We’ve Never Thought Of It Quite That Way
Posted on June 30th, 2008 by Gavin M.
Shorter Tom Kovach:
- Ha ha! Here are some ways to make fun of Obama’s name. But not everything is fun and games: Evidence shows that the non-citizen Muslim-Hindu sleeper agent Obama [gibber gibber] has spectral horns growing out of his head [woop woop], and may be the False Prophet who heralds the Antichrist, i.e., the spectrally-horned [ee-yii, ee-yii] Bill Clinton.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Note: In one of the column’s many highlights, Kovach provides direct photographic evidence of Obama and Clinton sporting baleful and supernatural sign-of-the-devil marks, à la The Omen. We can find no rational explanation for these spine-chilling images, which are unique in the. . .oh wait.
‘Also, please let me sell you my precious colloidal silver voo-doo products which will kill all the harmful germs I allege are filling your veins.’
Kovach is real smart: he shows us real-life unretouched photos of Obama and Clinton with “horns” protruding from their heads, but in his photo Tom keeps his hat on!
I did it for you, Damien!
Hmmm, with that hat, he looks like a lot of the men at last weekend’s Twin Cities Pride celebration (& I ain’t talkin’ the P-FLAG dads).
Nope. Not gonna click it.
Don’t laugh — they’re the heroes who tuck the Green Berets in at bedtime.
My own on-air contribution to Obonics was “Obamistan” — the new name for a United States that is forced to accept Islamic Shari’a law. If you think that is a far-fetched idea
If you, gentle Renew America reader…
…and a fully-vested member of the CVS Cash-Back Rewards Club.
But not a notary public, so he loses all credibility in my eyes.
Why is it when I see a columnist who looks like a The Hills Have Eyes extra, then read a “Shorter” summary that doesn’t make any damned sense, that I automatically know that when I roll over the link, the address will start with http://www.renewamerica.us?
Amazing how it always works like that.
That was my favorite Star Trek episode: “The Trouble with Tribulations.”
To be fair, that article is a lot like when we make up new words for stuff. Only a lot stupider and a lot less funnier.
Ia! Ia! Obama ftagn!
Lisa: Dad, what if I were to tell you that this rock keeps away tigers.
Homer: Uh-huh, and how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn’t work. It’s just a stupid rock.
Homer: I see.
Lisa: But you don’t see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: Lisa, I’d like to buy your rock.
Just skimmed it. Wow. See, when I guy writes
I’m all like, pfft, whatever, LGF-ish wanker. But then he writes
and I’m all like, wait, where are we going? And then he’s up in my face with
And I’m like man, Alan Keyes, I understand wanting to surround yourself with as many friends as possible…but there comes a time when you’ve just got to kick someone out.
But don’t worry, I’m sure there’s some place he can end up? Because remember…
That’s right, Larry Johnson, Michelle Malkin, and friends! Gooble gobble, this yutz is one of you.
Obama’s grandfather renounced Christianity. (For the results of that, read Hebrews 6, especially Verse 6.)
For the results of an event that happened in the early 20th century, please consult a 5,000-year-old religious text. Also, results from yesterday’s MLB games can be found scattered throughout Deuteronomy 4.
A news item from India reports that Obama also carries a miniature Hindu idol in his pocket…
Super-duper ironclad proof that he is a Muslim!
…for “luck.” (The word “luck” stems from the name “Lucifer.” The word in Russian for “evil” is lukavaho. Christians should bristle whenever someone wishes them “good luck.”)
Kovach didn’t actually submit the text in parens to Renew America. The editors came to visit him in his padded cell and found these words smeared on the wall in human shit.
Why is it when I see a columnist who looks like a The Hills Have Eyes extra, then read a “Shorter” summary that doesn’t make any damned sense, that I automatically know that when I roll over the link, the address will start with http://www.renewamerica.us?
That’s just unfair. You know damn well there’s a 15% chance it could be World Net Daily.
Ha, a verb is defined as a noun. That’s great, especially as it’s the only one where he specifies the part of speech.
“Luck” is derived from “Lucifer”? That’s also pretty awesome.
Oh, and Obama carries a 15 kg, 21-inch brass Hanuman idol in his pocket? Must be a pretty big pocket.
“Oh, it’s twoo, it’s twooo!”
“I hate to disappoint you, Ma’am, but that’s my brass monkey-god.”
“Recently, I floated the idea that Barack Obama could become The Antichrist by three ministers. One laughed at me, and two have not returned my messages.”
Dude. Take the hint.
Credit when due: O-bonics is pretty good even if it’s racist as hell.
Wingnut neologism help.
Secret Muslim:
ObaMohammed
Barack Imamba
Obamatollah
Secret Marxist:
ObaMarx
BaRed Obama
Obam-gonna raise your taxes
Secret Negro (Eastside):
O’Biggie Smalls
O-diddy
O-Unit
Secret Latte Sipping Elitist
O-Couture
Barackagentsia
OB-GYN
(For the heavily-footnoted details, my new book, Tribulation: 2008, should be released soon.)
What exactly is his definition of “should?” And while we’re at it, what’s his definition of “released?”
“Obama comma”
BAHHAHAHHHHAH!!!! This guy must never have heard either JiSM3 or Beloved Leader W speak.
He has a Hindu luck symbol in his pocket. zOMFG!!! Final proof that Obama is a fascist!
As for the luck=Lucifer one, he totally pulls that out of his ass (as some here already knew). Luck comes from the German “geluech”, meaning… well, luck. Lucifer comes for the Latin “lux” or “lucis” meaning light, because he was the light of the Morning Star (ie: Venus).
Of course, this brings up the sticky point that Jesus is often referred to the Morning Star as well in the Bible (ie: Rev 22:16).
ObamaBBBBBZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
http://www.freewebs.com/manwomans/Friends%20Contributions/Englishpostcard.jpg
WordPress should go suck on a poke of dicks.
Geez, I shoulda read a little further. Now I’m gonna have to come up with some Secret Hindu Obama catchphrases:
KrishnObama
Siddharack
Obamavad G?t?
And some Secret Clenis:
O’Bubba
Billack Obama
The First Black President
I’m surprised that he chose to crop the image to demonstrate Obama’s evilitude. He could have used the untouched original and added the caption:
The Obamessiah sucks the souls out of his audience as is clearly evident in the blurring of their features.
Secret BSG nerd:
Commander Obama
Secret Leonid Meteor Shower Reference:
Stars Fell on AlObama
Secret Irishman:
O’Bama
Secret “Modern” Commercial Enterprise:
Obam-a-rama
QiaB:
“It is a complete conspiracy of silence against me, a conspiracy of silence. What ought I to do, Oscar?”
“Join it.”
Is this a really odd indirect way of mentioning his bowel movements in the toilet — “Recently, I floated X idea”?
Why does WordPress hate the Bhagavad Gita? May Shiva come as the Destroyer with his awful consort Kali to rain death and destruction upon WordPress and it’s minions of Hindu oppression.
I have nothing to say, except to wish all Christians reading this good luck.
Oooo! Bristly!!
Ok. Let’s get started.
Grettings, Wingnuts. I’m glad so many of you could make it here. I’m really pleased that so many of you took the time to show up. Now, I have a confession to make. Neither John Bolton nor Donald Rumsfeld will actually be here to allow all of you to suck their cocks. That was, well, a lie.
But it was worth it, because I wanted go get all you guys together to ask one simple question: Do you have any problems with electing Barack Obama president based upon SUBSTANCE?
“He’s a Muslim!”
Nope.
“He’s a Ni**er!”
Sorry. Anything else?
“He’s the Antichrist!!”
Ok, now this is just getting silly.
“He’s an elitest!”
Yeah. Like every other politician including McCain.
“He’s a Communist!”
What does that even MEAN?
Anything on his policies?
[Crickets]
“Um. Can you tell us what his policies ARE?”
mikey
Hey hat-boy, I think you might be projecting.
Don’t look now, but “Tom Kovach lives near Nashville, is a former USAF Blue Beret, and has written for several online publications. In 2006, he published his first book. He is also an inventor, a horse wrangler, a certified paralegal, and a network talk-radio host. He is available to speak to your group.”
IOW, a jackoff of all trades, master of none.
I take “He is available to speak to your group” as a thinly-veiled threat. “Timmy, turn OFF the video game and finish your homework, NOW. Just remember, buster, Tom Kovach is available to speak to your group.”
Oh, so Obama can only be the Anti-Christ’s sidekick ’cause he’s a black man?
The downside of the blog phenomenon is richly illustrated here – all the nutjobs* like this guy can see their words in print and actually imagine they make sense and shouldn’t be committed to an institution (if there are any left after raygun shut them all down)
* wingnut is too good a word for idiocy like this; it sounds almost “normal”, at least for repigs
Dammit, he’s on to us.
“Good luck”, fellow minions of evil.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
*Disappears in a sulfurous cloud*
Sorry, I was away for a few minutes “floating some ideas”.
Obamatron: …The root word is “automaton.”
Than why’s that extra ‘r’ in there? Makes you look stupid. -er.
(For the heavily-footnoted details, my new book, Tribulation: 2008, should be released soon.)
OMG, Gavin, you guys will never want for material ever again! CTHULHU BE PRAISED!
O-Bonics? I’m impressed that anyone is able to fit *both* black and muslim bigotry in one column.
He is also an inventor, a horse wrangler, a certified paralegal, and a network talk-radio host.
The luxuries of the internet age. If you were paying by the word, they would have just shortened this to “unemployed.”
I can’t stop. Obama does have a funny name!
Secret Manshonyagger: Lord StObama Odin
Secret Jedi Master: Barack2-D2
Secret Jew: Rabbi ben TevyObama
Secret Knights Templar guarding the Obamessiah: ObaMasons
Secret Shredder: TObamy Hawk
Secret Blend of Herbs and Spices: OreganObama
He never said that! You’re distorting what he said! I hope you get cancer!
Is that a 15 kg, 21-inch brass Hanuman idol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Tom Kovach lives near Nashville, is a former USAF Blue Beret, and has written for several online publications. In 2006, he published his first book. He is also an inventor, a horse wrangler, a certified paralegal, and a network talk-radio host. He is available to speak to your group. To learn more, visit: http://www.TomKovach.us
The Jerk of all Trades can also grill chicken livers on the barbecue. Even his own.
Btw, the blue beret
Okay, two things. First, let’s get the shilling out of the way. I installed a sweet-ass extension to Firefox called “Interclue” which pulls up a preview of the site you’re going to. I don’t know if it provides any kind of additional link page count hit for any of the site meters and so on, but I could read all of Kovach’s shitty prose without clicking through the link.
Secondly, holy whap a doodle fucksticks is that some of the craziest bullshit I’ve ever read — and I’ve read Alan Keyes. Seriously:
(Emphasis mine)
Someone wrote that without, I’m assuming, a skinful of PCP. RenewAmerica’s like a hangover without the drugs. Sheesh.
Hey remember when they were claiming he’s really a white guy named Barry? Secret Aryan Man
Secret Rex Racer: Racer O
Secret The One: ObamNeo
Secret Gay Cowboy: Ennis del Marack
Secret Dixie Chick: Natalie ObaMaines
Secret BDSM Afficiando: O
I found my thrill,
on Blue Beret Hill.
