Sadly, No!

My favorite Wingnutien, Mark Steyn, had dolchstoss heavy on his mind yesterday when he joined Hugh Hewitt in once again polluting the radio spectrum with batshit insanity. Let’s see who, according to Steyn, is backstabbing who.

Above: Mark Steyn, Canada’s Leading Asshole, squirming at an imaginary stab in the back.

First are Chuck Hagel and Olympia Snowe who are supposedly stabbing the troops in the back:

I think there is a kind of Chuck Hagel-Olympia Snowe, finger in the wind, squishy kind of Republican, who just feels that the war is a loser, and that they don’t want to be stuck with it in two years time[…]I think the Chuck Hagel-Olympia Snowe moves are completely contemptible when 150,000 American fighting men and women are in Iraq, and doing very dangerous work on behalf of this nation.

Steyn thinks Snowe and Hagel are also backstabbing those ‘Jacksonians’ among the Republican base who want our boys in there genociding those goddamned wogs and so are exasperated with the Libs’ and Turncoats’ insistence on ROE and so on:

I think there’s an equally bigger problem, a disaffected segment on the right, that takes the view that if you’re going to fight a war, you fight it mean, tough, full-out, and you win it. And that’s the way, if the war’s a political problem for you, the best way to make it stop being a political problem for you is to win it decisively, and then it’s over, and then people can go back to all the squishy, Nancy-boy, pantywaist issues like prescription drugs for seniors, or whatever.

Thus Steyn describes himself. Read the rest of this entry »

(Not Especially) Shorter Peggy Noonan:

Above: Once owned Nancy Reagan voodoo doll

‘My Fellow Americans . . .’

• Last night I dreamt I was walking through the West Wing, past clacking keyboards and low belches that smelled of stale coffee and pork lo mein, when I heard a man’s voice call out, “Is anyone here a speechwriter?” and I replied, “I was, once, but that was a long time ago,” but the man told me that didn’t matter – Our County needed me, he said – so I set to work crafting a State of the Union address that even the bloggers stood back to admire.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Hooray for Kangaroo Courts at Gitmo:

The Pentagon has drafted a manual for upcoming detainee trials that would allow suspected terrorists to be convicted on hearsay evidence and coerced testimony and imprisoned or put to death.

According to a copy of the manual obtained by The Associated Press, a terror suspect’s defense lawyer cannot reveal classified evidence in the person’s defense until the government has a chance to review it.

The manual, sent to Capitol Hill on Thursday and scheduled to be released later by the Pentagon, is intended to track a law passed last fall by Congress restoring President Bush’s plans to have special military commissions try terror-war prisoners.

I would like to give every representative and senator who voted for this bill a big round of applause. I thank you, the American system of justice thanks you, and Judge Kang thanks you:

“G’day! I can’t bloody wait to execute these bastards usin’ cruddy evidence! How ’bout a root?”

Here’s teh bestest part though:

Last September, Congress — then led by Republicans — sent Bush a bill granting wide latitude in interrogating and detaining captured enemy combatants. The legislation also prohibited some of the worst abuses of detainees like mutilation and rape, but granted the president leeway to decide which other interrogation techniques are permissible.

Losers. What a pathetic pack of losers.

The new Congress had better have the stones to stand up to this stuff.

Above: Seconds later, Dove waded in and
helped kick Hawk in the nuts.

Ho hum. I see that Megan “Jane Galt” McArdle has thumbed her nose at anyone who was stupid enough to be intelligent about the stupidity of the US invasion of Iraq.

Chutzpah, please call your office.

I also see that several people have already seen fit to respond derisively to her ridiculous contention that, despite their being ultimately right about the disaster that has followed the invasion, “This has not convinced me of the brilliance of the doves, because precisely none of the ones that I argued with predicted that things would go wrong in the way they did.”

So I’ll only add a few points. One: Just how accurate does McArdle demand someone be in predicting a catastrophe? After all, there’s a lot of range between saying “A Category 4 or 5 hurricane would really fuck up New Orleans,” and “Gale-force winds would cause the 67-year old magnolia in front of Mrs. Alafair Thibeaux’s house at 1343 North Galvez Street to collapse into her second-story sitting room window, killing her cat.”

Two: While we are all aware that the Intertubes was a pretty big place even way back in 2002-03, and that McArdle’s blog was fairly well-trafficked for the time, nevertheless, “doves who argued directly with Jane Galt” must be considered — at best — a pretty small subset of anti-war sentiment at the time. It is unclear, fr’instance, whether Howard Dean waded through Assymetrical Information’s endless stream of vegan recipes, grammar-nazi doodlings, and wonkish spats over Federal Reserve knob-twiddling to find the Iraq War thread in which to express his grave and accurate doubts about the looming Bushista misadventure in Mesopotamia.

