Sadly, No!

Sick of the seculofascist assault on the Baby Jesus? Looking for some wholesome Judeo-Christian activities for you and your kin to enjoy this Season of the Christ? Look no further, Crusaders! Here’s your guide for putting the ‘No!’ back in ‘Noël!’

Christmas Eve

 † Hit the streets and make sure to spit out ‘Merry effin’ Christmas’ at everybody you meet. Synagogues, mosques and Buddhist temples are great locations to spread Baby Jesus cheer! Remember to tell the town Jew that the blood of Christ is on his head!

 † Be creative! Mix up your holiday greetings with the occasional ‘Repent!’, ‘He died for you, sinner!’ or ‘God hates fags!’

Above: Send Christmas cards to friends and friends-to-be!

 † Stand outside your parish church during Midnight Mass with a bullhorn, reciting the service in Latin and creeping out young children. TIP: If you’re not Catholic, just yell at people about the Antichrist being born of Rome.

 † Before bedtime, teach your children about the real meaning of Christmas. After re-enacting Herod’s slaughter of the infants of Bethlehem, kick them out into the winter night to find their own shelter from the cold.

Christmas Day

 † Invite the neighborhood kids over for what you tell them is a gift-exchange party … but really all you give them is Chick tracts and a beating to whip the gay out of ’em. Later, you can all marvel at how ‘Santa’ is really ‘Satan’ with some letters switched around. Also, Rudolph is a fag.

 † Order deliveries of sweet-and-sour pork, falafel and chicken tikka. Pretend that the brown heathens who bring the food are the Three Wise Men. Give them each a beatdown and send them on their way.

Gavin adds: This is extra-deluxe funny if you order one of the meals from Balthazar.

 † Round up some buddies and go down to the local soup kitchen, where you can knock over tables and spit in the bums’ Christmas dinners to help them understand in some small way the suffering Our Savior endured for us.

Optional

 † Sneak into a children’s burn ward and leave a flaming bag of dogshit.

 † At dinner, ask the Lord to bless America and to grant us the ruthlessness to do what is necessary to win the War on Terror.

 † When the day is winding down, and Christmas has been saved, call up your favorite male prostitute and go on a meth-and-sex binge through New Year’s and beyond … you’ve earned it!

Merry Christmas and God Bless us…every one!

My gifts to you:

Happy Holidays. Dan Riehl can eat it. Bwah-ha-hizzy.

UPDATE: God I love Mark Noonan.

Is he at it again? Oh God, yes, he’s at it again.

Apparently, in Mark Noonan’s world, everyone is fleeing California because the state is a socialist dystopia that gives out free money, and where property values are too high.

California Leavin’

This is what comes from long-term liberal/left policies: everyone starts to leave:

California’s population growth rate slipped for a sixth year in a row as tens of thousands of residents left for other states, according to new estimates the state released Wednesday.

Demographers said many of those who left probably were seeking a lower cost of living.[…]

Um, emphasis mine. Please note for later that it simply says ‘seeking a lower cost of living.’ A normal person would read that and think it refers to ‘the cost of living’ — i.e., rents, insurance bills, retail prices, tuition rates, and any number of other things like that.

A normal person would also see ‘growth rate slipped’ and ‘tens of thousands’ and rightly conclude that we’re talking about perhaps 0.2% of California’s 37,000,000 people — and that the population is not getting smaller, but only rising more slowly. There’s no imagining what Noonan was thinking; all we know is that he somehow lands here:

My bet on this is that those immigrants – legal and otherwise – who are staying are those attracted to California’s massive transfer payments to pretty much anyone who asks.

Ah yes, the massive on-demand transfer payments. That’s why Compton High School looks like this:

“Dahling, one doesn’t just ‘sign up’ for the polo team — one must
furnish references.”

It’s also how all those ladies selling oranges at freeway exits can afford to live at the Château Marmont, and it helps explain why San Francisco has that problem with unicorns and leprechauns.

…Okay, I know I shouldn’t ask these questions, but has Mark ever been to California, or does he even know anything at all about California — or did he just cut some lines of pure Kool Aid powder and fall gibbering into a kaleidoscope drug-spiral of Move America Forward Foundation policy papers and Michael Savage repeats, emitting this post as an unconscious cry for attention? Has he been snozzing on ye Bagge of ye olde Magick +3 Cemente of Rubber again? If you put all his punctuation marks in series, do they spell out Morse code for ‘black black losing hope call doctor help?’ I know I also shouldn’t try to answer these questions.

Read the rest of this entry »

Target yanks Che merchandise
By Michelle Malkin
December 22, 2006 10:23 PM

Usually, we only hear about corporations caving into left-wing demands for sensitivity.

Right, sure. If this story seems a wee familiar, and perhaps overly timely, you’re probably thinking of this one:

Wed 20 Dec 2006
Wal-Mart Nazi T-shirt Watch: Day 41

Forty-one days after t-shirts bearing Nazi insignia were discovered in Walmart, the retailer has yet to remove them from all their stores, despite promises to do so within days.

Above: Wal-Mart shirt with SS ‘Totenkopf’ insignia

Leaving aside the flip implication that Nazi imagery specifically offends ‘left-wing sensitivity’ as an easy binary to the right’s dislike of Marxist symbols, you have to wonder if Michelle is ever like, “Hey, you know, I ought to be more careful before shooting my mouth off this time, lest I once again suffer embarrassment.” Then again, if embarrassment affected her, she’d already be living behind the water heater, scratching her arms with a pushpin with a blue tarp over her head.

