Sadly, No!

(Until now) distinguished Sadly, No! commentor Frederick manages to post not one but two comments that combine the words “cock” and “Amber,” in a sure sign that the end of the world is just around the corner. (You can see the comments here and there. Consider yourself warned.)

Proving however that one can cause bouts of vomiting and inform at the same time, he also points out that Amber has decided to devote her life to people of Iran. Amber writes:

It’s appropriate that this website, a college website, is being dedicated to freeing the Iranian people. The resistance to the thug Ayatollah government in Iran comes predominantly from the students in Iran, and we, as American college students, should support them in their desire for freedom and prosperity.

We could mock this enthusiasm of the Ayn Randian Princess, and yet we must concede that our first reaction was: good for you dear! It’s just like Andrew Sullivan said: “The Revolution will be blogged.” But then our eye caught this little nugget, in small print at the top of her site:

Well, it’s about time I took down my website. It will be taken down any week now anyway. I know many of you have enjoyed my articles. I’m taking them down, mostly, because I plan on using some of them to make money off of. [Emphasis added]

Make money off of? Taking them down? The first plan made us laugh, the second one us made us cry. (And click on our shortcut for HTTrack, but that’s another story.) So it was that we began to wonder, just what devious plans Amber has in order to make money, and which of her many articles will she use in order to do so? We don’t know — but we promise that we’re going to find out.

Assuming you noticed we have been silent since Thursday, and for those interested in such things, emergency medical care took the people of Sadly, No! to the local hospital and away from our beloved internet connection. Sadly, even using our best German to explain that Amber needed us could not convince the staff to provide us with a computer. (And no, we do not believe we mistakenly used the verbs to paint or caress this time around.) All is well now, and we expect to return to our usual mocking of all that is objectivist (and more) by tomorrow.

Thank you for your support.?

The Bush twins think they have it pretty tough:

The book recalls the twins’ run-ins with the law in underage drinking incidents. The girls regard their Secret Service agents as “their chauffeurs, bellhops and valets,” the book says. It says “they persist in seeing themselves as victims of daddy’s job.”

In related news, Jenna and Barbara cry themselves to sleep every night, muttering “It’s not easy being me” over and over.

Link via TBOGG.

2004 is here (did you notice?) and we’re happy to note the return to active duty of Sadly, No! friend The Tooney Bin. His return is especially fitting as the “to clarify” jokes in the post below were inspired in part by his October post on blog disclosures.

Showing that he either can’t take a joke or that his readers are even dumber than he is, Andrew Sullivan posts the following “clarification” today:

To clarify: I didn’t say I’d support Dean over Bush or that I agreed with everything Dean has said.

Along those lines, let us offer additional clarifications for those DailyDish readers evidently too obtuse to understand the instructions on a bottle of ketchup:

George Bush: To clarify: gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry.
Donald Luskin: To clarify: I masturbate to Paul Krugman’s vacation pictures.
Ben Shapiro: To clarify: I’m a virgin now.
Kyle Williams: To clarify: I will always be a virgin.
Meghan Cox Gurdon: To clarify: I named my son Paris Cox because I don’t love him and only wanted girls.
Thomas Sowell: To clarify: my kidneys aren’t for sale but I have enough money to buy every kidney in America. And if it weren’t for the nanny state, I would.

Readers are invited to submit their own (though hopefully funnier) “clarifications” in the comments.

…and wave them around like World O’Crap’s invaluable TownHall summary is back. And she has managed to resuscitate Pat Boone!

Last month, we wrote about the Koufax awards, which are given to the best blogs in several categories. Fortunately for us, voting allows you, our readers, to stuff the ballot box, hence making it at least theoretically possible that Sadly, No!, and not the best, will win.

It appears that so far we’ve been nominated for best blog, with more to come. (Then again, that may just be the barbiturates typing.)

So, go out there (here that is) and do what you have to do.

Understanding Poverty in America

You’re not really poor unless you’re starving, naked, or homeless.

Heritage link from Pandagon.

We see that TBOGG’s What’s up for 2004 lists Amber Pawlik under the “no longer interesting” category. Wow — that’s gotta hurt we don’t care where you’re from. Fortunately, here at Sadly, No! we live to write about the “no longer interesting.” Besides, seeing Amber so abandoned brings a tear to our eyes (or a cookie to the mouth for Amber.)

What better solution, we thought, than offering to adopt the now blog surrogate parent free Amber? We think that we and s.z. at World O’Crap would make the perfect role models for Amber.

More later this week…

In a development that is either a) a spectacularly failed attempt at comedy or b) the most shocking Amber Pawlik-related news we’ve ever reported, Sadly, No! reader sbw emails to report that Ayn Randian Princess Pawlik has been kicked off the group blog of Men’s News Daily. It appears that Amber’s future Valentine Day gift to us (as reported by World O’Crap’s s.z.,) the famous “Enjoy Cock T-shirt,” aroused a few homo-erotic feelings in her fellow writers ruffled some feathers:

I don’t really care. Not sure how a *female* wearing an “Enjoy C-ck” tshirt is homosexuality … but whatever.

Perhaps it was not the homosexuality rather than simply the idea of Amber writing on anything sex-related that was so shocking to her colleagues, especially the poster Common Sense, he (?) of most uncommon spelling.

Jim at The Rittenhouse Review also notes the passing of Amber days. To think he gets to share Philadelphia with Amber — it’s enough to make us jealous.