So that was really an editorial in a major American newspaper, and not just some 3rd-rate blogger on Imeasuremypenisbythesizeofmycar.com?

“For American life to work, the illusion of endless abundance must be maintained.”

Hell, they don’t even bother hiding it anymore.

By the way, the author is a former editor of The Wine Spectator. Are we sure this isn’t satire?

Wow. I, like you, kept waiting for the punchline that never came.

Every once in while, you see a little guy clambering out of a Hummer, painfully in need of a ladder, and you realize that it can also be viewed as a $57,000 ticket to enlarged self-esteem.

“It’s not a car: it’s a $60,000 penis.”

And wouldn’t Enzyte be cheaper?

For American life to work, the illusion of endless abundance must be maintained.

Because the illusion is all that matters, don’t you know…

Hey, if it’s just the “illusion” that counts, why don’t we replace the Hummer with a CODPIECE?

Seriously: isn’t the popularity of this model solely based on the fact that it allows grown men to make double entendres about blow jobs whenever and wherever they want without facing a sexual harassment lawsuit? “My new assistant loves Hummers! Heh. Heh. Heh.” nudge-nudge, wink-wink

By the way, the author is a former editor of The Wine Spectator. Are we sure this isn’t satire?

If it is, it’s poorly written. I read a lot, lot, lot, lot of satire every damn day — you normally put in some kind of clues to let people know you’re not really serious. I think this guy has his tongue planted in his cheek for some of the more ridiculous stuff, but that his bottom line really is that Americans need to feel tuff by driving big cars.

I think it’s satire. Read it with that thought it mind and it makes more sense.

You should start your post differently than “Pretend you’re Fred Hiatt.”

I did, and before I could read any further through something that was right in front of my own eyes and that I could potentially learn something from, I stopped and had a little fantasy about how awesome all those thankful Iraqis must think we are.

I’ll assume the rest of the post was informative and/or witty.

I think it’s satire. Read it with that thought it mind and it makes more sense.

But I think it’s satire in the same way that “WOMEN R SO ST))PID BECAUSE THEY FAINT” op-ed was. It throws in some over-the-top stuff, but it’s central point really is that Americans should drive big fucking cars.

Yeah, reading a couple of his other editorials, this definitely seems like satire. He mentions that in Los Angeles he uses the “Flexcar” system, some sort of car-sharing program, and that American’s in general need to “get over our obsessions with our cars”.

But yeah, he could’ve telegraphed it a little better, especially in a time when the Goldbergs and Kristols of the world are getting their nonsense published on a daily basis. I’m betting this screed will turn up on many a conservo’s website this week.

And please don’t notice my unnecessary apostrophe in “American’s” above.

you could hear the tree huggers, the unreconstructed hippies, the postmodern Green [Party]…

Postmodern Green Party?!?! WTF is that? Proof that once again neo-cons don’t know what “postmodern” is, except that they hate it.

GM desperately needs an obnoxious, attention-grabbing brand to keep from turning into a dreary shadow of its former self. And America needs the Hummer to remind us of what has always made our automobiles stand out, from the tailfin 1950s to the muscle car 1960s and ’70s: swagger.

The fact that GM continuously and desperately puts out obnoxious, attention-grabbing brands is the reason why they’re a dreary shadow of their former selves. It’s called “lack of demand”… y’know, one of those variables moving the magic invisible hand of free market capitalism. Sure, some people might want retro designs, but other car makers were far more successful with this by incorporating the aesthetic into contemporary cars (ie: Chrysler’s PT Cruiser, VW’s new Beetle, Cooper Mini).

As I’ve suggested for years, Hummer drivers could project the same image with a bumper sticker that says, “I’m a stupid, selfish, arrogant asshole” – and save $60K in the bargain.

Essentially, Mr. DeBord insists that we should celebrate the stupidity that leads some of our fellow men to spend $60K to convey a message that could be just as succinctly conveyed with a $2 bumper sticker.

Point to note: Schwarzenegger had his Hummer converted to a hybrid by an outfit here in Wichita,KS called Marquee Motorcars.

Guess he’s a not-so-proud owner now…

It has got to be satire. Got to be. Not very good satire, maybe, but satire nonetheless.

It has got to be satire.

But as I said in my update, it’s virtually indistinguishable from Jonah Goldberg. Could the Pantload be one giant Swiftian practical joke as well? Is anything real?

