Sadly, No!

Are you ready? Here we go: Slow, Slow, Quick-Quick-Slow…

Michael Medved — The Core Of Conservatism: Distinctions And Consequences
So maybe conservatism has no guiding principles. That’s because we reject moral relativism.

Michelle Malkin — All the News That’s Fit to Pay For?
The New York Times has a mote in its eye.

Mike S. Adams — How to bomb a gay bath house
Ann Coulter should take a cue from the true bigots — the left — and call for the extermination of all the faggot gay queer homo fags.

Terence Jeffrey — Hillary’s Human Rights Campaign
Martin Luther King would have been appalled at Hillary Clinton’s acceptance of the faggot gay queer homo fags.

John Stossel — Hazardous Safety Regulation
Government regulation kills, according to a study which doesn’t say that.

Jonah Goldberg — Unity is Overrated
Hello down there, Rich! You know, people talk about partisanship like it was a bad thing…

Walter E. Williams — Economics and Smoking
If unpolluted air were free, people would breathe it all up.

Kathleen Parker — Al Sharpton’s Faux Magic
Is Obama black enough to ruin Al Sharpton? Let’s find out together!

Paul Weyrich — CPAC and Extended Campaigns – Too Much Too Soon
I say, what truly unites conservatives in this modern age is the fear that Hillary will outlaw our wireless radiophone broadcasts.

Thomas Sowell — Is Newt Gingrich Back?
Hey, watch what happens when you put scare-quotes around a word — for instance, “scandals.”

Ben Shapiro — Why The Left Hates “300”
Freedom-hating liberals cannot grasp the simple reality that the iron boot of the white race must brutally crush the evil mud-mongrels.

Tony Blankley — Closing Time in the West
Ten bucks says I can write a column about nothing. Ha, I win.

Jacob Sullum — A Federal Appeals Court Revives the Right to Keep and Bear Arms
As a libertarian, I support the Second Amendment.

Roger Schlesinger — How to pay your mortgage
Now is a good time to sign up for an adjustable-rate or interest-only mortgage.

Rich Lowry — Who Cares About Abortion?
Hello up there, Jonah! You know, people talk about politicians ‘flip-flopping’ like it was a bad thing…

[Note from the typesetting dep’t: This has been sitting in the queue over at Gilly’s place since last Monday, and is, like Ann herself, quickly approaching its expiration date. When they post it there, we’ll do a redirecty-thing.]

If you’re as bad a person as we are, you’ve been wondering what ol’ Ann Coulter has been up to lately besides her annual yam-smearing performance-art piece at the Conservative Political Action Convention — where last year she famously called people of Arab descent ‘ragheads,’ and this year called John Edwards a ‘faggot.’

Like Ann herself, CPAC comes only once a year, and Ann’s attention-getting powers have been waning of late, forcing her inexorably off the serious talk shows and into the conservative equivalent of the dinner-show circuit — foundation-funded lecture appearances, foundation-guaranteed book royalties, a column foothold at the foundation-supported Human Events Magazine. Ann is expensive, and her usefulness is no longer as clear as it was a couple of years ago, when she rated a cover story in Time Magazine. Add to the situation that Michelle Malkin is creeping up like Eve Harrington to Ann’s Margo Channing, conducting an all-media campaign to clean up her smeary credibility and steal Coulter’s position as America’s favorite wingnut firecracker, and you’ve got a woman in trouble.

What does Ann do? She does what made her famous in the first place, only more of it — and that means super-hysterical attention-seeking tantrums. Let’s gawk!

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The Pantload, probably fired up after a screening of ‘300’ and eight packages of Twizzlers, gets all Bravefart on the Muslims:

There’s something about ‘The Enemy at Home’ that gets the Irish up, even in a guy named Goldberg. I can criticize and complain about my brother all I like, but if my brother bothers somebody outside the family, well, that’s just too bad. Similarly, Ted Kennedy may or may not be a Caligulan carbuncle, but if the jihadists want to behead him for it, they’ll have to get through me first.

Jonah’s ‘brother’ is hypothetical … the horrible thought of Lucianne pumping out another grubby little turd is oh so very real.

Oh my stars and garters:

The White House was deeply involved in the decision late last year to dismiss federal prosecutors, including some who had been criticized by Republican lawmakers, administration officials said Monday.

Last October, President Bush spoke with Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales to pass along concerns by Republicans that some prosecutors were not aggressively addressing voter fraud, the White House said Monday. Senator Pete V. Domenici, Republican of New Mexico, was among the politicians who complained directly to the president, according to an administration official.

The president did not call for the removal of any specific United States attorneys, said Dana Perino, a White House spokeswoman. She said she had “no indication� that the president had been personally aware that a process was already under way to identify prosecutors who would be fired.

But Ms Perino disclosed that White House officials had consulted with the Justice Department in preparing the list of United States attorneys who would be removed.

This is going to get very, very funny. Not as funny as Mark Foley’s e-mails or Dusty Foggo’s alleged adventures with hookers, but very funny nonetheless.

For some bizarre reason, the Washington Post is running an article this morning that seems to be pretending that there’s a legitimate debate going on between George W. Bush and people who are actually experts on Iraq. No, really:

Feb. 22, 2006, is the day the Bush administration says everything in Iraq changed.