Is that a 15 kg, 21-inch brass Hanuman idol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
My delusions of Obama carry fucking moai in his pockets.
OK stop. I thought TalEvangicals wanted the end times to begin so they can be raptured away to the heavenly box seats and watch the rest of us sinners get eaten by giant iron grasshoppers or whatever.
So calling Obama the anti-Christ must be an endorsement.
Is that a 33 ft high, 75 ton <Moai in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
They said Obama’s packin’, but who knew to what extent‽
OT- The Epic Thread(TM) has now reached 2000 posts.
I recommend the removal of this spam comment.
Tom Kovach
Can bite my snatch.
We can’t remove that! It will influence the flow of time, possibly ripping the space-time continuum asunder!</tinfoil>
Nah, fuck it. Let’s take the chance.
I couldn’t find any of the colloidal silver ads (argyria ho!), but Silent Witness keeps popping out at me. A book on Terri Schaivo, by Mark Fuhrman? Is that the same Mark Fuhrman that said:
Yes, I bet he’s a veritable goldmine of knowledge when it comes to persistent vegetative states. I just hope he sucks off his .45 after the election.
#
Satan said,
June 30, 2008 at 22:16
. . .
*Disappears in a sulfurous cloud*
#
El Cid said,
June 30, 2008 at 22:17
Sorry, I was away for a few minutes “floating some ideas”.
So Satan disappears and one minute later El Cid strolls in with some lame excuse. Coincidence?
I’M ON TO YOU
Yeah, that’s why people hassled me during high school! It didn’t have anything to do with that fact that I was in the band, the jazz choir, the newspaper staff, the musicals, and the Dungeons and Dragons club–it was because they were jealous of me!
I really and truly wanted to snark about Kovach, but I had no flippin’ idea where to begin.
O Bamada!
Our home and native land!
To quote Ivan Stang: “Proof that certain forms of fanaticism have exactly the same effect as methamphetamine.”
“Junior Rambo syndrome” is just too perfect. Also, the “Obama comma”: that … uh… long pause… uh… as the candidate searches for… uh… just the right word to distort the truth when someone in an audience asks a piercing question? Holy crap, every day it’s a brand new world to these people. George W. Bush? Never heard of him!
Speaking of luck, McSame is super-superstitious.
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2008/06/27/superstition-aint-the-way-2
I think the world will blow up soon, caused by the cosmic amounts of unintended irony that repig nutjobs are channeling onto Gaia.
How about McCunt?
[…] (via S,N!) […]
Obamarcus X believes the Devil made him do it.
True sharia love… from all thy sons command…
I’ll say this about that Kovach fella: If he walked into the “Blood Clot” (my favorite bar in Butte) looking like that, most of the clientele (who are Aryan biker-gang members on temporary leave from prison) would raise him up on their shoulders, carry him in triumph to “the place of honor” at the back of the bar, where they would relieve him of his trousers and proceed to do unspeakable things to him.
Admittedly, that’s an assuption on my part. I still hold out hope of being able to use a bathroom like a normal human, someday.
His followers believe whatever he says, even if it is proven to be a lie
Why does that sound so familiar?
Nice picture.
I did not realise that you were running a Terry Pratchett look-alike competition.
Toussaint L’Obama also believes you need to Break the Grip of Shame.
Speaking of luck, McSame is super-superstitious.
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2008/06/27/superstition-aint-the-way-2
From the same CNN Money article C&L links to:
I guess you had to be there.
An excellent point, and one which caused me to spray my monitor with cheap Walgreen’s cola.
Okay, I’m gonna take a swing at Wingnut reasoning. Feel free to skip this, because it’s going to be tres stoopid. Here goes:
The first Indiana Jones movie was about nazis. The third Indiana Jones movie also dealt with nazis. The second, however, dealt with Hindus Yes, freakin’ Hindus! Thus, not only is Obama a fascist, he is also a stealth Hindu! Now, the voices in my head are telling me to look deeper into this crazy coincidence, and I see that the new Indy movie features SPACE ALIENS. So Obama is not only a fascist and a Hindu and a Muslim, he is also an ILLEGAL SPACE ALIEN!!!1111!1
Wow. Being a complete lunatic wingnut is harder work than I thought it would be. My brain hurts . . . which is what it gets for twisting like that.
Hey, y’all, do I look like a total douchenozzle in this cowboy hat, or what?
I have it on good authority (myself) that Obama is actually Skeletor and he is a sleeper cell for Castle Greyskull.
To quote Ivan Stang..
Brandi: Is he any relation to Arnold Stang?
It’s alright, even if Obama did want to impose sharia law he couldn’t because the president’s powers are limited under the Constitu… oh, shit.
— news reports were already being “engineered” to fit the Leftist political agenda. The sad fact is that, right now, news reports are being engineered by selectively ignoring certain facts and events.
Half-wit got it half right.
Obama is the anti-Christ? Funny, he doesn’t look Jewish. Although he does appear to be a male.
How is it that the first thing I thought of viewing the picture of “spectral horns” over Obama was not horns, but Bugs Bunny ears?
That’s it! Bugs Bunny *is* the anti-Christ! Just look at all the nasty things he did to the right-wing’s cultural kindred, Elmer Fudd!
Obama is the anti-Christ?
Still better than McCain.
I have it on good authority that the “spectral horns” were originally discovered through the use of an industrial type Horny Spectrometer…
mikey
Eateth thou thine bag of dicks,
Granted thee for shitting bricks,
Chomp grimly at these salted pricks;
Eateth thou thine bag of dicks.
They’re just not into you.
I, for one, welcome our Satanic Majesties. Although I’d much rather welcome Let it Bleed or Beggar’s Banquet.
Obama is just a big ol’ Rorschach blot for the wingnuts.
