Sadly, No!

Bob Unruh might have some other reasons to hate the Kinsey scale.

Bob Unruh, Wing Nut Daily:
Exposing Kinsey Sex Atrocities Goes Global

I’m surprised that wingnuts don’t go after Alfred Kinsey more often. I mean, let’s be frank, the conservative opinion on sex is that if one puts their fingers in their ears and pretends any information about sex away, then that will also make sex and sexuality go away.

To a wingnut, as long as they don’t hear about it, then it must not ever occur, and their teenage daughter’s swelling belly must be because she has really let herself go on her exercise routine.

To be fair, that’s probably by design. A psychotic deliberately trying to ignore any evidence that gays aren’t minions of Satan (pshaw, like we don’t all know that they’re Venusian slavers come to rob us of promising conservative politicians) isn’t likely to look up exactly who did the research that proves they’ve been around forever.

“Luckily” for us, Bob Unruh is a well-read escapee of the mental asylum and wants his fellow inmates to know that there was a guy that looked into this nasty sex stuff they are all ashamed of, but its okay, because he’s really Hitler Times 12.

Perhaps, I should let Bob explain.
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The first 10 results from a Google Image search for Timothy Birdnow. Reprinted without comment

Timothy Birdnow, American Ow-My-Brain-Hurts:
Obama’s Fascist America in 10 Easy Steps

There is much butthurt in the wingnut universe. Their God-King come to life in George the Second was much maligned in his time in office by mean-spirited liberals daring to notice that some of the boots being given to the security state were decidedly jackbooted. Furthermore they dared to note that maybe having a uniform executive unilaterally deciding that most of the first ten amendments ceased to apply to certain people and that torture was peachy keen was a little bit fascist flavored.

Now, there have been many celebrated attempts to deal with this. The most famous of course being the Lord Doughboy’s famed treatise: Liberal Fascism, subtitled “Nuh uh, it’s you who are the fascist poopyheads”.

But why shouldn’t a meth-crazed designer of some of those right-winged photoshops that are 99% projection, 1% something snortable be denied their attempt to give it a shot?
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Right: Mark Steyn; Left: Mark Steyn’s Soul

There has been a change in the seasons. A new year dawning brings momentary lucidity. And for the pallid flaks of modern conservatism, the early year reflection has brought only one phrase to mind:

“Holy Shit, are we assholes!”

I’m sure every brief sober morning brings that reflection to their mind before booze and projection do their dirty work of protecting their fledgling synapses from the horror, so this is nothing new to them. However, this year is an election year and one they look to be losing even before they’ve picked their sacrificial lamb for the slaughter.

As such, there is the quick straightening of ties and the frantic desperate increase in projection in only the way wingnuts know how desperate to make all their post-Obama-election insanity look the fault of some other bastards far far away.

And of all the publications to be scrambling, none are scrambling quite so desperately as that stalwart of “intellectual conservativism” known as National Review.
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Lloyd Marcus, speaking to us from a better world.

Lloyd Marcus, American Wanker:
New TV Show Idea: All-American Christian

Well, well, well, if it isn’t everyone’s favorite one-man minstrel show, Lloyd Marcus. One might think our buddy Lloyd having given up sense, dignity, and basic human respect to chain his star to the plummeting train-crash that was the “Tea Party Express” might be going through something akin to buyer’s remorse just about now.

Well, if you thought that, you just don’t know Lloyd. He paid too much for the mandatory lobotomy to stop now and has decided to engage in wingnut’s favorite game: Privilege Fails.

Now, you think that might be difficult for LLoyd, what with being overly melaninated and a one-man-pride parade, but Lloyd should be committed, I mean, is committed to wingnut excellence.

And so has decided to take offense that a single show starring a muslim family has come into existence and thus has erased all Christian TV families from existence and catapulted us into Sharia Law.

Hmm, perhaps I better let him explain.
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Shorter Dennis Prager, dennisprager.com:
Leftism Makes You Meaner

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

ABOVE: The DoubleChin Twins: Kim Jong Un and John Yoo

Shorter John Yoo, America’s Shittiest Website
Richard Cordray & the Use and Abuse of Executive Power

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

The American Thinker

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Shorter Elizabeth Lauren, The American Genius;
AD 2012 or 2012 CE?

