SELL!!! SELL!!!!
Oh shit:
Bush to address economy in press conference
President Bush will hold a news conference Tuesday, his first full-blown meeting with reporters at the White House since April 29, and he’ll start with remarks about the economy.
The president will explain steps the administration has taken to help stabilize the housing and financial markets, White House press secretary Dana Perino told reporters Tuesday morning in announcing the news conference.
This is gonna get ugly. Track the Dow here if you want to witness the impending carnage.
UPDATE: I bet he spends like two minutes addressing the housing market and spends the rest of the time attacking Democrats for not supporting offshore drilling. I also think there’s a good shot that he’ll pick his nose, and a better-than-average shot that he will eat it. Thoughts?
UPDATE II: PFFFFFFFFFT:
General Motors Corp. said Tuesday it will suspend its dividend, sell off $4 billion to $7 billion worth of assets and cut 20% worth of salaried cash costs in an overall plan to save billions of dollars.
“We need to take some very tough actions to ensure our survival and success,” said Chief Executive Rick Wagoner, in a press conference, referring to the current market conditions as an “unprecedently difficult time.” […]
“Our plan is not just a plan to survive; it’s a plan to win,” said Wagoner, noting that raised cash could aid the company in shifting from trucks and SUVs to more fuel efficient cars.
Yeah, you guys are only a few years late to that particular party, but best of luck with it.
To quote The Man Hisself: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
UPDATE III: Yep, he’s already stamping his feet about offshore drilling. What a goddamn lying asshole.
UPDATE IV: Jesus Christ, now he’s touting 1% economic growth as evidence that our economy is super-tuff! Could he be a suckier president? I mean, I think he’d drastically improve if he started hitting the sauce again.
UPDATE V: “IF THA’ DEMACRATS’D HAVE THEIR WAY, DAS WHAT THEY’D DO, THEY’D RAISE TAXES!!!11!!” Just go away, Bush. Never, ever come back.
UPDATE VI: He’s angrily referring to his “magic wand” again.
Yeah. Woke up this morning to see the Asian and European markets slinking off toward the hills.
Sadly, No. All that the presser will consist of is a bunch of We have a strong economic policy! and We favor a strong dollar! and Making the economy good is hard work!. Not even Bush’s high (David Broder, Michael Barone) or low (Nooners, Doughy Pantload) class stenographers get any mileage on his words anymore.
Seeing how this president oh so loves him some vacation, is there any chance we can let him go a little early in his term? Does Bush serve any purpose these days other than to make even more increasingly moronic statements (Yo, Harper!, Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter, giggles!)?
Can’t anyone in the White House keep him from speaking? Surely some of Cheney’s millionaire buddies understand the Shit-Midas touch that W brings to everything.
Help! The comments section has been invaded by Bush’s legs, see?
Don’t Worry Bush, you will be remembered for a long, long time.
Here is Bush’s Legacy: He is the President who oversaw the swift decline and collapse of the United States. Our Strong Economy: Destroyed thru deregulation. Our Military Strength: Deliberately Wrecked, then contracted out to Mercenaries.. Our “Moral” Voice: Destroyed. Our Pride: Replaced with Conceit. Our Courage: Replaced with Bullying Bluster. Our Scientific Edge: Replaced with a Perversion of Christianity.
And on and on.
Where are we going and why are we in this hand-basket?
i think two minutes on the housing crisis is too generous, and blaming the democrats is a gimme.
…and spends the rest of the time attacking Democrats for not supporting offshore drilling.
Yes, he’ll probably pick up right where he left off yesterday.
Turn those machines back on! Turn those machines back on!
You stupid liberals just can’t appreciat the grate and wonderfel land that my hero President Bush has creatd here.
The only thing seperating America from being a true paradise is offshore drilling. Once we have that, lions will lie down with lams, and cougars with wildebeest.
But don’t get to happy. It will still be impossibel for us heartlanders to lie down with you evil liberals.
No one could have prognostified this unprecedently developication, see?
He’s going to say things are great – run for the hills!
Oh, yeah. I’m listening to him now. he always has that hectoring tone in his voice, like he’s Mad Dad pulling the car over and lecturing the kids who are goofing around in the back seat.
It will still be impossibel for us heartlanders to lie down with you evil liberals.
Couldja at least lie down with Spellcheck?
Hey, in retrospect which of the following was the most exceedingly brilliant for the U.S. automakers to have lobbied for & gotten:
Getting passenger SUV’s classed for the same cheaper manufacturer tax levels as work pickups, thus ‘subsidizing’ consumer preference for SUV’s;
Getting SUV’s over 6500 lbs to be mostly and then entirely deductible at values up to $100,000 to businesses which claim to use them in work purposes, a deduction which only counted for new vehicles and which only applied to such behemoths;
Getting Congress & the Presidents to put off raising the CAFE fuel economy standards;
Each one of these helped us show the Japanese for the damn f***ots they were with their little tiny engines and their gay turbochargers and their homosexual diesels and their ultra-effeminate station wagons and minivans and passenger cars.
