Sadly, No!

Someone is following in the footsteps of Captain The Lion’s Share. The Rant’s JB Williams writes:

Fact is the Bush re-election campaign is funded almost entirely by individual voter contributions, mostly under $200. per, and within the $2000. maximum allowed by campaign laws, as it should be.

Mostly? If by mostly you mean 28% of the US$228 million Bush had raised as of August 2, then you do have a point.

We think we’re going to be seeing a lot of JB Williams here at Sadly, No!:

He has a pragmatic “common Joe” approach to even the toughest issues facing our nation. He has a degree in BS from the school of hard knocks, and a uniquely entertaining way of helping even the most liberal among us, to discover the obvious.

Added: Oh my, how did we manage to miss this one?

while Bush’s [special interest] funding amounts to a poultry 8.4%, a mere $17.5 million

Eric sends us an email to ask if we had anything to do with this announcement posted at Checks & Balances:

We at Checks & Balances apologize for the recent disruption of web services. Checks & Balances website suffered a hostile attack from a hacker who we have come to find out is a resident of Germany.

Reading on:

Our file server became to collection point for Nazi propaganda, music files for the singer Anastasia, and we believe even some pornography.

Nazi propaganda, Anastasia, and pornography. We can’t add anything to that (WCAATT, ? of The Dark Window.)

TBOGG brings us this Rush Limbaugh interview with Michelle Malkin:

MALKIN: […] As soon as I left the room he dispatched one of his staffers to go and try to find the book Unfit for Command, and of course they went to an office where I had left my copy and snatched my copy up — copy of it and were desperately flipping through it to see if what he said was true. […]

RUSH: They had to go get your copy.

MALKIN: Yes. They didn’t ask you for it? They just took it?

MALKIN: They just took it. It was quite flabbergasting but I guess this is how they operate.

The Pilot:

GEORGE: What happened to the raisins?

JAY: Yeah, there was a box of raisins there!

GEORGE: Did he just steal the raisins?

STU: You think he stole them?

We expect that Malkin will soon be complaining that Matthews took it out.

Over at the always hooty FrontPage Magazine, the ambiguously accurate duo of Henry Mark Holzer and Erika Holzer are ready to open fire on John Kerry:

Kerry’s DD 214 lists a Silver Star with a combat “V” (for valor). As the major correctly observes, the “V” is never awarded with the Silver Star. But the actual wording on Kerry?s DD 214 (see www.johnkerry.com) is: “SILVER STAR WITH COMBAT ‘V’.” [Emphasis added]

First they say the “V” is never awarded with the Silver Star. The very next sentence reads:

There is an abundance of anecdotal evidence that a combat “V” (called a “Combat Distinguishing Device”) is simply not awarded with a Silver Star.

So it’s only anecdotal evidence? If you can state one never goes with the other, wouldn’t you expect more than anecdotal evidence? And what would happen if you stopped by the web site of the Department of Defense?

Soldier Awarded Silver Star with Valor (link)

Oh. Anyone else?

in 1967, I was off to Viet Nam. I became the company’s standardization officer, flying direct support for our Green Berets in the delta. I flew over 1,100 hours that year, I was awarded 23 air medals with an oak leaf cluster, I was shot down once and awarded the Silver Star with valor. (link)

ok, but no more right?

Garcia’s “tour of duty” ends when his squad is ambushed, two of his men die, and he is seriously wounded. Garcia tells us about the irony of receiving a Silver Star with Valor for his actions in that ambush. (link)

Please stop!

Affectionately know as “Top”, was a retired Master Gunnery Sergeant, United States Marine Corps. Top Shablack during his service was awarded the Silver Star with Valor, the Bronze Star with Valor, and the Purple Heart just to name a few. (link)

I said enough!

