This fruit hangs so low…hey, wait a minute! This is a potato!

What I don’t get is why Tab Hunter killed all those cans of Tab.

Hey! I remember this guy from back when he was a wrestler!

http://www.hulu.com/watch/323/wkrp-in-cincinnati-preacher

What I don’t get is when you watch Ina Garten on the Food Network, and you realize that she’s usually in the kitchen.

Doesn’t Tom’s black hat automatically make him one of the bad guys?

Dear Tom,

You need a hobby, buddy. A real one.

Cheers,
us

What’s not commonly known is that “Tom” actually derives from the Latin “dumbshit”, which literally translates to “That which is fucking stupid”.

Kenyans, on the other hand, have their own word for him. But decency forbids that I repeat it here.

The answer to your unspoken question is, “Yes. This is the best they can come up with.”

They got nothin’.

What does Tom say about the 500,000 Jesus’s south of the border?

(Yawn)
Will you guys get to work? I need a break from Pharyngula.
Can’t you stir up at least a few spit-flaked hate postings from the dark side?

I did some research on the name Kovach and found that it was used describe someone with a deranged face mullet or the look of a rabid weasel.

Findings promising!

Is this part of the right’s ‘death by a thousand nerf balls’ strategy?

The fact is, that column was pathetic. Ko-hat’s point is? He seems to want to insinuate that Obama is bad, but if the translation of the guy’s name is all you’ve got…why the hell did he even bother writing this?

Argh, the stupid, it burns!
The senator’s father, a Muslim, gave his son names from the Arabic language.

Well, Swahili, but close enough I guess since so much of Swahili is Arabic loan words.
The first name Barack means “blessing.” (Oddly, in the Hebrew language, the same word, barak, means “lightning.”

Oddly, in Hebrew, which is a different language from Swahili, the word for “blessing” is “baruch”. Or really something more like B-R-Kh, and “lightning” is B-R-Q. Also it’s not really odd. Also, McCain means “Son of Cain” so I guess John McCain is really Grendel or something. Somebody count his arms, quick!

Given his previous apocalyptic rants, Tom may be trying to paint Obama as the Antichrist. If so, however, “crooked” seems a rather wimpy prophetic name for such an all-encompassingly evil being. It sounds more appropriate for a dishonest city councilman. A real Antichrist should have a much more beastly name, perhaps something containing “Lucifer” or three sixes. Of course, it’s all nonsense anyway.

(As it turns out, there has been ethnic rioting in the street, because the supporters of the second-place presidential candidate believe the election was “stolen” by fraud. The second-place candidate, and the rioters, came from the Luo tribe. Hmmmmmmmm.)

This guy needs a tv show. He could host the first funny program on Fox News. Imagine him chatting with Pam Oshry and the Malkin thing and the two of them having to tell him he’s going too far.

A real Antichrist should have a much more beastly name…

Obama is also an anagram for ‘mo aba’ which could be construed to mean ‘I want more Abba.’ What could be more Satanic than that?

And…. he has a link on his homepage to a local news story of him getting fired from a gig as a school monitor for physically assaulting a high school student. The link is titled “founder of Change Our Schools”.
Sadly, the link for “ethnic background” goes to a defunct page.

And from the same bat-page…welcome Ms. Felicia Benamon:

http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/benamon/080724

Where is the BIGGER candidate?

Well, M’am, I think we all know which one of them is…er, bigger, at least in certain areas.

To add to the quote, America also needs a presidential candidate who will put Americans first. However many flaws John McCain exudes as the Republican nominee, he continues to campaign in America. Meanwhile, Barack Obama decides to take his presidential campaign to the Mid-East and now to Germany as he is to give a speech before adoring crowds.

Um, I believe that Senator McCain has already made a few trips abroad since he became a presidential candidate…let’s see now…oh, here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-R6Kk7-p3DM

Obama has wowed Americans and is now trying to incur favor on an international scale. The problem is, other countries do not have a say in American elections. What a slap in the face to Americans for Barack Obama to deviate from the campaign trail to make nice with world leaders.

Uh, Felicia…

http://deceiver.com/2008/07/18/john-mccain-is-the-only-candidate-allowed-to-campaign-overseas/

Where is the leader who will not operate out of arrogance, but out of strength born from humility? That’s the type of person Americans should consider giving the presidency to for 4 years or more. So in keeping with the quote that started this article, I say I agree…that we need a much BIGGER person running for president.

