The Anschlussel: Where Stupid Meets Evil
Little Debbie’s been busy. Here are some shorters:
‘Why Are Muslims @ the Border So Protective of Their Electronics?’
- Muslim immigrants have no right to complain about being treated with suspicion at border checks, because everyone knows that an inherent characteristic of their tribe is a compulsion to mass murder.
Above: “GTFO, Ahmed! An’ take your text messages
of mass destruction with ya!”
- I’m Big Brother’s friend when it comes to spying on citizens I happen to dislike, but when computer printers can be used to spy on everyone — including conservative bloggers who like to send anonymous nastygrams to political organizations — then I discover a new appreciation for the right to privacy.
- Behold the great Negro Conspiracy: Jesse Jackson and Barack Obama planned the whole thing, just to make Obama look less scary. But they can’t fool me. We’re through the looking-glass here, people.
- Dark-skinned black people mistreat light-skinned black people! So just imagine what they’ll do to white people if given the chance!
‘Scary Claim: More Than 1/2 U.S. Troops in Iraq Raised on Springer, Marilyn Manson, Hip-Hop’
- The notion that the cultural preferences of U.S. soldiers are typical working-class American rather than cornball Virgin-Ben-esque wingnut, is deeply troubling to me.
Above: Voice like a constipated goose being
slowly electrocuted by a crank telephone,
and her writing is even shriller.
‘Do You Wear an “Obamaka”?: Fashion Tips for Liberal Jews Who Support Barack Hussein’
- I have a few suggestions for Jews who support Obama and therefore by definition are traitors to their own tribe, self-loathing Hebrews, and de facto anti-Semites.
Bonus funny in that post: Debbie gets pre-emptive! “[A] special shout out to my vegan-trisexual-multi-racial-PETA-anti-nuke-communist-raw-foodist-9/11-trutherist-Brangelina-fan “friends” at the Nazi-funded Media Matters for America, who are monitoring this site, and who I’m sure will whine and over-react on their site about these Obamaka choices, the way they did with my Valentine’s Day candy hearts.”
‘Do They Wear Obamakas, Too?: The Rabbis @ the “Saudi” “Interfaith” “Tolerance” Confab’
- Oh, look! More Jewish race-traitors! ZOMG-d they are actually shaking hands with the Elders of Islam!
- Mamma Mia is yet another crappy film produced by a conspiring group of fags and sluts who want to sabotage America by sapping its masculinity.
- Any movie that would show Muslims as being anything better than subhuman sociopaths is not just fiction but flagrant propaganda; but mild props to whoever cast the disgusting fatsos in Brick Lane — at least they got the loathsome physical appearance of Muslims right.
- Here’s a new gimmick to fatten the ol’ Schluss Fund: send me free shit, and I’ll review it on my website, suckers.
- Debbie Does the SUMO! And likes it! Priced at only $149, it’s practical and affordable!
It’s hard to imagine a more versatile piece of furniture: whether you’re munching Cheetos, chewing tobacco, daydreaming about exterminating Muslims and Liberals, or fapping to pictures of our flightsuited Preznit’s bulge, the SUMO is ideal for all your sitting needs! And when the moment comes that there are too many moonbats in the nation’s belfry, the SUMO is light and portable enough for any patriotic wingnut to haul up the nearest clocktower without having to make another trip for the 30.06! $149! Order one today!
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
This is why sales of Jolt! Cola should be restricted to non-wingnuts.
SUMO Omni – covered in space-age, ballistic nylon – for when them mad crazy burka-wearing mooslem turrists come calling with their KalisnhacofsAK-47s.
strike through works in preview but not once the text is posted so the Kalisnhacofs bit above should be read with a strike through,
The fact is, you liberals cannot debate the logics and fact presented by Schussel or by me, you are biased agains the truth, freedom and USA.
You love muslims so much you want them the kill you, and in your coastal enclaves, they will. Here in the Heartland, this guy would have been necklaced by a burning tire before he could say Allahoo Akbar for the first time, so you deserve the terrorism, and we will be quite happy to see more liberals die AND have an emergency that allows Bush and Cheney to rule for several more decades, and outlaw liberals, fags, blacks who are angry, socialism and the liberal media. I want terrorists and their liberal enablers dead or in camps. God Bless America.
and we will be quite happy to see more liberals die
Gary can be made to seem quite unstable without calling for the death of the readers of this site.
Try adding adding in some xtra USA Power!
Voice like a constipated goose being slowly electrocuted by a crank telephone
Leo Kottke, on one of his early records, described his own voice as ‘geese farts on a muggy day’.
The fact is, I could listen to Leo Kottke all day, but I have no time at all for Little Debbie. kthxbai >^..^<
To me this constant complaining by Muslims is proof they are not loyal and do not love America. They show no tolerance.