Every time Big Biz gets its way, it always helps everyone, right?
Oh, and the damned Euro-peenies too, with their weird little cars too.
I enjoy hearing Bush say things like “It would be a huge mistake to….[insert policy here]”
If anyone knows about “huge mistake” it’s him.
GREAT Headline guys!!! (not satire)
*looks at his retirement account*
*shudders*
I’m well diversified and hedged, fortunately, but…wow, that is a roiling mess.
I lasted three minutes, had to turn him off. I simply cannot watch that moron speak.
Now I have to go to a class with a Republican prof who will probably spend five minutes or so ranting about those damned Democrats who won’t give anything Bush suggests a chance.
If I didn’t have a paper worth a 3rd of my grade due today, I’d skip class. At this juncture, I can’t afford to give vent to my seething rage at the fact that this unmitigated son of a Barbara is giving news conferences instead of sitting in the dock being tried for his many, many crimes.
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!1111!!!!111
Oh, remember when…
– Jay Ambrose, 1/27/05
Oopsie!
Bush’s library should be made of dried shit.
He deserves nothing more.
-GSD
well, on the bright side, at least Bush has helped America avoid a long gradual decline….
yeah, he’s ‘wonderfel’. He’s a Wonderfella.
Watching on MSNBC, they’ve got the “Watching the DOW” graphic in the bottom right as he speaks…
…dropping….dropping…dropping…
Live-snarking with Sadly, Naughts. 🙂
Can we get you a job on cable news somewhere? I might actually start watching it.
George W. Bush is a man of uncommon humility, yet also uncommon brilliance, a president not afraid to tell it like it is despite a country more willing to hear how it isn’t. Although it’s a shame current historians will deem his presidency not good, it is more of not a shame that future historians will deem his presidency very good, brilliant and great even. To hear this man have such a clear grasp of economics is something that makes this old soul shine, to hear him rightfully point his fingers at the right people who are wrong- namely, the Democrats who refuse to let us drill for natural resources in lieu of the laws of economics- is a brilliant tactical move that will show everyone how right he is and how wrong his critics are. And to that, I applaud President Bush, no matter how hard the Sadly, No! people would not applaud him.
no matter how hard the Sadly, No! people would not applaud him.
Nor how loudly we wouldn’t cheer for him.
This is interesting. I just read an article on news conferences that tried to discern what conditions, if any, would cause the press to ask more aggressive questions in presidential news conferences. They found that the strongest predictor was the term — President’s in their second term faced more aggressive questions as a general rule. One step down however was the economy – unemployment and interest rate led to more aggressive questioning (likely since the President has come to be seen as a care taker of the economy). [In case you’re wondering, questions concerning foreign affairs showed more deference than those of domestic affairs, although heightened aggressiveness in relation to domestic affairs questions led to heightened aggressiveness in foreign affairs questions as well). The data was from Eisenhower to Clinton, so perhaps a Bush news conference is different. But, if the trend holds, he should get some aggressive questions thrown at him.
Or as Laura calls it “The Tiniest Needle in Her Pincushion.”
I’ve had go past our lunch room a few times at a swift trot, just so I don’t rip the TV out of the wall.
Give me a President who doesn’t WHINE.
Oh yesirree. Ya jest gotta reverserate the peceecerlogizing and things’ll be all better.
“Could he be a suckier president? I mean, I think he’d drastically improve if he started hitting the sauce again.”
Again?
Look, I only know of two types of adults who regularly fall down and bust up their faces: drunks and…those who went to school every day wearing a wrestling helmet.
Because…why? How? What are you even talking about?
he’s finally done?
I thought psychology was one of those toughy-feely “soft sciences” taught in effete, elitist ivory towers. You know, doubleplusungood liberal claptrap.
Once again, fake SowellFan demonstrates the Economic Law of Diminishing Returns.
So, wait, all we need to do is change the psychology and people will feel better about $5 gas?
I am hardly applauding President Bush.
Bush’s library should be made of dried shit.
Dried? Luxury!
I only know of two types of adults who regularly fall down and bust up their faces
I know he did a fair amount of that during his first term, but has he done it lately?
Someday some linguist should analyze his public speeches. I’d swear his slurring his words has progressed since his first term, to the point where if we didn’t already know exactly what his repeated talking points are, we wouldn’t be able to comprehend what he’s saying.
Things can always get stupider. Exhibit A: http://michellemalkin.com/2008/07/15/bush-news-conference-oil-economy-war/
Phil Gramm says it’s all in our heads, anyway.
So why does it suck so much?
Usually, when I live in a world of my own in my head, things are much better than this.
Can we start calling him “President Hoover” yet, or do we need to wait until a couple of hundred banks cross over from “tanked stock” into “toes up”?
From what I can see perusing the tickers, it looks like the best off of the banks, Wells Fargo and BofA, are “only” down a third and a half, respectively, from a year ago. Pretty much everything else is completely in the shitter.
“Wheeeeeeeeee”, indeed.
Man, that brought back memories to Ross Perot’s campaign message:
We’re officially at the level of a chimpanzee running the country.