As has often been said about these parts, the surreality of our times makes satire particularly difficult – and much more so if, as with M. DeBord, you’ve no talent for it.

On the Hummer tip, most of the people I see drive them around here in Utah County, Utah (although there have been strikingly fewer since last year’s gas hike to $3 a gallon) are women. Hmmm, must be something about the local culture which, as an outsider, I ought to plumb – but I’m beyond giving a darn about anything they do.

Postmodern Green Party?!?! WTF is that? Proof that once again neo-cons don’t know what “postmodern” is, except that they hate it.

And yet, they are the major practitioners of the linguistic and situational deconstruction of which postmodernism speaks – as illustrated by Brad’s frustrated cry:

Is anything real?

Nope, not a darn thing.

Hiatt’s buy-in to this as something funny to print is not a surprise.

These ‘we don’t give a f*ck that the earth is dying’ jokes appear to be the newest territory of rightwingers, given the imprimatur of GW at the G8 saying on his departure – while throwing a fist up to the sky in a ‘we’re so cool’ gesture, ‘goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter heh heh’

Oddly, most drives of Hummers that I have seen are Woman, which makes this an even sillier OP/ED piece.

Jennifer:
As I’ve suggested for years, Hummer drivers could project the same image with a bumper sticker that says, “I’m a stupid, selfish, arrogant asshole” – and save $60K in the bargain.

I’m sure that part of the lure of owning a Hummer is actually spending the $60k on it. I mean, what kind of image are you projecting if you buy a reasonably priced, mid-sized used car? Certainly not one that says “I’m better than you ‘cos I’ve tens of thousands of dollars to waste.”

I can respect a hummer H1. It’s the 100k + machine that bears some resemblance to the HMMMV, and will consume the gas it need to get you wherever you need to go. The H2 and H3 models are basically just Durangos with heavy crap bolted onto them. It’s always funny to watch yuppies take their H2 and H3’s offroad and break axles.

I thought Hummers were stupid even back when gas was cheap. They remind me of the Tonka trucks I played with when I was a kid.

Admittedly, I read the article with the benefit of your updated hindsight, and it seemed to shout satire from the word go. Though I can’t really blame you for thinking it was on the level. The two are so often indistinguishable these days.

I’m going with satire. Actually, I think it was intended to be satirical but he doesn’t have the chops to pull it off. Just another pathetic whine from another pathetic whiner.

That old invisible hand must be causing some very sore cheeks these days.

It’s always funny to watch yuppies take their H2 and H3’s offroad

And speaking of which, the other thing I wanted to say about Hummers is that I’ve personally never seen one that wasn’t spotlessly clean. These are supposed to be super-rugged utilitarian vehicles, but that’s obviously not why most people buy them.

To call this satire is a bullshit. Later into the article, he gets reflective and starts writing thinks like: “Our vehicles will need to become radically more efficient. But we require vestiges of the old dream to sustain our national optimism, which in turn nourishes our national character.”… Without telling the reader that he’s switching from sarcasm to a genuine belief. If this is meant to be sarcastic, sardonic, or satire, it’s piss-poor writing.

I’m so sick of this culture war that the boomers carried over from the 1960s. It’s not funny or remotely entertaining. Shit like this got George Bush elected, now it’s a joke? DeBord and Hiatt should leave satire to the pros like Colbert and S,N!.

DeBord is apparently about as good at satire as GM is at turning a profit.

Americans don’t just drive their cars — they proclaim something about themselves by driving them.

Like, oh, say, being enough of a retarded clown to think that having a seperate suspension for each wheel is WAY FRIGGIN’ COOL DUDE – & not merely a useless frill that’s a de facto subsidy for your local mechanic.

The Hummer appeals to large men of even larger ego, men who aren’t worried about their carbon footprint and believe that obstacles in life are meant not just to be surmounted but squashed flat.

In other words, the few total wastes of fucking protein that make life so hellish for the rest of us, when given half a chance – so as to go for the gold in their pathetic personal eternal Dick-Wagging Olympiad.

…we require vestiges of the old dream to sustain our national optimism, which in turn nourishes our national character.