Historically of note, also:
American women were not loyal and did not love America. They showed no tolerance and kept complaining about the lack of voting rights.
American blacks kept harping on getting lynched, segregated, and discriminated against. Total lack of tolerance. Proof also that blacks were not loyal and did not love America. And now blacks complain about “racial profiling”–think they love or are loyal to America now? [SCHLUSSEL: ALSO, IF BLACKS ARE SO WHINY ABOUT THIS THEY COULD A) STAY AT HOME, B) NOT COMMIT SO MANY CRIMES AS THEIR TRIBE IS WONT TO]
And Jews–don’t get me started on the complaining here!–moaned about being excluded from WASPy pursuits. For Christ’s sake, Jews had plenty of money, what were they whining about? Loyal and loving to America?
And hippies. Moan moan moan about “unreasonable” search and seizure. People, if you weren’t so disgusting cops wouldn’t have to search you. I don’t even need to add that hippies are not loyal and loving to America with this lack of tolerance for a police state.
You’ve heard of football great Dick Butkus. Now, meet the Rabbis Butt-Kiss.
I don’t get it. Isn’t his name pronounced But-kuhs? And since I remember him from his playing days, I’m thinking that’s the way everyone pronounced it. And carefully.
I hope this video at least made the out-takes of Mamma Mia:
You read all of those? That had to cause some serious neural damage.
Those who want to travel even further into the realm of the bizarre and grotesque should pay a visit to the Debbie Schlussel Fan Club page, where Schlussel has this description of herself posted:
Attorney, Columnist, and Hip, Conservative Info-Babe Commentator, Debbie Schlussel is the VRWC’s latest and greatest sexy, blonde, and beautiful commentator. With a law degree, MBA, long blonde tresses, and sports acumen to boot, she’s a red-blooded American guy’s dream… her beauty and brains are a lethal combination… if she were President, Debbie Schlussel would be Babe-raham Lincoln.
It’s chameleonic!
Funny, why does a red underline appear when I type that word?
Rachel Maddow’s description of herself from her fan page:
Rachel has a doctorate in political science (she was a Rhodes Scholar) and a background in HIV/AIDS activism and prison reform. She shakes a mean cocktail, drives a bright red pickup, hates Coldplay, loves arguing with conservatives, spends a lot of money on AMTRAK tickets, and dresses like a first-grader.
She’s been with Air America since its inception in Spring 2004 — before AAR she worked for WRNX in Holyoke, Massachusetts, and WRSI in Northampton, Massachusetts. There was also a stint with a jungle-themed company called Expresso Bongo, but she doesn’t want to talk about it.
Rachel is 35 years old and lives in New York City and rural Western Massachusetts with her partner, artist Susan Mikula.
Compare and contrast.
gbear –
Shorter Debbie Schlussel bio vs. shorter Rachel Maddow bio: “Fuck me – PLEASE?” vs. “Fuck YOU.”
I can’t bring myself to read any of these. Which one’s the stupidest?
Were the first two really adjacent on her site? “Yay for Big Brother spying” and “Don’t spy on ME, Big Brother”? I believe that deserves another Great Moments in Attention Deficit Disorder award.
vegan-trisexual-multi-racial-PETA-anti-nuke-communist-raw-foodist-9/11-trutherist-Brangelina-fan
::claps!:: YaY! You found the hyphen key!
OK, my IQ just dropped 20 points from an overdose Schlusseldrecht.
“Big Brother is now Morbidly Obese Brother.”
“a VERY FAT British Bangladeshi Muslim”
“the morbidly obese Muslim hubby ”
“married to the fat dude,”
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
You’ve heard of football great Dick Butkus. Now, meet the Rabbis Butt-Kiss.
Even though it’s probably too early in the morning to post statistics on Debbie Schlussel’s anal fantasies, it would be irresponsible of me not to mention that in that one short piece, Schlussel made five references to asses being kissed, one reference to things coming out of her butt, and one non-specific reference to her butt.
Does Debbie also have her perfume ad posted on her fan page?
Debbie, you keep sneering like that and …
too late.
I really appreciate how the psycho empire loving war mongering maniac that was Cecil Rhodes has educated so many Wingnut nemesises.
Truly, evil sows the seeds of its own destruction.
And I thought Dr. Maddow couldn’t get any hotter…
This crop of Shorters must either:
Represent at least a month of screeds.
Or
Provide incontrovertible proof that Debster snorts more crank than a truck-load of skinheads.
It has to be one or the other. But I ain’t going to check.
Because nobody blows my horn quite like I do, but I would like to claim responsibility for bringing the term “Anschlussel,” to Sadly, No!, in this thread. Donations in Debbie’s name to the Detroit Islamic Center in lieu of royalty payments, thanks.