But we need not search Galt’s archives for that or any similar such “gotcha” moment. Gavin has already pointed us to Billmon’s and others’ pre-war misgivings. I’d also direct readers to James Fallows’ widely-disseminated piece for the November, 2002 Atlantic, ‘‘The Fifty-First State?‘; which — among many other ominous warnings — contains my all-time bestest-ever favoritist, chillingest, cynicalest prognostication of the horrendous fiasco we were about to get ourselves into:

Read the rest of this entry »

John J. Miller, while curiously trying to hide something behind his back, is upset. About the Chinese. Martian wingnuts are futurists, you see, and while others concern themselves with Iraq (today’s problem) and Iran (tomorrow’s), Miller is busy thinking of next week (China).

Miller: ‘Curse you for developing countermeasures to my insane WMDs!’

The Chinese have come up with an anti-satellite weapon. People who are not wingnuts say something along the lines of, “Well, what did you expect? It’s a response to your Dear Leader’s insane space weapons policies.” Which sends Miller into a martial-Martian rage:

…the blame-America-first crowd is wasting no time in blaming America first

[…]

The United States has no weapons stationed in space. None. What we have are vital communications, surveillance, and positioning satellites. They don’t pose a direct threat to anybody, though they do provide our military with enormous warmaking advantages. Are these the “American space policies” that Mr. Krepon find so provocative? They are in fact utterly necessary and sensible. They are also dependent upon satellites whose vulnerability makes them obvious targets for our enemies[…]

Um, Sadly, No! What Miller’s hiding behind his back, of course, is the planned but not yet operational (?) equivalent of the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator:

With little public debate, the Pentagon has already spent billions of dollars developing space weapons and preparing plans to deploy them.

[…]

Another space program, nicknamed Rods From God, aims to hurl cylinders of tungsten, titanium or uranium from the edge of space to destroy targets on the ground, striking at speeds of about 7,200 miles an hour, or 11,500 kilometers an hour, with the force of a small nuclear weapon. A third program would bounce laser beams off mirrors hung from satellites or huge high-altitude blimps, redirecting the lethal rays to targets around the world.

[…]

No nation will “accept the U.S. developing something they see as the death star,” Teresa Hitchens of the Center for Defense Information, a policy-analysis group in Washington, said at a meeting of the Council on Foreign Relations. “I don’t think the United States would find it very comforting if China were to develop a death star, a 24/7 on-orbit weapon that could strike at targets on the ground anywhere in 90 minutes.”

[Via, Via.]

Over at WorldNetDaily, Thomas D. Kuiper figures he can make a name for himself by recycling 4-year old “jokes:”

Probably the most famous BDS [Bush Derangement Syndrome] sufferer – a long-time and likely terminal victim – is Hillary Rodham Clinton, simultaneously “The World’s Smartest Woman,” the presumptive Democratic nominee in 2008 and the junior senator from New York.

In the spring of 2001, when President Bush had been in office less than four months, Hillary Clinton was already blaming him for environmental changes. She charged that his policies were contributing to “poor air quality and soaring asthma rates” in New York. [Emphasis added]

As it turns out, Sadly, No!:

US Senators Charles E. Schumer and Hillary Rodham Clinton today announced that the Senate Appropriations Committee has included $4 million for compressed natural gas (CNG) buses for Central New York in the FY02 Transportation Appropriations bill. […]

“At a time when we are struggling with poor air quality and soaring asthma rates, we need to embrace innovative approaches for meeting our energy needs that protect the health of our children,” Senator Clinton said.

Anything about Bush in there, or anywhere else in that press release?

The AP reports:

New airport screening technology that was trotted out Tuesday was supposed to let passengers keep their footwear on while passing through security. […]

But all shoes with metal must still be removed for additional screening because the agency has not approved the devices’ ability to distinguish between safe and unsafe metals, said Shawn Dagg, Verified Identity Pass senior vice president. […]

Dagg said he hopes customers will learn to wear shoes without metal. [Emphasis added.]

Thanks, Dagg!

Stephen “Teen Spirit” Sprueill, of the National Review’s Media Blog, imagines that he’s discovered a devastating new rebuttal to reasoned critiques of popular culture:

Keith Olbermann: “24” is a Right-Wing Plot

Keith Olbermann has turned his warped critical lens on the Fox show “24”:

It’s a familiar tactic for grabbing and holding the public’s attention, beloved by both the Bush administration and, just as another example, Fox News Channel. Step 1: Fear, and if step 1 does not work, Step 2: More fear. In our fourth story on the Countdown, it is also evidently how the producers of the Fox series “24” plan to keep viewers during the show’s sixth year, as evidenced by the first 30 seconds of the season premiere:

[Video of Islamic militants blowing up various trains and buses on the show “24”]

If that wasn’t enough to scare or outrage you, the rest of the four-hour, two-night show featured a mall attack, a would-be suicide bomber on the subway and a successful suicide bombing on a passenger bus — not in places where these things have already happened, but in a country called the United States of America.

Technically, he’s right. We’ve only had suicide hijackers ramming airplanes full of passengers into office buildings. But I think where Keith’s analysis takes a wrong turn is where he forgets the part that IT’S A FREAKING TV SHOW!

We think where Stephen’s analysis goes wrong is where he uses the feeble old critic-silencing argument, ‘Hehe suxxor, maybe it’s only a TV show,’ forgetting the part that Keith Olbermann’s Countdown is a freaking TV show. But the recursive meta-spiral only starts there.

The ‘controversy’ of note, courtesy Newsbusters, was that Olbermann had said: “Right-wing websites leav[e] no doubt as to what they think viewers should take away from this fictional account, case in point Newsbusters.org.” This is from the Newsbusters post that Olbermann mentioned, and which led to Stephen’s rebuttal:

’24’ Goes Nuclear
Posted by Noel Sheppard on January 16, 2007

[…]

Upon reflection, I wonder how many people in the media understand how possible what was depicted last evening is. As folks on the nation’s airwaves continue to downplay the seriousness of terrorism, and undermine virtually all of the current Administration’s efforts to thwart conscienceless aggression against Western civilization, have they really pondered the unthinkable? Or, have they all grown complacent as we move continually further and further away from that fateful day in September 2001?

(Update: Keith Olbermann doesn’t like “24”, or NewsBusters’ opinion of the program.)

Regardless, this video should be required viewing for all media members who question what’s at risk, and whether there really is a war on terror.

Those who haven’t seen it yet should first be cautioned about it being a “spoiler,� and then be warned about the seriousness of its content. This is not for the faint of heart.

So basically, it’s not just a TV show; it’s an important learning opportunity for America — which has grown complacent and forgotten its fear.

And here’s Newsbusters’ response to Olbermann:

Olbermann Cites NewsBusters’ Coverage of ’24’
Posted by Mark Finkelstein on January 16, 2007

Keith Olbermann is scared. Not by the threat of terrorism in the United States. But at the notion that “24” might be raising Americans’ awareness of the threat. And he has singled out NewsBusters for the role it has played in highlighting the issue.

Spruiell sums up:

Most Americans also know the difference between reality and a TV show. Maybe Keith Olbermann needs a refresher course.

Above: This is your brain on Spruiell

I will be a very sad man on the day that Mark Noonan decides to hang up his blogging cleats. Check out this one:

This doesn’t mean that America’s patience is endless – there is a need for a clear cut sense of victory in Iraq within the next few months (say by end of September, at the latest).

Wake me up when September ends. By then Mark will be arguing that Bush deserves a third term in office to get the job done in Iraq.

(Also note that he doesn’t say we need “victory,” but rather a “sense of victory.” This is a very important distinction that will lead to further hilarity later in the piece.)

President Bush understands this, and thus the increase in troop levels and the adjustment of tactics to fight a much more relentless war against those who are causing the trouble in Iraq. The reason why I said “sense of victory” is because while the left is saying that Iraq is a defeat, it isn’t – but the public perception has become that it is, if not a defeat, a horrendous situation deteriorating by the minute. The sense of victory will come quietly – when there’s not much to report, violence-wise, in Iraq for a month or six weeks. This doesn’t mean no violence at all, but a level of violence which doesn’t rise to the “gotta cover it on the nightly news” level.

Mark, wouldn’t it just be easier to kill every last journalist in the countr… hmm, maybe I shouldn’t be giving him ideas…

Read the rest of this entry »

Q: What’s ex-Senator Rick Santorum been up to since getting his ass kicked last November?

A: Making guest appearances on FOX News, of course:

MACCALLUM: You say most people do not recognize it, and the talk you hear a lot these days is that the president is just going his own way, not listening to the people, not listening to congress. What do you have to say about that?

SANTORUM: Good for him. What i would say is that the Commander-in-Chief in the United States, in Lincoln-esque type of form, has to understand the information that he is given, the the vast — that the vast majority of which the american public do not have, and he has to act in the national security interest of this country.

Pst. Hey Ricky. I think I know a good blog that you should consider writing for. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were actually Mark Noonan.

Anywho, I decided to put Ricky’s name into Google News to see if I was missing out on any other Santorum-related humor activities. This is what I found:

It’s Santorum vs. our enemies at think tank

BY BRETT LIEBERMAN
Of Our Washington Bureau

WASHINGTON – Former U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum was defeated in November, but he hopes his new job will allow him to slay America’s enemies.

You mean he actually got the stones to enlist in the Marines? Well shit, good for him. I guess I’ll have to apologize for that time I called him a chickenha…

Santorum, a Republican, will lead the “America’s Enemies” program at the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a conservative Washington think tank.

Oh.

Y’know, I can’t think of any better way to destroy your think (sic) tank’s credibility more than by hiring ex-Senator Man-on-Dog-Sex.

Read the rest of this entry »