Oh, & why, prithee, must we leave it there, milord? If one maketh a fetish of one’s anachronisms, & of the ugliest ones at that, one must surely not go at the game by half-measures … nay, I say – nay! Mayhap by this logic, why not so order the thing as that a few lucky Yankees should be chosen by lottery to retain the right to own slaves or serfs, a few of the criminals of darker hue chosen at random for some delightful lynchings to please the mob – or a few blessed landlords be granted the infamous droigt de seigneur over the damsels who rent from them? The “old dream” after all must have its rule, by Jesu! ‘Tis no satire, but merely a chancre on the purulent dick of a dying elephant I see arrayed here before me. Forsooth, verily do I scent a whiff of bull-shite in the wind, sirrah!

Schwarzenegger had his Hummer converted to a hybrid by an outfit here in Wichita,KS called Marquee Motorcars.

Now he’s got a Hydrogen one.

But we require vestiges of the old dream to sustain our national optimism, which in turn nourishes our national character.

I’d had the same thought from a very different angle – I can see a day coming, not long from now, when all the traffic on the road consists of bicycles, little scooters and tiny commuter-cars. Except, of course, for a few jutting-brow dinosaurs who drive a machomobile and get a dick-tingle whenever they swerve a bit to make those poor fuckers scatter like cockroaches! JUST LIKE COCKROACHES! Heeeeee heheeheeeeeheeee!

In a way I encourage egging on the overconsumption by these dickweeds – most of them won’t be able to afford it and will spend money on gas they might have donated to the Republicans instead.

Satire? Yes, but as has been pointed out, badly done. The real question is, did Fred Hiatt think it was satire? IMHO, no, he didn’t, and he *liked* it – that’s why he *published* it.

Schwartznegger’s Hummer and Stallone’s I think also are “real” (ex-military) HUMVs. The “Hummers” GM sells are pathetic imitations of the genuine army HUMVs, basically rebodied Suburbans. Appropriately phony military vehicles for the chicken hawks.

I think we should use liberals for fuel.

Huh huh.

Can I use that?

Wow. That’s some subtle sarcasm from Mr. DeBord. I have a pretty good sarco-o-meter, and the needle never budged. I think if I had read that in the Post 10 years ago, I probably would have recognized it as sarcasm. However, the Post has become such a Neocon rag that I pretty much judge it by the same standard as I judge the Wall Street Journal’s editorial page.

I think we should use liberals for fuel.

Bad idea, as they are unfortunately in limited supply. Best to use conservatives; we’ve got plenty of those lying around (and I do mean lying), not to mention the studies that show stupid produces a higher octane.

So it’s satire but it still seems more genuine than that virgin Stranger dude or that Dogstar guy from a while back.

The opinion editor at the right-wing rag where I work justifies the use of Ann Coulter’s column by calling it satire.

John Edwards is a faggot. Brilliant satire. Right?

It’s too bad the terrorists didn’t blow up the New York Times building. Satire.

We should poison Justice John Paul Stevens’ creme brule. (???????) Brilliant satire.

Anything in a Michael Moore movie they are told they don’t like? Beyond the pale!!!!!!! Liberals are so hateful!

Ann Coulter is supposed to be satire?

That’s confusing. Should I not use her for my talking points?

I swear I didn’t know.

Liberals. Hmf.

The opinion editor at the right-wing rag where I work justifies the use of Ann Coulter’s column by calling it satire.

My condolences to you for having to work at a right-wing rag. About the best I could suggest is to load up on the batshittiest columnists available and give the readers a real eyeful of just what their movement is about. You never know, one or two of them might have a John Cole moment.

Somewhat tangential, but it seems to me that, if these Hummer-driving, over-mortgaged McMansion dwellers had spent their Bush tax cuts on hybrids and roof-top solar panels instead, this might have encouraged investment in sufficient production of these items to have made them far more available and affordable for ordinary folks by now. And maybe have created a few more US jobs in the process. Sadly, . . . .

P.S., Amity Schlaes is a dingbat.

Yeah. It’s exactly the same as fake trolls.

If you do it as satire but it comes off as serious, it’s just more stoopid right wing bullshit. Anything that is indistinguishable from wingnut ranting is by definition wingnut ranting.

I suppose it’s fair to put it this way. The effectiveness, indeed, the very success or failure of satire is not determined by the intentions of the author. Rather, by the reader. If the reader cannot tell it’s satire, by definition, the reader must assume the author was serious..

mikey

GM is rethinking the hummer because nobody’s buying it. The decision – like the “rethink” of the SUV – is being driven by trends like high gas prices and carbon taxes, not by environmentalists. Is he really this stupid?

The right-wing rag does not post its local columnists on the Web.

However, some of the local columnists have been skewered at “My Left Wing.”