Felicia, I couldn’t agree more.

McCain has the middle name Sidney which is the seat of government of Australia, a nation founded by criminals, therefore J. Sidney McCain is the head of all criminals. In Italian he would be refered to as “capi di tutti capi”. Coincidence? I think not. So there.

And…. he has a link on his homepage to a local news story of him getting fired from a gig as a school monitor for physically assaulting a high school student. The link is titled “founder of Change Our Schools”.
Sadly, the link for “ethnic background” goes to a defunct page.

I guess beating up kids in high school is change he can believe in.

I propose that we refer to the R nominee as “J. Sidney McCain III” from now on. It just feels, I don’t know, appropriate. Who’s with me on this.

My god, it’s full of idiots! I just clicked through and checked out Renew America; it is so much worse than I ever could have imagined. Y’know, when Sadly No! mocks them, it really takes the bite out of their lunacy. Without some humorous chap guiding you through it, well, it is a nightmare. Thank the FSM I am probably too drunk to remember what I have witnessed. Keep up the good work, you brave souls.

Sort of off topic, though perhaps not, I thought I’d let y’all know some of the questions in Fox’s latest push poll. Fer instance…

Have you heard any of your friends and neighbors say there is something about Barack Obama that scares them?
Yes 49%
No 50%

Have you heard any of your friends and neighbors say there is something about John McCain that scares them?
Yes 36%
No 62%

Some people believe Barack Obama, despite his professed Christianity, is secretly a Muslim. Others say that is just a rumor and Obama really is a Christian as he says, and point out he’s attended a Christian church for years. What do you believe — is Obama a Muslim or a Christian?
Muslim 10%
Christian 57%

It would clearly be irresponsible not to speculate.

I figured that I shouldn’t be the only one with an elevated blood pressure, so I shared.

can anyone seriously picture this guy as the President of anything other than a Florida senior’s association?

The McCainwreck is fun to watch. McCain must be mumbling the C word all the time these days.

This is even more shoddy than you’d think. English is about the only language where someone criminal is called a ‘crook’, derived from the medieval word that meant ‘dirty trick’, which doesn’t have a clear connection to the word that means ‘curved’.

‘Crooked’ is a strange thing to have as a last name, so curvedness probably has another, positive association in Luo. How many last names do you know that have a negative etymological load?

The entire column basically involves him doing free association and bothering people.

Eric Muezzin Osama is a Muslin terraist who hates us for our freedoms. Why don’t you communist hippie LIE-bruls go back to Russia and vote for him so you can all hate the USA of America somewhere far away from The Heartland? Anyway, he’ll never win against George Willard Bush Junior the third, as he is a War President on a crusade against Freedom Haters of Arabia (and other Muslin lands) and won the Battle of the Aliens (with help from a crazy Veet Namm pilot who had post tomato stress this odor because he’d had anal probes from ET). You think your Eric and Hitlery can win against that? Have they even BEEN in any movies, let alone one where they shot down flying saucers? You DEMON-crats don’t stand a chance this election, so why don’t you just surrender now and put those terror bags on your heads ’cause your all going to Gitmo.

gocart mozart said,

McCain has the middle name Sidney which is the seat of government of Australia, a nation founded by criminals, therefore J. Sidney McCain is the head of all criminals. In Italian he would be refered to as “capi di tutti capi”. Coincidence? I think not. So there.

Um, Canberra, in the Australian Capital Territory, is the seat of government of Australia.
The capital city of the Australian state of New South Wales is “Sydney”, not “Sidney”.
The nation of Australia was founded in 1901, decades after the last British convicts arrived in any of the colonies that federated to form the Commonwealth of Australia.

So FAIL, FAIL and FAIL.

Well, now that we’ve cleared THAT up . . .
Oy.

fired from a gig as a school monitor

I’m still marveling at the concision with which this phrase must sum up all of wingnuttia.

So grandiose in their ambitions.

So pathetic in their accomplishments.

Crooked!!?!
Kovach has convinced me.

Toilet McMurderingbiblicalbrother is clearly the better candidate.

#Stiv Bator said,
July 25, 2008 at 7:08
What does Tom say about the 500,000 Jesus’s south of the border?

“Chuy!”

(A very ‘inside’ joke…)

This is the same guy who claimed that “good luck” meant “Lucifer”, isn’t it?

