Sadly, No!

A ‘well, duh’ moment from Barack Obama:

OTTAWA, Ill. – Barack Obama said Saturday that health care and other domestic needs will be neglected until the Iraq war ends, and that he had the judgment and ideas to lead the country.

“When this war is over, we can finally get back to facing the challenges we face here at home, the challenges you’re grappling with every day,” the Democratic presidential candidate told about 600 people at a union conference.

The first-term Illinois senator said the war now costs between $10 billion and $12 billion a month. He noted that President Bush had vetoed a $35 billion measure expanding a children’s health program and wants almost $190 billion for military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan.

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If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with “S-CHIP” on his lips should be boiled with his own premium payments and buried with an actuarial table through his heart!

• So-called “pre-existing conditions” are a myth of the liberal media, as this hard-hitting investigative journalism from the serious journalists at Free Republic shows.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Cap’n Ed seems to think we’re all making a bigger deal out of the White House’s torture memos than is really called for. After all, we did worse things to Nazis during WWII, didn’t we?

Ed, quoting from the Washington Post, says:

The veterans of P.O. Box 1142, a top-secret installation in Fairfax County that went only by its postal code name, were brought back to Fort Hunt by park rangers who are piecing together a portrait of what happened there during the war.

Nearly 4,000 prisoners of war, most of them German scientists and submariners, were brought in for questioning for days, even weeks, before their presence was reported to the Red Cross, a process that did not comply with the Geneva Conventions. Many of the interrogators were refugees from the Third Reich.

“We did it with a certain amount of respect and justice,” said John Gunther Dean, 81, who became a career Foreign Service officer and ambassador to Denmark.

The interrogators had standards that remain a source of pride and honor.

“During the many interrogations, I never laid hands on anyone,” said George Frenkel, 87, of Kensington. “We extracted information in a battle of the wits. I’m proud to say I never compromised my humanity.”

Oh, well, then. Not so much.

But, you see, it’s not the same, because the enemy we fight today is way, way, way worse than Nazis. Like, seriously way worse. Just ask Ed.

It must be said, however, that they faced a different enemy in a different war. The Germans fought to expand territory through traditional warfare, at least as arrayed against the US and the West. While they conducted sabotage missions in the US through espionage, they did not use terrorist infiltrators to attempt to kill thousands of American civilians.

Um, Ed? You know the legal decision that the Administration keeps citing in its attempts to find a precedent allowing them to do anything they damn well please — including torture and execution — of “unlawful enemy combatants”? You know, Ex parte Quirin? It’s based on things that actually happened, what with the Court being notoriously fussy about reviewing cases based on made-up stuff. Specifically, what it’s based on is the capture of eight German (and German-American) Nazi agents participating in something called Operation Pastorius. Contrary to its sweet-sounding name, Operation Pastorius was not about bringing us edelweiss and German milkmaids:

Operation Pastorius was a failed plan for a series of attacks by Nazi German agents inside the United States. The operation was staged in June 1942 and was to be directed against strategic U.S. economic targets. The operation was named by Admiral Wilhelm Canaris, chief of the German Abwehr, for Francis Daniel Pastorius, the leader of the first organized settlement of Germans in America….

Their mission was to stage sabotage attacks on American economic targets: hydro-electric plants at Niagara Falls; the Aluminum Company of America’s plants in Illinois, Tennessee and New York; locks on the Ohio River near Louisville, Kentucky; the Horseshoe Curve a crucial railroad pass near Altoona, Pennsylvania as well as the Pennsylvania Railroad’s repair shops at Altoona; a cryolite plant in Philadelphia; Hell Gate Bridge in New York; and Pennsylvania Station in Newark, New Jersey.

(emphasis mine)

I don’t know if Ed’s ever been to Penn Station, but I have. I can pretty much guarantee you that blowing up Penn Station would result in some impressive civilian carnage on any given day and at any given time. I honestly don’t know if it would kill as many people as were killed in the attacks on the World Trade Center, and I hope to God I never find out.