MSG Ricardo A. Garcia. Served 7th Cav, and later the Americal. Fought in The battle of the Ia Drang Valley with LTC Hal Moore. Richard earned a Silver Star with valor,was badly wounded there. Served three tours in Nam. He never really came home. (link)

ok, so could it be that there is an abundance of anecdotal evidence that Mr. and Mrs. Holzer are full of shit? They soldier on anyway:

The presence of the combat “V” with Kerry’s Silver Star on his DD 214 raises two extremely disquieting questions. How did the unauthorized “V” get there, and why has Kerry allowed it to remain?

The first question should not be taken lightly because we are talking about possible federal crimes. We are talking about the possibility of a forged official document.

Mr. Kerry, when did you stop forging official documents?

In light of the recent Swift Boat revelations and the cloud they have cast over Kerry’s awards, one plausible answer is that this is yet another example of Kerry’s multiple, and increasingly transparent, lies about his alleged heroics in Vietnam.

We agree it’s yet another example of something!

Let?s hope it won?t take a controversial TV spot to spark a mainstream media investigation of how candidate Kerry received an unearned “V” for valor.

Let’s hope it won’t take too long before Mr. Holzer receives a well-earned kick in the nuts.

Thanks to Redjalapeno for the tip.

…sure would be a shame if anything happened to it. An unidentified individual writes on his blog:

Favourite Website
Posted by: Darkwindow rocks dept.

Some guy named Pete runs a hilarious website called the dark window where he picks apart the arguments of right-wingnuts. His site is certainly the best of the genre, even though Sadly, No! (aparently run by some guy named Seb) is pretty good as well.

Excuse us? The Dark Window is funnier than Sadly, No!? Sadly, No! As a public service, we are happy to offer the comedy rankings of various internet sites, as compiled by our research department:

1. TBOGG
2. World O’Crap
3. Sadly, No!
4. The Unofficial Wayans Brothers Web Page
5. DVDs by Actress Nora Dunn
6. Henry-Kissinger.com
7. The Dark Window

Ripped from the pages of Germany’s best-selling newspaper, we bring you this sordid tale of… perverse pornographic theater!

The “work” is supposed to be art that inspires and excites audience members. But now a play being produced in Hamburg has become a case for the police! A criminal investigation has been opened because hardcore pornography is taking place on stage!

It’s not easy being a police officer in Germany. You have to watch things like this.

Audience members watch hard core pornography for 105 minutes. All for a price of 27 Euros!

To think one can download the Paris Hilton video for free. (Or read about Britney Spears’ predilection for putting dildos in her mouth.)

The rest of this post, we dare say, is not work safe.
Read the rest of this entry »

Blogging drunk about a new Justin Darr column! Happy, happy day!

This week’s “effort” is called Thanks for shopping at Wal-Mart, home of low prices Keeping America Dumb, Docile, and Democrat. Needless to say, John Kerry and his silly obsession with getting the support of allies before going to war are in for a beating:

In fact, with the exception of a few moral cowards, all of our traditional allies are assisting us in the effort in Iraq.

(8) Oh Canada (8)
(8) Our home and moral coward (8)

Could it be that the areas where John Kerry and Liberals draw their highest levels of support be the same areas with the highest levels of poorly educated adults? Plot these statistics onto a map and voil?! You will find an 80% correlation between Al Gore’s “blue” states and high levels of adult functional illiteracy.

OMDG! Justin Darr is now John Lott Jr.!

We don’t know where Justin got his statistics, (google has not been helpful,) but even if his basic claim is right, it would remain irrelevant. To support his argument (to call it that,) he would (at a minimum) need to show correlation between individual “functional illiteracy” and support for Gore. State-level data tells us nothing about whether or not “functionally illiterate adults” are more likely to vote for Democrats (should we ask Justin if he controlled for other variables when doing his regression analysis?) Justin might also want to remember this:

First, voters generally have higher levels of education and income. For example, college graduates vote more often than high school graduates; high school graduates tend to vote in greater numbers than those with only a grade school education. […] Third, occupationally, white-collar professionals, businessmen, and union members vote more than unskilled workers, blue-collar laborers, or non-union members.

