Sadly, No!

ABOVE: No one makes a monkey
out of Brent Bozell III!

---

Eric Alterman said some unkind things about Brent “OMG It’s A Nipple on the Teevee!” Bozell III in his new book, Why We’re Liberals, and Brent is pissed. So Brent rushes over to Clown Hall and calls Alterman’s book “The Dumbest Book of the Year.” Snap!

Alterman argues that conservatives loathe Hollywood because they, like the rich everywhere else, are expected to “embrace the right-wing politics that would benefit their economic self-interest and leave the opinion business to the professionals.” What conservative in his right mind has ever uttered this thinking? What conservative having lost his mind advances this belief?

Well, I don’t know, Brent, what conservative has made such an argument? Why, Mr. Bozell, it seems that you did in the immediately preceding paragraph:

[Alterman’s] first example of a hysterical conservative is … me. Horror of horrors. I’m attacked because I’ve ridiculed “political dilettantes” and “leftist celebrities” whose qualifications as political advisers “include starring in ‘Hello, Dolly’ and ‘The Prince of Tides.'” This language comes from a column I wrote in 2002. At that time, Barbra Streisand had sent House Minority Leader Richard Gephardt a memo that misspelled his name “Gebhardt” and misquoted Shakespeare. I labeled Streisand a celebrity dilettante, because she is. That makes me a “hysterical conservative” in Alterman’s mind.

Of course, in all fairness to Bozell, he did say “conservative in his right mind.”

Dinesh D’Souza offers words of wisdom on the presidential election, in Top 10 list form. Here, the Cliff Notes:

1. Obama is really, really black. That doesn’t play in Peoria.
2. John McCain is really, really old. That doesn’t play in Peoria. But then neither does black, bitch or Mormon. Or conservative, really.
3. Romney’s Mormonism wouldn’t have played well with people who hate Mormons, whose numbers include people who hate Mormons. Fortunately, people who hate Mormons ditched this fucking Mormon.
4. If it’s Obama, here’s a wild thought for the GOP — how about TV ads that play up how black he is?
5. Democrats lack the requisite racism to throw Obama under the bus. Sucks to be them.
6. If Hillary wins, Watts will burn.
7. Bill Clinton is currently being dispatched to fuck the Hillary votes out of undecided female super-delegates with his mighty cock of triangulation.
8. If Hillary beats Obama fair-and-square, it will be perceived that she beat Obama fair-and-square.
9. Hillary is a total fucking bitch.
10. She is going to have Obama assassinated.
 

We were curious this morning as to whatever had happened to ol’ Justin Darr, with whom we had shared so many good times.

Above: What we found was depressing

Above: Yoshida in trademark finger-pointing flag pose

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But all is not dark, for Adam Yoshida, the self-proclaimed Most Right-Wing Person in All of Canada, is back with more of his illuminating commentary:

Earth Hour: My Response

[…]

Thus, my response to Earth hour is as follows. When I finish this post, I am going to get into my car and drive first to Bellingham, WA, then to Lynnwood, WA, then possibly to Seattle. Before I leave, I am going to turn on every single light in my apartment (most of which, by the way) are incandescent 100w bulbs. I am also going to leave my television on (though with the volume muted, in a concession to my neighbours) and I am going to leave all three of my computers running, specifically encoding video files.

Yeah, it’ll cost me a few bucks. But, frankly, just for the pure joy of going against the grain – and of doing it while it’s still legal – I’m going to do it.

But truly the brightest realization — a veritable light-bulb moment, if we can overextend the metaphor like that — was from the series of photos that followed, showing the lamps defiantly ablaze, chez Yoshida. Because not only does his place look like this:

Above: Welcome to Bachelor Flats, population: 1

It also… Hey, wait one second here: ‘legal’ like encoding copyrighted videos is legal? Well, whatever; that’s nobody’s business. But along with the monogrammed hope chest from his childhood bedroom and the sparely-expressed Simpsons motif — a self-rebuke compounded by the telltale thrift-shop table and overintegrated home-entertainment components (forecast: occasionally hot and moist with a 75% chance of BitTorrented hentai) — the observant observer will notice the following:

Above: He apparently stands posing in front of that flag all the freaking time!

Also, while I’m in Washington, I’m going to purchase expensive clothes, doubtlessly produced by Asian child labourers. Needless to say, I feel good right now.

Forecast: Breezy with a likelihood of Polo by Ralph Lauren

Another white person killed by a bathtub

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The sadly-mistitled website The American Thinker is where the wingnuts who fancy themselves to be really, really smart go to play. So that’s where we find Randall Hoven, an engineer living in the hinterlands of Illinois, pulling out his slide rule to explain why white people are right to poop their pants when they see black people. Statistics show, Randall says with a flourish of the pocket protector, that black people are more likely to be murderers than white people.