While there is a fair argument to be made that the Pastorius conspirators weren’t terrorists because they were representatives of a military government we were currently at war with, all that answer does is beg the question of what it means for the United States to be (as our government keeps insisting we are) “at war with terrorism.” Regardless, the idea that Nazis had not tried to kill American civilians by the boatload is just false.

They also did not face religious extremists who believed that death brought them to Allah and 72 waiting virgins for taking out women and children. One can make a case that the civilized techniques of PO Box 1142 worked because their detainees also believed themselves civilized and members of the Western culture.

Right. Because Nazis weren’t extremists or anything. Nazis were calm, reasonable individuals with no strange beliefs about the afterlife.

But don’t get Ed wrong. He’s not saying it’s okay to torture people, even Muslamonazis. It’s just so hard to know what torture is sometimes…

That’s not an argument for torture as traditionally understood. Is waterboarding torture? We use it to train our Navy SEALs and other commando units.

You know, I’ve heard that, too. I’ve also heard that the reason why we expose our SEALs to waterboarding is to PREPARE THEM TO RESIST TORTURE in case they are captured by enemies who practice TORTURE.

I will leave it to those less disgusted than I am to complete that syllogism.

You know, we’ve hit a new low in our political discourse when it’s possible to read other people making apologies and excuses for torture and not find yourself feeling much in the way of outrage over it. A little bit of disgust, sure, but no real outrage. It’s like when you flood the engine on your car and the sparkplugs won’t spark — there is just so much on a daily basis to be outraged over that it’s hard to muster more than a weak sputter anymore. I’m not even sure what it would take to put enough oxygen back into this mix to bring the outrage back, and that just depresses me even more. How about you? What would it take for you to feel genuine outrage again?

Burt anticipates another dinner of fish sticks and applesauce
at his assisted living facility

Grampa Burt Prelutsky, who used to write a humor column for the L.A. Times sometime near the turn of the Neoproterozoic Era, now contributes to Clown Hall and, for the stuff that is too crazy even for Clown Hall, to The New Media Journal, formerly known as “The Rant” and home of such luminaries as Frank Salvato and Warner Todd Huston. So let’s see what Grampa Prelutsky is ranting about at The New Media Journal, shall we?

Liberals: A Puzzlement

What is the deal with liberals? How to explain their mushy heads? Was it something weird in their baby formula? Were they potty-trained when they were too young or, more likely, too old?

Oh, hell, Burt, why don’t you just come out and say all liberals have skidmarks in their shorts?

Or is it simply something in their DNA? Are their chromosomes slightly out of whack, the way it is with homosexuals and the transgender crowd?

Yea, that’s probably the reason. It’s a trisomy of the flaming chromosome!

I’m serious. Why else would Americans so resent the United States having more influence in the world than, say, Luxembourg or Lichtenstein? … Liberals would like to see us cut and run from Iraq. That’s because they enjoy seeing the American military lose.

Does anyone else think that Gary Ruppert is ghost-writing Burt’s column? Or, better yet, maybe Burt is Gary Ruppert.

Now we hit paydirt:

[Liberals] keep insisting that Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11. What they refuse to acknowledge is that we are at war with Islamic fundamentalism. Hussein may have had had nothing to do with the USS Cole or the first bombing of the Twin Towers or the attacks on our embassies and our Marine base. So what? Germany and Italy had nothing to do with Pearl Harbor. It’s the mission that matters, not the venue.

Well, shit, let’s just invade Germany and Italy again. There are Muslims there too.

If we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, why do I have to remove my shoes before I’m allowed to board a plane?

Along the same lines, if we’re not at war with Iran, why do I have to put my pants on before my shoes?

Via Selwyn Duke, who has been sadly lacking in love sent his way from these parts lately, we find the ultimate liberal horror!

It cannot be a coincidence that those who preach tolerance the most are often the most intolerable. On Tuesday, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors voted to condemn talk show host Michael Savage for “hate speech” after a failed attempt to do so in August. Just for the record, there is no discernable correlation between hate and hate speech, except that when leftists hate you, they will accuse you of it.