Little Debbie writes (in the post about soldiers):
Just wanted to note the day irony off-ed itself.
Oh and Debbie, feel free to encourage all our fellow 101st fighting keyboarders to answer the call and fight for their country to change the cultural makeup of the army to your liking. I’ll be waiting, breathe held, for that post.
vegan-trisexual-multi-racial-PETA-anti-nuke-communist-raw-foodist-9/11-trutherist-Brangelina-fan
Funny that she throws “multi-racial” in there. My guess is she thinks it means something like “multicultural,” though I don’t know how stupid you’d have to b…oh yeah, Schlussel. I think I could write a full page on how ridiculous this ultra-hyphenated statement is.
And I always forget – is Schlussel actually Jewish, or is she one of those AIR types who pretends?
Rabinowitz, a long-time conservative, says the series (after Sunday’s first episode) is worthy. So maybe it is accurate.
Shorter: “I am a robot, I do what I’m told.”
According to Wikipedia she is. Or her father raised her Jewishly and instilled a hatred of Islam in her early on. I couldn’t get much farther than that without throwing up in my mouth a little bit.
The ‘Scary Claim’ piece was pretty surreal. Schlussel comments on a miniseries that she has never seen. Then her commenters discuss the miniseries which they also have never seen, with the exception of one guy who watched a few minutes of it.
From the comments section: As a former Marine, the only show that I have ever seen that truly captures the spirit of the Corps was Gomer Pyle.
Wow, I can’t believe anybody had the stomach to read all that. Kudos.
I don’t know what’s worse – that ‘Homo Mia’ is really her super-clever joke (and she likes it so much that she uses it twice), or that in her review of the film she shows that she doesn’t understand the plot. Not the themes or messages, but the plot. Of Mamma Mia. It’s too complicated for her.
See, for one, Christine Baranski’s character DOESN’T want to have sex with that guy! That’s why she sings “Does Your Mother Know” and … aw, never mind, Debbie. Popular musicals and Abba are too tricky for you, honey. You just concentrate on policy issues and immigration reform.
I’ve developed a gibberish-powered vehicle that, thanks to Debbie Schlussel, is now a perpetual motion machine.
Hell, Gomer Pyle was truly a Rhodes Scholar of Jarheadland.
Had he stayed in, he would have made General in record time.
Most Jarheads fall well below the Pyle Curve in intelligence.
Many of them make up for it by seeking out ways to inflict pain on themselves.
It’s like the “Jackass” branch of the armed forces…
mikey
If the cultural preferences of the guys fighting in Iraq don’t meet Debbie’s high standards, there’s a simple remedy: Get her fans to enlist.
‘You love muslims so much you want them the kill you, and in your coastal enclaves, they will.”
I’ll thank you to leave my coastal enclaves out of this.
Oh, now, mikey, lighten up. My father was a Marine who fought on Saipan. My next-door neighbor was a Marine who served in Iraq, and he’s the nicest kid you’d ever want to meet.
Of course they have shitheads (including the worst bastard of a boss I ever had). But let’s not condemn them the way Schussel does Muslims.
Nevermind the Anschlussel. She just annexed the Stupidland.
mikey,
My old man was a Marine, too, but he’d agree with you. He’ll tell folks the main reason he enjoyed the Corps so much was that everyone in it made him feel like a goddamn genius. Most of the jarheads I’ve met aren’t so much dumb as they’re out of their friggin’ minds.
My old man also’d tell you had he not been hurt in ‘Nam and basically left hung out to dry by said Corps, he’d stayed in the Marines and be a drill sargeant. You have no idea how thankful I was growing up that it didn’t work out this way. My old man says maybe four words on a locquacious day, so his idea of drill sarging frightens the hell out of me.
Debbie’s just beneath you guys. Seriously, you’re just encouraging her.
Look, y’all. I’ve become generally quite anti-military, obviously, or more anti-the-purpose-use-waste of the military, but youthful indoctrination can never be entirely shed.
I was Cav. Airborne cav. The only thing we hated more than the NVA was squids, jarheads and airdales. Mostly jarheads, because frankly, they’re terrifying. Dumb, lethal, angry and impervious to logic or pain. They’re like the T2000 without the intelligence chip.
So now that the NVA is no longer actively trying to kill me, that kind of leaves jarheads in the number one position, y’know?
mikehy
Of course, in a classic case of intert00bz irony, I call jarheads stupid then proceed to mis-spell my name.
Sheesh. I gotta go put the scones in the oven…
mikey
God, she’s like a character in a John Waters movie. That’s what she is: a slightly younger, unlovable, right-wing Edith Massey.
vegan-trisexual-multi-racial-PETA-anti-nuke-communist-raw-foodist-9/11-trutherist-Brangelina-fan
Sheesh, she forgot the abortions AND the advanced degrees in African-American womyn’s studies.