That is, the chance of just any person you see on the street murdering someone this year is about 5 of 100,000 (assuming you see a random sample of people). The same chance of a white person is 3.5 of 100,000. And the same chance for a black person is 19.7 of 100,000. That means a black person is 5.6 times more likely than a white person to be a murderer.

It is totally rational for a any person (including Jesse Jackson and Barack Obama’s grandmother) to fear a black person more than a white one. In fact, you should fear them 5.6 times more.

Here are a few more interesting facts you should take into account when determining who and what to be afraid of. You are 65 times more likely to drown in a bathtub than by being bitten by a venomous spider — so it’s totally rational to be afraid of bathtubs. And you are three times more likely to be killed by an acquaintance than a total stranger, so you really need to spend more time with strangers, just to be safe.

And if you write a post like the one that Hoven wrote, you are 356 times more likely to get linked by David Duke.

Gavin adds: Maybe I’m reading these figures wrong here, but Hoven seems to be leaving out the salient, indeed the pivotal — indeed the crucial — matter of who-kills-whom. Because apparently, the best measure you can take to protect yourself from Black-on-X homicide is to be a white person.

Once you do that, though, you need to start fearing the greater number of white murderers who would kill you. Is not life’s larder richly stocked with complexities? I always think so.

Recipeblogging: Spring pasta

• Chop up some basic, bland ingredients and serve them with spaghetti in the way that everybody already knows how to do, only follow my incredibly anal process. Next, tell me what a talented, frugal person I am in comments. Link and flatter to taste. Serves No. 1.

ABOVE: Megan’s Spring Pasta, as cooked by
Clif. Needs bigger pieces of asparagus

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

UPDATE: The Meganbot is confused by the human emotions that sometimes act as troublesome grit in the machinery of institutional banking:

Apparently, a lot of foreclosed tenants like to trash the house before they leave. I don’t get it. It’s hardly the bank’s fault that you can’t make your mortgage payment.

You know, I’m hearing a lot of talk these days about a national dialogue on race. Let me tell you people something: one guy giving a Kiwanis Club speech is not a dialogue. A YouTube Video is not a dialogue. Gassing about on your blog is not a dialogue. Making fun of Scott Stapp is not a dialogue. A Jolly Rancher disguised as a sprinkle is not a dialogue!

I’ve got your dialogue right here (indicates crotch below):

Hey, what’s up?

(frantically dialing cell phone)

No, no, hey, it’s cool! I’m just here for the dialogue!

Why don’t you people get your own dialogue? Why are you always trying to take what belongs to us?

I’m…I’m talking about the national dialogue on race. The one that Barack Obama says we should be having. You and me.

Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s ‘loco1936’ commenting on this column by Victor Jefferson Davis Churchill Gilgamesh Hanson:

Blacks have “jumped the shark” and regardless of all your words this situation is not behind Obama and he will not win the presidency.

Victor Hanson’s article shows the nature of real statesmanship and not the empty excuse making of Obama.

Please, God, let ‘loco1936’ start his own blog.

Meanwhile, Google: Get it while it’s black.

The S,N! staff is attending an exclusive Swiss mountain retreat this weekend — except of course for me, who is left to paw the levers with my futile, thumbless paws.

Wingnut quote of the hour: Jonah Goldberg, attempting to convince the rubes that FDR prolonged the Great Depression:

Above: “Hummana-hummana-I’m-glad-you-asked-me-that-Tucker-hummana-fragga…”

The Same Old Spiel about a ‘New’ New Deal

[…]

Still, it’s worth noting for the record that the New Deal didn’t really do what most of these people think it did. It didn’t, for example, end the Great Depression. It prolonged it – by years. It didn’t really crack down on big business – it gave big business unprecedented power to regulate itself, to the detriment of small businessmen.

WTF!?!?

Back soon!

A Report from the White Community

• Nigga, read a book, read a book, read a mu’uhfuckin’ book… ¹

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

¹ Cf.

Bonus Agar-Against-the-Machine:

You want to know why white kids succeed? Their parents tell them to. Their parents expect them to. If the school doesn’t provide a book they send their child to the library. You should try the library, it’s free. While the children are doing their lessons the adults could wander over to the self-help section and read “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People” or something like it. There are plenty of choices. (But not “The Secret,” that’s another get-something-for-nothing book.)

You could point out that while I am busy absolving myself of the problems in the black community I am not doing anything to help. Perhaps that is true, but I didn’t help the Asian children either. How are they doing?

Not at all affected by centuries of chattel slavery in the Americas, funnily enough.

D. Aristophanes adds: Blacks, by lumping all people of a certain race together and declaring that all of them have a common, negative characteristic, are clearly racist.

Witchcraft on the Home Shopping Network?

• Perhaps “New Age” psychic John Edward is merely a huckster, but let’s be rational: What if he’s in league with demons?

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.