Um, Canberra, in the Australian Capital Territory, is the seat of government of Australia.
The capital city of the Australian state of New South Wales is “Sydney”, not “Sidney”.
The nation of Australia was founded in 1901, decades after the last British convicts arrived in any of the colonies that federated to form the Commonwealth of Australia.

So FAIL, FAIL and FAIL.

I don’t even know where to begin. You seem to have stampeded some perfectly harmless snark in an attempt to achieve…what? And in bold text, no less, presumably so we know you’re very, very serious.

Clearly, you’re an agent for J. Sidney McCain who is trying to distract us from the real truth. That must be it.

I always say this when this joker comes up, so I should really start doing it in shorthand:

Wingnuts. Blacks. “Examples of role models.” Alan Keyes. And yet, this guy.

Carry on.

A real Antichrist should have a much more beastly name…

Uhhh, so the Antichrist will take over the world with his great deceptive message all the time pretty much wearing a t-shirt that says “I’m the Fucking Antichrist?”

K.

As it turns out, there has been ethnic rioting in the street, because the supporters of the second-place presidential candidate believe the election was “stolen” by fraud.

I did a little research myself and found that McCain is probably an Anglicization of “MacCathain”, which means literally, “son of warmaker”. It comes from County Antrim, in Northern Ireland which, as it turns out, has experienced decades of civil unrest and terrorism due to colonialism. Hmmmmm…..

Around here a Tom is a turkey. Just saying…

And a John is a toilet.

Who knew? Maybe Tom will start a gay fan site Boners4Obama. This is really very affeminant for a guy in a black cowboy hat.
lol

Well, aside from being stupid – Kov-hat also manages to be astoundingly offensive:

(As it turns out, there has been ethnic rioting in the street, because the supporters of the second-place presidential candidate believe the election was “stolen” by fraud. The second-place candidate, and the rioters, came from the Luo tribe. Hmmmmmmmm.)

Fuck you Kovach. The fucking Kenyan election was stolen by fraud. But it’s just another thing for you to joke about. Fuck you and your stupid fucking hat.

“Obama” is a Kenyan name? You learn something new every day. I thought he was Irish.

Sure and I’m a Scot if O’Bama doesn’t have the luck of the Irish and a touch of the Blarney Stone himself.

He’s got it all wrong. “Barack” in Arabic (or Swahili) is the same word as the Punic “Barca” which was the family name of Hannibal. So it is obvious Obama is planning an invasion of Italy using elephants.

Actually, there is a bit of controversy over wether Barca meant blessing or lightning. There is a theory that both meanings derive from the same root since in many cultures – ancient and modern – a lightning struck object is considered blessed.

He’s got it all wrong. “Barack” in Arabic (or Swahili) is the same word as the Punic “Barca” which was the family name of Hannibal. So it is obvious Obama is planning an invasion of Italy using elephants.

And that he eats liver with chianti and farva beans

Actually, there is a bit of controversy over wether Barca meant blessing or lightning. There is a theory that both meanings derive from the same root since in many cultures – ancient and modern – a lightning struck object is considered blessed.

Well yeah, assuming you live…

What does Tom say about the 500,000 Jesus’s south of the border?

499,999 of them must be wrong!

The first name Barack means “blessing.” (Oddly, in the Hebrew language, the same word, barak, means “lightning.”

It’s so adorable when anti-intellectuals try to be all scholarly.

What really scares me about this is what if ‘ole Tom here and Pam were to, well, mate? It seems that if a COLB were issued it would have to be of a chunk of wood or something to fully capture the resultant intellect.

Whoa, I think Kovach may be on to something. Amateur prophecy is a very interesting hobby. Ham radio right to God! Tee hee!

The Faux News Poll needs to be printed more accurately using proper HTML tags to show the editing of how it was written:

Some people believe Barack Obama, despite his professed Christianity, is secretly a Jew Papist Negro Loving Communist Hollywood secular humanist elitist friend of Dorothy, if you catch my drift Muslim. Others say that is just a rumor and Obama really is a Christian as he says, and point out he’s attended a Christian church for years. What do you believe — is Obama a Jew Papist Negro Loving Communist Hollywood secular humanist elitist friend of Dorothy, if you catch my driftMuslim or a Christian?
Jew Papist Negro Loving Communist Hollywood secular humanist elitist friend of Dorothy, if you catch my drift Muslim 10%
Christian 57%

It’s amazing how the names might change but the rhetoric doesn’t.

