Sadly, No!

Here’s Dan, tanned and rested from his short, petulant retirement awhile back, and hungry for truth as ever.

Actually, he seems to be falling apart in some sort of Zima-fueled paroxysm of desperate unreason. We’ve never seen him quite this ah-oogah before.

The New York Times And A “Jim Webb” Of Lies

Today on Meet the Depressed with Tim Russert Senator Jim Webb accused Senator Lindsey Graham of “putting political words in the Soldier’s mouths.” Actually, it seems Senator Webb did much worse than that today. He put words in their mouths and the mouths of their families and it also appears he got it wrong both times.

Webb was citing this below from a current NY Times story. (full NYT version here) A few interesting things happen when you try to confirm this specific item from a poll taken in May, which we only seem to be hearing about now for some odd reason.

Among military members and their immediate families who responded to a national New York Times/CBS News poll in May, two-thirds said things were going badly, compared with just over half, about 53 percent, a year ago.

Indeed, interesting things happen when you try to confirm this item.

This is what Webb said: “Go take a look at the New York Times today. Less than half of the military believes that we should have been in Iraq in the first place.””

This is what the Times story says: “Among military members and their immediate families who responded to a national New York Times/CBS News poll in May, two-thirds said things were going badly, compared with just over half, about 53 percent, a year ago. Fewer than half of the families and military members said the United States did the right thing in invading Iraq.”

That sneaky, lying Webb was citing the line just under the one Dan quoted. Can you believe the perfidy of him?

The mystery thickens: Since Webb was lying, the Times must be lying too. But are they merely citing poll numbers that don’t exist, or is the conspiracy. . .deeper? Read the rest of this entry »

So Gavin wrote a very funny song based on a very runny Nooners (version: Jesus Lady 2.0) column.

It had a good beat, and you could laugh at wingnuts to it. So along comes Derb from Planet Zoot to fuck it all up for us with his own version of ‘I took the W from my car today’. Which is actually wrong, because the Jesus Lady column specifically said, “I took the W off my car today’. Stupid Derb. Anyway, sample lyrics:

Then one day at work I heard the owner say
He’d make more money if he hired José .
Laid me off with one week’s sev’rance pay.
I took the W from my car today.

To which, you know … well, for starters, would that be the José who gets upset when promising news of a ferry disaster turns out to have drowned nothing more than a few hundred Wogs? And the idea of Derb on the dole … wait a minute, I think I’m warming up to this song.

But wait … there’s more. Not satisfied with butchering irony, Derb decides to make sausage out of history:

HELP ME GET BACK TO THE RIGHT
(with apologies to Sammi Smith and Kris Kristofferson [and humanity — Ed.])

Take the W from my car.
Peel it off and let it fall.
Leave the bumper clean and bright
For this sticker from Ron Paul.

It’s not me that’s changin’ sides.
It’s more a case of seein’ the light.
I’ve supported Bush too long.
Help me get back to the Right.

Was the Iraq War right or wrong?
I’ve giv’n up tryin’ to understand
Just what the heck it is we hope for
In that poor benighted land.

Spending restraint is dead and gone.
Smaller government’s out of sight.
I don’t feel like learnin’ Spanish.
Help me get back to the Right.

I feel sure I’m not alone.
Help me get back to the Right.

Bush conservatism’s a con.
Help me get back to the Right.

UPDATE: This one’s fer Derb …

THE MAN WHO SHOT LIBERTY’S BALANCE
(with apologies to Gene Pitney)

When Georgie Dubya rode to town I just ’bout blew a load, spewed choad
When Georgie Dubya poked around ’twas my asshole he rode
‘Cause a bent-over hack was the only press that Dubya understood
When it came to cummin’ straight in my ass — he was mighty good.

From out of the Courts a stranger came, a bullhorn in his hand, a man
The kind of a man PNAC would need to tame an oil-rich land
‘Cause a bent-over hack was the only press that Dubya understood
When it came to cummin’ straight in my ass — he was mighty good.

Dear Leader sat around the campfire for a chat with some wingnuts; here are some excerpts:

Read the rest of this entry »

Above: Batshit insane wingnut, or pastry-
defiler’s dad in a popular teen movie?

‘More Armed Brothers’

• The spread of democracy via any other means than war and occupation is something I can do without.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Because Charles “Chuckie Greenballs” Johnson cranks it out faster than we can laugh at it, here’s Sunday’s output at Little Green Footballs, the go-to site for fascists of the extra-annoying “bwahaha, it’s the liberals who are the real fascists” variety.

Above: Hatin’ on a Sunday afternoon

Video: Killer Bee Replaces Death Cult Mickey

• Here’s something from a dishonest translation service founded by Likudnik spooks that will enrage us against the Palestinians.

Religion of Peace Strikes Again in South Thailand

• More Muslim barbarism, as two Muslim men are killed in Thailand, perhaps by Buddhists.

Marketing Terrorism As ‘Peace’

• When clothing catalogs sell shemaghs, it is part of a secret plan to pave the way for Global Islamofascism.

Bin Laden Video Fools AP

• Bwaha, the AP has a mote in its eye! I continue to maintain that official notice of Bin Laden’s death has been suppressed by some sort of unspecified conspiracy.

Zawahiri Behind Red Mosque Bloodbath

• While once again careful to identify Zawahiri as a physician, in order to cast general suspicion on Muslim doctors, I still betray no awareness of last week’s revelation concerning the doctor Zawahiri, who was trained as a physician.

Ted Rall Hates You

• It is tiresome to demonstrate the rabid, frenzied hatefulness of liberals, yet once again here is their leader Ted Rall.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

I can’t stand many of the Democrats currently in power, I’m not gonna lie. Several of them are typical weaselly politicians who want to line their pockets with K Street bucks and pander to hedge-fund managers.

But Jim Webb is a guy whom I liked from the very first time I heard him go after George Felix Allen. His smackdown of Huckleberry Graham on MTP this morning only bolsters my opinion of him:

Rockin’. Give ’em hell, Jim.

And in non-politics-related-program activities, what do y’all think this movie’s gonna be:

…our regular programming.

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A while into my long, ongoing bitchfest about the Sensible Liberals’ enabling of the Iraq War, the lack of punishment that the progressive movement has meted to such people, and what that means for the future, I solicited the opinion of someone I deeply respect, who told me that he thought Matthew Yglesias’s apology was one of the best he’d seen. I’ve finally found that apology, which was long lost in the ether of the internets. It is impressive:

Read the rest of this entry »

A while back during the last wave of progressive snarking at Pantload’s forthcoming “Liberal Fascism” book, some merciful Cornertard who’d apparently read part of the text diplomatically told Dough-Bob that he thought it was a “paleoconservative” tome. Pantload took this agreeably. Ugh, I thought, that description, from those (non-Buchananite) quarters, and with Dough-Bob taking it like that, can only mean one thing: it’s a long minarchist diatribe along the lines of “food stamps = totalitarianism”.

Read the rest of this entry »