Malfunctioning Max Ro-Boot

ABOVE: Max Boot really should be holding a giant
dildo, but Gavin would get mad at me.


Over at America’s Second Shittiest Website™, Max “Brown People Can Lick America’s” Boot is pimping for our perpetual presence in Iraq, pumping his fist in the air and shouting “100 More Years! USA! 100 More Years! USA!” after even the most sycophantic McCain supporters have slunk away in shame from such a preposterous idea. Here’s how Boot defends spending a century in Baghdad:

Iraq has a sovereign government that, if it so desires, could tell us to get lost, and we would do it.

Yeah, right. Bush would, if told to leave, shrug his shoulders, say okay, and put all troops on the next boat home, even though for the last five years he’s been arguing that if we leave Iraq the terr-er-ists would swarm our shores and kill us all in our beds.

But wait, looky here! Boot, who was just saying we’d pull out immediately if asked, can’t get two more paragraphs into his cheerleading routine without pointing out the catastrophic consequences of withdrawal:

[I]f progress continues at the rate we’ve seen in the past year, there is no doubt we can pull out a lot of our troops. But that doesn’t mean that we can safely carry out the Barack Obama plan–all brigade combat teams out within 16 months.

Unless, of course, the Iraqi government asks us to leave, in which case it will be totally safe and we would do it immediately upon being asked.

Such a misguided policy would have many consequences. It might well ignite genocide in Iraq, destabilize its neighbors, export terrorism—and, yes, endanger the world’s supply of oil. What is wrong with trying to protect the world’s oil supply especially at a time when demand is as tight as it is?

Whoop, there is is. The oil thing. How things have changed. Wasn’t it only just yesterday that if someone said “no blood for oil,” Boot and the other neoclowns would start yelling that oil had nothing to do with the war, and that only deranged Bush-hating liberals could make such a preposterous — no, scandalous — suggestion? In fact, it was just yesterday that Boot was saying that oil wasn’t even the teensiest tiniest consideration for invading Iraq.

Of course, Max’s inconsistency here shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who’s been keeping tabs on his unrelenting neoclownery. For the last three years, Max has been spinning around like a malfunctioning robot, spewing randomly generated defenses of our presence in Iraq, like his breathtaking claim that the walls in Baghdad separating Sunni and Shia neighborhood were no different than gated communities in the U.S. I suppose he’s hoping that one day one of his casus belli will make sense. And one day a monkey will type the complete text of King Lear.


Gavin adds:


Clif adds:

Sheez, all I have to do is say “giant dildo” and, next thing you know, Gavin trots out a menhir attended by one of its phallic acolytes. Does that mean I can put a giant dildo in Max’s hands as long as it doesn’t look too much like one?


Gavin adds:

 

Comments: 49

 
 
 

Of course, if the “sovereign” government of Iraq asked us to leave, Bush could just claim they had been infiltrated by terrorists, terminate the Iraqi government , and continue the glorious war forever and ever, or until 2009, whichever comes first.

 
 

I just had to blogwhore my p-shopped Bush pic of a similar nature.

 
 

Malfunctioning Max Ro-Boot

As if that Malfunctioning <insert name here> Robot guy doesn’t post here enough.

 
 

Mike—

I like the banner in the background. Very Bushian.

 
 

Iraq has a sovereign government

lolz it is to funny forever

 
 

So the surge is working so wonderfully that without massive US troop levels Iraq would go to hell?

I guess we’re not meant to remember the term “benchmark,” or how it relates to the relative “success” of the surge.

 
 

Totally off-topic, but I’m very excited that Matt Yglesias seems to have finally gotten hisself a writing coach…and it’s Pastor Swank.

As everyone knows, the country is going to undergo some significant “graying” over the next few decades with the proportion of senior citizens going up substantial.

Heh. Indeed. Read the whole thing. http://matthewyglesias.theatlantic.com/archives/2008/06/transit_transit_everywhere.php

 
 

So the surge is working so wonderfully that without massive US troop levels Iraq would go to hell?

Too lazy to look it up, but Josh Marshall had a brilliant post that summed up the hilarious contradiction between neocon triumphalism and neocon fearmongering–“we’re winning everyday but the situation has never been more dangerous,” something to that effect. Guess you had to be there.

 
 

“we’re winning everyday but the situation has never been more dangerous”

I think I’ve hit on McCain’s new motto: “The Surge: winning the war by ensuring it never ends.”

 
 

McCain 2008: We must stay until all who threaten us are dead, and ONLY THEN will it be safe for us to keep staying!

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Slave, thou hast slain Iraq: Democrat, take my purse:
If ever thou wilt thrive, bury thine hatchet;
And give the blog posts which thou find’st about me
To McCain, Maverick of GOP; seek him out
Upon the Republican party: O, untimely-table for withdrawl!