Here’s resident retard John Hall.

And here’s Bill Warford proudly displaying his boner for Ben Stein.

men who aren’t worried about their carbon footprint and believe that obstacles in life are meant not just to be surmounted but squashed flat.

OK, I thought that was pretty darn funny.

I think we should use liberals for fuel.

As crunchy granola vegan health-nazis, we are almost entirely oil-free(save for small pockets of hemp oil and patchouli). It would be as productive as drilling tofu. I’m thinking hair and face pumpjacks on basement-dwelling cheeto-munchers would provide far more oil than ANWR, though…

And here’s Bill Warford proudly displaying his boner for Ben Stein.

Yikes.

I was thinking more like loading up the rag with awful conservatards to the point where the rag’s readers found it all repugnant – if such a thing is possible.

It almost seems too obvious to point out but, in addition to being oilier, conservatards (e.g., Jonah Goldberg, Bill Kristol) have a far higher natural gas content than Libruls.

Is anything real?

Welcome to the right-wing desert of the real. That’s not sand, it’s Cheeto dust.

I was thinking more like loading up the rag with awful conservatards to the point where the rag’s readers found it all repugnant – if such a thing is possible.

Here’s a partial list for the syndicated line-up for the opinion page: Ann Coulter, Larry Elder, WIlliam Rusher, Bill O’Reilly, Rich Lowry, David Brooks, Diana West, Kathleen Parker, Jeff Jacoby, Thomas Friedman, Thomas Sowell, Cal Thomas, Mallard Fillmore.

They run Maureen Dowd and call that balance.

They do not lack for awful conservatards. You should see the letters to the editor. We cut two paragraphs from Thomas Sowell one time for space and we got a very angry letter accusing the paper of liberal bias.

In other news, Tony Snow Dies, Joins Jesse Helms

Hoosier X said,

July 12, 2008 at 20:55

They do not lack for awful conservatards. You should see the letters to the editor. We cut two paragraphs from Thomas Sowell one time for space and we got a very angry letter accusing the paper of liberal bias.

10pt. Serif font has a well known liberal bias.

Rightwingsnarkle said,

July 12, 2008 at 21:06

In other news, Tony Snow Dies, Joins Jesse Helms

My only hope is that Limbaugh is next, and he’s found OD’d with a Thai ladybody prostitute and a dildo up his ass (two wetsuits are optional).

Holy cowbells, I thought you were joking about Tony Snow. Can’t say I’ll miss the lying shitball.

Tony Snow is dead? Did he have to sit 24 hours in an emergency room waiting for a bed? Did he fall to the floor, writhing in pain, while hospital staff recorded that he was sitting quietly? Did he lie dead on the floor in a flimsy gown for over an hour before a nurse finally summoned enough interest to kick him?

Oh, too bad.

For a second there I thought that there might be a God after all.

#

MaineMan said,

July 12, 2008 at 20:54

It almost seems too obvious to point out but, in addition to being oilier, conservatards (e.g., Jonah Goldberg, Bill Kristol) have a far higher natural gas content than Libruls.

And one can only imagine how big that differential would be were I not firmly in the Liberal camp….

mikey

Tony Snow was a decent guy who made his living lying to the people of the United States.

One more down, how many more to go?

You know, a part of me realizes that Phil Gramm might have some rightness within him. Sure. My grandfather drove boats up Omaha Beach. Didn’t have anything to live for other than saving the fellas around him. Did this after starting his life herding fucking cattle down the Appalachians.

So yeah. He didn’t whine. I’m a pussy, in context. But the idea of America, the idea of freedom and even classical liberalism, is that a great big most of us eventually not have to put boots to pavement like he did. That’s the idea, dummy. To make all of us better off. Yeah, we’ll still need ditch-diggers and floor-sweepers, but the idea is to make their livelihood the envy of the world.

That’s America to me. Phil Gramm telling us we’re wimps because we’re noting that this country isn’t living up to its promise? Fuck that guy. And fuck McCain for not coming out and saying know what…yeah, we should really be doing better.

But if you want to hitch your wagon to Americans are crybabies!, then go right fucking ahead. May you live in interesting times.

Did he have to sit 24 hours in an emergency room waiting for a bed? Did he fall to the floor, writhing in pain, while hospital staff recorded that he was sitting quietly? Did he lie dead on the floor in a flimsy gown for over an hour before a nurse finally summoned enough interest to kick him?