Brandi–
I see where you’re going with this. Unless Obama promises us all slack,
just how much “change” can there really be?
All you need to know about this idiot is his dream team for the White House: Allen Keyes and ex-judge Roy Moore.
I think that’s about enough to let anyone know just what a vast segment of the American public stands behind him.
Anyway, good for a laugh.
Still better than McCain.
Duh.
And he’s making landing strips for gay Martians!!1!!
I will admit that often when I’m “floating ideas”, there are some sulfurous fumes involved.
“Recently, I floated the idea that Barack Obama could become The Antichrist by three ministers.”
Since no one’s mentioned it yet, may I point out the egregiousness of that dangling participle. He’s saying that the three ministers could cause Obama to become Teh Antichrist. But you knew that already. Plus some snark re: three wise men and the Baby Jeezus, only reversed and evil, plus BLACK!!!
Candy: Paint it black.
MzNicky: Conversely, if elected, we risk that, at any time, 3 ministers will come together and make Barack Hussein Obama X the Anti-Christ.
I was looking up some crap related to American Thinker and found
which includes the stirring endorsement
Paint it Black would be a great theme for the campaign, MzNicky. Sympathy for the Devil wouldn’t be bad either.
Just because Fred talks slowly doesn’t mean he’s stupid, or uninspiring.
This is a perfectly fair, accurate statement.
The fact that Fred IS stupid and uninspiring is the reason he appears to be, well, stupid and uninspiring…
mikey
Antichrist? Pfft. He’s teh Boogeyman. (The first 12 seconds are deceptive – no doubt designed for stealth – demon Obamatronicoids will be rewarded for their patience.)
Paint it Black would be a great theme for the campaign,
SInce “A Whiter Shade of Pale” is already taken by McCain.
Conversely, if elected, we risk that, at any time, 3 ministers will come together and make Barack Hussein Obama X the Anti-Christ.
El Cid: Mitigating circumstance: Saint Jerry specifed the Antichrist will be Jewish. Perhaps the wingnuts haven’t investigated that “birth certificate” of his enough to discover that his REAL name is Barry Obaminsky.
Candy: Street-fightin’ Man! (what with that turrist fist-bump and his gangsta connections and all.) Come to think of it, I believe I did see a few inches of boxer shorts above his pants that one time.
I was thinking Sympathy for the Devil.
Ahem.
Interestingly enough, this seems to be enough to cement this idea into Kovach’s head. “It must be true, because [fill in the blank with any crazy shit at all].”
The contempt of his spiritual advisors for his ideas is, in fact, central to his point.
Secret Yeti: Obamanable Snowman
Secret Mexican: Para Bailar Obamba
Secret Zombie NecronObamaCon
Secret Buddhist: Obama Lama
not so secret message to the wingnuts: “your mama”
RB: fucking hell. He IS the antichrist!
I totally hate being behind the curve.
No problem.
Perhaps Obama is simultaneously a radical Black Panther Christian black black blackety black nationalist, a Soetaro radical Indoneso-Kenyo-Kansan Muslim, an Ethiopian Jew and part Lemba Southern African Jew, as well as an Ivory tower elitist who stands around in country clubs with his beautiful date making fun of poor ugly Karl Rove.
[Added the word ‘Hindu’…]
This excellent column simply can’t be done justice by a shorter. Would it be wrong on principle to double up on it and do a longer appreciation?
How could it be wrong when it feels so right et cetera
He’s a 33rd-degree Freemason too, right? Or does that go without saying?
Secret Jedi Master: Barack2-D2
I like the ring of this.
Gavin: That, or just kill it with fire.
Righteous Bubba wrote:
Nevermind that stuff. He’s gonna open up a jumbo-sized can of polyphony and counterpoint and cram it down our throats!
Burek Obama will stuff us with un-American Ottoman potato & cheese pastries.
This excellent column simply can’t be done justice by a shorter. Would it be wrong on principle to double up on it and do a longer appreciation?
Gavin: Do what you gotta do, man.
Borax Obama will cause our entire great nation to dissolve easily in water.
Similarly, Galacto-Boureko Obama will clog our arteries (but it’s soooo worth it).
Just don’t mess with Swedish murder machine Brock Obama.
Birac Obama will sneer at us in his pure Gallic fashion, f***ing French elitist!
Barracks Obama will provide trained military units in all of our cities up until the discovery of Metallurgy.
I dunno. He sounded kinda bitter.
Hello good peoples. I just had to drop by and do a Snoopy dance because I figured out today how I can totally stick it to THE MAN. And all because of a clusterfuck he generated of his own free will.
God, I love karma.
He’s gonna open up a jumbo-sized can of polyphony and counterpoint and cram it down our throats!
That would be your “Afrococo”.
[Joke stolen from 1980’s-vintage Doonesbury]
I have lost contact with this thread.
I’m orbiting above it in a little bird, shouting into the microphone.
Only static and gibberish drifts up on the FM nets.
Not even protected static. Just words, disjoint phrases and noise.
I can’t engage. I can’t interpret. I can’t insert.
I’m gonna RTB and have a cocktail…
mikey
He’s gonna open up a jumbo-sized can of polyphony and counterpoint and cram it down our throats!
I’ve always preferred the family value-sized cans of WhoopAss™.
Boo, hiss! Liberals, you are making America unsafe for my children’s future! Overrun by muslims and terrorist attacks, and you even take away my SUV. Unamerican, I call it. I am voting for straight talk and no more liberal left lies!
Since no one’s mentioned it yet, may I point out the egregiousness of that dangling participle. He’s saying that the three ministers could cause Obama to become Teh Antichrist.
