Sadly, No!

Earlier today, I wrote that I couldn’t imagine how deranged you’d have to be to rely on FOX News as your sole source of information. Well, I don’t have to imagine anymore, as FOX has asked its readers to give their views on the budding alliance between Hugo Chavez and the Iranian government. Behold:

You know where this is going, right? Oh, yes you do:

Above: FOX’s All-Star Panel of Viewers. I think Gary Ruppert’s the guy on the right.

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There was a time when the only thing Pastor Swank had in common with hippies was that he never bathed. But now he’s come out in favor of bringing the troops home from Iraq:

Multinational forces are carrying the heavy burden for Iraq security. It’s not working. To support the troops, bring them home.

My God! He sounds like a MoveOn.org press release! But it really is Swank. Check out the fifth paragraph:

It’s stupid; but that’s the way Islam “thinks.� Therefore, on with the imploding of Iraq, though disappointing it will be for those who dreamt of a democracy overlaying a Muslim country — the first of its kind. However, one cannot take a hard-worked democracy such as is in America and make it into a ready-to-sprout democracy plant flowering over a killing cult.

Tune in next week when Swank will fill us in on his grand plan to levitate the Pentagon.

My body is a pastime, my mind is a simple joy. I learned my lesson the hardest way. But you don’t know me, but you don’t know me, a complete inhuman.

Shorter Michael Medved: Eureka! I thought of a reason to oppose gay marriage that even the gays will be forced to concede!

Shorter Roger Schlesinger: Very nice site, I like the fact that tehre are many different categories. I have my own mortgage loan directory site.

Shorter Paul Weyrich: Will Democrats regain control of Congress? Maybe!

Shorter Jacob Sullum: As a libertarian, I think performance-enhancing drugs can be just another component to a rigorous training regimen.

Shorter Kathleen Parker: Much like Susan Smith, Hezbollah has forfeited the right to mourn its dead. Carry on.

Shorter Ben Shapiro: It is a blot on America’s moral record that Fidel Castro will die a natural death.

Shorter Jay Sekulow: There is no rational justification for permitting gay marriage. And, by “rational,” I mean “conventional.”

Shorter Paul Greenberg: That’s funny; Lebanon never seemed to mind the bombing deaths of innocents before.

Shorter Tony Blankley: We spend billions of dollars on armaments to fight our Muslim enemies; why not spend a few billion more to combat reality?

Shorter William F. Buckley: I say, old chap, it’s high time we permitted the riff-raff to indulge in the clash of civiliations they so desire with the Mohammedans.

Shorter Walter Williams: College curricula should be determined by an ombudsmen who’ll instill the sort of classical learning plans approved by one Dr. Walter E. Williams.

Shorter John Stossel: Commentators like myself have done a good job attaching a stigma to trial lawyers. Now that their professional association has changed its name to the American Association for Justice, we’ve got our work cut out for us.

Shorter Michelle Malkin: Don’t be fooled. Muslims aren’t protesting the alleged deaths in Qana – they’re celebrating the glorious public relations coup those alleged deaths present.

Shorter William Perry Pendley: No one ever conquered Wyoming Montana from the left or from the right.

Shorter Bill Bennett: The Three-Fifths Compromise provided an incentive for states to continue the emancipation process.

Travis adds: For a fun game, can you spot which one is an exact quote?

…and Travis returns, after forgetting all about his fun game: So I sort of lied, in the interest of trickeration. There are actually two exact quotes: Ben Shapiro’s and Bill Bennett’s. (You guys are right, though; Michelle Malkin’s shorter could have easily slipped right into her increasingly abstract meditations on a theme. I thought it was suitably over-the-top when I wrote it.) And my sincerest apologies for saying “spot” when I should’ve said “guess.”

So I’ve been watching FOX News for the last half hour. When I first flipped it on, they were interviewing some lunatic who said that Europe was demanding an immediate cease-fire between Israel and Hezbollah because of “anti-Semitism.” After that, they had a piece about how Fallujah was “transforming” for the better because a bunch of Sunnis had fled there after their neighbors in Baghdad threatened to kill them! “It’s become a safe haven for Iraqis looking to escape violence!” the reporter laughably said. During the segment, they actually cut to shot of some guy painting a school. I’m completely serious.

I cannot imagine how deranged you’d have to be to rely on FOX as your sole source of information…

…or on second thought, maybe I can.

Gavin adds: No Powerline spinny-spiral experience is complete without…
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Iraq is goin’ great. Yessir:

Corruption is “a virtual pandemic in Iraq,” threatening rebuilding efforts, international aid and citizen confidence needed for a fledgling democracy, a government report said Tuesday.