Well, you know, that woman was an immigrant and very poor, so she probably felt lucky just to sit in an American hospital. I have heard that the city is paying for the funeral and flying her children in from Jamaica. And of course, the family is suing the hospital for $25 million so really [chortles] this is all working out quite well for them.

OMLGOGMFAOZ0RZS YOU GOT TRICKED!!!1!1onety-one1!

This, when added to the mountain of other evidence that includes ‘Rathergate’ and er (cough mumble mumble), proves irrefutably and for all time that the left blogosphere is always wrong about everything.

At the risk of betraying my inner contrarian simpleton, I’d like to point out that this WaPo piece is actually less annoying if it’s meant in earnest. Good satire at least understands its target–this guy just sounds like a snotty little dick making fun of everybody who doesn’t belong to his organic co-op. If he’s kidding, that is. Either way, he needs to never be published again unless there’s a .blogspot in their somewhere.

People who drive Hummers are jerks, no question, but the new guard of semi-sustainable automobiles DO kind of suck from a certain (shallow) perspective. Hell, I’m about as far as you can get from a gearhead–sold my car as soon as I found a place near mass transit, and the most badass car I ever owned was a girly little RX-7–but even I think it’s okay to want a car that gets your dick hard. Hell, for what they cost nowadays, I’m not sure I mean that metaphorically.

Oh, and for what it’s worth,* pissing on Tony Snow’s grave makes you come off like a seriously ghoulish motherfucker. He ain’t Helms, man.

*not a whole hell of a lot

REARGUARD ACTION

‘We think that it’s important to remember our leaders in the right historical context. In President Bush’s case, we think that we will be cleaning up a substantial mess for the next 10 or 20 years. … So we think it’s a fitting tribute.’

Brian McConnell, a member of the Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco, which aims to get a proposal to rename a sewage-treatment plant after Mr. Bush on the November ballot

OT, just got this message from Hooters Hewitt via ClownHall:

Dear Friend,

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Do you know someone young who is getting fooled by all the Obama-hype?

I’ve met so many that it motivated me to write Letters to a Young Obama Supporter. In it, I explain what an Obama administration would mean for the United States, and especially for the youth of America. All Americans have a stake in their country’s future, but younger citizens have perhaps the greatest one. That’s why Obama’s naïve foreign policy views and stifling economic proposals are so worrisome.

We NEED to get the facts in the hands of as many young voters as we can before Election Day. That’s why Townhall has agreed to include a free copy of this important pamphlet to my listeners who subscribe to Townhall Magazine.

Click here now and we will send you this critical information about Obama’s record, twelve months of Townhall Magazine, and Andrew McCarthy’s Willful Blindness: A Memoir of the Jihad immediately. A $66 value for only $34.95!!

There is too much at stake — from defending our nation to turning the economy around — to not get the facts in the hands of everyone we know. The magazine, the pamphlet, and Andrew McCarthy’s book all have one thing in common — in-depth facts that you won’t get on the radio or the web. And I am sure that once you get them, you will want to share these with your friends and family as well.

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P.S. Make sure that the young Obama supporter in your family or neighborhood gets a copy of Letters to a Young Obama Supporter. With only a few months until Election Day, there’s no time to waste. Subscribe now and keep yourself informed with a unique take on all the political news, and help convert an Obama supporter at the same time.

That’s right, kids! The world’s highest authority on ad hoc bullshit, danglin’ nipples, and Romney love wants to school your kids! He’ll get through to them, surely!

FWIW, this was my response to Hewitt:

Desperation is an unfortunate smell.

You’d think that they’d stop sending me shit after that…but this IS ClownHall. They need all the numbers they can get, so they’ll keep me on board. Yay!

I finally read the Hummer piece. It’s not satire; It’s smarty-pantsedness. It’s basically a straight reported story, although the writer chooses to use a sardonic tone. But the theme isn’t sustained consistently, like good parody should be. Plus there’s no outrageous exaggeration for effect. Overall you get the idea he really wishes he had a Hummer, and can only conclude he has a small penis.

So: FAIL as satire.

Nothing says “screw the future generations” like an accountant in a Hummer commuting 40 miles each way to work.

I responded to that Hewitt letter by telling him that the reason he’s met so many young people who are supporting Obama is that there are a lot of us out there!

Cuz nothing can make you gay-er than driving a Prius. ‘ceptn maybe soy products.

