My Grand Unifying Theory of Gary Ruppert

So I have this new theory about Gary Ruppert, the conservative troll who tirelessly cuts’n’pastes GOP blast faxes into our comments section every day.

I believe that “Gary” is actually a 10-year-old Mexican boy named Guillermo Ruperto whose family got caught sneaking across the US-Mexico border, and who now must work as GOP political operatives to earn their citizenship in a trial run of Bush’s Guest Worker Program.

elrupperto.jpg
Above: The real Gary Ruppert sez, “El hecho
es que Presidente Bush es un gran jefe.”

You can just imagine the wacky exchanges that occur on a daily basis, can’t you?

KARL ROVE: Young Gary, have you posted my faxes onto those lefty blogs yet?

GARY: S&#237, Se&#241or Rove. But I aym so confused. How cayn I raynt about how bad Hollywood elites are een one sayntaynce, and thayn support geeving thaym a tax cut een the nayxt? Eet makes no saynse!

KARL ROVE: It doesn’t have to “make saynse,” you little bastard! Have you seen the people we’re trying to appeal to here? They have a total of three brain cells and two teeth!

GARY: Yays, Meester Rove. *sigh* “The fact is that the Democrats are the party of defeat who hate the troops…”

 

Just How Dumb is Atlas Pam?

Tristam tries to answer the question.

 

The Biggest Loser EVER

Wow. As of August 2006, George W. Bush only has a positive approval rating in four states: Wyoming, Utah, Idaho and Oklahoma. Even Kansas has him down to a stunning 39%!

Oh, and a message to my fellow Massholes: why does Bush have a 33% approval rating in our state? That mofo should be at least in the 20s, if not the teens. Get. With. The. Program. People.

bushplane2.jpg
“Holy crap! The American people think I suck!”

 

Hmmm

I have mixed feelings about this:

Washington lobbying firms, trade associations and corporate offices are moving to hire more well-connected Democrats in response to rising prospects that the opposition party will wrest control of at least one chamber of Congress from Republicans in the November elections.

In what lobbyists are calling a harbinger of possible upheaval on Capitol Hill, many who make a living influencing government have gone from mostly shunning Democrats to aggressively recruiting them as lobbyists over the past six months or so.

On the one hand, it’s a good sign that K Street thinks the Dems will take at least one chamber of Congress in the midterms.

On the other hand, I don’t want the Democrats to become just another party of corporate hos. Guys, remember that one of the big reasons the Republicans are in such deep shit is their corrupt relationship with lobbyists. Be careful that you don’t fall into the same trap.

 

Who Are You? Who Who Who Who

Been getting a few of these lately, both here and at elementropy:

Domain Name xo.net ? (Network)
IP Address 71.4.63.# (XO Communications)
ISP XO Communications
Location
Continent : North America
Country : United States (Facts)
State : California
City : San Francisco
Lat/Long : 37.7645, -122.4294 (Map)
Language English (United States)
en-us
Operating System Macintosh MacOSX
Browser Mozilla 1.8.0.3
Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; U; Intel Mac OS X; en-US; rv:1.8.0.3) Gecko/20060427 Camino/1.0.1
Javascript version 1.5
Monitor
Resolution : 1440 x 900
Color Depth : 32 bits
Time of Visit Aug 15 2006 6:12:02 pm
Last Page View Aug 15 2006 6:45:06 pm
Visit Length 33 minutes 4 seconds
Page Views 5
Referring URL http://www.google.co…a2&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8
Search Engine google.com
Search Words “retardo montalban” “real name”

Pasty? Pattycakes? Tacky? Those of the WingNet who despise anonymity are legion, so there’s no telling who it could be. Well, I do have an idea who this one might be, but the other I happened to catch yesterday, from Illinois, I have no idea.

Look, Wingnut stalkers, all you had to do is ask.

This is what I look like:


Guh! I can speak Klingon!

My real name is Gary Joe Ruppert; I live at 742 Evergreen Terrace, University of Tennessee Law School, Knoxville, Tennessee, 66666, America, Planet Earth, Solar System, Milky Way Galaxy.

There. I’m outed. Now Jeff Goldstein’s commenters can beat me with axe-handles and “show [me] where Jimmy Hoffa is buried.

 

Two-Minute Townhall

TownhallOpOnions.jpg

When you’re touching me, I feel great. When I’m touching you, hallucinate.

Shorter Michael Medved: It would be an act of mercy to convert the Muslim world to Christianity.

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: Random searches are more discriminatory and less effective than racial profiling, which admittedly wouldn’t catch every would-be terrorist.

Shorter Thomas Sowell: U.N. cease-fires are the ultimate in feel-good decisions made by people who pay no price for the repercussions. But so are continued hostilities.

Shorter Terence Jeffrey: Democracy’s too good to waste on Muslims.

Shorter Brent Bozell III: Ned Lamont would’ve never won that primary if the liberal media had referred to his views as “anti-American,” instead of “anti-war.”

Shorter John Stossel: Looks like those clowns in Congress have done it again. What a bunch of clowns.

Shorter Walter Williams: Sure, academic elites are always going on and on about Hitler and the Nazis – but what have they ever said about Stalin and Mao Zedong?

Shorter Ben Shapiro: We will never win a war on terror. We must instead wage war against Islamo-fascists.

Shorter Linda Chavez: It’s time to rebrand this whole “war on terror” thing as a war against radical Islam.

Shorter Michelle Malkin: Alleged incidents of doctored news photos call into question the very existence of an objective reality.

Shorter Tony Blankley: Ours must be the generation that defines what it is to be an American.

