Sadly, No!

‘Im at teh b4r killing UR bl0g c0nv3nt!0ns’

Is it just me, or does Glenn Reynolds manage to insult the troops, the city of Oakland, black people and Iraqis, all in a mere 16 words?

WE’VE HAD TROOPS THERE FOR 150 YEARS, AND THE VIOLENCE CONTINUES: Masked gunman kills Oakland reporter.

The guy’s a fucking machine. The way that his posts keep getting shorter and shorter, while inexplicably becoming more powerful in their offensiveness? It’s like he’s the Midgaard’s Serpent of the blogosphere, growing to enormous proportions on an exclusive diet of his own tail. He needs his own Moore’s Law, which would be something like, “The number of offensive ideas in an Instapundit post will double every 18 months while the words making up such posts will be cut in half.”

Above right: Hanson fans

Victor Urban Dance Squad Hanson, per usual, is yelling at and about Muslims:

The time is over both for coffee-table talk in the West about a pie-in-the-sky “reformation” needed in Islam, and the endless habit in the Middle East of blaming others for self-inflicted miseries.

Ah-ha, but the good doctor doesn’t just diagnose the problem in clenched-teeth, stock-villain prose — he also prescribes a solution:

[R]ight now we should hold the Muslim world to the same standards of tolerance that we demand of ourselves — no more apologies for things like our insensitive cartoons or excuses for their insane anger against novelists. In turn, the Middle East must grow up and accept, like the rest of the world, that there are social and cultural costs and consequences for any who wish to embrace the benefits of modernism.

The legitimacy of his gripes notwithstanding, this bargain sounds like a win-win-win for Hanson. Under his proposal, Muslims have to shut the hell up or else American liberals will start yelling at them, too — and if they don’t, Hanson will yell even louder and with much greater frequency.

This is like that Adam Dunn for Brett Tomko and Mark Hendrickson swap I saw a Dodgers fan suggest once at mlbtraderumors.com, but proposed by Chris Berman broadcasting from inside a noisy sports bar.

Above: Hates to gossip, but…

‘Hillary’s Letters to a Young Friend’

• As tempting as it is to believe otherwise, personal correspondence from a nascent Hillary Clinton reveal a thoughtful young woman of great character. Which makes it all the more pitiable that she lacked the self-confidence and judgment to rebuff the narcissistic scoundrel she ended up marrying, bless her heart.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

In this episode, Carey Roberts has found “misandry in the least likely of places.” Where, you might ask? Now I always leave mine under the doormat on the porch, or in the rolling tray under the couch, but Grampa Roberts has found misandry in plain view! In song! And at church! ZOMG!1!

Roberts: “Rack fracka-jab feminist ragga-frap…”

Dial up your local Country and Western station and you may soon find your fingers tapping out the beat of Carrie Underwood’s latest hit, Before He Cheats. Underwood suspects her boyfriend is probably cheating on her (in matters of infidelity, I guess “probably” is proof enough).

Yes, that vicious Carrie Underwood, suspecting infidelity without the Roberts-required three eyewitnesses, photographic proof, and full confession. Why don’t women understand due process?

Trashing your boyfriend’s car has little to do with sugar and spice and everything nice. But it’s the title — Before He Cheats — that turns this song into a bitter gender tirade. Just imagine a male star reaching platinum for crooning, Before She Aborts.

Read the rest of this entry »

Above: “Dennis has a squeeze-box he wears on his chest,
When he goes on-air Muslims get no rest…”

‘Why “Islamophobia” Is a Brilliant Term’

• Devious Leftists with their clever neologisms will never stop me from being a bigot.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Plus: Prager writes:

One might counter that maligning people for criticism is not only true of those who criticize Islam, it is also true of critics of Israel and of America — the former, it is said, are immediately labeled “anti-Semitic” and the latter are immediately labeled “unpatriotic.” Neither is true at all. Both are, and I use this word rarely, lies.

Well, I rarely use the word, but lying Dennis Prager is a big fat lying liar who is lying. To wit: bwa – ha – ha – ha – ha – ha. An honest mistake? Who knows? Maybe someone should call in to ask when Dennis chats on the radio with “the great Charles Johnson”.

Above: The mustache of religious superiority

‘The Hidden Basis for Hostility to Israel -and America’

• America and Israel together are the godliest of nations — which is the real reason why the rest of the world hates them.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

Daniel Pipes is not impressed by a survey which indicates decreased pan-Islamic support for suicide bombings. Islamofascists appear to be discarding the tools of terrorism only to pick up the more menacing methods of …democracy! Those Evil Bastards!

Above: Racist crackpot gives thumbs-up to “Crack” Pipes

Muslims appear growingly aware that the terroristic ways of Osama bin Laden offer a less successful path to realizing the Islamist goals of imposing the Shari’a and creating a caliphate do than the political, lawful ways of Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Turkey’s newly-triumphantly reelected prime minister. Whereas terrorism stimulates its own antibodies and offers no plausible path to power, working through the system is proving successful in such diverse places as Egypt, the Palestinian Authority, Lebanon, Iraq, and Bangladesh, as well as in the West.

Therefore, this survey has more subtle and ambiguous implications than first appear.