In 2002, only 4% (an all-time low) of voters did not have a high school diploma (52% had at least some college education.)

It may be, of course, that Justin’s training is in epidemiology and that he has determined that functional illiteracy is contagious.

Justin also writes:

This is not a question of intelligence. Obviously, people who vote for Democrats are not a bunch of idiots.

Which explains why he concludes his column with this:

Or on Election Day, you are content being dumb, docile, and Democrat?

Right on!

[Note: We started this post while drunk, passed out, and finished it while suffering from a major league hangover.]

… you can always count on Adam Yoshida to cheer you up.

Earlier this week we offered an overly simplistic and inaccurate “back of the envelope” estimate about Kerry’s tax proposal. A few people pointed this out, and ever since then we’ve felt very silly about the whole thing. At last, we’ve found a reason to feel better about ourselves: by making fun of those less gifted than us. Canada’s Adam Yoshida writes:

Think about it this way (and this is a very basic, back-of-the-envelope calculation). The deficit is roughly $422 billion a year at the present time. So, in order to close it, you?d need to raise that much in additional revenue. [Emphasis added.]

That had to be a pretty big envelope.

How long will it be until Chicago’s economics department starts including Yoshida’s principle in its classes?

For every American job sent overseas there’s a job sent into the United States by some foreign nation.

Life is so simple when you’re young, single, and living in your parents’ basement.

[This post has not been edited — don’t let Frederick tell you otherwise!]

Well, Pete M. kicked things off for the first year blogiversary of the inimitable S.Z., and that secret ceremony he forced us to perform when we asked him to guest blog for us now requires us to finish his review of World O’Crap’s greatest hits. (Don’t worry that secret ceremony doesn’t compel us to write long sentences without any punctuation whatsoever.)

Pete M. stopped his review at the first mention of his blog on WOC, and who can blame him? From his point of view that was arguably the high point of S.Z.’s blog. Really? Happily, No!

It’s true — the best was yet to come. (But behind the monitor, things were quickly falling apart for S.Z.) So what did we get to read over the past three months? What you’ve come to expect and love. Now on sale in aisle 1, kidney jokes:

And lastly, since there is no “hard evidence” of “higher ups” giving orders leading to the abuse (and no photos — that you know of — showing George Bush conducting his own Skull and Bones-style initiations of cabinet members), then you have to believe that the abuse stopped at the people charged by the military, or else Thomas gets one of your kidneys.

It wasn’t all kidney jokes (sadly) and TownHall summaries however. Sometimes WOC also featured summaries of third-rate conservative pundits — pundits who can’t even lay claim to the title of hottest young conservative writer on the web. People like Selwyn Duke, whose work can be summarized thusly:

Anyway, the rest of the piece is just about how women have such big egos these days that they get mad when you imply that they can’t do stuff as well as men can. However, if Selwyn says he can beat his 95-year-old aunt at tennis any day of the week, it doesn’t mean that he has a big ego, it’s just a statement of fact. So, women should just accept that men are the better athletes and go make bake some cookies or something.

Hmm, cookies. [In spite of the success of her blog however, friends say S.Z. was on the way to a drug filled self-destruction like her idol, Rush Limbaugh.] Moving deftly between serious theological posts on Family Circus predictions and insightful psychological analysis on the rearing of children by America’s Worst Mother, S.Z. shows us that a blog need not only cover frivolous topics like Amber Pawlik’s breasts to be funny. Instead, a blog that combines the adam’s apple of Ann Coulter and the manners of Bill O’Reilly can thrive on that little thing they call the internet. So here’s to you Mrs. Robinson: a happy first blogiversary, see you at the party.

Sadly, No! is now the first result when doing a google search for cliteris education.

Note to those doing such searches: if you can’t spell it, chances are you won’t be finding it either.