Sadly, No!

Poking around YouTube’s comment threads yields what may be the most devastating criticism of all time:

annikathompson7 (17 hours ago): Michelle, you could learn a thing or two about comic timing and charisma from Julia Gorin…oh, wait, charisma is something you have to be born with. While I enjoy your books and columns, you should not be on the screen. Bad, very bad.

Jesus. That’s like being told you could learn a thing or two about pleasuring a woman from Ben Shapiro.

Just devastating. I don’t know whether to laugh or puke up my soul.

The nearly forgotten but not gone The Rant offers Warner Todd Huston getting upset about the L.A. Times:

On the other hand, Americans on Sept. 11th, 2001 were going about their daily lives with no thought of impending attacks. No war had been imagined declared and Americans had not the slightest clue that an attack was in the making.

What about the ones who were reading PDBs titled “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US“?

Responding to the claim that Hiroshima was no picnic for the civilians who were on the receiving end, W.T. adds:

The Times cannot tell the difference between acts during mutually agreed upon warfare, and those of a craven attack on an unsuspecting nation’s civilians.

Now how was that little agreement reached?

-“Say, old chap, would you like to engage in some good old fashioned mutually agreed upon warfare with me?”
-“OK, but only if we agree that you will drop the big one on a couple of cities later on.”
-“May I make some lacist jokes now?”
-“Sadly, No!”

Like an answer to a question comes this clip from Fox’s new version of the Daily Show, ‘Red Eye’:

[Hanx! PoliticsTV]

Someone must have dropped a hat or said ‘boo’ somewhere, because there’s something silly going on over at Blogs For Bush.

Final Round
by Matt Margolis :: February 5, 2007 1:40 PM

It has been a busy couple of months, let me tell you.

Gee, hoss, try being us sometime. As soon as you catch you guys saying one crazy thing, you’ll already be noticing you guys saying some even crazier thing. The liquor budget has nearly tripled around here, and we’re slowly creeping downscale to, like, gallon jugs of Popov.

Sorry; I totally interrupted the narrative.

Above: Teh fear is palpable

In regard to the long-awaited book by Messrs. Noonan and Margolis of the Blogs For Bush empire, it appears as though our suspicions about fact checking were not necessarily unwarranted.

As I previously blogged, we submitted the manuscript to World Ahead Publishing back on November 12, 2006.

Since then, it’s gone through a number of editorial reviews, a legal review, and most recently a high level review.

And it is now five pages long.

Read the rest of this entry »

As noted below, Clownhall.com’s Doug “Ungaylord McNotgayington” Giles has a scrapbook full of Justin Timberlake photos some suggestions in the lively-arts mode regarding ‘conservative humor’:

Giles: “This is my boom-stick.”

It’s Time for Conservatives to Take Comedy Seriously
By Doug Giles
Sunday, February 4, 2007

In other words, it’s time for a ‘surge’ strategy — one in which they pursue the same failing plan as before, only more desperately and with greater human cost.

Many things are possible with this column, but I’ll bet you a million bucks it’s not going to be funny.

I know I’m not supposed to say this as a conservative and as a Christian, but Steve Colbert, John Stewart, David Letterman, Carlos Mencia, Dave Chappelle and Bill Maher are funny hombres. Even though I radically and fundamentally disagree with most of their content, funny is as funny does. They’re like farts. Most folks don’t really like farts, but farts are funny. Period. Especially, when it’s yours and it’s silent.

One million bucks, please.

Look, as far as comedy goes, Mr. and Mrs. Conservative, you must bow and kiss the Left’s ring. They slay us. You can count on one hand how many conservatives are making a semi-distinct blip on the comedic scene. Who do we have? Dennis Miller, Brad Stine, Julie Gorin, and ________ . I had to google “conservative comics� just to add a third person to that list.

He forgot Pam. But fair enough: Indeed, with all appropriate fanfare, here’s an all-new episode of Julia Gorin’s America Show:

Thankew! Try the veal.

I’m not sure why he did it, but it appears that sometime in the past few days, Stephen Colbert decided to bite Doug “In My Heart I Know I’m Funny” Giles in the ass.