I’m with Argonaut; DeBord may have meant his cheeto-flavored hairball as satire, but Fred Hiatt gave him the space because he liked the idea of Hummers as a replacement for such outdated American symbols as Mom’s apple pie, the state fair, or a supreme judicial system dedicated to “checks and balances” on the executive branch.

Although I will not consider the WaPo irredeemable while Dan Froomkin maintains his “White House Watch” online column (in the face of heavy opposition from Hiatt & the other Media Village Idiots) because Froomkin, like James Wolcott in Vanity Fair, is a “gateway” to the Sane Sanctuary of the left-wing blogs for those not aware of all internet tradtions (yes, that’s how I found this place myself).

As for Tony Snow’s demise, I’m sure his family will miss him. Now who do we know that can get a message to Karl Rove suggesting that in the folkloric Famous-Folk-Die-in-Threes trophe* , Karl could achieve a little extra media attention as the capstone of either the political Helms-Snow or the media Russert-Snow troika?…

* for instance, Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, and Seseke Mobutu.

As for Tony Snow’s demise…

I haz a youtube.

Where do bad folks go when they die?
~

John Cole makes a few good essays into the murk of edgy brinkmanship .
If you prefer not to bother your beautiful mind the stench of milk and honey can best be described as swoon making at any reputable establishment . This goes double plus for T Snows cloven imprimatur

I am not particularly literate musically or I would rip the surly bonds of temperance and say , “Lake of Fire ! Ripping good Satire !”
Unless I have already said that
never mind

I’ve met so many that it motivated me to write Letters to a Young Obama Supporter.

Just like Screwtape, but with a more malign goal.

Cuz nothing can make you gay-er than driving a Prius. ‘ceptn maybe soy products.

This news comes just when we are getting around to replacing the Subaru and Jetta with a Prius and a scooter. Our goal is to be the gayest hetero couple IN THE WORLD.

That wasn’t good satire at all. It’s as if Jonathan Swift wrote his Modest Proposal after the Irish actually started eating babies.

They Come in Threes.

August, 1970. Southeast of An Loc, South Vietnam. American troops have been out of Cambodia mostly for over a month, and things have quieted down. After the sustained 24hour-a-day butchery of of June, the relative calm is welcomed, and raw, exposed nerve endings are beginning to scab over. But some very serious damage has been done.

Williams still has a thousand yard stare. He still jumps at loud noises, and he’s developed a number of twitches and tics. He laughs and cries only at the most inappropriate moments, and for the most part he makes us embarrassed and uncomfortable. Indeed, when he is drinking beer with us, somebody always keeps a weapon at hand, as the only thing predictable about the shattered soul that is Williams is that you cannot predict what he might do.

On a routine sweep through a ville outside the perimeter, Williams stepped off the trail to take a piss. A bouncing betty jumped up, and with a surprisingly unimpressive bang, eviscerated him. He was sick, tired, scared and utterly without hope, so he died in just a couple minutes, his guts in a couple dark piles next to him.

The LT called in a dustoff and told us we were going to abort and hump back to the Firebase. We set up an LZ and a perimeter, a chopper landed and they loaded Williams. One of our medics, Doc Lanier, went with him to take care of his shit with GR.

It was a subdued and desultory hump back, with one KIA and no rounds fired, and mostly we just wanted a joint or a beer or both. When we walked in through the wire there was a buzz, and pretty soon we heard the dustoff went down and all on board were dead.

The next day we were out repairing replacing sandbags on one of the bunkers and one of our new guys said “I always heard these things happen in threes”. Well, mostly we snickered, or frowned, nobody wants to think the universe had put a mark next to one of our names too. Later that afternoon, we were sitting in the hot sun, shirts off, smoking cigarettes and drinking sodas, when another of our new guys (I’m ALMOST certain it was a different one, but hell, they all look alike) fell over like he’d been hit by a bus. He’d taken a .50 round straight down through the top of his head.

Somewhere many miles away a jet or a chopper or somebody had loosed a burst of Ma Deuce up into the sky, at who or what we can never know. Hell, might have even been a commie twelve seven fired from Cambodia. But without a sound, without warning, without any involvement or participation at all, the Universe took it’s third life.

Was that a sigh of collective relief as we zipped him into that bag? I don’t think so, but I guess I can be sure…

mikey

And one can only imagine how big that differential would be were I not firmly in the Liberal camp….