• Forcing everyone to use C.E. instead of A.D. is just another way that Jews oppress Christians.

Blank Line

Alternate Shorter Elizabeth Lauren, The American Genius;
AD 2012 or 2012 CE?

• True inclusiveness would be if the Jews adopted and embraced Christianity rather than making Christians feel bad with all their complaining about Christ.

Blank Line

Another Alternate Shorter Elizabeth Lauren, The American Genius;
AD 2012 or 2012 CE?

• It wasn’t enough for the Jews to have crucified Christ the first time; they have to keep doing it over and over again.

Today’s wingnut butthurt is an old perennial and comes from someone calling herself Elizabeth Lauren over at The American Genius. This is Ms. Lauren’s second post ever, the first being one where she waxes nostalgic for the good old days of censorship which would have forbidden any poet from publishing a poem referring to genitalia. Today she’s climbed up on the cross and nailed herself to it over the usage of C.E. and B.C.E. in place of A.D. and B.C. Her argument seems mostly to be that it’s something the Jews baked up and this:

For a number of reasons, though, not only does the new dating standard fail in its desired effect, but it may ultimately cause unintended confusion and polarization, not to mention offense to the Christian majority.

Apparently people are missing tests and appointments and saying “Oh, you meant January 7, 2012 A.D.? You should have said so.” I’m already planning to try that. Of course, I may not respond in the same way when a restaurant tells me that actually my reservation was made for 9 p.m. on January 21 about four thousand years ago.

But, of course, the whole point is the “not to mention the offense to the Christian majority,” who apparently take offense at each and every breath drawn by anyone who doesn’t subscribe to their particular flavor of Christianity. Other offenses to the Christian majority: Jews refusing to name their children after Christian saints, Jews taking shelf space in the grocery around passover from Christian food and giving it to Jewish stuff like matzoh, Jewish stores being open on Sunday, and Jews insisting on putting those mezuzah thingies on their door frames as an open affront to their Christian neighbors.

This being The American Genius website, Ms. Lauren throws out a number of additional and similarly irrefutable arguments in support of A.D. and B.C., including one that I’ll call the Thor Appeal

We all in our daily lives, in a Western society with a lengthy and complex history, use a great number of names of pagan origin. Our weekdays — for example, “Thursday,” named for the Norse god Thor — originate in decidedly non-Christian cultural history.

This would be a really excellent argument, I suppose, if the dominant culture in the U.S. practiced Norse mythology and prayed to Thor in public schools, then the maintenance of the name Thursday might actually mean something.

Finally, Lauren argues that A.D. and B.C. aren’t offensive because people are too dumb to understand what those terms mean:

“Before Christ,” if one is concerned about sensitivity towards non-Christians, may not necessarily be viewed as referring to the belief system that Jesus is the Messiah, since it is not always known in contemporary culture that “Christ” means just that.

Similarly, making the reasonable assumption that Ms. Lauren doesn’t speak French, she can’t possibly be offended when I call her a putain because she has no idea what that means.

Anyway, I think that the proper solution is to get rid of A.D., B.C., C.E., and B.C.E. and replace them with A.B. and B.B. for before and after butthurt, with the index year being 2008, and I think you know why.

Done by Tintin, this 9th Day of January, 4 A.B.

ABOVE: Shannen Coffin (left) and Shannen Coffin (right)

Shorter Shannen Coffin, America’s Shittiest Website™:
Lies, Damned Lies, and NPR

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

ABOVE: John F. DiLeo

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Although I was quite prepared to give the best headline ever award for “Santorum Surges” to the numerous headline writers that crafted this classic with, obviously, a knowing wink to what Santorum really means, that was before I stumbled across John F. Di Leo’s “The Democratic Party’s War on the Poor” over at The American Genius.

This is sometimes why I think our job here at Sadly, No! is too easy. (It’s a good thing we don’t get paid for it.) Where really is the challenge to ridiculing wingnuts when they whip up headlines that have no basis in reality at all? And again where’s the fun when the ridiculous headline is illustrated by a preposterous non sequitur? Di Leo’s proof of the Democratic Party’s war on the poor is an escalator in Medellin. As in Colombia. As in a tiny third world country about a zillion miles from the United States and partly in another fucking hemisphere and where the only Democrats there are a few tourists getting drunk in hotel bars in Bogota. Yes, that escalator in Medellin is, somehow or other, proof of a war of the Democratic party against the poor.