It is the “calling of our time,” said the president, to advance the cause of liberty throughout the world, and here is how critics responded: We will be crushed by the weight of this goal; we will interfere where we shouldn’t; we will have to go to war everywhere; we will alienate allies; we will exhaust our national treasure; we will be perceived as the arrogant fools we are.
Critics: 20,000,000,000
Liberty: – 29 squillion
Heck of a job Bushie!
Usually, when I live in a world of my own in my head, things are much better than this.
Yeah, if it’s all in my head, where are the unicorns??
Yeah, I didn’t even do a rundown of that Ambrose nonsense:
Yep.
Yep.
No, surprisingly. The weight of public resentment actually does stand for something. Though damn if Ambrose and his Bushies don’t actually want to do this.
Yep.
Yep.
And yep. Especially you, Jay.
Once we have that, lions will lie down with lams, and cougars with wildebeest.
If you’re going to troll, you have to use troll grammar. Lions will lay down with lams, OK?
Market’s getting an oversold bounce, as oil finally corrects (down over 5$).
http://finance.yahoo.com/q?s=VGV.X
All it takes is a dollar and a dream!
😉
Lions will eat Iams?
Well, come November, at least we will have a shit processing plant named after him:
http://presidentialmemorial.wordpress.com/
But there are some who say that it’s unfair and insulting to sewage treatment plants:
http://thinkprogress.org/2008/07/14/opponents-say-san-francisco-sewer-plant-too-useful-to-be-named-after-bush/
Can we start calling him “President Hoover” yet…
That’s really unfair.
To Hoover.
Um, if it actually did “reverse the psychology,” I can only assume he means that it will increase people’s confidence in our economy and we’ll start buying stuff again. So, they start drilling, we all feel like we’re okay, so we . . . start buying SUVs again? Stop trying to conserve fuel in order to save money, ’cause we figure this is just a short-term thing to ride out?
So, we “reverse the psychology” and STOP trying to do anything that would actually maybe make a difference, and instead we start making them worse? But feel better about it?
Jay Ambrose, writing of Bush’s ‘idealism’:
Bush’s standards are of the highest possible excellence. Ambrose actually fucking wrote that.
D. N. Nation: thanks for that link – that is truly spectacular drivel.
Am I the only one who thinks that a Bush presser would be way better with a laugh track?
Once we have that, lions will lie down with lams, and cougars with wildebeest.
Is wildebeest some new-fangled slang I’m unaware of? Cause, you know, with cougars…
“You’re all a buncha whiners” and “Its all in yer head” is the Republican version of “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”. Huh.
To Jaded Metal Head: Laugh track- good idea. Or a rude noises machine, you know, farts and burps and such.
Isn’t it sort of telling that you can actually watch the Dow Jones imitate a Stuka dive-bomber, from the moment he opens his cakehole? I’m surprised that Wall Street hasn’t just gone with openly bribing him NOT to give speeches – looks like a seriously good investment.
The FDIC had to use their own dough last week to bail out Indy Mac, because there are now literally zero US banks in good enough shape to pony up the collateral … yet another Historic First under President Botch. Remember the good old days, when everyone was bitching about how the banks were making way too much money? Shrub sure put the boots to that problem, with bells on. Fuck free toasters – they’re gonna be holding bake-sales & buying air-time for PBS-style pledge-drives in another six months, at this rate.
For anyone that thinks offshore drilling is The Answer To Everything … it’s an excellent way to permanently bugger up the ocean floor’s ecology, even when the well comes up dry … it’s also expensive as hell, even when they don’t … & oceanic oil-spills are pretty much impossible to clean up, which is why there’s a ban on the drilling that produces them them to begin with – I can hardly wait to see how awesome that Cunning Plan looks after the first really bad year for hurricanes … would you like your tuna with High-Test or Regular?
Am I the only one who thinks that a Bush presser would be way better with a laugh track?
No – but my personal choice would be making him give it over a dunk-tank stocked with hungry piranha … & invite the families of dead US soldiers to attend, with as many baseballs as they can carry.
He’s angrily referring to his “magic wand” again.
That’s what she said.
My sister has a jar that she and my brother in law put money into every time that they cuss or use foul language in front of their kids. If we had a jar that we put money into every time that George W. “Scumfuck Dipshit” Bush told a lie, how long would it take to pay off the deficit? Pencils up, ready, begin test!!
“change the psychology” is a lot like “sending the (wrong) message” and so forth. That is, barf out some horseshit or other, but don’t actually do anything.
Hey, GSD, what did dried shit ever do to you?
True dat. Hoover actually accomplished quite a bit in the private sector before presiding over an economy that turned to liquid shit overnight. It does seem that some of the same putrefying reagents are being cycled back into the pool. It’s truly uncanny, really, the ability of these clowns to completely ignore any history that might prove inconvenient to their preconceptions.
He looks like he has an erection. Why would he have an erection? The horror!
“Why would he have an erection?”
He’s getting ready to fuck us all again, of course.
As someone referred to it over at Dependable Renegade, it’s his “throbbing thimble of manhood.”