just like me and you hate other people.
Not a small part of it. Hated running into people I knew slightly & having to deal w/ them.
No “people” here, just disembodied Internet personages. We’d probably all hate each other in meatspace.
If you know you have an unpleasant nature, and dislike people, this is no obstacle to work.
This thread just got fucking real.
See what I mean? Fenwickians exit; thread gets real. Coincidence? I think not.
Hated running into people I knew slightly & having to deal w/ them.
I have a motor-mouthed neighbor. I love conversation, but I hate small talk. I’m a polite person and my escape skills aren’t equal to Dealing With Dennis. Solution: Creep out at 3 AM.
Ben Franklin (MB’s 6:59) was a wise old bird. I wish I had known an Annie Savoy back in my Nuke LaLoosh days, instead of figuring it out with partners no more experienced than I was.
Like Nuke my control wasn’t so good either.
Kilt it again. Now I’m gonna go downstairs for a warm and gooey 4-cheese calzone.
If you know you have an unpleasant nature, and dislike people, this is no obstacle to work.
Feature, not bug, for future managers, MBAs & other such scum.
I’ve learned some interesting things about Libyan force on AJ tonight via a discussion of three Libyan academics. Something to cogitate on during breakfast, if you have interest is such things.
An international no-fly zone would (1) stop the strafing in Tripoli; (2) permit evacuation and relief flights; (3) prevent Gaddafi from adding to his mercenary forces or easily re-deploying them. Just sayin’, that’s all.
Anyway, stuff to cogitate on in between all the Wisconsin stories.
And now back to your regularly scheduled thread. (I’ll catch up one what’s above here, then I’m off to watch some Dream Movies.)
Now I’m gonna go downstairs for a warm and gooey 4-cheese calzone.
Just when I thought the circumlocutions for masturbation could not possibly get any more vile.
Circumlocuting the topic.
The Fenwickians:
I would say what you’re talking about is a fairly common setup in the Middle East. A lot of regimes over there came to power in military coups, and the current leaders are therefore aware that the army is their main source of potential challengers. So they weaken and divide the army as much as possible to ensure the threat is reduced to a minimum.
The classic example is Iraq: there was a regular military, and then there was a Republican Guard full of fanatic Saddam loyalists, whose purpose was to protect the regime rather than the country, and which served as a check on the military (and eventually he decided he couldn’t trust the IRG either, so he created a Special Republican Guard). In Iran, you’ve got the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps fulfilling the same purpose. In Saudi Arabia, you’ve got the Saudi Arabian National Guard. Etc, etc, etc. Stands to reason that Kadhafi would have followed that setup as well. Divide and conquer, latest example.
And lest you think it’s just the Middle East that does this, Nazi Germany and Soviet Russia had similar setups with the SS and KGB insuring regime security and serving as a counterweight to the Wehrmacht and Red Army (part of the reason both of them had their own troops). Whether China has the same system or ever did is something I don’t know and am curious about.
Wisconsin Assembly passes bill to abolish unions (still has to go to the Senate).
The people didn’t want it, the effect on the deficit will be nil, but hey, now every one of them gets to say he’s the new Ronald Reagan.
Beating up those weaker than you is an old ‘merkin tradition to show your toughness.
boxing the clown…a Navy term, my ex-Navy buddy told me. He’s a submariner, which is a plethora of veiled references, so he should know.
spank the monkey (I searched for an Ahemable post first)
Wisconsin Assembly passes bill to abolish unions (still has to go to the Senate).
Wisconsin is the state that gave us Joe McCarthy, Bob Sensenbrenner, and Paul Ryan. It also is the state that gave us Bob LaFollette, William Proxmire, and Russ Feingold. It is one of the weirdest places on earth.
The Fenwickians, I’m glad you found something that works for you. I’m sorry it stole a lot of your life, though. I almost fell into a black hole last year, but I was lucky enough to have good, supportive people around me to help.
I fucking hate seeing acquaintances in public. I try to hide from them unless I’m in one of my rare gregarious and sociable moods. I don’t *hate* people, per se–they just make me anxious, and I despise small talk and suck at it. Which is really a deficit in the Midwest.
Friday Sadlynaut challenge:
Predict which side wingnuts will take with the latest ME protest.
Been wondering where the next shoe would drop, whodathunk it would be our epic clusterfuck?
I was in Georgia where the internetz is a string tied to cans.
Welcome to our world. At least Athens has a BOOKSTORE.
If you know you have an unpleasant nature, and dislike people, this is no obstacle to work.
Excellent. Also, too, another ice age.
a quick drop out of lurkage to express my appreciation for the high entertainment quotient of all you comment-taters. In fact, you all seem to be ‘feeling your oats’.
Feeling my oats.
America’s Dumbest and Silliest Homosexuals: when are these two crazy kids gonna get together and give love a go?
Taters are not oats.
Taters are not oats.
true – it goes against the grain.
“Predict which side wingnuts will take with the latest ME protest.”
Silly rabbit. It will be ignored, for nothing can possibly go wrong when America imposes freedom and democracy by force upon brown people everywhere.
Taters are not oats.
true – it goes against the grain.
That was a rye comment.
Silly rabbit. It will be ignored, for nothing can possibly go wrong when America imposes freedom and democracy by force upon brown people everywhere.
plus they need to see which side us librulz take, before they can lemming over to the opposite side.
Predict which side wingnuts will take with the latest ME protest.
That’s even funnier when you consider the idiots on the web currently saying that we should send troops into Libya to get rid of Qaddafi. Funny, I didn’t hear any of that when it was Ben Ali or Mubarak at stake.
Cereal puns? Stop it before you force me to triticale you.
Predict which side wingnuts will take with the latest ME protest.
that is a tough one. two things: they are protesting against the
puppetfreedom gummint the USA gave them, so they are Bad.or, crickets.
Cereal puns? Stop it before you force me to triticale you
Ha! we’ve barley started!
New thread!
What do you mean “wheat,” paleface?
What do you mean “wheat,” paleface?
hey, a teff guy, huh?!
Watch out or I’ll step on your corns.
I CAN’T PARSE THAT FUCKING SENTENCE
From the files of “Who Woulda Thunk It”
http://www.tabletmag.com/life-and-religion/58759/radio-daze/
But what exactly was the work? The question popped up during the audition and was explained, the actor said, clearly and simply: If he passed the audition, he would be invited periodically to call in to various talk shows and recite various scenarios that made for interesting radio. He would never be identified as an actor, and his scenarios would never be identified as fabricated—which they always were.
“I was surprised that it seemed so open,” the actor told me in an interview. “There was really no pretense of covering it up.”
Curious, the actor did some snooping and learned that Premiere On Call was a service offered by Premiere Radio Networks, the largest syndication company in the United States and a subsidiary of Clear Channel Communications, the entertainment and advertising giant. Premiere syndicates some of the more sterling names in radio, including Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity. But a great radio show depends as much on great callers as it does on great hosts: Enter Premiere On Call.
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