Even if Captain Intertubes wins, we can survive as long as he is always referred to thusly:
Convicted felon Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, also was slightly ahead of Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich in his re-election bid.
Good evening, Sadlynauts! Mister Leonard Pierce here, liveblogging from the heart of the biggest red state. Since my joint’s not in play, I can enjoy drinking all night without worrying about my fellow man, and put off suicide until tomorrow when I wake up and learn that America has remembered that Barack Obama is a negro. I’m enjoying a super-dry Boodles martini, which goes very well with the Dwight Yoakum chicken fingers I made for dinner, and watching Joe Scarborough pre-emptively gloat on MSNBC, the unemployed man’s CNN. A caller has just said that he would feel more comfortable voting for Obama in eight more years, when he will, presumably, be less black. While we’re still in the early goings, some questions remain unanswered: which dire rightblogger predictions for the evil deeds carried out by the hopefully-not-yet-theoretical Obama administration has been the most hysterical and ridiculous? How does Gary Ruppert feel about having lost Maryland and Pennsylvania, which may now no longer be counted as part of the heartland? And what, exactly, does Scarborough’s comment that “Obama hasn’t won a red state yet” mean, in light of the rather obvious fact that if he had done so, it would be a blue state? I await your answers while I get some ice.
EDIT: Heading to Gavin’s party. Join me, won’t you?
Ding ding countdown to 8:00pm EST dong ding…
GAVIN (7:22): After much gee-whiz technofanfare, Jessica Yellin just appeared with Wolf Blitzer as a white-haloed figure, ‘via hologram.’ Nothing I could say would make this interesting, including “Help me, Obi-Wolf, you’re my only hope.”
GAVIN (7:28): Not drunk enough yet.
GAVIN (7:38): Alex Castellanos, with his staring eyes and mustache, is explaining that the Republican ‘silent majority’ may be smaller than it used to be — i.e., sort of a minority, pretty much. Seriously way not drunk enough.
MARITA (7:39): I think you need to break into those beers, Gav. If you keep yelling at Bill Bennett, the neighbors might complain.
GAVIN (7:45): Suzanne Malveaux at the Obama event in Chicago: “Hi Wolf, it’s [PEOPLE SCREAMING YEAAA-AAA-AAA-AAAH] with the [YEAAA-AAA-AAA-AAAH] when [WOOO-OOO-OOO-OOO!] every other [WHEEE-EEE-EEE-EEE] to you, Wolf.”
MARITA (7:54): Massachusetts polls will close 6 minutes from now. Massachusetts will likely be called 7 minutes from now.
GAVIN (7:55): McCain carries South Carolina with 44% to Obama’s 55% — I thought Negroes were 5/5 of a person these days? Woop-woop, developing! Massachusetts called for Obama.
GAVIN (8:01): They just called about fifty-eight states. Woop-woop, developing.
MARITA (8:03): As I was saying about Massachusetts…
GAVIN (8:03): It’s a shocker. BTW, Leonard ought to be along shortly. We still haven’t officially started, so it’s okay that nothing I said has been especially funny yet.
SEB (8:09): How many times will someone on CNN say they’re gonna be conservatives and count the votes?
SEB (8:11) John King says: “John McCain is underperforming George Bush (in 2004), which is a problem.” No, it’s not.
GAVIN (8:12) Leonard can’t load the site for some reason, so he’ll be appearing via hologram…
MARITA (8:14) Some woman who looks like an albino Afghan Hound is at the McCain camp’s election extravaganza. Some sort of funeral dirge is being performed on the stage.
SEB (8:19): CNN went to commercial so I was able to watch an old episode of 24 which is on RTL2 (I’m in Germany for those keeping score at home).
SEB (8:21): Why is Wolf Blitzer screaming all the time? I hate him.
MARITA (8:23): BREAKING NEWS – David Axelrod admits that Barack Obama carries “lucky charms” that have been given to him on the campaign trail. He’s a witch! I knew it all along!
GAVIN (8:22): Malkin suicide watch…
RETARDO (8.28): So how long til we can start putting ppl like Gary Ruppert in internment camps?
GAVIN (8:32): New Hampshire analysis, by level of education: Obama takes grad school, McCain takes grade school.