A real Antichrist should have a much more beastly name, perhaps something containing “Lucifer” or three sixes.
Well, Barack Hussein Obama does contain eighteen letters which, divided by the three names, yields an average of six, thus:

6 6 6

BTW, if this asinine bit of numerology begins to show up in wingnut writings, I wish to be paid a dime for every usage. Intellectual property, you see.

DAS, you forgot Anarchist and Freemason.

pedestrian,

I guess the enemy of the times changes so frequently, it gets hard to develop a comprehensive list. I guess that’s part of the plan — if the enemy constantly changes, it’s easier to convince the rubes we’ve always been fighting Eurasia Eastasia as the rubes are too addled by the constant changes and cognative dissonance to even remember who we were fighting yesterday anyway.

It’s almost like how the Russian Czarist bureaucracy would require that the peasants buy a quota of liquor (from Jewish innkeepers) so the peasants would be too drunk to notice their condition. And when the peasants started to notice “hey, we’re too drunk — maybe that’s part of our problem”, the Czarist bureaucracy would then say “well, look at who’s selling you all that liquor” — and the peasants would stage a pogram against the Jews.

Communism didn’t bring 1984-style conditions to Russia … and it ain’t just Russia where the rubes are so easily distracted …

I guess the enemy of the times changes so frequently, it gets hard to develop a comprehensive list.

Yeah. Sometimes you don’t have time for a whole Two-Minute Hate.

Here’s a soul mate for little tommy-boy:

http://www.leaderu.com/theology/teenwitchcraft.html

(“But she’s a witch! Burn her! She turned me into a newt!”)

I’ve nominated this one for Wingnut of the Week.

since in many cultures – ancient and modern – a lightning struck object is considered blessed seared outside, juicy inside.

“BTW, if this asinine bit of numerology begins to show up in wingnut writings, I wish to be paid a dime for every usage. Intellectual property, you see.”

Unfortunately, that’s *antiintellectual* property. That means that YOU pay for every usage.

The entire column basically involves him doing free association and bothering people.

This is a description of every wingnut column ever written. Not only that, it’s the wingnut lifestyle–free association and bothering people! BWAHAHAHA it is to funny forever.

Uhhh, so the Antichrist will take over the world with his great deceptive message all the time pretty much wearing a t-shirt that says “I’m the Fucking Antichrist?”

Well, I hope so. I don’t see the point of message t-shirts if he doesn’t. I thought they were just preparing the way for theantichrist. You know, because no one really reads the shirts any more unless they say ‘fuck,’ so he could hide in plain sight but his followers could still find him.

Don’t tell the Rapture cult folks, I think it’s supposed to be a surprise.

A reliable translation finally came from a professor of linguistics that grew up in Kenya and is a Luo speaker.

How does he know it’s reliable? A quick Google turns up multiple alternatives, including “to bow”, “son of Bama” (apparently ‘O’ is a very common Luo last name prefix for male children), “father mother”, “bent/bend me/bender”, “leader”, “burning spears”, “bow-legged”, and “crippled”. I’m hoping “bender”(or better yet SON OF BENDER) is closest so Kovach(“overlarge size of hat, dire paucity of cattle”) can kiss his shiny metal ass.

Unfortunately, that’s *antiintellectual* property. That means that YOU pay for every usage.

OK, here goes: “In America, you are paid for intellectual property. In Russia, intellectual property is paid for BY YOU!”

Jeez, it’s harder than it looks to be Yakov Smirnov.

From Wikipedia, fwiw: “Kova? (?????), meaning “forger” (or “blacksmith”) in Slavic languages, is a common Slavic surname in Croatia, Serbia, the Czech Republic, and Slovenia.”

FORGER!!!

Faugh, they showed up in preview.

Well I’m impressed that Tom was able to spare time from poring over micro-earthquake data and drawing imaginary crescents and lines on maps for this. Most crazy people can only focus on one obsession at a time.

I mean, that is multi-tasking.

Or multi-failing.

Whatever.

Tom Allen said,

July 25, 2008 at 15:38

“Obama” is a Kenyan name? You learn something new every day. I thought he was Irish.

Sure… why not? Didn’t Ida Amin think he was the King of Scotland?

My husband is Luo so I have known all along the meaning of Obama and I was wondering how long it would takefor some wingnut to figure it out.