My favorite comment on her review of “Homo Mia” (nyuck, nyuck) was:
He also aided the Rosenbergs’ children in obtaining new custody arrangements after their parents’ deaths, among his other left-wing activities.
Whereas a true, red-blooded American would have kicked the kids out on the street, right?
That was more than a lethal dose of Schlussel.
Why do you guys hate your audience? YOU WANT US DEAD
Fortunately, I came away only seriously wounded, having stopped once I figured out your plot.
The fact is, Debbie has gained a lot of weight. She should replace her website picture with one that shows the two new chins she picked up over the past couple of years?
Do they give out new chins annually to the craziest wingnuts or something?
Would Confederate Yankee or Don Surber at least have ONE in that case?
Then shouldn’t Yoo get a chin?
mikey
A female misogynist is always an ugly behold. That goes googleplex in the case of Schlueesel. Also what Vin Scully astutely observed about the plot to Mama Mia. Good lord, it’s a trifle! A light summery enjoyment! Must these people try to ruin EVERYTHING? Leave it to some self-loathing wingtard like this Schussel thing to try to start a fight between “teh feminists” (in favor of MM? Against? blergh?) and he-men “Batman” viewers. Jeezus H. Krist what is WRONG with these people! By the way, I want to see both movies. Might this be tantamount to Egon and Venkman crossing the streams? I hope it does total particle reversal into infinity or whatever to Schullessel’s walnut-sized brain.
an ugly “thing to behold.”
Someone should contact her about trying out a Steely Dan.
tb wins the thread.
I see her as Cuddles in Polyester, arranging her debutante debut as she tries to comfort Francine (played by Fred Thompson) after his humiliating rejection by the Republican rank-and-file.
“Gosh Fredcine, you’re the most drinkingest gal I ever met.”
By the way, I want to see both movies.
Mz. Nicky, see The Dark Knight RIGHT NOW! I just saw it last night and it was SO DAMNED GOOD that I’m thinking of seeing it again tonight.
I don’t quite get why Scheissel is so hung-up on Marilyn Manson, hip-hop, and Jerry Springer. After all, they were all big winners in the Marketplace of Ideas and so therefore must have inherent value, right? Not to mention the modern Church of Satan is essentially nothing more than Objectivism in a black cape and pentacle necklace. Which matches conservatism, which is nothing more than Objectivism wrapped up in the flag, the cross, and the Big Wad o’ Cash.
SUMO Omni — how much would you pay for an overpriced beanbag chair?
I second Blue Buddha. It’s a beanbag chair. Overpriced to profit off morons.
She should replace her website picture with one that shows the two new chins she picked up over the past couple of years? Do they give out new chins annually to the craziest wingnuts or something?
Would Confederate Yankee or Don Surber at least have ONE in that case?
Then shouldn’t Yoo get a chin?
What you have stumbled across is the Law of Conservation of Wingnut Chins.
Not to mention the modern Church of Satan is essentially nothing more than Objectivism in a black cape and pentacle necklace.
And founded by an old carny, yet. He plays great circus music!
My favorite is where she discovers, much to her horror, that our Armed Forces is made up of real American kids who watch tv and stuff, as opposed to Norman Rockwell paintings.
Our Dead Selves:
Just got back from seeing “The Dark Knight” at the neighborhood IMAX theater. Wow-wow-wow. Pretty awesome. Heath Ledger is extraordinary.
With all due respect to Sadly No! and HTML Mencken, but the actual titles from Debbie are way funnier than the attempted parodies.
Especially, “‘”Mamma Mia!”? More like Homo Mia: Former James Bond Falls Far in Painful Movie Aimed at Gays, Women; Feminist Attack on Batman’” is pure comedic gold…
Are we sure that Ms Debbie is not an elaborate Colbert/Swift act?
The best has to be her review on the Great Debaters:
While it is true that in that era, there was plenty of racism, this movie lords it over you. There isn’t a single good White person in the whole movie. They are all racist and hickish . . . or racist and elitist. And all of the Black characters in this movie are pure and good. They are justified when they refer to Whites as “crackers.” It’s hard to enjoy a movie that engages in such universal condemnation of one race in order to promote the achievements of another because it had a good debate team.
‘Stuff I Really Like: A New Feature’
For what exactly? Yeah, scam is right … hey, the HONEST camwhores at least show boobz &/or snizz for their Amazon wish-list items … fair trade & all that … but, oh dear sweet Jesus, what if she -?
Please, let her never EVER go there …
Hmmm. Ever notice how much Li’l Debbie looks like Rodney Dangerfield in drag?
I am sorry for making so many insensitive comments about you liberals. You’re not so bad, after all.