 
 

Coming in 2009: The Mother of All Pivots.

President Obama has too much power, he’s like some kind of Hitler of liberal fascism, plus we’re in this unwinnable war with no exit strategy! And the economy sucks! It’s January 21, 2009 and everything is the Democrats’ fault!

 
 

President Obama has too much power, he’s like some kind of Hitler of liberal fascism

There’s really something too this–have these morons forgotten Waco? Hey, assholes, you think the Homoslamunist Jew-Darwin One World Government won’t come for you when WE have the warrantless wiretapping and the no habeus corpus? Why, I’m getting my waterboard out of storage this weekend to start practicing for my new job in the Hussein Obama X Castro-Zedong administration!

 
 

Boot’s about as low as they come. His praise of the Moro Massacre should have a special place of dishonor at the Newseum, along with copies of Der Stürmer and screenshots from Confederate Yankee.

 
 

I can see the Marine’s new recruiting campaign: Be one of the few, the proud, the people willing to die so Max Boot can afford to drive a Hummer in the ‘burbs!

I’m sure they’ll be lined up around the block.

 
 

The thing that Max Boot forgets, or willfully ignores is that the Iraqi government has asked us to leave already… at least twice. Of course, our response was to either scoff at them and/or try to stack their government with puppet officials.

 
Malfunctioning Glenn Reynolds Robot
 

As if that Malfunctioning Robot guy doesn’t post here enough.

Oh yeah? Well,

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The thing that Max Boot forgets, or willfully ignores is that the Iraqi government has asked us to leave already… at least twice. Of course, our response was to either scoff at them and/or try to stack their government with puppet officials.

Doesn’t count. They forgot to say “pretty please.”

 
 

What happened to keeping on message? The whole wingnut machine seems to be spewing parts right and left: Hussein X is a radical nigra Christian/he’s a Muslim; we have finally achieved success in Iraq/the whole country will go up like a tinderbox if we do anything different; the war’s not about oil/worry about the oil; we’re not racists/won’t they have to call it the Black House if Hussein X is elected?

I wish I knew what this signified. Do they feel that they have everything so well controlled that they can say any shit they want, or are they desperately firing a pre-election shotgun of memelets, hoping that one will penetrate?

 
 

Well, he may get his wish. Maliki raises possibility that Iraq might ask U.S. to leave

Of course, this is ringing some bells in my feeble little mind. Oh yeah, this from 2007:

Iraqi Lawmakers Back Bill on U.S. Withdrawal:

“BAGHDAD, May 10 — A majority of members of Iraq’s parliament have signed a draft bill that would require a timetable for the withdrawal of U.S. soldiers from Iraq and freeze current troop levels.”

Oddly, we’re still there. Hmmm …..

 
 

OK, sorry Blue Buddha. I should’ve known someone would have mentioned that already. Never mind.

 
 

I wish I knew what this signified. Do they feel that they have everything so well controlled that they can say any shit they want, or are they desperately firing a pre-election shotgun of memelets, hoping that one will penetrate?

Door number two. They’re infuriated and they feel helpless because they know they’re fucked.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Speaking of dildonic menhirs (and I delight in being able to type that).

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

The fact that it is made of metal and wood is central to my dildonic menhir-ish point.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Hey I keep hearing this justification of 100 years in Iraq that it’s not about the length of time, but rather about casualties. Since JiSM3’s opened the door, why hasn’t anyone asked how many casualties are acceptable before we start pulling troops out? Oh that’s right, it’s hard for the press to ask questions with McCain’s menhir stuffed down their throats.

 
 

I think I’ve hit on McCain’s new motto: “The Surge: winning the war by ensuring it never ends.”

Me likee, but how about: “The Surge: Not losing the war by ensuring,” etc.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

For completeness:
Nadal finishes Gulbis 6-3 in the fourth. The one lost set isn’t that big a deal, it just seems that way since his total spanking of the field at Roland Garros. In fact, it’s his second lost set this month.

 
Wingnut Cliche Machine
 

Oh that’s right, it’s hard for the press to ask questions with McCain’s menhir stuffed down their throats.

But I thought that the Em Ess Em was in the tank for B. Hussein Obama. Certainly the Driveby Media isn’t going to throw the Obamessiah under the bus, is it? And don’t give me any of your Democrat moral equivalence, you LIEberal.

 
 

God help me, I love the Malfunctioning Robot. And I always read *the whole thing.*

 
 

Wheee! Every day is WingNut Opposite Day. The rules are simple:
1. Posit a hypothesis.
2. Argue against hypothesis in Step 1.
3. Argue against your argument against it.
4. Repeat until the sock gets soggy.

A slightly serious question: Now that McCane has said that it would take “World War III” to justify the reinstatement of the draft, will the Nutz step down the “This is the greatest struggle evar/Terrorist = Hitler” rhetoric?