Of course, his interpretation is not exactly right. Luo names usually describe the conditions of one’s birth. The most common male names are Otieno (in the evening) and Onyango (in the morning) and stuff like that. My husband is Owino (tangled in the umbilical cord) and Obama means crippled or with some sort of defornity to the legs. All of these would begin with an A instead of an O if they were describing a girl child.

Anyway, to the average Luo, Obama means a physically disabled person and not someone crooked or dishonest.

Leave it to the wingnuts to mock the physically disabled.

The whole being heavy into nomenclature is/was also very popular with a wacky cult called “EKANCKAR” who’re much more obscure than they used to be, if not downright defunct – on account of their senior elders having this unfortunate hobby of raping little kids. Hey, pobody’s nerfect!

So yeah, Tomboy’s managing to get himself in with some really choice company with this one.

“A real Antichrist should have a much more beastly name, perhaps something containing “Lucifer” or three sixes.”
Well, Barack Hussein Obama does contain eighteen letters which, divided by the three names, yields an average of six

Sorry, close but no cigar, on account of Obama only having FIVE letters … but Ronald Wilson Reagan?

Ladies & germs, it’s official: we have a winnah!

Of course, this also means that the GOP is a Satanic cult – but I think we already knew that quite some time ago.

jim,
excellent analysis, sir, but I believe I can trump you.

You see, Ronald Reagan was a lifeguard, whereas Obama is black.

QED.

“Uhhh, so the Antichrist will take over the world with his great deceptive message all the time pretty much wearing a t-shirt that says “I’m the Fucking Antichrist?” ”

According to “Left Behind” (a highly reliable source of information, naturally), the Antichrist doesn’t quite do that, but he does go around dropping fairly unsubtle hints about who he is. For example, his version of Air Force One is Flight 216, the number 216 being equal to 6 x 6 x 6. There’s probably more, but I could never even begin to read that whole series. As I mentioned in my original comment, the whole Antichrist-prophetic name thing is obviously nonsense, so it’s not worth examining it too closely for logic.

And did you know that if you plot Obama’s name upside down against a map of California earthquakes, it spells out “booger brain”?

Andy,

Obviously nonsense, or so sensible it just blew your mind! Huh?

The Left Behind series goes down smoother if you think of them as James Patterson for people who don’t have the balls to go Amish.

And we all know what else bent is code for, don’t we? And we’re up to comment 69. C’mon people, it’s staring you in the face… so to speak.

Speaking of Left Behind, the latest LB Friday post is up at Slacktivist:

http://www.slacktivist.typepad.com/

I don’t THINK that constitutes blogwhoring, since it isn’t my blog; besides, this thread must be just about over anyway.

McCain has the middle name Sidney which is the seat of government of Australia, a nation founded by criminals, therefore J. Sidney McCain is the head of all criminals. In Italian he would be refered to as “capi di tutti capi”. Coincidence? I think not. So there.

It gets even worse, my friends! “McCain” means “son of Cain”, and Cain was the world’s first murderer. So J. Sidney McCain is the Spawn of Murder and Prince of Criminals!

Seriously, Tom Kovach (or should I say the Doubting Blacksmith?) sees patterns, meaning and conspiracy everywhere he looks. It is classical paranoid schizophrenia.

Call me Red.

I say
“McCain has the middle name Sidney which is the seat of government of Australia, a nation founded by criminals, therefore J. Sidney McCain is the head of all criminals. In Italian he would be refered to as “capi di tutti capi”. Coincidence? I think not. So there.

bargal20 responds,
“Um, Canberra, in the Australian Capital Territory, is the seat of government of Australia.
The capital city of the Australian state of New South Wales is “Sydney”, not “Sidney”.
The nation of Australia was founded in 1901, decades after the last British convicts arrived in any of the colonies that federated to form the Commonwealth of Australia.

So FAIL, FAIL and FAIL.”

Sorry for not fact checking my snark as diligently as I should have bargirl20. I am sure you will hold the McCain campaign to the same tough standard with respect to their snark, er policy statements.

Irrespective of the accuracy of my previous post, it has come to my attention that J. Sidney is quite fond of cranberry sauce which kinda sorta sounds like Canberra. Consequently, my main point still stands. Also, what eidos said.

ok ive been redaing into who the devil will come back looking like. So Obama is blessed (from who??) the devil is supposed to be handsome and thats obamas middle name then the devil is the crookedest mofo that is supposed to be alive. so some one tell me how we are not supposed to think he maybe Satan?

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