Sadly, No!

In order to serve you, the reading public, we registered for Jennifer Roback Morse’s newsletter some time back. Having never received an email from Jennifer, we feared she might have heard about us and canceled our subscription. The answer, however, is much simpler:

You are on my mailing list because you heard one of my talks or workshops on marriage, family and human sexuality. Or, you may have signed up from my website, www.jointhemarriagerevolution.com. You have not received many messages from me lately, because I have been having problems with my e-mail system. I have remedied this problem by signing up with a service which will facilitate my mailing process.

Well, that’s a relief! In order to confirm one’s subscription however, Jennifer would like you to answer a a very important question:

Which of these best describes you, and your interest in Dr. Morse?

It’s multiple choice though, so there is no chance to answer lust. Still, some of the choices are pretty good:

1. I have responsibility for a large organization, and we’re looking for help dealing with political correctness.
2. I have responsibility for a large organization, and we need a coach for the culture wars.
3. I have been cohabiting too long.
4. I am a member of the clergy looking for ways to help my congregation live a pro-life life.
5. I am a mental health professional, looking for ways to help my clients build happier marriages and families.
6. I’m a journalist, looking for interesting material.
7. I am reluctantly divorced, and I’m looking for someone who understands my situation.
8. I am a family law profession, looking for resources to help my clients slow down before they divorce.
9. I’m a stay at home mom, looking for encouragement.
10. I am worried about my adult children and grandchildren.

11. I am worried about the moral decay of our society.

That Jennifer — she truly is the Stone Phillips of counseling.

FWIW, we picked 6 — was that wrong? Oh, and our name is now Ronald Reagan. Maybe that was wrong, because this was the message that greeted us afterwards:

Return to Jennifer Roback Morse

Uh, what are our other options?

Charles of LGF is not only helping to fight off attacks by tides of crazed Muslims, but also by Chinese robots and zombies!

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It is full of ripping good yarns!

Joseph Farrah, Oct. 12, 2005:

Bush has encouraged the Republican Congress to spend like drunken sailors. Actually, that is an insult to drunken sailors, who only spend their own money ? not their grandchildren’s and great-grandchildren’s money.

Some fellow, August 3, 2005:

That characterization is an insult to drunken sailors everywyere. Drunken sailors stop spending when we run out of money.

Judson Cox, October 6, 2004:

I would say he has spent our tax dollars like a drunken sailor, but that would be an insult to drunken sailors, who at least spend their own money.

Nick Gillepsie, April 2004:

TO SAY THAT President George W. Bush has been spending money like a drunken sailor is an insult to drunken sailors. After all, when land-starved seamen go on their binges, they spend only their own money, not yours and mine.

Well, it’s good enough for any wingnut when they’re just stealing The Dime President‘s material.

All bets are off now!

Exclusive: Joseph Farah expresses great regret over voting for Bush

Fool me once, shame on, shame on…

Truth: Solution to black America’s moral poverty:

Jesse Jackson, Harry Reid, Howard Dean, Ted Kennedy and the NAACP are the devil. Also Bill Clinton.

…continue on the new logo. Honestly, my first choice would be something awesome like spaceships and zombies with sort of a chrome hip-hop font. But this one’s really giving me a good feeling too.

This Steve Kellmeyer essay is so mindnumbingly idiotic that reading it temporarily impaired my ability to speak English. Seriously, I tried to tell my roommate about how awful it was, but the only words that came out of my mouth were, “BLUH, NYUUH, GWEEE!” And my roommate was like, “What?” So I flailed my arms about and pointed to the computer monitor going, “GUUUUUUH!! NYUH WUUUUF KAROOOOOOO!” My roommate took a quick look at Steve’s column and then promptly went into the kitchen and poured a kettle full of boiling water on his crotch.

My point is, the contents of this column will make you exponentially stupider. In fact, before you read any further, you should probably jot down the phone numbers of your closest friends and family, ’cause you’re gonna need their help when you wake up tomorrow and find you’ve forgotten how to put on pants. Anyway, you’ve been warned. Let’s dig in:

What do the supposed economic virtues of adolescence have to do with America’s two-party system? I’ll be the first to admit, I haven’t a fucking clue. And guess what? Neither does Steve.
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The Wall Street Journal writes:

Karen Hughes is back from her first trip to the Middle East as Undersecretary for Public Diplomacy, […] But there is also an opportunity, which Ms. Hughes exploited, to use the prestige of her office[.]

The prestige of the office of Undersecretary for Public Diplomacy? Is that like Yosef trying to use the prestige of being the hottest new conservative writer on the web to get a date with Sheri Valera, or, failing that, Ben Shapiro?

So I’m trying to quit smoking cold turkey. Needless to say, I have a pretty big-ass headache right now. I don’t know how much wingnuttery I’ll be able to take over the next week. That is all.

From Conan O’Brien. This from the series Renaming Crises to get President Bush’s Attention:

Renaming North Korea East Iraq