Sadly, No!

So yeah, no random wingnut dancing on the grave of Trayvon Martin today, nor a rundown of bizarre sexual obsessions from some repressed homophobe. Instead, we’re talking about the rundown shack we’ve all decided to huddle under as our adoptive home.

We here up on the front page have been discussing a number of long-term and short-term changes for the blog, most of them sexual (I’ve been told not to talk too much about Operation Orgy Night before we invest adequately in plastic sheets, alcohol wipes, and duct tape). Some of them already in place (better and more regular communication between front-pagers), some definitely scheduled for later in the future (Giant Robot Apocalypse).

Most of which is about general updating and improvement of the site as a whole (in addition to the various secret plans for a complete overthrow of the Florida State government), some dealing with aspects that have far too long been neglected.

Which leads to the topic we’re putting to you all today.

Trolls. And how to deal with the problem in the long-term.

Basically, one option we are currently exploring is instituting a policy wherein before a comment appears, the author must have a previously approved comment.

Upside of this model: Complete obliteration of our pet stalker troll before he escalates to real world actions as well as allowing comment threads to be 100% fixated on terrible puns and food porn (as God intended!).

Downside of this model: Increased inconvenience to new posters and we’d definitely have to have a boring post day where all the regulars post and get approved early on. Also, 6% chance of rousing Cthulhu from his eternal slumber.

Full disclosure: This is not the only solution we’re looking into. Instituting a sign-in system would be another potential option. Additionally, a good short term solution would be promoting some readers as moderators, though we’re looking at how to work that with the current FYWP setup we are using. And there’s a few other options that we could institute. And of course there’s just continuing what we’re currently doing. I mean, it’s not like it’s terribly difficult work to take out the trash from time to time.

So yeah, discuss amongst yourselves, give us feedback one way or the other, raise issues we’re not thinking of, ask questions of us about the potential change, or just book your spots for Operation Orgy. Whatever.

Or just trade puns. Oh c’mon, you know you want to.

Our Justice System is totally not broken, what are you talking about?

Shorter Zimmerman Trial Jury:

• Shooting a nigger kid is always legal, no matter what the damn law, facts, or reality says. P.S. Racism? What racism? I mean, it’s not like we’re still lynchi-EEE anyway, look over there.

Fuck. The. World.

Fuck America. Fuck our broken Justice System. Fuck the whole pox-ridden limp-dick state that could have possibly engineered the near constant stream of fail that has characterized the Zimmerman trial on every level. Fuck every wingnut who is going to be cheering this on for weeks as a personal validation of every id impulse they’ve ever had. Fuck our toxic masculinity gun culture and the way its erosion of rights have conspired to invent a means to turn LYNCHING into America’s Favorite Legal Pastime. Fuck the vile soulless husk masquerading as Florida’s Attorney General and her nonexistent rationale for why this even masquerades as something other than a travesty of justice. Fuck the Defense Attorney and his slimy opportunist bullshit. Fuck the Florida Police Department and its attempts to cover this shit up. Fuck the news organizations who were forced by protesters to even pay attention and chose to do so in the most sensationally racist fashion possible. Fuck the trial for making the machinations surrounding Manning’s trial look dignified. And Fuck Zimmerman, most of all, hood-wearing, child-murdering fuck who counted on the law letting him getting away with stalking and murdering a kid just because he was black.

Fuck me for still having the ability to be shocked and appalled by bullshit like this.

Fuck everything, because maybe in the empty embrace of sweating heaving bodies, maybe we can forget for one solitary second what this represents for our country and our society and how far we still have to come to fix ANYTHING worth mattering.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

And if this was the way he chose to live his life, we’d have so many fewer issues with this unrepentant piece of shit.

Neal Boortz: Asshole for Hire, Clownhall:
Airplane!

*

So yeah, there was a plane crash in my neck of the woods, killed two people, injured more. Now, you or I or someone with a rudimentary understanding of basic human decency and a functional sense of empathy, might react to such a tragedy with concern, shock, or sadness. One of those fleeting type human emotions that we filthy “caring about other people” liberal-type people infect ourselves with on a regular basis.

So when it came time for Neal Boo-rtz, narcissist and low-functioning sociopath, to react to the crash, he knew that such vile hippie-claptrap wasn’t for him. Instead, he chose a different tack.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

• Goddamn liberals. It’s all their fault I ended up noticing that Fox News sucks. And it’s all their fault that I can’t stop watching. And it’s all their fault I ranted like the asshole that I am on Twitter.

But Cerberus, you say, how the fuck does any of that follow from a runway crash of an Asiana Air flight?

And to you, dear reader, I say:

You had to ask, didn’t you?