Y’know that Tufte-inspired InfoPorn gizmatch in which they illustrate the sources and intensity of US methane emissions? The one with the large red splotches in the heart of Dairyland? Well that one, really really bright red dot along the Midcoast of Maine, that’s me. During football season. Homemade chili washed down with several Geary’s. I’m required to file a 13-page environmental impact statement every Labor Day.

And yet, Bill Kristol makes me look like a piker.

re update: He could learn a thing or two from John Swift about writing satire.

Tony Joe White is DEAD?!?!?! But I’ve always loved “Polk Salad Annie”.

On a more serious note: My feets are getting sore. With Helms AND Tony SnowWhite biting the weener of mortality in the last week, there are just too many graves to dance on lately…

I think it’s entirely possible this was satire, but the writer’s intention was to see if he could pull one over on Hiatt and get it published as genuine. Hence the unusual format of not revealing the satire whatsoever.

On a more serious note: My feets are getting sore. With Helms AND Tony SnowWhite biting the weener of mortality in the last week, there are just too many graves to dance on lately…

Chey

Knee!

Chey

Knee!

Surely there is some god of Lightning and such who knows what I’m sayin’.

Otherwise, FSM, smack ’em with a hefty noodle.

“OK, so it seems I might have been pwn3d a little bit ”

No one gets pwn3d a “little bit.” You were completely owned or not at all.

The decision – like the “rethink” of the SUV – is being driven by trends like high gas prices and carbon taxes, not by environmentalists.

Who said Exxon doesn’t care about the planet?

Holy shit:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/middle_east/article4322508.ece

Well, it was nice knowin’ y’all. Obama is gonna reprise his FISA assholery here by supporting the attack (wouldn’t want to appear “soft” on defense, would ya, also will feel the need to bow and scrape the the psychotic Israelis) as will ALL of the so-called Democratic leadership and we’ll all be royally FUCKED. The Israelis are saying “in three months time there will be a new middle-east, so there’s your rough timeline. These idiots are either clueless as to the apocalyptic damage this is going to do to the world or they’re utterly self-destructive and don’t mind taking the rest of us down with them.

Shit. Ready for the “re-groovin” camps?

SHIT!!

Helluva story, Mikey.

Well, there’s no shortage of candidates for the third slot.

The other day I was driving to work and came up with a new reality show…

Dropping Karl Rove into the Arctic with a backpack full of raw meat.

The meat would attract polar bears. But if he gets rid of it, there’s nothing to eat.

Kept me bemused all morning.

Orange Tom said,

July 13, 2008 at 2:28

Holy shit:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/middle_east/article4322508.ece

Well, it was nice knowin’ y’all. Obama is gonna reprise his FISA assholery here by supporting the attack (wouldn’t want to appear “soft” on defense, would ya, also will feel the need to bow and scrape the the psychotic Israelis) as will ALL of the so-called Democratic leadership and we’ll all be royally FUCKED. The Israelis are saying “in three months time there will be a new middle-east, so there’s your rough timeline. These idiots are either clueless as to the apocalyptic damage this is going to do to the world or they’re utterly self-destructive and don’t mind taking the rest of us down with them.

Shit. Ready for the “re-groovin” camps?

SHIT!!

Since where does it say that Obama, et al will jump on the Iran-attack bandwagon? And if Israel striking Iran is news to you, then you haven’t been paying attention to the news in the past two weeks. John Bolton hinted a couple of weeks ago that Israel might attack Iran between the oh-so-conveinient time between Election Day and Inauguration Day. He added that this was more likely if Obama is elected.

The only thing that seemed to change is they now can’t wait for Election Day.

The only thing that seemed to change is they now can’t wait for Election Day.

Actually, what has changed is Bush doing the soft roll-out of the OK for the new war. Yeah, believe it or not, I HAVE been paying attention, and I assumed that is madness was coming. And here. It. Is.

If you think Obama is going to side with his anti-war base on fighting this bull-shit, then YOU haven’t been paying attention. His advisors are going to tell him that he’s going to have to out-macho McInsane with the saber rattling and he’ll be the loudest voice calling for U.S. “protection” of the poor Israelis (boo-fucking hoo) and we’ll be “off to the races”, so to speak.

The elders among us can remember REAL satire.

Paul Krassner’s “Fuck Communism” bumper-sticker … or even better, his light-hearted anecdote about LBJ sneaking into the rear of Air Force One & having some hot head-wound lovin’ at JFK’s expense – now THOSE were good satire. The LBJ rumour was especially win-win in that it was taken quite seriously by a lot of folks who should’ve known better. That so many took the rumour at face value was not a function of its failure as satire, but of LBJ’s absolute ugliness as a human being.