One Iraqi official has estimated that corruption costs the country $4 billion annually.

Feh! Don’t they realize deficits don’t matter? Just keep cutting taxes and it’ll all work out!

A recent survey indicated a third of Iraqis polled had paid a bribe to get products or services in the past 12 months and that they had a “core mistrust” of the army and police.

Bribes are just one more indication that we’ve delivered on our promise to bring free market principles to the Muslamic Middle East.

The details are cited in the quarterly report by the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction.

“Unless reforms are put in place, corruption may jeopardize the political stability of the new government,” said an audit included in the report.

Yikes! It’s a good thing the government is already rock-solid as is, or I might start getting worried!

“Successfully addressing corruption in Iraq is indubitably a multigenerational process, but the severity of the current problem begs for a better-resources effort,” Inspector General Stuart W. Bowen Jr. said in the report, recommending greater spending on anti-corruption programs.

Typical leftist- always trying to “fix” the free market with some gay little “program.”

1) Cut out and tape to screen:

 
2) Press play:

 
[Vid hiked from Ed at Watch Me Sleep.]

It’s been quite some time since we’ve posted about our old pal Michael Gaynor. When last he saw him, he was still battling with his crippling leprechaun hallucinations:

“AYE, LADDY! WE’LL SHOVE OUR LUCKY CHARMS RIGHT UP YOUR ARSE!!!”

Well, it seems the poor guy still can’t get the mischeivous green bastards out of his head, because his latest column demonstrates that he’s as crazy as ever:

“Because they were Jews. Or gay. Or gay Jews who had filthy yarmulke sex.”

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The Minnesota Minge Ninjas have stepped in it again, this time in their socks.

Dingell: What’s Wrong With Hezbollah?

Yesterday, Representative John Dingell of Michigan appeared on a Detroit television program along with Republican Candice Miller. They discussed the crisis in Lebanon; Dingell proclaimed himself neutral. “I don’t take sides for or against Hezbollah; I don’t take sides for or against Israel.” Asked, “You’re not against Hezbollah?” Dingell answers, “No…”

Listen to it here on YouTube, or use our player below.

If the Democrats win control of the House of Representatives, Dingell will be the Chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee. He was one of the eight Democrats who did not vote in favor of the Congressional resolution supporting Israel in its conflict with Hezbollah.

Here’s that YouTube clip (and that’s our emphasis, above):

But what’s this? Here’s part of Dingell’s last remark that mysteriously got cut off, before the clip popped up on Redstate.org (“It’s good to know terrorist groups have at least one supporter in the House. How many others are there and can we afford to find out by letting them take control of the House?”), and metastasized to Pamalamaland (“Folks please pass this on to your neighbors, co-workers, anyone. We are in the fight of our lives. And the jihad is the defining issue of our times”), and then to Powerline, where bad ideas so often go to die.

Q: You’re not against Hezbollah?

DINGELL: No, I happen to be — I happen to be against violence, I think the United States has to bring resolution to this matter. Now, I condemn Hezbollah as does everybody else, for the violence.

Huh. Dingell was actually advancing a bone-standard ‘honest broker’ position, and someone or another posted a doctored recording trying to fool people. (Full video and transcript here. Hanx: Judd at Think Progress.)

John ‘Assrocket’ Hinderaker: A Fool for All Seasons

Waiting for that correction, John. Holding our breath ’til we turn blue. [Hhfp!]

Bonus million: Did Hinderaker totally rip off this passage without attribution, or what?
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Does anyone else think this ad campaign is kind of strange?

I mean, after all, you’d think a big-shot Hollywood liberal idiot like Al Franken could afford to buy his own vacation home.

No decency, at long last no decency, etc.:

The “Swift Boat� veterans who grabbed national headlines in 2004 when they attacked John Kerry in his failed presidential bid now are turning their sights to Johnstown.

Their target is U.S. Rep. John Murtha, a critic of the Iraq war and a de facto spokesman on the subject for the national Democratic Party.

Armed as a new group – Veterans for the Truth – they’re bringing their campaign to “Redeploy John Murtha From Congress� to his backyard.

They plan to hold a national rally in Johnstown in October “to show their outrage at John Murtha over what he is saying about our troops,� state chairman and former Johnstowner Mark Parker said in a release.

I can’t wait to hear the lurid tales of how Murtha killed babies and earned a Purple Heart by shooting himself. I hope he’s more prepared for this evil shit than John Kerry was.