GAVIN (8:33): This oft-cited wingnut analysis is seeming iffy…
SEB (8:35): @Retardo: We can do that once we’re done nationalizing the means of production.
SEB (8:40): Go Pennsylvania!
GAVIN (8:42):
LEONARD (8:44): Gav! Missus Marita! Seb! Mencken! Greetings from Bush country. I think they’re fixin’ to call Florida and I need my third martini.
LEONARD (8:45): Rachel Maddow: Obama has not yet “flipped” a state. Maybe they should offer him some lake trout and tea in a can.
LEONARD (8:48): Whatever you do, do not read the Human Steyn. He has gone all Multiple Miggs on us, masturbating furiously over Obama’s ugga-bugga relatives.
GAVIN (8:50): Frighteningly, Althouse seems to have vanished.
LEONARD (8:50): David Axelrod’s “That’s what she said” moment: “We’re obviously doing very well with women, but we’ve held our own with men.”
LEONARD (8:54): “Hi, everybody, it’s me! Political expert Tom DeLay! I’m not in jail!” They should just spend his segment laughing at him.
LEONARD (8:58): DeLay is reminding everyone that now that the Dems are in charge, he’ll blame everything bad that ever happens again on them. The Ole Perfesser: “AT THE MOMENT, MCCAIN IS AHEAD IN POPULAR VOTES while way behind in electoral votes. I doubt that will last, but in light of 2000 it’s funny.” Yeah, Glenn, I guess that is kinda funny.
GAVIN (8:59): A drama in two acts:
Barone [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
throws serious cold water on the Pa. calls.
11/04 08:25 PM
re: Pa [Kathryn Jean Lopez]
Fox has now called it for Obama.
11/04 08:28 PM
SEB (9:07): Bill Bennett starts off the “racism is over look at us everybody USA #11!!11!!!” train.
LEONARD (9:09): Hooty Hoo Hewitt, inexplicably, has called NMex for Obama, but is still disputing Pennsylvania.
GAVIN (9:11): There’s a lot of disputation over Pennsylvania.
LEONARD (9:14): I think you mean expectoration. Crazy Pammy’s liveblog is pure hilarity: she’s attempting to explain to her braindead legions what PUMA is, and one asks: “You mean like Log Cabin Republicans?”
GAVIN (9:19):
9:18
Pamela, Atlas: ohio obama
9:18
[Comment From Randall]
I don’t trust any news outlet now
9:18
notorious erb: is ohio done now
9:18
[Comment From Christene]
I still don’t know what PUMA stands for,..well,..besides some awesome shoe’s!…I guess I can live with not knowing,..lol….I’ve spent the last week Praying for America And Israel!
9:18
notorious erb: or is this bs?
9:18
[Comment From bhparkman]
My wife says she’s sleeping with her .45 rifle tonight and told me to hold onto the 12-gauge. She’s afraid of rioters.
GAVIN (9:24): It’s Hank Williams, Jr. at the McCain event, and he’s…bombing?
SEB (9:26): The upcoming CNN call? Hank Williams did in fact bomb.
LEONARD (9:27): Ohio is called hither and yon. Say goodnight, Sarah. More words of wisdom from the Shrieking Harpy brain trust:
Can we be American? ISREAL HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE SAME……… Welcome to America where things are supposed to be cool. It still is the best place to live unless we are in the islands and self supportive. BREATHE ….Freedom is refreshing and gift. Take care of it, remember that the Al- Quida said they could not beat us in heads up war but would destroy us in the heart, which is $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. They have done that, am I right ?
GAVIN (9:34): Ohio — ba-ba-boom.
GAVIN (9:41):
MARITA (9:46): Boston.com has called a Yes vote for Question 2. Smoke ’em if you got em.
LEONARD (9:46): The Malkinoids are quoting Bible verses at each other, and hiding ‘neath their blankets warm from the new Soul On Ice administration:
Black Panthers blocking whites access to voting booths. Nice. A tiny glimpse into the Obama regime.
“Who are the Prayer Warriors? There must be some word! I want ALL the Prayer Warriors! I want them alive, if possible. If not, wasted! But I want them. Send the word!”
RETARDO (9:51): Tonight we are seeing the future: A gay cross-dressing muslim abortionist’s high heel stomping on Doughy Pantload’s face — forever!