Just for the record, hate speech is what you use when you love someone, you silly liberals.

San Francisco condemned Michael “Get AIDS and Die” Savage for hate speech? Unbelievable! Not Michael Savage. I cannot believe that Michael Savage would ever engage in something as odious as hate speech. Surely this is another liberal lie! Let’s see what he actually said.

Here is what happened. In response to a week-long fast embarked upon by 35 students and illegal aliens who were burning a few calories for amnesty, Savage quipped, “I would say, let them fast until they starve to death, then that solves the problem.” Now, I’m not sure why [San Francisco Supervisor] Sandoval latched onto this particular comment – maybe his immigration lobby masters called in a favor – but it certainly got his dander up. He responded by saying, “The intolerant and racist comments of Michael Savage demand a strong condemnation”; he then labeled them “symbolic of racism and hatred” in his resolution.

Pshaw! This is the kind of nonsense that gives silly liberals such a bad name. Wishing that a group of student activists would die a fairly horrible, painful death isn’t ‘hate speech’ — it’s just tough love. It’s the best kind of love, really. Except that would make it hate speech, wouldn’t it, because hate speech doesn’t mean you hate someone, it means. . .wait. Never mind.

This is a fairly respectable performance by Selwyn Duke in the Republican Laff-A-Lympics. Let’s see how he scores!

• Complaining about government condemning free speech — as long as it isn’t Congress voting to condemn MoveOn.org, which was a blow against false and insidious liberal propaganda. Check!

• Complaining that a wish for members of an ethnic group to die because you dislike their actions is not hate speech. Check!

• Openly questioning the patriotism of liberals with whom one disagrees. Check!

I’d hate to call the results this early on in the Games, but with a showing like this, it’s hard to imagine Selwyn Duke not taking at least a silver medal in the Laff-A-Lympics triathlon! Duke does his home country of Renew America proud….will their ancient rivalry with Townhall for nuttiest columnist finally be settled?

Did White House Lie About Solution Provider’s Role in Loss of 5 Million E-mails?
By Damon Poeter, CMP Channel

When Congress asked about 5 million executive branch e-mails that went missing, a White House lawyer pointed the finger at an outside IT contractor.

The only problem? No such IT contractor exists, according to sources close to the investigation of a possible violation of the Federal Records and Presidential Records acts.

[…]

It’s beginning to seem, even from the trickle of information that leaks past the claims of executive privilege and ‘national security,’ that we’re dealing with a crime here. And not even a clever crime; a brazen, “Haw-haw, suckers, you can’t touch us” one. The kind of crime that Republican ‘plumbers’ can get supremely busted for, if such things can still happen in America, and so on up the line.

Then again, on the ‘plumber’ tip, let no one doubt that a crew of loyal-Bushie IT guys are capable of making quite a mess.

Why, Pastor Swank? Why dost thou persecuteth me?

Greasy Giuliani Slips Through Every Tight Hole
J. Grant Swank, Jr.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Why is it that everywhere I look, anymore, I am confronted by stuff like this coming from conservatives and Republicans? Is this Opposite Day? Opposite Month? I just don’t get it. Stuff like this is supposed to be MY line, not Pastor Swank’s line! I can’t even add anything to that.

[Gavin adds: Don’t look at me; I don’t know how he does it either.]

Because of that, one can never predict Rudy Giuliani’s choices. He is Opportunism Gall personified.

Fact: He vowed to three wives he would love and cherish them till death. Not. Go figure. The man is greased from head to toe.

I am definitely Amusement Laugh personified at this point.

And for the rest….yeah, I know. Giuliani is “greased from head to toe”. My fear at this point is that if Swank keeps making it this easy for us, we are going to find our jobs outsourced to China to a twelve year old who will write snark for one-fortieth the pay.
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Ah, Townhall, what makes you so good to us? Marco Martinez, what have you for us?

I was honored to have been given the opportunity to fight in Iraq on our country’s behalf. And it was that experience—and five things I saw firsthand—that illustrate the foolishness of those who would equate American military power to that used by thugs and tyrants. [Emphasis added, straw in original.]