That was my first reading of it, and in fact I couldn’t come up with any other and dismissed it as nonsense – like a badly-written expression of something like “if I could get 3 ministers to notarize the Obama = Antichrist chit, he would be the Antichrist!!!1”
Not that I tried very hard to extract any other meaning from it, tho. I’m used to dismissing wingnuttery as badly-written nonsense.
Shalom, gentlemen.
Um.
Try using polyphony and counterpoint next time you apply a heaping helping of WhoopAss.
Jennifer: Spill it, girl.
See?! Didn’t we tell you that Obama’s the anti-Christ? But nooooo, you didn’t listen to us!
As for Bill Clinton being the anti-Christ, well that just shows how much glorious compassion and infinite power Hillary has to both tolerate and subdue him.
Fuck you, you liberals who put my children and our nation at risk! Fuck you and your marxist messiah Obama! Fuck you all!
Yes, I do like me some juicy gossip.
Nevermind that stuff. He’s gonna open up a jumbo-sized can of polyphony and counterpoint and cram it down our throats!
Still not as old as McCain.
Fucking liberals. I hate you. You are no better than terrorists. You HATE the USA.
Do you kiss your kids with that filthy mouth?
Fuck you, you liberals who put my children and our nation at risk! Fuck you and your marxist messiah Obama! Fuck you all!
You forgot, elitist, Hindu, Muslim, Atheist, Anti-Christ, White-Guy-named Barry, Jew, gangsta, Hamas candidate, appeaser.
PENIS
Do you eat a bag of dicks with that filthy mouth?
Fucking liberals
Well those Security Moms have got us there.
If anybody’s going to appoint an anti-Christ, it would be meeee!
You left wing appeasers are filthy trash, and I have no use for you.
I have no use for you.
Likewise. Why hang around screeching at us?
Not me this time.
Republican Security Moms For McCain said,
July 1, 2008 at 3:08
Boring troll is boring.
Try harder.
Or a poke of peckers, perchance. When she feels peckish.
Republican Security Mom: do it for Uncle Sam
Damn. With a nym like that, you KNOW it’s got to be troll.
The Beer-Ack! Obama initiation/inauguration ceremony, in the planning stages.
Fuck you, you liberals….Fuck you and your marxist messiah Obama! Fuck you all!
I’d totally hit that.
A three way with Obamatrix, to boot?
woo-ha!
I thought the first Security Mama comment sounded a tad parodyish. (The “even take away my SUV” was a bit much.) Couple that with a Shalom, Gentlemen from good ol’ Saul at 2:41 and my guess it’s the same old same old.
For a minute there, I thought we had a live one. Good work, Sec Ma.
‘course, I could be wrong. It’s so hard to tell these days.
Or, it could be my contract law prof. Speaking of which, I must study. Midterm tomorrow.
How long till some wingnut intimates that Obama is Petey Wheatstraw?
Bets?
From the bio at the end of the article:
Tom Kovach lives near Nashville, is a former USAF Blue Beret, and has written for several online publications
What is a blue beret? Are they the ones who hand out peanuts and pillows to the Special Forces guys on the overseas flights?
Aw right, you made me google Petey Wheatstraw, and I was glad!
Blowfly made a movie? Cool. I only knew him from his records.
Um, yep – those look more like “My Favorite Martian” antennae than horns on BHO there – big fat fail.
So OBAMA is a secret Satanist now, is he? This guy’s got a lot of nerve.
Obamageddon is both very apropos, since that GOP brand is about as well-liked as Pinto or Agent Orange right now … & mighty ironic coming from anyone who’ll vote for Mr. “Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran” … totally screwing the pooch on the etymology of “luck” is just gravy.
Sorry, dude – you won’t get a call-back, even if my horse DOES need wrangling.
Oops – I went for a walk to come back and see people asking me to spill it. Ok, here goes:
I have been working as a construction project manager for the past 2-1/2 years, and much to my surprise, have never encountered any sexism from the redneck carpenters, plumbers, etc etc etc who make up my work crews. If only the same could be said for my boss.
2 years ago, he switched project managers over to being independent contractors earning commissions only. This was all fine and good, until he started making demands that I be in the office all the time, even when he wasn’t assigning me projects. Then a year and half ago, he hired his drinking buddy as a project manager. Suddenly, guess what? The drinking buddy was being assigned 75% – 80% of all project volume. But sexist asshole boss continued to insist that I be in the office all the time, even though he was not giving me any projects. Every several months, there would be a huge blowout where he would start out with his lame-ass excuse about how “you would get jobs if you would get here at 7 am” (drinking buddy doesn’t get there that early), and finally come around to promising he was going to divide jobs equally. Then he would go back to doing what he had been doing. Not only was he shitting all over my chance to make money, drinking buddy was getting 6 weeks off per year, while I was browbeaten for taking off a few days now and then. At the start of this year, asshole sexist boss shows up with an account of draw payments vs commissions and announces that I’m $15K in the hole, and tries to use that to further beat me down, first insisting he was going to cut my weekly draw by $400, again falling back on his “you need to be here AT ALL TIMES starting at 7 am” bullshit, etc etc.
Well, last week it came to a head, I just thought, fuck you asshole, you’re going to make this right or I’m going to leave. And told him so. Predictably, he went back to his same bs justifications and excuses, but I thought I finally had made it clear and he was going to fix it…until the following evening when he called, discussed some job related stuff, and then said, “are you mad?” I said, fuck yes I’m mad motherfucker, you’ve been screwing me for 1-1/2 years, and not in a pleasurable way, and that doesn’t go away overnight. So guess what he does? He pulls the lame shit out of his ass AGAIN. I said, don’t blow fucking smoke up my ass – he says he’s not and repeats his bullshit about how “valuable” I am to the company, at which point I completely lose it and say, “When I tell you not to blow smoke up my ass, it means I don’t LIKE having smoke blown up my ass – YOUR response is to try to convince me of what a fucking PRETTY COLOR OF PURPLE it is!.” And I hung up. Next day, I go into the office and announce I’m taking the next (this) week off. Before he can get whatever smartass comment he’s about to make out of his mouth, I tell him, you absolutely do NOT want to go there, particularly not after revealing for the umpteenth time yesterday that YOU DO NOT GET IT. So, I’m taking the week off – while I’m gone, I’ll be deciding whether I’m going to come back at all, and you can decide what it’s worth to you. Because if it’s not even steven, it’s not going to be good enough.