The escalator that precipitated Di Leo’s hissy fit was built so that poor residents of a ghetto in Medellin could go from downtown to their homes in 5 minutes, replacing a 35 minute walk up 530 steps on the side of a mountain. How could anyone object to that, you must be wondering, but, if so, you’ve clearly forgotten that these are the kind of people who get upset when they hear that an orphanage is lavishing its residents with macaroni and cheese rather than the traditional and biblically mandated fare of stale bread and thin gruel. (If you give ’em mac and cheese, they’ll never want to leave the orphanage and will become permanent parasites stealing my tax dollars, etc., etc. You may be laughing now at the preposterous notion that anyone would actually make an argument like that, but, if so, just be patient for a few minutes and let Di Leo get there all on his own.)

Now, why do we turn to a foreign country for an example of the critical failing of the American Democratic Party?

Gee, John, you beat me to it because I was asking myself that very same question.

Because the way American conservatives and liberals react to this story of misguided social programs is the American economic debate in a microcosm.

If you’re thinking that John is going to totally make up the liberal reaction to this story, then our work is done here and you can skip to the next paragraph. According to John, silly liberals like the escalators because they help poor people while keeping them poor, particularly because the stupid beaners didn’t know to cover the escalators so that they will now be destroyed by the first rainfall and the liberals won’t really care that this happens because the rain is not their fault.

Of course, the conservatives, who are truly wise, take the real lesson from the Medellin escalator:

[W]e see that the mayor and his friendly press down there in Colombia have exactly the wrong attitude: they are spending $6.7 million to help return people to a shantytown every day. What they should be doing is trying to free these poor people from Comuna 13 — to help them earn better salaries so they can, one day, come down from that mountaintop and never, ever be compelled to return!

But wait, you ask, couldn’t this argument be made against any form of public transportation? Certainly, he’s not going to condemn public transportation as well, is he? Sadly, Yes!

We subsidize the public transportation of our cities so that the poor can ride in an air-conditioned bus or train for free or nearly free.

All this does not make it a joy to be poor, of course. It’s still a miserable life. But all these freebies, all these misguided little benefits, have warped the ability of individuals to rationally judge the delta between their current lifestyle and their potential future lifestyle in a job, their potential future lives in the middle class.

Whoomp, there it is: the mac and cheese argument. Air-conditioned public buses will make the poor want to stay poor forever because they can get on an air-conditioned bus anytime they want and luxuriate their lives away rather than working hard to buy their own air-conditioned car. If you made all poor people walk to work, every single fucking one of them would be richer than the Koch Brothers in just a few months.

Sadly, no.

When your mind is shit, letting it flow is merely adding the froth to the Santorum.

James Lewis, American Stream of Consciousness:
The Angel Chorus in Judeo-Christian Civilization*

So turns out that Sadly, No doesn’t really cover psychological care in its Health Plan, so I’m back on the streets after a handful of days. Fortunately (for given values of fortunate), my recent “episode” leaves me in perfect mental condition to work through some of the less…lucid of wingnut writings and bring some mangoes back for your “enjoyment”. On a completely unrelated note, Sadly No Industries disavows any responsibility for any psychological injuries caused by trying to read sense in what follows.

In Western tradition it is Hamlet’s inner being that matters, his soul. Until the mid-20th century the English language used words like “soul,” or “dear soul,” to address people in everyday conversations. You can still read it in Agatha Christie mysteries of the 1940s. Addressing other people as “souls” was a simple country habit, but one that invoked worlds of sympathy and mutual respect. The trendy Left celebrates Buddhism for similar expressions, like the respectful greeting “Namaste.” (I greet the soul in you). That is important; but it’s just as important to know that the same idea dwells at the heart of our own culture.

No, no, this is the lucid part. Part of an initial argument that since in Christian dominated cultures or in Western interpretations of Eastern concepts, the soul comes up a lot, that it must exist and be super important. That whenever someone uses short-hand to talk about humanity they are admitting the existence of a soul by its interpretation by a narrow section of Christianity. Be afraid, be very afraid.

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