As mikey said, the very nature of wingnuttery is such that satirizing it just comes across as yet more wingnuttery – & frankly, I no longer give much of a rat’s ass if a troll is a “fake” doing an “authentic simulacrum” or the real deal. The mere POV itself is quite enough to bring out the vitriol, napalm & Large Pointed Stick … the “witty” fake troll only serves to solidify the righteousness of the real ones, & might confirm the inner neocon bastard of a fence-sitting “non-cool” visitor who’s not in on the “gag” … not to mention the fact that it’s just plain not very bloody funny in 2008 to be a text-clone of the likes of Ruppert, SowellFan et al — as nearly every post & comment-thread proves most elegantly, the best parody of a wingnut is the wingnut themselves. Which is why this website rocks so damn hard.

But posting under their name & saying how much you love Teh Ghey Buttsecks NEVER gets old.

Great skewering, Hoosier, of your local alleged journalists. I particularly enjoyed your noticing the sudden shift from quotes to italics in the English professor’s essay, and how you used their own arguments and assertions against them (one of my favorite rhetorical techniques). Too bad I read the Left Wing posts so long after you posted here that you probably won’t come across my praise. If you do see my comments, I’m curious: does this conservative pocket of greater Los Angeles consider itself an oasis in a liberal desert? I suppose it would.

I am a bit of a gearhead. I dig cool transport. It is possible to get fuel sipping economy with accelleration that will flatten the eyeballs in your sockets. My car has been parked most of the summer. I bicycle or walk when I commute and for longer trips I motorcycle. Hell for the price people pay for a Hummer you could get four or five motorcycles with change left over for an economical car for winter.

I guess you guys would look down on me if I said that I want a Dodge Challenger, then…

The fact is, the article was not satire, or whatever you liberals call it. Hummers are very good for the envorinment. They burn lots of fuel that might otherwise be part of an oil spill. They help the envorinment.

Letters to a Young Obama Supporter.

If he is going to follow in the model of Rilke, shouldn’t he be an old Obama supporter?

How I will always remember Tony Snow

Come back, Real Gary.

The fact is, the Heartland needs you to tell us how to live.

Do not renege on your responsibility, Real Gary.

Make us understand how the married men down the street are going to turn us all gay.

Please, Real Gary?

Please?

Thanks for the kind words, Daphne Chyprious.

I’m still around. But I’m at work. Making the magic happen.

John Hall’s column today is even stupider than the one in the link. I wish it was available on the Web.

–seriously, gar!

get serious again!

seriously!

these librul asses ain’t gonna whoop themselves…

get it together, son. now–

“Teh married gay makes us all teh gay!!!1!1!!”

–well done, old man. well done.–

Whatever fleeting coolness or rush as may be derived from a high-perf vehicle is offset times about a dozen by needless fatalities, noise, wasted resources and noxious fumes. Hard to get excited anymore knowing what we know.

And even if hummers ran on water, they’d still be the stupidest vehicle on the road.

Hoosier: I meant every word. How ’bout posting Hall’s latest column with your interspersed rebuttal again? Then please leave a link here.

I know it’s been said before now, but there’s a hell of a great novel waiting for Mikey to write it.

In the meantime, thanks for your comments here. Again.

Oh, my. Matt Debord. I’d never hire Matt to write a political article–it’s just not his strong suit–but I love his food and wine writing. And, oddly, he’s kinda got a thing for big cars. He wrote a very funny piece a few years ago for Salon about how hot soccer moms are, partly because they drive SUVs. Matt’s no Lieks. He’s about 50 IQ points smarter than Lieks but his idea of life doesn’t include political conflict. He’s more like Maureen Down stuffing to the small body of an ex-WV hipster.

Oh, I know, that probably wasn’t helpful. And, yeah, oddly, I suspect Hiatt didn’t get the joke but that article is Matt’s idea of, oh, fun. Not a joke exactly but not at all serious, just prattle but soothing prattle. Give the guy a break. He’s not a wingnut. Though Lord knows that now he’s been SadlyNoed, I hope he stick to wine and golf and stays out of politics.

Wow. You’d think he’d never read about the symbolism of guys who are obsessed with Big Powerful Things. I have always assumed when I see a guy in a Hummer, that he has some serious penis size issues.