Read the rest of this entry »

Oh wait, it does have an ‘L.’ Let’s see what Dan’s thinking about, this Christmas season.

Happy Holidays My Azz

If one more idiot smiles, shakes my hand and says “Happy Holidays” today, I think I’m going to grab them by the throat and squeeze.

Actually, it’s funny watching their expressions when I smile back and say “Have a Merry effin’ Christmas … you politically correct SOB!” Okay, I leave the “effin'” and also the last part out, in keeping with the Holiday spirit and all.

But this nonsense that Merry Christmas has somehow been replaced by Happy Holidays works my last nerve. I do say Happy Holiday to Jewish friends when I’m aware of their beliefs. Everyone else can deal with Merry Christmas, or shove a candy cane up their azz.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Merry Christmas, Dan. We chipped in and got you something.

PS: In case he doesn’t know what to get us this year, we could totally use a better Dan Riehl source image.

D. Aristophanes adds: Clearly, ‘Merry Christmas’ is the new ‘Fuck you.’

Nothing says Merry Christmas* like taking a look at the many moods of Kaye “The Editors’ Wife” Grogan. This is Patriotic Leopard, thanks to TPM:

Pretty good, but then came along Angry Hairdo:

Of course, after that came Bitter Perm:

The year ends with Pensive Pantene Pro-V:

And now here it is, your moment of Kaye:

Well, most know that in those days it took a long time to navigate from one area to another riding camels — so it’s not surprising to find out that Jesus…

Oh, we wonder what comes next…

* Take that, war on the holidays!

Shorter My Digestive System:
I Don’t Care How Hungry You Were

• Look, I’m not rejecting that pound of undercooked winter wheat berries — I just, you know, helped finish cooking them a bit.

Above: a hopper of this stuff could kill a tribe of hippies

Bonus Shorter My Digestive System:

• Hey, what’s green and angry and goes “Raaa!” and gives you indigestion? The Inedible Hulk! Ha ha ha! [urp]

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Shorter Peggy Noonan:
News of a Sleighing

• This Christmas, I have but two simple wishes: More bread! More circus!

Above: Still wants hula hoop.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Above: Some prefer the spring traps,
but we find this method most effective.

This, by Brendan at Brendan Calling, is a lovely post with an exquisite target; also, therein is the best use of the word “cuntface” at least since Thomas Harris had a young Francis Dollarhyde in a flashback chapter cheerfully explain what the mean kiddies called him at school.

Is Brendan’s post cruel and vulgar? Certainly. But not nearly so much so as the writing and public persona of its target, the much-dreaded Anne Applebaum, who has long delighted in smearing those of whom she asks, in ‘good faith,’ to please, please shape up for everyone’s benefit. Brendan slaps Applebaum around for insulting the ‘Old Europe’ which got it exactly right on Iraq; would that someone more responsible than Hitchens and less hacktastic than Peter Robinson had been there to tell Applebaum to kindly go fuck herself during this exchange when she categorically laid the blame for Stalinism on the American Left, tut-tutted the Vietnam Era New Left, and then concluded with this bit of advice to the modern American Left, the ripest quote I know of in her considerable oeuvre:

Anne Applebaum: In a brief way I would say not to see the use of American force abroad as always negative and not to identify with critics of the United States abroad simply because you want to criticize at home. In other words, you don’t like the system so you make friends with Mullah Omar. I would cease that. Those are the two things I would say.

How Instaneoconcuntface of her. But then she’s not one of David Frum’s favorites for nothing. What a perfect ‘centrist’ she is.

Anyway, Brendan’s post was right on, earned several links from the big blogs; and I count myself as a fan of his work. Unfortunately for Brendan, his post also drew interest from other quarters:

Read the rest of this entry »

We missed the big Eschaton switcheroo today, when Blogspot exploded, sending our own Earth Prime Atrios briefly to Earth II before everything settled back to normal again. Earth II is properly the demesne of the Golden Age Atrios, who had a green costume and a teenage sidekick named Cracky, and fought gangsters and Japanese saboteurs instead of Republicans and clueless media figures. In the ’60s and ’70s the character became grittier and more complex, and I think the origin story changed, and I’m not sure what I’m talking about, honestly.

As if that weren’t bad enough, we almost missed Digby’s fund-raising announcement:

Dear Santa
by digby

Last year I asked my readers to put a little change in the kitty if they had it to spare and many of you did. It was a wonderful affirmation of what I do and I’m still basking in its glow. Well, it’s that time of the year again, and while we are all counting our blessings and fighting the war on Christmas and freedom, I’m here once again, stocking in hand, to ask that if you have your credit card out and it isn’t maxed, you might send a little Christmas cheer my way once again.

I wish the blog was a self sustaining commercial enterprise, but sadly, there are only a handful of them that can claim such success and they are much, much bigger than this one. So, I’m going directly to you, my readers, in the hopes that you’ll help me keep this little site rolling for another year.

There can be no better way to help destroy Christmas and freedom than to send Digby a few bucks to aid in her daily crusade against all that America holds dear.

Read the rest of this entry »