Above: Syndicated columnist Kathleen Parker (artist’s conception)
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Your president, ladies and gentlemen:
The historic depth of Bush’s public standing has whipsawed his White House, sapped his clout, drained his advisers, encouraged his enemies and jeopardized his legacy. Around the White House, aides make gallows-humor jokes about how they can alienate their remaining supporters — at least those aides not heading for the door. Outside the White House, many former aides privately express anger and bitterness at their erstwhile colleagues, Bush and the fate of his presidency.
Bush has been so down for so long that some advisers maintain it no longer bothers them much. It can even, they say, be liberating. Seeking the best interpretation for the president’s predicament, they argue that Bush can do what he thinks is right without regard to political cost, pointing to decisions to send more U.S. troops to Iraq and to commute the sentence of I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Vice President Cheney’s former chief of staff.
So Bush’s two proudest achievements are getting people killed and pardoning a convicted felon. What’s more, he takes great pleasure from the fact that people hate him for these actions.
Impeachment, bitches. Start that drumbeat up.
Oh, goody! Wall-to-wall coverage of Ward Churchill! I had totally forgotten that guy existed at least a half-dozen times in the last five years! So what’s Ward gone and done now?
Above: Proof the surge is working
Oh, it looks like he got fired by whatever university he taught at. But surely that’s not the end of the zenith of all that is Teh Left, is it Michelle?
Whatever happens, you can bet we haven’t seen the last of the king of the moonbats.
Silly moonbats! Firing their king!
But wait! Breaking news:
Update 8:52pm Eastern. Who cast the sole vote against firing Ward Churchill? The Denver Post reports it was CU Regent Cindy Carlisle …
You heard Michelle, gang! What say we work together to drive Ms. Carlisle to suicide within the calendar year?
In a separate development, a barrel with what investigators are describing as ‘deep, violently gouged scrape marks’ in the bottom has been discovered near the home of right-wing pundit Michelle Malkin.
Gavin adds:
[knock knock]
Uh, who’s there?
“Pizza delivery.”
But I didn’t order a pizza. Hey, you’re that silly RenewAmerica guy, aren’t you?
Above: “AdamGraham.”
Okay, that wasn’t as funny as I imagined. Let’s see what our favorite Cox-For-President booster has up his sleeve this week.
The Sum Of All Christian Fears
Adam Graham
July 22, 2007
From the title, it seems to be something about a plot to drop the gay bomb on Branson, Missouri.
Imagine a world where children are taken from their families in order to stop them from turning their children into terrorists. Now imagine that on the list of potential terrorists whose children must be taken or re-educated are home schoolers, active pro-lifers, and many other average Evangelical Christians.
Imagine a world in which PZ Myers needs to wonder whether he’s been targeted by a homicidal Creationist.
This is the all-too-believable plot behind the novel, Naked Came the Cephalopod, in which a… Oh wait, I mean it’s the actual real world. But let’s not allow that to spoil a perfectly good tale of conservative victimhood. Apparently, the secular establishment is liable to take Christian children away and give them to teh gheys:
This is the all-too-believable plot behind Jodi Cowles novel, “The Minor Protection Act” (TMPA) in which a President of the United States, with help from a slick attorney, gets a bill passed through Congress that has federal agents remove children from their traditionalist Christian homes and families to stop the children from learning “intolerance” that leads to “hate crimes” and “terrorism.”
The seminal scene in the book
I.e., “the money shot.”
[is] when a child is taken from her Christian parents and placed into foster care with a lesbian couple. The scene in that brief word picture explains how traditionalist Christians see the Culture War better than hundreds of essays have.
Perhaps this picture of Jodi Cowles explains her ambivalent fascination with lesbians better than hundreds of fanfic explorations of the complex relationship between Xena and Gabrielle in TV’s Xena: Warrior Princess:
Above: Resembles Subaru Outback driver
Read the rest of this entry »
Current events, Dennis Prager is talking about:
With the recent charges that a major National Football League player had allowed cruel dog fights on his home property, the issue of cruelty to animals has been brought to national attention.