So, I stew over it all weekend, knowing full well that if I walk out this asshole is going to try to hold some bullshit “debt” over my head…and then yesterday, I had an epiphany. As I said, I have been warning this motherfucker for 2 years that the IRS would not consider what he’s been doing as an “independent contractor” arrangement. That alone puts him on the hook for at least $15K in back taxes, plus another $5 – $10K in penalties in interests. And…the IRS would refund to me $15K in taxes that I was never supposed to have paid.
But wait…here’s where it gets fun. Once the IRS makes the determination that I was not a contractor but an employee…he’s then in violation of the Fair Labor Standards Act, which says, HELLO, slavery was outlawed almost 150 years ago and you have to PAY people for their time. Which the stupid motherfucker hasn’t been doing for all those hours he has insisted that I sit in the office with nothing to do. I figure he owes me for some 2,000 – 2,500 hours, and at the rate of our previous agreement, that adds up to some $40K – $50K.
Long story short, I sat down and typed out a nice little letter to him today, explaining to him the various ways he had run afoul of the law, all because he wanted to be a dick. I didn’t threaten; I just told him that he had been operating illegally for the past two years, and that I owed him nothing. And that further, I expected him to wipe the slate clean of his bullshit “debt”, and then negotiate a new contract with me guaranteeing me half of all projects in terms of dollar volume, with a clause stipulating the amount I was to be paid for any times he insists upon my presence when he has no work for me to do. I further told him that I would be taking off an amount of time each year equal to that taken off by my fellow project manager, with pay, and that all the conditions are non-negotiable. And that the contract was to run for a period of time equal to the amount of time I’ve already been there (2-1/2 years).
What I didn’t do is remind him that the best labor lawyer in the state, who is a personal friend and former employer of mine, will be handling my end of things should he decide to just “let me go”.
I also didn’t tell him that if he chooses to let me go, the first thing I will do is fill out the IRS’ “contractor or employee?” worksheet, and will watch the fun unroll from there. I’m going to save all that stuff until after he gets the letter. Last of all, I’m going to drop the letter in the mail Wednesday afternoon, before I take off for Atlanta Thursday morning. So he can spend the weekend worrying about it.
I am so looking forward to the conversation we will have when I get back in town…the one where I tell him he’s been totally owned, and that if he hadn’t been working so hard at being such a shit, he probably would have never stepped on his own dick.
As they say, it’s a dish best served cold. Either way, I’m going to come out smelling like a rose – either I’ll be making a minimum of $35K more for the next several years…or I’ll be working for someone who’s not a dick while he ponies up $25K to the IRS, I get $15K BACK from the IRS, and then we move on to the matter of the other $40-$50K in back wages he owes.
Heh.
AFAIK, there is no USAF “blue beret”. The USAF’s police force does occasionally wear blue berets, but those guys are referred to as “security police” (SPs)… basically the USAF equivalent of MPs. Lesley mentions @ June 30, 22:26 about the Blue Beret program, but that’s part of the Civil Air Patrol.
However, if the CAP is considered “Air Force”, then the Boy Scouts are fucking Marines.
That sounds lovely, Jennifer.
Have a GOOD time.
Note to self:
Never. Ever.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ever.
Annoy Jennifer in any way shape or form.
[Grovels]
Wow, Jennifer. That’s awesome.
Thinking Jennifer has more going on than the typical mikey answer of “light their car on fire”.
‘Course, my way has some innate satisfaction in it…
mikey
Wow. Good luck with that.
Oh shoot, now I just uttered a subliminal Satanic message.
However, if the CAP is considered “Air Force”, then the Boy Scouts are fucking Marines
Hah, my little brother used to do that in middle school. All they ever did was to wake up my mom in the middle of the night so she could drive his ass two hours out into the middle of nowhere to check out a potential plane crash. Of course, in the event of a real plane crash, they would always send the pros and let the kids sleep.
SUCKAS!
Arky – don’t worry about it. Think of me as Bugs Bunny. I don’t start the shit; I just serve up the punishment when someone else starts the shit.
mikey said,
July 1, 2008 at 4:37
Thinking Jennifer has more going on than the typical mikey answer of “light their car on fire”.
‘Course, my way has some innate satisfaction in it…
mikey
I support both ur methods, extremely of course!
Jennifer, I hope you’re planning on giving us updates on this as the situation unfolds…
Doctor Missus Marita – I say this with all sincerity…it will be my extreme pleasure to update all of you as this thing gathers steam.
Heh. I concur with the Doctor Missus.
Damn.
Don’t be afraid to come visit us up north once you finish with the righteous ass kicking, Jennifer. All that money and vacation time should be put to good use.
And off topic, Clem discovered photographic proof that Megan McArdle has beaten hippies with a 2×4.
Remember to pretend to be surprised.
Gavin, I’m a bit disappointed. There was so much you could have done with this wingnut’s pic and you let him slide.
B’rac Oba Maa’ likes his bowl of live gaak’ with jamon.
I dunno, that hat is a ridiculous Garth-wannabe addition.
Jennifer, if you don’t mind me asking-
What was in it for you to stick around that shithole in the first place?