Did Marco see a giant man made of straw in Iraq? No — even better:

The 5 Things I Saw that Make Me Support the War

3. Adrenaline-Fueled Fedayeen Saddam

I couldn’t for the life of me understand why the ninja costume-wearing terrorists we encountered in a series of hellish firefights just wouldn’t go down—even after being shot. Once my fire team and I cleared a terrorist-filled house in a close quarters shootout, I saw dead bodies all around the kitchen. I looked up at the countertops. Scattered everywhere were vials of adrenaline, syringes, and khat (pronounced “cot”), a drug similar to PCP that gives users a surge of energy and strength. That’s when we realized that our zombie-like attackers were zealots who came to fight and die.

Yes — among all of the good reasons to invade Iraq (and stay there until you reach Phase 3, Profit), one of them must be that “ninja costume-wearing terrorists” take a drug similar to PCP.

If Limbaugh is the Kettle, Democrats Are the Pot

Keith Olbermann, MSNBC’s answer to a question no one asked, declared this week that I’m the “worst person in the world.” This is not as bad as it might seem. It’s sort of like being called uncool by the asthmatic assistant recording secretary of the high school chess team.

Except Olbermann has a high-rated show on television, while Goldberg is a belching oaf who writes a column that his mommy got him.

Above (l-r): “Asthmatic ass’t recording sec’y of chess club,” Goldberg

I’m the worst person in the world — the designation is apparently a nightly feature of Olbermann’s show — because during a Fox News interview about the current idiotic Rush Limbaugh flap, I said that conservatives don’t actually question the patriotism of liberals, they merely call attention to the statements of liberals.

Uh, yeah. Smart way to play it there, Jonah.

Above: Some books that Jonah has never seen

Olbermann lifted his objection to my statement from the group that launched this Limbaugh flap, Media Matters for America (you should read “for America” as “for the Democratic Party” and “for the Democratic Party” as “for Hillary Clinton”). Olbermann & Co. asserted I was wrong, citing a monologue on Rush Limbaugh’s show that later appeared on his Web site under the heading: “You’re Damn Right American Left, We’re Questioning Your Patriotism.” To which I have to respond: Touché!

In other words, Jonah got totally pwned again and there’s nothing left to argue about.

However, one could split some ideological hairs here.

In other words, he’s going to roll the ol’ 5d4 and attempt a 9th-level Cloud of Weaseling spell.

LUCIANNE GOLDBERG: Jonah, did you clean your room yet?

YOUNG JONAH: If by ‘yet’ you mean ‘on any singular occasion,’ then I cannot be said to have not cleaned my room yet.

LUCIANNE GOLDBERG: [fails saving throw]

There is a difference between the “American left” and “liberals,” after all. And usually when fringe leftists openly denounce imperialist America or express hope that she will be bloodied abroad or at home, self-described liberals are usually the first to respond, “Hey, liberals aren’t leftists.” If Olbermann and Media Matters now want to ditch that distinction and hence claim every nut-job leftist as their own, fine by me.

Anyway, the point I’d been trying to make was that liberals routinely and righteously condemn the “questioning” of anyone’s patriotism — until they have a chance to do it themselves. For example, in the debates over the formation of the Department of Homeland Security and the passage of Patriot Act, Democrats accused George Bush and the GOP leadership of questioning Democrats’ patriotism. But they never did any such thing.

Um, forsooth. Thus doth I counter yon spell with mine +2 Search Engine of Fact-Checking:
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Teh awesome:

I hope the Chinese – or somebody – really do manage to start a successful, gene-based eugenics program soon. America is too infantile to do so. Mankind does not have much more time, considering the realities of looming Peak Oil, Peak Gas, Peak Uranium and other Peaks. The liberal and religious types, as usual, will blather nonsense about Hitler, Holocaust, mean-spiritedness, etc., etc. Such types have already caused far too much damage to evolution.

Indeed. After all, what have genetically inferior cripples — the ones whom liberals and religious types irrationally oppose executing at childbirth — ever done for mankind?