Sadly, No!

…but you can’t take the whining out of the winner. First up in the unhappy winner battle is Richard Mullenax, the illegitimate love child of Roberto Newsmax.

”Spiegel Online,” a German news site, has a cartoon map on the front page of its index, claiming that all the red states should be called ”Jesusland” while the blue states join Canada and be renamed ”The United States of Canada.” [Emphasis added.]

Richard provided a link to the “front page” of Spiegel’s index, which amazingly enough is located here:

http://www.spiegel.de/netzwelt/netzkultur/0,1518,grossbild-405553-326686,00.html

We used to visit Spiegel (the web site of a German weekly magazine, if anyone cares,) but we got tired of having to type in that url to reach their front page. (No, we don’t believe in Favorites!) Of course, the picture in question (United States of Canada and Jesusland,) is making its way around the internet and, as Spiegel notes, its origins are unknown (to us and them anyway.) Yet as long as liberals will resort to making slanderous cartoons, Dick will be there to expose them. So you’d better watch it, Marmaduke!

All that Dick wants, in case you wanted to know, is for some good old style rock ‘n roll unity:

The word ”unite” seems to be the key of both parties, but it cannot reasonably happen unless one party submits to the other party.

Ladies, he’s single!

Next up is Doug Hagin. You may remember him from your local bowling alley, where was he last seen at the shoe rental counter:

After the recent presidential election, American Liberals must be feeling a little ill. Not often does a nation so overwhelmingly reject out of hand an ideology.

No, it’s not enough that a presidential candidate in a two-man race wins with 51% of the popular vote. Why, it’s never happened before. (Or maybe it has. The wingnuts aren’t fact checking their articles, so why should we?) Last time we tried the guy who lost the popular vote won anyway, complete with a start a war against a poor country of your choice card.

President George W. Bush received more votes than any presidential candidate has ever received, nearly 60 million of them, well over 3 million more than his opponent John Kerry did.

Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln = the all star loo-zers. We bet they didn’t even get one million votes.

The map shows that even in the States where John Kerry won, like New York and California, Bush won far more counties.

Indeed, were it not for the Framers’ poor handwriting, the Declaration of Independence would now read: We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all counties are created equal…

America chose the principles of rewarding Americans for hard work over the Marxist principles of punitive and confiscatory tax codes.

Hmm, we must have missed that part of Kerry’s platform.

America chose the politics of hopefulness and pride in America over the message of anger and resentment the Democrats always bring to the table.

There’s no arguing over that point! (We’ll add that as was true of Dick, Doug is single. Just think of him as the poor man’s Matt Foley.)

Last (and least) is the Ace & Gary of the Boy Scouts Movement, Hans Zeiger:

Though people who know reality cannot expect it to belong to liberty exclusively — and if we envision a utopia we won’t have freedom at all — we can hope and dream that it will be a century devoid of the monstrosities that have defined the past century.

Well, we’re no experts (of course!,) but it sure looks like someone has been hitting the ganja. Unless Hans believes “the world” consists of Iraq and Afghanistan on a good day. So reach out and grab liberty by the balls:

It is a struggle that will require the most ardent efforts of a generation. For the thing we must seek first is not liberty[.]

It isn’t? Why the hell not?

we already have that

Right! FU poor people in ass backwards countries! FU!

No president or Congress can grant responsibility to the American people, and thus they cannot bless us with liberty.

Why would we want the president or Congress to bless us with something we already have?

In our capacity as individuals, made in the image of God and inheritors of a mighty body of principle and culture[.]

You know who else has inherited a mighty body of principle and culture? Tara Reid!

The truly significant trends of what has been called the Millennial Generation are a rising commitment to traditional faith, the growing rejection of relativism, the renewed commitment to the family, and a bold expression of conservatism amongst college and university students. [Emphasis added.]

Hans sure can pack a lot of facts amongst his ass, can’t he?

[Thanks to Frederick for the Tara Reid pictures.]

There are blogs who, when looking to make their mark, take to mocking (cruelly and viciously) their more successful peers. These blogs are called The Dark Window and elementropy.

And then there are blogs who believe that their purpose is to publish the truth, even if it goes against the alleged conventional wisdom:

the always clever Sadly, No!

W-O-R-D, up.

There must be, because we just found another graduate. Last June, we caught the owner of Trying To Grok trying to dismiss a poll whose results she didn’t like with this:

And if the margin of error is plus or minus 3%, and 53% of these 1,230 people thought war was not necessary, then perhaps only 615 people in the whole USA said this.

And now Judi McLeod contributes this craptacular entry:

A new poll revealing that one third of Canadians view the United States as “a force for evil in the world”, was based on the opinion of 167 people.

The Innovative Research Group Inc., a Toronto-based research firm was commissioned to survey 500 randomly selected Canadians. The poll, released to CanadaNews Service and results of which were published in Thursday?s National Post, made headlines for revealing that Canadians? dislike for the American administration is so strong that almost one-third now believe that the U.S. is a force for evil. One third of 500 people is 167.

While even an amateur would concede that the margin of error given a sample of 500 is going to be high, the entire only “x” people said this or that line of criticism is, simply, too stupid for words. Buy yourself a statistics book and read it. Until then? SHUT UP!