Take him to the cleaners.
I thought Blue Berets were what those UN Peacekeepers wore when they didn’t need helmets. There’s also an elite cadre of USAF IT wireless network guys — really, most wash out of the program, but I think that he would have been in there before they had wireless networking.
I really just wanted to say that the phrase “Boy Scouts are fucking Marines” was deeply disturbing and has ruined my evening.
(The above link contains no boy scouts)
I like how one of the proofs for Obama being an anti-christ is that his believers will continue to believe him even when he is proven to be lying. So uh Mr Mcflightsuit that WMD thing is still on the button, I guess.
This dude in the black cowboy hat is a real cobag.
I’m just kind of pissed off right now.
DN – typically, the shit would flare up right when I was due to start a big project worth a lot of $$$ in income. Like I am now. Except this time, the little shit can’t count on me to keep quiet in the hopes of the big payoff, because that’s coming regardless of what the fuck he does or does not do from here on out.
Wanna know what fired me up so fucking bad this time? The secretary was out sick, and he brought me two of his butt buddy’s proposals – for yet MORE jobs the boss had assigned to him in addition to the 4 or 5 he already had going (to my 1) – and told me to type them up for his pal. BIG fucking mistake – I went postal on his ass, said, “oh, yes, Jim’s time is much too important for him to spend on TYPING UP HIS OWN FUCKING PROPOSALS!!! Otherwise, how could he possibly earn the 2 to 3 times what you’re paying ME while taking a leisurely 6 FUCKING WEEKS OFF per year?” He came back with “Jim hustles” and I said, well tell him to HUSTLE his ass right on in here and TYPE UP HIS OWN SHIT cause I’m not doing it!
From that moment, it was ON.
Jennifer,
Am going through the same shit right now with an asshole project manager who is the most lazy assed fucker I have ever worked for. He can’t be bothered doing his own work and palms it on to everyone else. Last week he did it to me, with something I didn’t have time to do & buggered off on vacation for two weeks, although vacations are banned till July 5th as we are putting big bid in. I purposely screwed up the work, put his name on it & issued it. Shit just hit the fan this morning, with his boss flying up from Singapore to find out he’s away on vacation.
I am trying very hard not to burst out laughing as the project managers sycophants are desperately trying to cover for him, but don’t know whos arse to kiss, always difficult for arse kissers….
One day I should tell you about the ‘animal porn’ and cannabis revenge move, always a winner.
Just saying, you’d wear a hat too./a>
lobbey – I bow to you. Well done!
Binacobama would leave our breath smelling minty fresh
Jennifer: I am humbled by your awesomeness. Best of luck to you. Yes please keep us posted!
I like mikey’s approach too.
Jennifer: Who the fuck tries to get away with this shit in 2008? All the best to you snapping a bear trap on his dick, although it’s kind of worth remembering that a fourteen-year near-stranglehold by the GOP on bureaucratic appointments means that you’re probably going to have to deal with at least some of the same throwbacks in the IRS. (My family had the same shit happen – the EPA caseworkers who were the only reliable witnesses we had when the apartment complex we lived in came close to murdering us with a horribly misapplied neurotoxic avicide turned corporate in 2001, leaving us up shit creek and mired in medical debt. Hooray for capitalism!)
Also, Barracks Obama will continue to provide veteran recruits after Metallurgy and Mobile Warfare, but will have to be rebuilt and charges more for it.
There’s a wonder that effectively mimics him in every city for free, but it’s obsoleted by Espionage. Whoops!
Bullock Obama will castrate your fucking cattle. Don’t trust him.
It’s just supply and demand. She had both a supply of ready hippie beatings and a strong demand to do it. Basic economics people. If those hippies didn’t want to get beaten, they should just have not been hippies – d’uh. Also, look at the sacrifices she had to make, jeoparizing causality and having to wear dirty hippie clothes.
Bullock Obama will castrate your fucking cattle.
WHILE they are fucking? That is just cruel.
I really just wanted to say that the phrase “Boy Scouts are fucking Marines” was deeply disturbing and has ruined my evening.
Well, you know what they say. All marines are bottoms.
Sweet baby jesus I hate Megan McArdle. Single woman just spent the day arguing about childcare and how there’ll never be national childcare, nor should there be. Because it’s too expensive. Here’s her latest number-filled post. Let’s as she says unpack this a little.
It’s simple algebra, so I’d expect her to be able to get it right, but even I (not even an mba) know what the word conservatively means. In this case it’s 6/4 million plus 12/7 million or just under 3 million. Also note that
So again she conservatively picks the highest amount. Fucking real honest argument there. And it’s not like she even had to fuck around with the numbers like that. The basic idea is that, yes it would cost a shitload of money to provide daycare to 20 million children. By using actual conservative estimates it’s something like 130 Billion per year in wages and benefits. But even assuming her stupid numbers of $200 billion a year, this price tag is high enough that national daycare is not worth doing. Funny thing though, guess what’s in the same price range. Fuck I hate Megan McArdle.
The asterisk is to explain why she’s assuming only women would be doing these jobs, and while not 100% true, it’s possibly the only reasonable argument in the post.
Something that did not occur to McMegan is that this childcare is currently being provided by women, certainly more than 3.5 million of them. Imagine what sort of boost to the workforce having national childcare would provide. But what of ECE certifications? Hey Megan, did you know that if there were a demand for ECE certified childcare that perhaps, just maybe, more people would take that up as a career? Perhaps some of those forced to stay at home Moms might decide to do a little learning, go into this new high-demand field.
And then after providing rationale after rationale why babysitters ought to be paid a pittance, she busts this stupid rationalization out
No Megan. It’s like you said earlier, the reason most people with degrees in early childhood care do not actually provide day-to-day childcare is because the going salary is half the amount used in your stupid number crunching.