What’s with the dry, circuitous wording? Why not put all the words that come after the comma in front of the comma, and vice versa? Little punchier now, isn’t it?
Above: Radio show host, columnist and author Dennis Prager is momentarily distracted by his favorite sound
Of course, it is a well known to the many of those among us who have read his writing fact that the syntax of Pastor Grant Swank displays its respect through passivity for his mastery of language, and which he also tortures. But most of the religio-authoritarian gasbags like Prager write the same way. There’s much throat clearing and harrumphing and burying of ledes and splitting of infinitives. It’s like they don’t want us to understand them so much as just sit there and listen to them.
As for the substance of this week’s column…
Kindness to animals is entirely unrelated to kindness to human beings — except perhaps in the reverse order: People who treat people kindly are less likely to treat animals with cruelty … Indeed, if there is any connection, it is more likely to be in the opposite direction. It seems that at a certain point of preoccupation with animals, there is a real chance that such a person may well treat people worse.
…let’s just say Mike Vick’s name appears in this piece at a 0:2 ratio to Herman Göring’s.
For those tempted to caricature the argument presented here, I should make it clear that no one is making the absurd argument that animal rights activists are likely to be Nazis.
Genuinely clear writing requires no such disclaimers, but anywho.
Lots of other people have written about the latest Gonzo stuff (here and there) come to mind — but still, some editing helps focus one’s mind on how much of a useless lying hack Alberto Gonzales is:
GONZALES: I’m told that in fact here in the press conference I did misspeak, but I also went back and clarified it with the reporter.
SCHUMER: You did misspeak?
GONZALES: Yes. But I went back and clarified it with the reporter…
GONZALES: I clarified my statement two days later with the reporter.
SCHUMER: What did you say to the reporter?
GONZALES: I did not speak directly to the reporter.
SCHUMER: What did that spokesperson say? Tell me now, how do you clarify this?
GONZALES: I don’t know, but I’ll find out and get back to you. [Emphasis added, incompetence in the original.
How does one even from twice saying “I clarified it with the reporter” to “I did not speak directly to the reporter” and “I don’t know what was said to the reporter” in a matter of minutes?
“So tell me, how painful was it when the doctor removed your sense of shame?” * Video.
Bradrocket adds: I beat you to the punch, bitch!
Seb adds: Get out of my post!
Alberto at work: 
Really, you can’t sum it up any better than this exchange:
GONZALES: I clarified my statement two days later with the reporter.
SCHUMER: What did you say to the reporter?
GONZALES: I did not speak directly to the reporter.
SCHUMER: Oh, wait a second — you did not.
(LAUGHTER)
OK. What did your spokesperson say to the reporter?
GONZALES: I don’t know. But I told the spokesperson to go back and clarify my statement…
Seb adds: For a better take on this, please see my post.
The Politico’s Roger Simon reviews last night’s Democratic debate:
We were forced to deduct 3.5 points, however, for his dumb attack on Hillary Clinton’s suit jacket. We like her suit jacket — we thought it was a vision in coral — but that is not why it was a stupid attack. Write this down, guys: Attack her policies, attack her past votes, attack her personality if you want to, but don’t attack what she is wearing. It looks sexist and cheap.
The Politico’s Roger Simon reviews John Edwards’ scary haircut nearly three months ago:
It is the haircut that will not die.
He can spin it, he can gel it, he can mousse it. But it is not going away.
John Edwards’ $400 haircuts will live forever.
It’s good to know that our Big Media personalities are working hard to keep superficiality out of our political discourse.
Assholes.
UPDATE: Oh Jesus Christ. If you have heart problems, pleasepleaseplease do not read Richard Cohen this morning:
Above: Deputy editor, Washington Post editorial page
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
* Ken Silverstein writes in the April 29th issue of Harper’s: “[T]he Post’s resident foreign affairs guru has been wrong on just about every key issue surrounding the Iraq war. Make an inventory of every cliché ever uttered about Iraq by war advocates, every hysterical charge of the global threat posed by Saddam Hussein—you’ll find them all in Diehl’s writings.”
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
