Sadly, No!

Here’s an excerpt from Tom Friedman’s piece in the Times today:

So here’s my bottom line: I’m glad the president is changing his rhetoric on energy and says he is changing his fundamental priorities. It makes for a great headline. But he has to go much further if he wants to make a great difference. There’s no pain-free solution […] And if he fails to carry through with this energy initiative, I’ll be the first to rip him for it. In the meantime, I prefer to give him a new reputation to live up to. You never know… and by the way, pal, do you have a better horse to ride right now?

Actually, buddy, I do. It’s called “limit the damage this administration can do for the next three years until we can elect someone who actually knows how to govern.” The Bush administration is King Midas in reverse. They can do nothing right. If you need examples, check out the lack of post-war planning in Iraq, the inept response to Hurricane Katrina, the irresponsible fiscal policies, the pork-laden spending bills signed without even the threat of a veto, the Medicare drug benefit debacle, torturing prisoners… the list goes on and on.

Without any ability to influence this administration’s behavior, the best thing we in the reality-based community can do is to oppose and obstruct anything and everything it proposes. And that means, Tom, that you have to stop acting like the battered wife who keeps crawling back to her husband because she thinks he might have really changed this time.

I wish we had a better option. I wish we could all just sit down and negotiate a reasonable settlement. But that’s just not going to happen. Bush has operated the same way for the past five years, and I don’t see any reason for him to change now. As teh Krugman writes today:

In other words, this administration is all politics and no policy. It knows how to attain power, but has no idea how to govern. That is why the administration was caught unaware when Katrina hit, and why it was totally unprepared for the predictable problems with the drug plan. It is why Mr. Bush announced an energy plan with no substance behind it. And it is why the state of the union – the thing itself and not the speech – is so grim.

You’d do well to heed those words, Tom. Unless, of course, you want that football pulled away again.

Sorry, somebody had to get that one in.

Bradrocket adds: “House GOP Elects New Leader; America Still Boehned.”

Seriously, he wins the “Best Boehner Pun” contest with ease.

I admit it: I like picking on easy targets. Whether I’m ridiculing syntactically-challenged priests who sit a home all day writing incomprehensible columns on the dangers of homo nups and murderers international, or mocking glue-huffing right-wing divas whose outfits look like the upholstery on a pimp’s Cadillac, I tend to lampoon writers whose ideas are rather easily refuted. The reason I enjoy doing this is because I can get a lot of cheap laughs without doing any intellectual heavy-lifting, let alone intensive fact-checking.

With that said, the writer I’m about to mock is almost below even my standards. Seriously, he’s gotta be the lowest-hanging fruit at the bottom of the fish barrel. He’s a man who needs no real introduction, since I’m sure you all remember him from his days in the World Wrestling Federation. After retiring from the ring in 1999, he went on to do a somewhat-successful lecture series on college campuses, speaking about the importance of conservative values at the behest of College Republican chapters all over the nation. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I’m referring to Mr. Brian James Hellwig, a.k.a., THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!!!

To get an idea of the Warrior’s awesome intellectual powers, let’s examine a column he wrote last October attacking all those whiny-assed ass whiner asses in New Orleans who were crying just because some hurricane ruined their lives:

10/03/2005: “Fishing is Great in New Orleans, it’s the Attitudes that Suck. “

Some of you believed my fishing trip picture was insensitive. Not p/c. Funny, I never recognized that this bothered me. I appreciate though that you attempted to bring it to my attention.

Frankly, I couldn’t help myself, having tired of the negative whines and howling cries of victimization, and also the lack of direct attention on the incompetents running the government down there.

Here is the picture the Warrior posted on his website:
Read the rest of this entry »

Sorry, but someone had to be immature enough to make that joke. And frankly, I’m proud that it was me.

At any rate, John Boehner has been elected the new House majority leader.

It’s been a while since we checked in on our old friend Pastor Joseph Grant Swank. Lucky for us, he’s still writing several cracked-out columns every day, so there’s no shortage of material to choose from. Let’s start with this piece, titillatingly titled “BOB WOODRUFF: THE PRESS STROKES ITS OWN.”

BOB WOODRUFF: THE PRESS STROKES ITS OWN
By J. Grant Swank, Jr.

It’s because Bob Woodruff is handsome and a popular regular on the news that he’s getting so much press. Also, the press fondles its own.

Just ask Bill O’Reilly.
Read the rest of this entry »

Seriously. Why would any sane gay person even think of attending John Brown University:

Official Defends University’s Decision to Dismiss Homosexual Student

By Jim Brown
February 1, 2006

(AgapePress) – Former John Brown University student Michael Guinn claims he was kicked out of the Christian school after the administration raised questions about his homosexuality and imposed restrictions on his campus life.

“Restrictions,” eh? It sounds like they locked away in some Medieval tower and strapped him into an iron chastity belt until he agreed to renounce the gay.

According to Guinn, he was instructed not to “broadcast” his lifestyle or dress in women’s clothing. Nor, he says, was he to hug or shake hands with other men for too long, and he was even advised to refrain from certain kinds of congratulatory physicality with other members of a sports team, should he choose to play on such a team.

The former JBU student states that he was also told not to reveal his sexual orientation to other students until he knew them well. He says it was difficult for him to make friends under all these restrictions.

Y’think? Geez guys, why not just tattoo a pink triangle on his arm and be done with it…

Check this, yo.

Of course, there is infinite hope (but not for us) — but still, what do y’all think is up with this?

Tip: If you ever want to do a post in five minutes, you can always go over to The Corner, where…

Okay, let’s hit Google Images and Wikipedia.

St. Theresa, patroness of female masturbators. (Sculpture: Bernini, 1645-1652.)

Title: ‘Today’s K-LoJack.’

It’s almost depressing.

Bonus Eww! (Title: ‘Not by you it doesn’t, you Mazola-sweating manloaf.’)

“Hubba hubba.”

From tonight’s State of the Union speech:

Podhoretz: “Close the gates; I’m in!”