Whenever we feel down, whenever we find ourselves running out of ideas, whenever we think we’ve officially bottomed out and consider bringing in a guest blogger, we know where to find our salvation: The Rant.us, the “common sense news issue magazine with an admittedly conservative slant.” Also, a lot of first rate loons.
We’ve written about one such specimen, Ryan Thompson, previously. And if we weren’t on an AOL dial up account, we’d give you a link. We like Ryan, because he reminds us of earlier, simpler times. Men were men back then, and when they decided that straw had been acting up lately, they didn’t hesitate in showing straw who’s boss:
Before we can get into the specific flaws of modern day liberalism, we must understand the fundamental problem.
Tell us, oh wise one!
Liberalism underestimates the potential of the average citizen. According to modern day liberal philosophy, the average citizen cannot make it on their own. To exist, the average citizen requires assistance from the government.
Who here could forget the great liberal line: “I receive unemployment insurance compensation since the board of directors of my old employer was indicted on several counts of fraud and the company went bankrupt, therefore I am.”
Until the left recognizes that Americans are against the nanny state, they will not be able to gain a substantial portion of the vote.
Until that fateful day, the Democrats will have to realize that the best they can do is win 47 to 49% of the vote in presidential elections, a sure sign that most Americans do not want this so-called “nanny state.” All of this advice, of course, coming too late for Kerry/Edwards’ ill-advised campaign slogan, “We Will Nanny You.”
The liberal position allows for compromising of our freedoms while the conservative position defends them. This is why liberals are willing to allow a dictator to stay in power when conservatives are calling for their head.
Ladies and gentlemen: we swear we didn’t make up that last passage. Go check out Ryan’s article if you like, it’s in there.
By forcing gay marriage down the throats of the American people, they have created the opposite.
The opposite of gay marriage being? Speaking of which, is chicken the opposite of tuna, or is it salmon?
If the left wants to suck some air out of the values’ movement, they need to set an agenda that limits the number of abortions.
We’re willing to settle for one abortion for every woman, with an abortion-trading scheme. Under our plan, Ann Coulter is not granted one.
If the left does not figure out how to save social security without raising taxes, they are likely to alienate even greater numbers of young voters.
So be brave Democrats and save social security the President Bush Way: run up a huge deficit.
With the average age of Democrats being 60, they clearly need to expand their youth base or face total isolation in the future.
We wanted to check the source of that particular piece of knowledge, before deciding we were happy staying away from Ryan’s ass.
Instead of supporting defeat and compromise, they must advocate victory and life.
Because in Wingnut Land, saying you’re losing is like advocating defeat. So stop saying that, and also please limit your killing to the poor, minors, goofy bastards, and people with incompetent counsel convicted on the basis of flimsy evidence. Thank you.