You just HAD to ask! Sigh… Our story begins-
Read the rest of this entry »

On guard in the middle of the night against the sperm-burgling lesbian hordes.

Robert Oscar Lopez (The World’s Dumbest Bisexual ™), American Screecher:
Gay Weddings, Synthetic Babies, and the Brave New Court

Oh Oscar, Oscar, Oscar. When last we left God’s gift to internalized biphobia, he had been lightly tonguing the balls of Homophobia Inc, looking for his salty payout of excusing all his various fuckups on having lesbian parents.

Since then, he’s spent the past year toiling in the used needle infested alley of American Thinker while the once firm and plump balls of Homophobia Inc have withered and shrunk from the estrogen treatment that has been “the majority of the populace aren’t bigots anymore and so there isn’t a reason for cowards to side with them”. And the stress and strain of desperately trying to hoover up the last few drops of cash flow before the “queers for homophobes” get relegated to the same dustbin of history as the kapos, the Phyllis Schaffleys, or the Quislings, may… I repeat, may, have turned his mind just the tiniest bit syphilitic.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

• I sold out THIS close to the end of the gravy train?!? FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!! Also, faggots be queering our alternative fertility options and thus must be stopped at all costs!

Yeah, just a sconch.
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Zimmerman and “legal” analyst Ann Althouse? Awwww, yeah, shit’s about to get sitcom-appropriate levels of crazy around here!

Ann Althouse, Shitehouse.blogspot.com:
Rachel Jeantel made it sound like Travon Martin profiled George Zimmerman… or… what is a “creepy ass cracker”?

Who’s up for some wacky fun with the Zimmerman trial? I mean, the whole media has gotten into the spectacle and dug in deep to enjoy every little bit of fun as if this was the second coming of the OJ Simpson trial (though no one ever suspect that the media is hoping for an equally “unfair” ending to “make up” for that one). So why not join in?

Shorter:

• Trayvon Martin reacting like a normal human being to having a psychotic stalker hunting him like prey in ways that proved eerily prescient when said sociopath decided to murder him in cold blood, fully expecting his social rank and his community’s racism to get him completely off the hook, is clearly proof that Trayvon Martin was the true racist that night and a homophobe to boot whose attempted gay bashing was valliantly defended by Zimmerman’s cold steel.

  My proof of that is that no one could ever mistake a filthy wetback for a human being… I mean white person. Also I have apparently been kept in a sterile vat for the last five centuries and thus common as fuck slang like “creepy-ass” are completely foreign to me.

I mean, there is so much to love! Like oh, that Rachel Jeantel! I mean, she’s BLACK! And FAT! And reacts like a human being at the joke of a justice system we have in this country literally dismissing the humanity of her best friend and her own self because being black is viewed by far too many as a capital crime deserving of nothing less than death and which is in no way a shallow revelation that the days of lynching aren’t really gone… er…

Hey, other assholes wrote something!

Selwyn (Dem) Duke (Boys), American White Supremacist:
Trayvon, Rachel and White Privilege

Oh man, and then there’s George Zimmerman’s piece of work lawyer who is definitely trying his damndest to play the Johnnie Cochran to our lowest-common-denominator mass media. Oh, what wacky fun he gets to, whether it be opening with knock-knock jokes or being a racist piece of work raising two racist piece of work daughters. It’s like it’s tailor-made to be the comedy circle-jerk of the century!

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

• Rachel Jeantel is young and black and fat and doesn’t speak or look like a proper white person, therefore she is inherently a liar like all black people or women are and Trayvon Martin as a fellow young and black person deserved to die and there shouldn’t be a trial.

  Also, there is no such thing as white privilege, blacks are the real racists, and I feel no shame arguing these things in the wake of the continued racist farce that has been the Zimmerman story so far.

Read the rest of this entry »

Thanks Hammer for reminding me that our band fucking Hammered the shit out of our set last night, I think we just might have scared the shit out of our younger selves were they scheduled to follow us 23 years ago* “jesus, those old dudes can fucking rock and were tighter than bark on a tree, how are we gonna top that?”  is a sentiment that would have passed through every one of our younger heads.

After our set, I got to jam with a couple of local music legends including a former Grammy nominee for best guitar performance who was also the roomie that knocked on my door one December night asking if I would be interested in becoming part of his rhythm section a month after picking up the Bass, who informed me, after I said “Hell yeah!” that we had a gig in three weeks. It has been 12 years since I have played in front of a real crowd live, with rehearsed material. I failed to check if we got a recording out of the show but if so, I will upload that shit and post a link.