Adam Yoshida’s is one of those. Yet as a correspondent recently pointed out, the Yoshter recently turned off his comments, writing that:

Alright, it’s time for the comments to go. I’m not hosting Democratic Underground here. I think I can see why most high-traffic blogs [You know, like Atrios’ –S,N!] don’t allow comments.

Fear not however! Someone went ahead and created the Adam Yoshida 2.0 blog, featuring Adam’s lunacy with the added bonus of comments! Please stop by over there, and be sure to email Adam to tell him about it.

Mission accomplished!

Internet conspiracy theorists and some Democrats have insisted that the bulge was the outline of a radio receiver that got debate answers from an adviser and transmitted them into a hidden presidential earpiece. But Andrew Card Jr., the White House chief of staff, dismissed the bulge as nothing more than “a poorly tailored suit.” Ken Mehlman, the Bush campaign manager, said on the NBC News program “Meet the Press” that “the gentleman responsible for the tailoring of that suit is no longer working for his administration.”

In fact, de Paris is still making suits for Bush [Emphasis added.]

From the same article:

“He knows very much the quality, madame,” said de Paris, whose hand-sewn suits cost $3,000 and more.

He did not offer up the amount that is paid by Bush, who campaigned as a man of the people.

Gee, who was it that was complaining about a certain presidential candidate wearing fancy pants suits and ties?

“Why else would the richest man in the Senate ? a man whose pricey wardrobe is laid out for him daily by his personal valet ? wear only one necktie during almost all of his public appearances?” asked Swirsky in a September 20 column.

We were never sure as to why the price of a man’s suits should make him less (or more) suited to the White House. Yet it never ceases to be obvious how much some wingnuts admire not the real George Bush, but some ridiculous man-of-the-people caricature of them him they’ve dreamed up in between shots of bourbon.

Right in the balls:

Bush to Seek Gay-Marriage Ban in New Term

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – President Bush will renew a quest in his second term for a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage as essential to a “hopeful and decent” society, his top political aide said on Sunday. […]

“If we want to have a hopeful and decent society, we ought to aim for the ideal, and the ideal is that marriage ought to be, and should be, a union of a man and a woman,” Bush political aide Karl Rove told “Fox News Sunday.”

Well, we shan’t say we’re too surprised. Take your political capital and shove it.

This post is dedicated to Mary Cheney.

(A related Sadly, No! favorite: our Flash animation Sadly, No Love!.)

Can you? Oh baby! Give it to me! Don’t stop now. Where did you learn that? Oh my.

(Thanks to a reader for the links (and the accompanying erection.))

Time to Get Religion

Clinton’s genius was his willingness to preside over the execution of a retarded Negro in order to get himself elected.

Kristof’s point, to call it that, would appear to be pretty much bogus in any case:

MRC media analysts looked at network newscasts from Monday, January 20 through Sunday, January 26. Rector only drew two full stories, and only one before his execution, the CBS Evening News on the 24th. ABC?s World News Tonight aired a story on the 25th. (CNN’s Gene Randall gave the news 18 seconds during World News on the 25th.)

Roger Ailes has more here.

From Kristof’s earlier column last week:

Finally, grizzlies – a metaphor for the way environmentalism is often perceived in the West as high-handed. When I visited Idaho, people were still enraged over a Clinton proposal to introduce 25 grizzly bears into the wild. It wasn’t worth antagonizing most of Idaho over 25 bears.

In 2004, Bush won Idaho by 38%. In 2000, by 41%. In 1996, Dole won by 19%. In 1992, the other Bush won by 14% (Perot got 27%.) In 1988, by 26%. In 1984, Reagan won by 46%.

Assuming that Kristof’s example serves any purpose other than filling space, what does he propose? Making the non-introduction of grizzly bears in Ohio part of the Democratic party’s platform?

Not surprisingly perhaps, Kristof had more shit from Idaho to throw around:

Then we have guns, which are such an emotive issue that Idaho’s Democratic candidate for the Senate two years ago, Alan Blinken, felt obliged to declare that he owned 24 guns “and I use them all.” He still lost.

Yes, he lost against a twice-elected incumbent, Larry Craig. (Craig won his three races with majorities of 65, 57 and 61%.)

PS: Shorter concept inspired by busy, busy, busy, who offers his own shorter. Atrios, Pandagon, and the inimitable James Wolcott have more.

The kids call it martial law:

Iraqi Interim Government Declares Martial Law

BAGHDAD (Reuters) – Iraq’s interim government on Sunday declared a state of emergency for 60 days, the spokesman for interim Prime Minister Iyad Allawi announced.

He said the state of emergency, equivalent to martial law, would apply to all of Iraq except the Kurdish north.

“The prime minister will give details in a news conference tomorrow,” said spokesman Thaer al-Naqib.

According to our calculations, this means that Iraq’s first post-war election campaign is now scheduled to be held under martial law state of emergency. Booyah!

[Of course Blair sent us the link to this story!]

Adam Yoshida sums up his post about the US presidential election results thusly:

We have done great things together.

So apparently, the election was won in part thanks to the contribution of Canadians living in their parents’ basement who keep themselves busy by either eating twinkies or masturbating to pictures of Ann Coulter.

It’s amazing the things one can learn on the internet.