Shorter Kathleen Parker: Many Americans are uncomfortable with ethnic profiling, and justifiably so. But what if we called it something else?

Shorter Paul Weyrich: Behold my perfect storm of winguttia.

Shorter Austin Bay: We already know everything there is to know about the 9/11 attacks, and there’s a new book out that proves it.

Shorter Rich Lowry: I don’t know why Democrats insist on pointing out strategic failures in Iraq war planning. It’s not like everybody doesn’t already agree that it’s been a disaster so far.

Shorter Roger Schlesinger: I have some retirement planning advice for rich people.

Shorter Maggie Gallagher: It’s about time our war president strengthened our resolve by rebranding the war on terror and naming our enemy.

 

In Which Steven Johnson’s Ass Is Searched-for via Hands and Flashlight

Pardon me for a bit of inside-baseballing, but trust-funder Steven Johnson has been a fountain of underconsidered cyber-discourse (e.g. ‘people are like ants’) ever since his grandmother gave him the money to start FEED magazine; and it’s clearly still the late ’90s in the hearts of many, for Johnson remains a reputed explainer-of-things.

url.jpg
Johnson: An expert via direct-deposit

Why do people pay attention to Johnson, as opposed to other less-wealthy guys who actually know what they’re talking about? That’s a question that society isn’t too eager to answer.

Five Things All Sane People Agree On About Blogs And Mainstream Journalism (So Can We Stop Talking About Them Now?)

Long-time readers of this blog know that I have very rarely posted anything here on the “bloggers versus mainstream journalism” debate, largely because the market for good ideas on this topic has long been saturated, in my opinion. But Nicholas Lemann’s piece in the New Yorker this week has finally pushed me over the edge. Don’t get me wrong — Lemann is a superb journalist, and I agree with just about everything he says in the article. But that’s the problem. I think everyone agrees with just about everything he says in the article. Jay Rosen tried to kill off this kind of discussion a year or two ago with his smart essay, Bloggers Versus Journalists Is Over, but obviously it didn’t stick. So let me propose a slightly more blunt approach. Does anyone disagree with the following concepts:

1. Mainstream, top-down, professional journalism will continue to play a vital role in covering news events, and in shaping our interpretation of those events, as it should.

2. Bloggers will grow increasingly adept at covering certain kinds of news events, but not all. They will play an increasingly important role in the interpretation of all kinds of news.

3. The majority of bloggers won’t be concerned with traditional news at all.

4. Professional, edited journalism will have a much higher signal-to-noise ratio than blogging; examples of sloppy, offensive, factually incorrect, or tedious writing will be abundant in the blogosphere. But diamonds in that rough will be abundant as well.

5. Blogs — like all modes of contemporary media — are not historically unique; they draw upon and resemble a number of past traditions and forms, depending on their focus.

So here’s my proposal: if you’re writing an article or a blog post about this issue, and your argument revolves around one or more of these points — and doesn’t add anything else of substance — STOP WRITING. Pick a new topic. Move on. There’s nothing to see here.

Hummana-blubbida. Yes, this is simply the last word on blogs. All sane people agree. “STOP WRITING.”

Not exactly. The fact is that certain blogs have proven themselves extremely reliable as sources of news and commentary — e.g., Digby’s, Billmon’s, Glenn Greenwald’s, and others — while ‘blogs’ as an analytical category is just as scattershot and meaningless as the notion of ‘print’ as an arbiter of sober and reasoned discourse. Briefly: A ‘blog’ is a means of transmission, just as a photocopier (or a videocam, or an offset press) is a means of transmission. What matters is the content — the information and analysis which the medium transmits –, and certain people are extremely good at creating such intelligent and useful content, while most others aren’t or don’t care to be.

The ones that are good over time are ‘reputable,’ while the ones that aren’t are ‘not reputable’ — much like print publications are (e.g., the New York Review of Books vs. the Weekly World News), and much like the people whom one knows.

This would seem easy to figure out after ten years in the ‘digerati,’ but maybe not. Maybe Wired ought to do a story on it first. Shake the bugs out of it, sort of thing. That way it’ll be safe for Steven to ‘pioneer’ the idea, maybe in 2008 or so, with a $500,000-advance book called “Like I’ve Been Saying: Blogs Are Unfortunately Not Exactly Transmissions From An Alien, Post-Human Civilization.”

 

Still the Master

No one does takedowns of Dr. Mike S. Adams, PhD like S.Z. Go give ‘er a read if’n you have the time.

 

Swank 4-Eva

Here’s an inspired piece by our good friend Pastor Joseph Grant Swank, Jr.:

MUSLIMS BEHEAD THE WORLD: AIR & LAND

By J. Grant Swank, Jr

Islam world rule.

That’s the fanatic banner cry. Right now, for realists it is more than a banner cry void of reality. It’s realism in dark form.

Egad! Is this a Swank column or a discussion on 19th century art?

Muslims now hold the planet’s atmosphere hostage with the recent plot to blow up thousands of mortals on ten airplanes.

“‘We shan’t release the atmosphere until you’ve legalized homo nups in every state!’ say the crazed Muslamics.”

Muslims will soon hold the planet’s landmasses hostage with Iran’s nuclear holocaust proposal.

“I’d like to counter this offer by proposing a BWAH-HA-HA napalm attack on Mecca.”

Read the rest of this entry »

 

Single straight white people seek same

Seriously, WTF is up with these NRO in-house ads?

Mother would approve.pngThats better.pngPersonal ads.png

That first one is just a black dude with a bunch of tattoos and piercings Photoshopped in, to say nothing of the whole George Washington-as-Nancy boy thing. Also, why would a man seek a woman who’s already married?

So many questions.