Cut costs, yet win games:
Pats the Wal-Mart of pro sports.
The Flying Elvii.
Forecast finish: 12-4 […]
Trick or treat! Team has
Halloween every Sunday.
The Cincy Bengals.
Forecast finish: 9-7 […]
T.O. gone, focus
back where belongs: on cheer-babes.
The Philly Eagles.
Forecast finish: 10-6
I’d say “read the whole thing,” but I don’t want to drive you to suicide.
But I will say this: Gregg Easterbrook has now ruined politics and sports, two of my four biggest interests. If he starts writing about music (and I think his pretentious windbaggery would fit right in at Pitchfork Media, don’t you?) and sex (God help us), he’ll have officially robbed my life of any and all joy. Thanks, asshole.
President Bush will deliver a speech later on today assessing progress in the War on Terror. Andy McCarthy has what you should look out for at The Corner. Coverage starts at 1:20pm Eastern.
The White House released some advance info on Bush’s remarks, which includes this:
Bush has said on many occasions that the country must be prepared for a drawn-out battle against a new kind of enemy, and the new counterterrorism strategy released today says flatly that “the war on terror will be a long war.”
It says that among the strategies the United States must emphasize are making all sovereign nations accountable for what happens on their soil, strengthening existing coalitions and partnerships against terrorists and continue to develop more expertise in this area.
One particular problem, it noted, is an “increasingly sophisticated use of the Internet and media” by terrorists and would-be terrorists, saying these tactics have allowed enemies of the United States to “rally support, proselytize and spread their propaganda without risking personal contact.”
Secretary of State Rice compared the Iraq war with the American Civil War, telling a magazine that slavery might have lasted longer in this country if the North had decided to end the fight early.
“I’m sure there are people who thought it was a mistake to fight the Civil War to its end and to insist that the emancipation of slaves would hold,” Rice said in the new issue of Essence magazine.
“I know there were people who said, ‘Why don’t we get out of this now, take a peace with the South, but leave the South with slaves?'” Rice said.
Even though they make shitty beer, I think the Miller Brewing Company deserves our support. Why? Because they’re the target of Michelle Malkin’s latest “WOOP-WOOP-WOOP-GAAAAAAAAH!!!!” jihad. Writes Michelle:
Miller is not only helping illegal alien activists thumb their noses at the law, it’s also thumbing its corporate nose at you […] Live responsibly: Don’t drink Miller this Labor Day weekend. Or any weekend.
“But Bradrocket,” you say. “I don’t want to drink shitty beer just to spite a shrill harpy like Michelle Malkin.”
Well fair enough. But let’s put a human face on this: if Malkin and her ilk get their way, then President Bush’s guest worker program will be cancelled. And if that happens, then poor little Gary Ruppert will lose his job at Netvocates and be deported with his family back to Mexico!
Gary Ruppert sez: “¡Aye carumba! ¡Por favor, I do not want to go back home! ¡The government, they weel eempreeson me and make me dreenk llama peess!”
Well that settles it: I don’t know about the rest of you, but I will not have the forced intake of llama urine by innocent children weighing on my conscience. So this Thursday, I’m going to buy a six-pack of Miller Gen-u-ine Draft and chug it down while watching the NFL season kick off with the Steelers* against the Dolphins. What’s more, I’ll be live-blogging my experience- and hopefully, it’ll end up better than last year’s Steel Reserve catastrophe. So who’s with me? Who wants to drink Miller and watch football… and save little Gary Ruppert’s job? Pinko Punko, Yosef, J. Brida… where do you stand?
*Man, I hope the Steelers can win without Big Ben starting. It’d be nice if the Pats could get a head start against Miami.
Iran’s hard-line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called Tuesday for a purge of liberal and secular teachers from the country’s universities, the official Islamic Republic News Agency reported in another step back to 1980s-style radicalism.
Y’hear that Bérubé? Consider your ass on notice! You either start supporting President Bush’s Freedom Agenda, or you’ll end up just like those liberal profs in Muslamonaziland!!!
“Today, students should shout at the president and ask why liberal and secular university lecturers are present in the universities,” the agency quoted Ahmadinejad as saying during a meeting with a group of students.
Ahmadinejad complained that changes in the country’s universities were difficult to accomplish and that the country’s educational system had been affected by secularism for the last 150 years, but said “such a change has begun.”
A bad random screen-shot. A three-second shot of the ur-typical ha-ha, cigar-smoking capitalist with the har-har cabbagey money.
But then, so many things forgotten and reminded-of: “Sweet moderation — the heart of this nation — desert us not; we are between the wars.” Excelsior, yo. One might die tomorrow; but almost certainly not tonight, where so much is always possible.
Let ‘sweet moderation’ be the anchaunt-pistol name on the fucking bat we crack their skulls with this time. As it so rarily were.
I’d like to thank everyone (i.e., Gavin and the Editors) who helped organize this weekend’s Siegelpalooza festival to benefit the Lee Siegel Foundation for the Deblogonazification of the Internets. And while we’ve raised precisely zero dollars to help Lee’s cause, I think Steven Seagal’s performance will put us over the top and net us a cool 27 cents at least.
And now, my friends, it’s time to close out our festivities with the musical stylings of Chop-Chop-Master Onion:
Update:
The dialogue has to actually fit in the speech balloons, is the thing. Like here:
Dialogue: Mr. Memento (alas! edited for space)
I’ll make one for every set of dialogue that sort-of fits, and y’all guys pick the best three — which’ll be sent to Chris Muir so that he can pick the winner.
…Or get mad and jump up and down waving his arms and yelling, as the case may be. In which case, we’ll send the top three to Tom Tomorrow.
So I foolishly decided to look up the lyrics to the Clash’s “Complete Control,” which is one of their very awesomest all-time songs. Unfortunately, the lyrics aren’t about sticking it to the man so much as bitching about their record label. I liked it better when I didn’t know what the hell they were saying.
Elisabeth Bumiller: How do you define winning the war? What does that mean?
Bill Kristol: A democratic government in Iraq. The country remaining united (with some federation), with the insurgency under control in the sense of not being able to destroy the country or launch a large sectarian civil war. No weapons of mass destruction. No aggression against neighbors. And that’s quite possible, incidentally. I think it was very possible three years ago, and I think it remains possible.
What they didn’t say:
Elizabeth Bumiller: So basically, you mean pretty much how it was before the war.
Bill Kristol: Except without Saddam Hussein in power, yeah, more or less.