Observers report that Giles’ ass was also host to the denture imprints of Jon Stewart, David Letterman, Carlos Mencia, Dave Chappelle and Bill Maher. Letterman’s bite marks were by far the faintest, more of a geriatric love nibble than a chomp. Also perplexing was the presence of Mencia at the Doug Giles’ ass feeding frenzy, as he has neither teeth nor any track record of biting.

But having been bitten by teh liberal funny, Giles does what any sane conservative would do in his situation – innoculates himself against any future outbreaks:

Why can’t conservatives get their comedic act together? The liberals, on a 24/7 basis, are tossing us soft balls that we should be driving out of the park in a humorous, prime time, way. It’s so easy it’s stupid. All we have to do is just read the crap that the left does, out loud, and it’s hilarious.

Indeed. If by ‘hilarious’, you mean perfectly suited for use in the Ludovico Technique.

Giles continues:

We don’t even have to be that imaginative and try to develop quips, as they provide an endless supply of ammunition.

So there you have it, folks. The Giles formula for comedic success: Don’t be imaginative or try to develop quips. You heard the man, wingnut comedy stylists – on your marks, get set … GO!

[And they’re off! The Townhall Wingnut Funny 500 is underway! It’s Mike Adams out of the gate fast with a pointless bit of race-baiting … and folks, will you look at this! Starting well back in the grid, Rich Galen has roared into the early lead with a stunningly unimaginative reprisal of long left-for-dead Prince jokes! But can he stay in front for long with the likes of Jonah Goldberg and Ann Coulter biding their time, waiting for the right opportunity to strike? Etc., etc., git-er-done, why did the tactical nuke cross the demilitarized zone?, etc., blechhh … cut to: And it’s a dead heat as the entire wingnutosphere finishes first in the race to be as unfunny as possible!]

Deciding that conservatives eschew comedy because they have “become nicer than Christ” (Yeah! Ha! Uh, wuzza?) Giles really ratchets up the knee-slappery:

From Hollywood to the Hill, the Left and those who lean that way, do more psychotic stuff than my one-eyed uncle Joe does on a three day weekend binge when he’s all liquored up. They are a MadTV, SNL and HBO Special waiting to happen. There has to be some conservative capital lying around that can be earmarked to gather no holds barred comedians to paper shred these little darlings on TV and in film.

I’m guessing Giles doesn’t really have a one-eyed uncle Joe. That’s why it’s so darn funny! And earmarks? FUCKING COMEDY GOLD!

Anyway, carry on:

“So why don’t conservatives crank out comedians?”

Why, Doug?

1. Conservatives, obviously, don’t think comedy is important. … 2. We spit out lame comedians. … 3. We’re too serious.

Oh. That would seem to be a bit of a problem.

But chin up, Doug! There’s always alliteration and pee jokes:

With our War with whacked out Islam and our ideological battle with the Secularists who whiz on traditional American values, the conservative can become a sober and somber person, which is understandable.

Whocka Whocka Whocka!

From our hosting folks:

Hello,

I’m writing to let you know that your site was being attacked by these IP addresses (the first number is the number of hits received today)

1036 83.14.180.174

1052 84.38.95.202

1081 213.25.145.245

1246 83.8.229.114

[…]

Rock.

This won’t stand.

Shorter David Brooks:

Above right: David Brooks discusses his favorite political philosopher (above left)

‘Children of Polarization’

• If one were to extrapolate data collected in a course I taught last fall at Duke, today’s college students are pragmatic and centrist in a way I find both perfectly natural and entirely pleasing. (However, I suspect that untold millions of them haven’t completed their assigned readings.)

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Dan Riehl, ever one for a manufactured controversy, remounts the Amanda-bashing bandwagon and lets roar his sly trombone.

This time it’s about Amanda’s Flickr photos, which are allusive of some kind of deeply incisive, uh, insight-thingy:

Monday, February 05, 2007
Damn

[…]

She has got to be kidding, I hope?

On the one hand she portrays herself as part of the liberated female neo-castrati, but inside imagines herself as some vixen, her career existing a notch above the skin trade? Just image google Shannon Elizabeth, you’ll get the drift.

That’s one crazy, um, interesting gal ya got there, John.

Hey man, flaunt it if you got it.