Here’s the actual comparison: Is professional supervised care for all children in the US under the age of 5 worth more or less than the Iraq invasion?
Or “Let me put this another way” – eat shit and die you stupid smug dumbfuck.
I had a couple of friends in middle/high school that did the CAP thing. One of them was called in to find a crash, and they found the plane parked perfectly in the middle of the field. The pilot was sitting against the plane dead.
A couple of days later he found out that the pilot killed his wife either in the plane, or stuffed her in the plane, before he took off. Then he landed in the middle of the field, activated the emergency radio beacon, and drank himself to death with a bottle of vodka.
Sweet baby jesus I hate Megan McArdle.
If he’s inclined to disagree he’s probably not worth worshipping.
Hail Satan, bitches!
Oh fuck. She’s lecturing now about arguing in good faith. This is rich. Fuck, this has reached a magical level of ignorant hypocrisy that I haven’t seen since Jonah Goldberg accused Scottie McClellan of using sensationalism to sell a book.
FUCK YOU MCARDLE
PENIS
I went to Kovach’s page and he misrepresents/exaggerates his credentials and military experience in much the same way that the guy named Kouri does–Kovach was a security policeman in the air force–no big deal, and Kouri is a fucking security guard.
Fuck, this has reached a magical level of ignorant hypocrisy that I haven’t seen since Jonah Goldberg accused Scottie McClellan of using sensationalism to sell a book.
Really? Jonah hasn’t said or written anything since then?
Really? Jonah hasn’t said or written anything since then?
Okay, you’ve got a point. She’s an ignorant, smarmy, braindead glibertarian but she’s no Jonah Goldberg. I don’t know why McArdle pisses me off so very much. The self-righteous superiority? Coupled with the complete absence of critical thought or self-awareness? The complete insensitivity to the situations of others? Maybe it’s just that I’m a misogynist bastard.
Although you do have to admit that accusing anyone of using sensationalism to sell a book is pretty exceptional even by Pantload’s standards
I meant that Jonah accusing… Awww nevermind.
Okay, you’ve got a point. She’s an ignorant, smarmy, braindead glibertarian but she’s no Jonah Goldberg. I don’t know why McArdle pisses me off so very much. The self-righteous superiority? Coupled with the complete absence of critical thought or self-awareness? The complete insensitivity to the situations of others? Maybe it’s just that I’m a misogynist bastard.
I hear ya. McArdle actually does grate one me even more than Goldberg. It’s kind of like the difference between some pompous blowhard clown being the mayor of your city and an actual clown being hauled up on stage, complete with red rubber nose and rainbow wig, to give speeches and cut ribbons. The latter is probably more serious, but impossible to take very seriously.
I don’t think that your Megan-loathing makes you a misogynist, but your hatred of Jonah may mean that you are racist against white people.
McArdle, what with her affecting inhumanity to fit the diktat of a preposterously worthless ideology, is what the literature refers to as a cunt.
On the plus side, I’m sure once she hits puberty she’ll grow out of it a little.
I went to Kovach’s page and he misrepresents/exaggerates his credentials and military experience in much the same way that the guy named Kouri does–Kovach was a security policeman in the air force–no big deal, and Kouri is a fucking security guard.
My grandpa, who’s spent a decent amount of time in law enforcement in one bumfuck place or another (horrible man, but sharp), favored ‘Barney Fife’ for the kind of guy who can’t even make it into the police force/army yet so desperately wants to wave his big, stiff, throbbing pistol in people’s faces he goes and becomes a security guard.
Owing to Broken Windows, the bar on the police force is getting lower every day; the kind of guy who works private security is deeper and deeper in the dregs as a consequence. Of course, challenge them on this and they’ll try to get into a giant sissy slap-fight with you, demonstrating what a tough guy they are on the Internet. The key to this is simply realizing, and making public, that the only reason this kinda man puts ‘blue beret’ in his resume is that he compulsively listens to Ballad of the Green Berets and masturbates with increasing futility – and mistakes this for old-fashioned manhood.
In a word, pathetic. In more than one, paging Dr. Freud.
Bonus fun fact: Kovach is cognate with Kovacs.
His homepage advertises his work as a political consutlant.
Well, uh, Senator McCain, I’m afraid he’s unstoppable. He’s the false profit who will herald the antiChrist. You might as well concede defeat now.
Wait a sec. Isn’t the reason that all these evangelicals have sublimated their jew hating because they need the jews in Israel to bring about the Second Coming of the Lord? And doesn’t this whole Second Coming thing need an Anti-Christ as well? So it’s obvious that all the Armageddon, Rapture Ready, End Times True Believers should be voting Obama. Now how do we get the Word out to the mouth breathers?
Oh false profits are the worst; you still get taxed on them, you know. And if you plan on them and you underreport and it turns out you’re wrong, -bam- a plague of locusts o’er the land. They’ve got you screwed coming and going.
George Bush doesn’t care about cat people.
</kanye west>
(Finally got to use that joke…)
“A news item from India reports that Obama also carries a miniature Hindu idol in his pocket for “luck.” (The word “luck” stems from the name “Lucifer.” The word in Russian for “evil” is lukavaho. Christians should bristle whenever someone wishes them “good luck.”)
“
Don’t forget Lukenbach Texas and ZOMG! one of the gospels is named Luke! Don’t forget Lucifer warm water.
I think the Hindu idol in question would be Ganesh. Isn’t that an elephant god? (please do not offer a peanut). It’s for luck (lucifer), it’s pagan and it’s… Republican!!|iIl1ichi
I closed him I swear
Stop chasing Ganesh, you’re just going to get more wrath!
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