LEONARD (10:02): I-oh-way called for Obama. I’m switching to Rangpur gin, and it took me four minutes to type that. The Human Steyn, on Failin’ Palin: “If you’ve got organic style, you shouldn’t be shoehorned into generic campaign issue.”
GAVIN (10:06): I is more beer. Say, would you believe that the impeachment drumbeat has begun?
SEB (10:10): So far tonight everything has been excellent news for John McCain.
GAVIN (10:14): A drama in two acts at Lucianne.com:
Reply 194 – Posted by: Sheik n Bake, 11/4/2008 7:47:00 PM
From now on, I will only refer to the democrat party by it’s proper name : Communist Party.
It’ll be McCain-Palin by a landslide. Then we’ve got to get all the rest of the communists out of the government.
Thread Closed
PS: Despite a pasting error, this thread is not closed.
GAVIN (10:26): Okay, wait. Are the yellow states on the map called for Bob Barr or, uh, what’s his name — the guy with the blimp?
LEONARD (10:29): Jonah, as always, puts country first: “Looks like paperback sales of Liberal Fascism will be brisk!”
GAVIN (10:33): He’ll be doing a lot of laughing in the labor camp.
GAVIN (10:52): Whee!
folks concede we are now a communist nation we can’t stop it unless we spend the bullet
Posted on Tuesday, November 04, 2008 10:51:32 PM by Bengar
grab ur gun
SEB (10:57): Bill Bennett says no one (running for President or something) has given the country more than John McCain. Cry me a river.
SEB (10:59): Wolf says Obama was born in Hawaii — cue outrage. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
SEB (11:01): Bed time for Germans. Keep the party going, America.
RETARDO (11:07): ZOMMFG!! This is better than when the Cubs lost! Their misery was so great I wanted to lick the screen, then; right now I wanna stick my head through the screen, into the NRO’s Bizarro World, and just point and laugh. A lot. Yes, their grief is my sustenance. Mmm cry some more, wingnuts! Your tears are so delicious! It’s not enough that we’ve won; what’s really sweet is that the forces of concentrated evil have LOST. EAT IT, COBAGS!!!
LEONARD (11:17): Ace: “McCain lost honorably, as he wanted.” Does he mean McCain wanted to lose? Well, mission accomplished, but seems like he could have saved a lot of money. Anyway, he must have seen a different campaign than I did, with the honor and all.
GAVIN (11:22): McCain: “America isn’t racist since other people voted for Obama.”
LEONARD (11:32): The Malkinator: “Here’s my promise to you: As long as I can still publish a blog and speak my mind openly about the next denizen of the White House, I will.” Way to stand up against entirely nonexistent threats, Michelle.
GARY RUPPERT (11:50): The fact is, the Heartland will secede tomorrow. The fact is, John McCain can still win this election in court. The fact is, liberals eat poop and hate America.
RETARDO (12:02): Obama: “with malice toward none, with charity toward all…” Classy. Good on him. Of course, I’m the opposite: ‘To the labor camps, Gary, go!’
RETARDO (12:25): It didn’t really hit me ’til I saw Jesse Jackson weeping. This is truly huge.
Shorter Dennis Prager: If elected, a President Barack Obama would peel away decades of conservative policies, when all voters wanted was to elect a black dude.
Shorter David Limbaugh: Leftist partisans, who for years slandered Bush as “a reckless cowboy” and a “moron,” have engineered the likely presidential election of an anti-American radical who might also be the Antichrist.
Shorter Thomas Sowell: Thirty years of excessive government regulation led us to our current financial crisis, which is really no crisis at all but, in fact, yet another a leftist conspiracy designed to destroy our free-market economy.
Shorter Chuck Norris: “Hello, this is Chuck Norris. My wife and I are calling from our ranch in Texas to urge you to resist liberal bullies and outlaw gay marriage. Also, buy my book, ‘Black Belt Patriotism.'”
Shorter Monah Charen: A recent study has shown that teenagers who watch sex-drenched filth on television are more likely to become pregnant or impregnate someone else. Reading a pornographer’s obituary could have the same affect.
Shorter Debra J. Saunders: Actually, I’m gonna call bullshit on Newsbusters.