Now,  I am a lover of baseball (PlayersToBeHatedLater™ should be a clue) and fellow lovers of the game will appreciate the following analogy: It might have been like watching a game in Pittsburgh in the late sixties and the visitors started every inning with a triple, the following batsman flies out to right, Clemente’s frozen rope outfield assist makes for a double play, fly out, inning over. Nine times in a row. a Clemente homer in in the fifth is the only run scored in a game that can only be described oddly as a ‘pitchers duel’.

That is about how hard we rocked last night, and generally as a
musician I will be the first to account for the 27 mistakes made during any performance and there were at least 27 on my part last night, I just do a more creative job covering them now.

*in a town and time with an amazing amount of original musical talent there came a point when no one wanted to follow us on stage and being in the main, nice guys, of the type you might want to bring home to mom, we would often play the last set. On our last performance 22 years ago  (lead singer moving) we decided that we would play second. The band that followed probably had their best performance (they did rock and eventually caught up with a label), during their performance their Bass player broke a string on his primary rig and noticing the fact I turned Roadie, asked where to find his strings and if he wouldn’t mind If I took care of the problem. Armed with information and without a tuner, I returned his Primary to his stand midway through a four minute tune. The look of the surprise on his face when he picked it up and realized that it was in fact, in tune, accompanied with a thumbs up, was priceless.

Which is just an example of which the many ways I roll. Will clear out the forest accompanying below…

…

Lindsay Graham leaving a snail trail…There are certain things once thought that cannot be unthought. Thank you very much TBGOT, If I manage to keep my breakfast I will be her-prized*

Whilst Cerb usually takes the clue by four to the Octoplex™ and then drags the nap victim around the park for some needed exercise, for at least some time, whilst I develop my sea legs, I might spend a bit of time on not only Projection, but Privilege.

I will start with the Fundigelical: Mostly because I bolted a picture of his head, in what is a beloved shopworn tradition here at Sadly, No!, to the body of a cat reclining in a toilet.

Summertime coincides with one branch of Government airing out the
national Dirty Laundry, which I guess would be as good a time as any, If Kennedy had a clue about laundry.

Now that I have been staring at the page responsible for the fauxto-shop above posted at Amercias Shittiest Website™ the National Review Online, I realize that I will have to familiarize myself with something called a Phi Beta Con. Curiosity is mingled with an urge to shake an angry fist in directions alternating between California and France, at the bastiges that sanctioned this career move.

And fuck, I have yet to read the article titled Vetoing Democracy by John Fund which undoubtedly relates to “Working the ref related pogrom activities” marinated in a Conservative Butthurt Vinaigrette about the SCROTUS ruling on something which if had to guess, involves ladyparts…or teh ghey.

Turns out to be the latter:

Chief Justice John Roberts has done it again. His twisted
reasoning in last year’s Obamacare ruling wasn’t the only unpleasant
surprise he’s sprung on supporters of the rule of law.

His majority 5-to-4 opinion in California’s Proposition 8 case —
throwing the issue back to California because plaintiffs lacked standing
to argue in his court — is as bizarre as his Obamacare decision. His
opinion was joined by an ideological tossed salad of justices that
ranged from Ruth Bader Ginsburg to Antonin Scalia. But the fact that its list of supporters is unusual doesn’t mean it won’t present real
problems for both liberals and conservatives when it comes to democratic freedoms. Has the initiative process in 26 states now been fatally undermined?

I’ll render the guy his “ideological tossed salad” ‘cuz to be honest I wished I had coined the phrase, but his Privilege™ is showing when he suggests that a subversion of Democracy has occurred when it is no longer OK for a tyranny of a privileged minority (usually sects of conservative fundamentalists) to curb-stomp the rights of an even less privileged group. But that is how these fuckers roll.

His whine is about ballot initiatives, tools used by assholes (generally) to give the 27%’ers an opportunity to beat on puppy’s and kittens (and in this department, it would seem that their lust is never slaked.)

…

Imagine this face across a crowded bar, watching, waiting… You’re welcome for those nightmares.

Selwyn (Dem) Duke (Boys), Rue the Day America!:
Where Serena Williams is right about rape

It’s a busy time at the Cerberus household. Because of the many exciting victories I had in the genetic lottery, I have a number of events that apply to me or close loved ones. I’ve already completed the Bisexual BBQ (partner) and Trans March (clearly no one I know personally). And for the next two days, I’ll be smashing together an Asexual Pride Event (me), Dyke March (me and partner are in a homoromantic pairing), Pansexual Pride (partner again), and Pride Pride (now with extra pride).

So far, it’s a pretty amazing experience. Events have been bigger than usual, the diversity of the community is on display, more people are supporting on the sidelines and participating in the marches, and everyone is happy and excited about recent victories. It’s Gay Christmas and that means that queer family and friends come in from around the world and come together. It creates a nice high that would take a truly horrible e-

Wait, what was that title for today’s post again?