I wonder if Bush is going to repeat the phrase “2-22” over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again and use it as an excuse to justify doing anything he wants.

Before that day, military and administration officials frequently explain, Iraq was moving in the right direction: National elections had been held, and a government was forming. But then the bombing of the golden dome shrine in Samarra derailed that positive momentum and unleashed a wave of brutal sectarian violence.

En otras palabras: “Hey, we need some excuse to justify our grave and monstrous fuck-ups!”

Above: The bombed golden dome shrine in Samarra. Of course, as we learned from the Jamil Hussein affair, this shrine isn’t that badly damaged and is probably a fabrication of MSM lies anyway.

Even now, more than a year later, the president and other administration officials cite Samarra as a turning point — “a tragic escalation of sectarian rage and reprisal,” President Bush called it in a March 6 news conference. “One of the key changes in Iraq last year,” said White House spokesman Tony Snow in January.

Many Iraq specialists and defense analysts contend that this narrative of the mosque bombing is misleading, yet also revealing of how U.S. strategy in Iraq has evolved.

Hmmmm, let’s see, who am I more likely to believe, Iraq experts or George W. Bush?

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Today in warmongering, Michael Ledeen, peddler of shit like this:

I mean, it may sound like an odd thing to say, but all the great scholars who have studied American character have come to the conclusion that we are a warlike people and that we love war.

Ledeen, above: ‘I’m sorry, Henry Kissinger; though you are the proud incinerator of countless Indochinese, you’re just not bellicose enough for me.’

And this:

Every ten years or so, the United States needs to pick up some small crappy little country and throw it against the wall, just to show the world we mean business.

Adds this:

[Diplomacy] won’t work. Only the defeat of the Islamic Republic [of Iran] can accomplish that goal [of taming Iran], because that would demonstrate that the mullahs do not have divine support for their global jihad.

War to disprove another’s religious belief! Awesome. Way better than war to prevent use of WMDs, to spread democracy, to seize the ‘unipolar moment’, to secure oil fields, to topple tyrants, to… whatever. Great stuff, this new reasoning, but I for one will not be impressed until Ledeen or others among the neocon crew say what they really feel and have felt all along: ‘war because it’s fun to watch from the safety of my recliner because I am an amoral monster and I need such things to make me feel alive.’

Ledeen’s whole column is an attack on Henry Kissinger from the Right. How depraved are you when Henry Kissinger is too peacenik for your tastes? These neocon psychopaths simply hate diplomacy in whatever application.

No, not the final five Cylons, you silly dorkwads! I’m talkin’ ’bout the five finalists in the Glenn Reynolds Roboshop Challenge! And here they are:

Finalist #1:

Finalist #2:

Finalist #3:

Finalist #4:

Finalist #5:

Also, I’m including this one as Finalist #6, because I posted it later than the others and it came very, very close to making the final cut:

There they are! Please vote for your favorite! Scott C. says he’ll send the winner a free copy of Better Living Through Bad Movies, the hilarious book he wrote with the lovely and talented S.Z. Also, I’ll send you a big bottle of Stone Ruination IPA, if I can figure out how to get individual bottles of beer shipped to your address…

At any rate, thanks to all who participated! You did brilliant work!

That’s the basic gist of the following wingnut conversation, which boils down to, ‘homosexuals are intolerant of religious nuts’ intolerance!’

David Frum Canada starts it off, cites a new British law that requires all adoption agencies, including religious ones, to stop discriminatiing against homosexual couples. The outrage! Even more sickeningly, religious schools may no longer demonise homosexuals. BLARGH!1!!

There is a widespread view that gay liberation is a movement toward greater freedom. Up to a point, that was true. That point, however, is now receding in the background. The movement for gay equality has rapidly evolved into movement to restrict personal freedoms, including freedoms of religion and conscience. The British example is not a special case. What is being done there today will be demanded here tomorrow.

Then, gratutiously, he predicts that the new rules will only apply to virtuous Christian and Jewish bigots, not to the nasty Islamic bigots.

Above: Charles Nelson Reilly, destroyer of religious freedom

Andrew Stuttaford, a libertarian and frequently an adult voice in contrast to the Corner’s playground cacaphony, writes back to the effect that Frum wants to exempt religious bigots from anti-discrimination laws, which will not do in a democracy.

Frum says: ‘Sure, laws must apply equally. And that is…’

…precisely why the gay rights movement is inherently an illiberal one. When you decide to extend your nondiscrimination principles to behavior condemned by your society’s majority religion, you are embarking on a course that will sooner or later require the state to police, control, and punish adherents of that religion.

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Ali G discusses techmology:

“Does you use a toilet or does you just drop one in a hole?”

Shorter Stephanie Sciandra:

Above: Due to recent changes in editorial policy, this caption does
not suggest the presence of ‘a eat attack,’ nor exclaim, ‘blargh.’

To The Protesting Masses

• The blame will be yours, campus war protesters, if we conservatives spread a false Dolchstosslegende and tragically create another Third Reich.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. [Hanx! Yuri Khmylev]

Update: Yeah, okay, it isn’t terribly sporting to pick on a college student, Dolchstosslegende or no.

Therefore, please accept our apologies, forgetting all about this post and instead going over to Gilly’s place, where we pick on Max Boot instead.