That’s a preciously euphemistic way of putting it. Remember, for bigots like Pipes, Muslims can do nothing right. Ever. Because even if they quit terrorist acts, they, cursed Sons of Ishmael, will always be terrorists in their hearts!

On the other hand, I can totally sympathize with Pipes’s horror as he observed the election returns in Turkey. It’s the same feeling most people in the world have when, say, Alabama’s electoral votes are shown on television to go to whichever fundamentalist demagogue the RNC runs that year. Sux, doesn’t it? But hey, we in the West have our elected theocrats. Why can’t they have theirs? Oh, that’s right: because Christofascists and Judeofascists are good, but Islamofascists are evil.

PS: Occupation forever!

I called D. Aristophanes on Saturday, and I guess we talked about a lot of things, but the gentlemen at IMAO came up more than once in passing, inre: the Fred Thompson dealo that’s down the page.

“D.A.,” I said, “You know, if you mention those guys, you’ll only be encouraging them again.”

Because we tried to be collegial before with a Photoshop contest. (It was a sweeps week, of sorts, for the Weblog Awards.) IMAO’s choice of a task was ‘the flying imams,’ while ours was to remix a Day By Day strip.

Here’s what resulted.

Flying imams:

Above: One contestant’s entry

Above: The other contestant’s entry

Day By Day strip:

Above: One contestant’s entry

Above: The other contestant’s entry

I think little more need be said, besides that IMAO unilaterally declared themselves teh super-winners of teh contest, and went all hooty-booyah about how sucking is supposedly the new ruling, or however that went.

Anyway, here they are talking again:

Perhaps a More Appropriate Name for Them Would Be an Angry Exclamation of “That’s Not Funny!”

[…]

Now, Sadly, No! — a left-wing humor site — has latched on to our Fred Thompson Facts. By itself, it’s not that notable. It seems to be a lashing out at how the left-wing blogs’ favorite candidate Edwards is perceived as being “swishy,” and now they must be further frustrated on that count since Edwards took time out of the last debate to criticize Hillary Clinton’s outfit. The humor seems borne more out of being angry than being clever, but their audience seems to like it so I can’t really criticize.

Anyway, what was interesting to me was the monologue preceding the humor where this bit caught my…

Indeed, I guess we were so unnotable, angry, and unfunny that we forgot all about that Weblog Award.

[cue Yakety Sax]

Kathleen Parker’s on-again, off-again love affair with YouTube hit the skids last week:

One of the questions posed during the CNN-sponsored “debate” came from a talking snowman who cited global warming as the most important issue for snowmen.

Ha-ha! Can you imagine!?! Snowmen aren’t even real!

(Never mind that global warming is a topic of interest to many voters, in particular voters in a Democratic primary, and that a snowman is a too-obvious-to-be-clever-but-nonetheless-compelling visual, comparable to 98 percent of political cartoons ever published.)

Some questions were serious, including one about health care for illegal immigrants and another about Iraq — but too many of the 39 were beyond silly.

Questions Kathleen Parker is interested in = serious. Questions about topics in which she is not particularly interested = silly. This seems an unnecessarily subjective metric for such stark differences.

Even if the candidates were irritated by this faux show of democratic connectivity, they had no choice but to participate. If you refuse to play with the YouTubies, you risk being viewed as elitist and out of touch with Tha Peepul.

YouTubies? Are these the people who produce YouTube content or the people who view it? How often must a person view YouTube content to become a YouTubie — or is the appellation based on something else entirely? For example, I visit YouTube pretty infrequently, yet I vote Democratic, occasionally cultivate facial hair, rarely tuck in my shirt, and do not feel intimidated when someone mentions an unfamiliar musician. As such, I’m guessing that I’m a YouTubie.

Also: “Tha Peepul”? Is this meant to imply these YouTubies are illiterate? Hooked on phonics? Ardent fans of hip-hop music?

[T]he only conclusion to draw from this exercise is that Republicans, scheduled for a similar trivializing gantlet in September, should decline. Let’s give the Democratic candidates applause for gamesmanship, but concede that playing buffoon to the masses is not a requirement for the presidency.

YouTube : Democrats :: FoxNews : Republicans

If it is necessary to submit to anything demanded by anyone, then no one worthy will run for public office. To wit: At a recent off-the-record dinner party, a congressman was asked who he thought would make a good president. His response was telling: “Do you mean among those running or those qualified people who won’t run because they’re unwilling to submit to the humiliation of our political process?”

To which, also, Kathleen Parker ascribes her suffering of an acute mortification from having published such widely syndicated columns as John Edwards’ Death by Bangs and Pornifying Politics.

Alas, sadly no. Her actual follow-up sentence begins:

Commenting on that process recently, Newt Gingrich doubtless spoke for many…

As always, actual quotes from actual columnists.

I’ve been very very quiet lately, and I’m sorry for that. I’ve had some health issues that have limited my ability to both work and blog and still have anything resembling social life.

At any rate, I’m going on a road trip to Real America (i.e., Pittsburgh and Columbus) to visit some college buddies this week and will try to provide updates (and hopefully videos!!!) throughout. And yes, I hope these updates will be entertaining and fun. I’m not about to show y’all slides of me standing in front of the world’s largest fucking basket in Newark, Ohio.

Peace!!!

-Brad

PS- Teh funny.