(TRIGGER WARNING: Rape apologetics)

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

• Serena Williams is right, the Stuebenville rape victim deserved to be raped. Frankly, if women don’t want to be raped, they need to stop thinking they are full human beings who are allowed to do things like go out drinking or being at parties like their male counterparts can do without worrying about being raped and then blamed for it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Friends, SadlyNaughts and Countrymen, lend me your ears. I come not to praise, or toss the salad, but to bury it. Twice on the Lupercal we enjoyed the dressing with a hearty and hoary gusto. At thrice, we discovered quickly, that there were not enough toilets in Rome….

Cheap ‘Borscht belt’ gags about the “wife” will likely follow…

Hello fellow travelers, and welcome to a slightly darker* version of the blog. For some reason I have been asked to participate in the show and I consider it a singular honor. Really. It was about a month ago when an email arrived from Cerberus about joining the team and I am pretty sure that within the first seven words I sent in reply was the phrase “are you kidding me.”

Having just examined the email exchange in question, exchange “shitting” for “kidding” and first seven with first four. In the meantime life, liberty and the pursuit of something resembling both have transpired to truncate my visits to this lovely place.

And while I forget what the first outrage which might have generated the sauce for my introduction, the Supreme Court made it imperative as of yesterday.

I am referring to the evisceration of the VRA, by the what passes these days, as the  SCROTUS™ (trademark thingy here. [Not gonna go full hog FYWP just yet] )**.

I will return to examine, in more detail, this particular ruling once I have enjoyed breakfast and read a few smarter than I, as well as get a handle on the reins of this particular platform.

xoxox

*not a white guy, though occasionally mistaken for a CentralAmerican or Quaida.

**could be that as I am composing this on a mac as opposed to my usual Linux environs that I will have to make adjustments to my ASCII style, before blaming WordPress, that is.

ps. having been led down a rabbit hole by Cerb’s most recent offering, (shakes fist in Cerb’s general direction…I  have 3 clown hall tabs open as we speak) I suspect that part of the day will be devoted to bolting GIMP to the mac, and if that is not possible, drinking, while looking for pictures that might be appropriate to bolt the head of John Fund to (and possibly a toilet…if nothing else a screen cap of the Chappelle Show gag about the first black dude to be caught taking a dump in a whites only bathroom should suffice.)

Update: Gimp has been installed, several toilet images found, as well as Profiles in Courage:Toilet Pioneer.

UpdateII: I have now pulled my head out of my ass and figured out how to compose in text as I am used to…Carry on!

Addendum:While I kind of stomped on Cerb’s post below, and you should read it in its entirety bye the way. At this point, almost properly lubricated, I will start with Fund and end with whoever the fuck. I am not sure that I will get past the Goalie before the morrow.

…

Oh, you poor damned fools, letting us have these victories, now our Homosexual Agenda shall wreck havoc upon your formerly straight marriages as omnisexual fluberts use their magick powers to absorb your very souls!

B. Daniel Blatt (America’s Dumbest Homosexual), Gay “Pig for Bacon”:
The gay marriage decisions & the gay marriage debate

It’s been a pretty good week for the queer community. Not so much for democracy or even any pretense that the Supreme Court isn’t still willing to do everything in its power to keep the rotting corpse of the Republican Party jittering forward on its last shattered leg. And not so much for revealing that nearly every decision lies in whether or not Justice Kennedy hates a given group enough and/or wants to help his party succeed illegally rather than anything even remotely having to do with the rule of law. And definitely not so much for our broken media and their selling of their last scraps of dignity in order to cover every event like paparazzi looking for an upskirt shot.

But for us faggots? Yeah, pretty good week.

Shorter:

• A pair of monumental decisions that directly affect my life as a California homosexual is far less important and interesting as starting to write the same book I’ve been attempting to start for months. But hey, if you need me to say something, let me just link to two dismissive posts from my facebook page while whining about faggots needing some “federal goverment” to give them “approval” like the sort of weepy eyed weak-willed women who’d care about full legal rights.

The Prop 8 decision and the DOMA decisions both loom high and will very likely be the main topic of conversation in the upcoming Pride weeks as it has already been for the various wingnut and traditional media outlets.

K-Lo/J-Load’s “The Editors” mask, National Screw
Our Generation’s Roe
Marriage: The Court Picks a Side

And yeah, of course, these decisions deserve to be trumpeted and celebrated as much as wingnuts weep and despair over them. These are huge stepping stones on the road to equality. Long delayed victories that have been fought over for years to ensure that those who are already married have access to the federal benefits extended to every other married couple in America and also to put an end to the constant Calvinball game of marriage rights in California (it’s legal, wait, no it’s not, okay it is, but wait to see if it really is, now hop on your left foot and SPIN).

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