Shorter Patrick Buchanan: In the end, George W. Bush failed conservatism.
Shorter William Rusher: Things aren’t looking so good this time for Republicans.
Shorter Cal Thomas: The media could earn back some of its credibility by giving in more quickly to its critics’ demands.
Shorter Phyllis Schafly: Barack Obama and his best friend, the 1960s radical William Ayers, conspired to undermine American traditions by teaching children to question authority and sympathize with the wretched, downtrodden classes. (Shudder.)
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions™.
The Doctor Missus writes:
Sadlynauts!
Not that anyone here needs to be told, but wherever you’re at, battleground state or not, please be absolutely sure to get out and vote!
Also, if you have any spare time today, it’s not too late to help Senator Obama out. The campaign has a really impressive Get Out the Vote effort going, but they can always use more people. Even if you’re in a safe state, if you’re willing to make calls to a battleground state, that will free up more people to knock doors in that state. You can make a huge difference!
To find volunteering information, or to find your polling location, go here:
http://www.barackobama.com/splash/findvotinglocation_2.html
Also, even in a city like Cambridge, there were a few people who seemed to be having trouble voting. I’d strongly recommend taking along the phone number for one of the many organizations (local or national) that assist voters that are having such problems to alert them to the situation. This isn’t just to help you; you may be able to help out other voters in the line.
If anyone would like to suggest good numbers to use for this, please put them in the comments, and we’ll update with them.
We’re almost there!
[I’ll now return you to the people who are actually funny.]
Update: For voter assistance, you can call 866-OUR-VOTE and/or visit 866OurVote.org. (They’re a partner organization with the ACLU.)
Allahpundit is shocked that Peggy Noonan – Peggy Noonan! – is voting Republican. Why, next you’ll be telling us that David Frum came home to John McCain!
If Jonah Goldberg eats a jelly donut, the troika of ‘surprises’ will be complete.
UPDATE: Ed Morrissey predicts – wait for it – a squeaker for McCain-Palin. Surprise!
Gary Ruppert sends in his election prediction:
Above: It might not even be this close.
Brad adds: I thought this election was basically over when St. BBQ decided to suspend his campaign and generally act like a big goof on the national stage. But now I’m worried for the first time in weeks. Why? Because of this:
John McCain and his aides are still banking on a come-from-behind victory Tuesday, but the GOP’s most famous political strategist has already called the race for Barack Obama.
Karl Rove, the man widely credited with engineering President Bush’s two successful White House bids, is predicting the Illinois senator will take the White House in an Electoral College landslide, winning 338 votes to John McCain’s 200. That would be the largest Electoral College victory since 1996, when Bill Clinton defeated Bob Dole in a 379-159 rout.
If Rove is using his own math to calculate these totals, then Obama could be in big trouble.
Nice timing. That’ll pick up a few sympathy votes for sure.
2 posted on Monday, November 03, 2008 4:57:13 PM by PeterFinn (Sarah Palin for President in 2012.)
Gettin’ ready for the deletions….
3 posted on Monday, November 03, 2008 4:57:45 PM by Gay State Conservative (Obama:”Ich bin ein beginner”)
Thoughts and prayers to the Obama family.
4 posted on Monday, November 03, 2008 4:57:45 PM by Carling (“I won’t have to worry about putting gas in my car. I won’t have to worry about my mortgage.”)
Will this swing the election to him?
5 posted on Monday, November 03, 2008 4:57:45 PM by nickcarraway
…….and it looks as though where “The ONe” was actually born goes to the grave given that Hawaii authorities will produce a birth certificate
6 posted on Monday, November 03, 2008 4:59:28 PM by AlphaOneAlpha
prayers.. folks, let’s keep it respectful.
7 posted on Monday, November 03, 2008 4:59:28 PM by Chuzzlewit
RIP.
8 posted on Monday, November 03, 2008 4:59:48 PM by neither-nor
Cancer patients usually pass away from a planned terminal sedation.
This may be the first politically timed terminal sedation ever, though.9 posted on Monday, November 03, 2008 4:59:53 PM by counterpunch (It’s the SOCIALISM, Stupid!)
What you say !!
Thanks to Blair pour l’image.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions™.