 
 

4. Repeat until the sock gets soggy.

Does it make me a bad person if this kind of describes my life?

 
 

What’s the difference between Max Boot and a sack of shit? The sack.

Bootlicker, I’m sorry to say this, and maybe it’s to shrill, but, well…you’re a Nazi. You’re a fucking Nazi. And not a tough Waffen SS soldier fighting impossible odds against the advancing Red Army either. You’re more like a cut rate Julius Streicher. Shut the fuck up you disgusting little toad.

 
Dragon-King Wangchuck
 

Shoot, I woulda swore I popped that into the flaming Nader tennis thread. I guess all that searching for dildonic menhirs confused me.

 
 

Southern Beale said,

June 26, 2008 at 17:01

OK, sorry Blue Buddha. I should’ve known someone would have mentioned that already. Never mind.

NP, I was too lazy to search down a link, which you did just fine. 😉

 
 

Some schmucks just never got over watching Red Dawn.

 
 

I knew a woman in college who drove The Wienermobile. She was also on that MTV game show Remote Control. Good times. Good times.

But anyway, The Republican Mind is great at digesting contradictory memes. Their leader’s bullshit is a Rorschach Test. You hear only what you want to hear and disregard the rest. It’ll make it easy to turn on a dime Jan 21st and start up the Black Helicopter (hmmm, won’t Obama make ’em like gold with bling bling or something? Or might that refer to who’s flying them?)/jack booted thug stuff that they currently want stomping on the faces of libbruls…forever. And when you shove their current fascist-fellating words in their faces come 2009, they will not only deny they ever said such things, but we’ll be the fascists with these magically instantaneous new powers no one’s ever seen before.

Good work if you can get it…

 
 

the oscar meyer wiener mobile is fucking cool.

 
 

Sheez, all I have to do is say “giant dildo” and, next thing you know, Gavin trots out a menhir attended by one of its phallic acolytes. Does that mean I can put a giant dildo in Max’s hands as long as it doesn’t look too much like one?

The fact is, considering Gavin was the one who posted that modified “American Thinker” graphic, I don’t think he’d mind the dildo.

 
 

I think I’ve hit on McCain’s new motto: “The Surge: winning the war by ensuring it never ends.”

Me likee, but how about: “The Surge: Not losing the war by ensuring,” etc.

Or maybe “The Surge: We can’t lose the war if it never ends.”
Or “The Surge: The war ain’t over until the Fat Old White Guys sing…to a war crimes tribunal…”
Or “The Surge: If the Fat Lady so much as opens her mouth, she’s dead, you hear me? DEAD! That fucking librul traitor!”

PS: I’d love to insert a link to Bush’s definition of “sovereignty” (“it means you’re sovereign”), but I can’t search video from work. Close your eyes and imagine, ok?

 
 

You mean that’s not a giant dildo in Boot’s hands?

 
 

A slightly serious question: Now that McCane has said that it would take “World War III” to justify the reinstatement of the draft, will the Nutz step down the “This is the greatest struggle evar/Terrorist = Hitler” rhetoric?

I’m waiting for McCain to bring on Norman Podhoretz as an advisor. According to the Pod, we’ve blown past WWIII and are already on No. 4:

At the end of his book, Podhoretz quotes Kennan: “To avoid destruction the United States need only to measure up to its own best traditions and prove itself worthy of preservation as a great nation.” (215) With this passage he leaves the reader to believe that Kennan would have supported the neoconservative crusade “to beat back the ‘implacable challenge’ of Islamofascism as the ‘greatest generation’ of World War II in taking on the Nazis and their fascist allies, and as its children and grandchildren ultimately managed to do in confronting the Soviet Union and its Communist empire in World War III.” (217)

http://www.antiwar.com/scheuer/?articleid=11670

 
 

the Iraqi government has asked us to leave already… at least twice.
Didn’t they also order all Blackwater mercenaries out of the country after some slaughter of civilians? How did that work out?

For present purposes, “Sovereign government” means “Government willing to rubberstamp a deal written by US oil companies, signing over oil-extraction rights”. “Sovereignty” also includes “willingness to call in US airstrikes on neighbourhoods occupied by supporters of the government’s political opponents.”

And one day a monkey will type the complete text of King Lear.
Please instruct the monkey to provide it with a happy ending this time.

 
 

If we ARE going to trade blood for oil, I say we start with Max’s.

 
 

…his breathtaking claim that the walls in Baghdad separating Sunni and Shia neighborhood were no different than gated communities in the U.S.

That was wishful thinking on Maxie’s part. He and his ilk would love it if they could ethnically cleanse all non-Repulsicans and force them into ghettoed, I mean gated communities.

 
 

Malfunctioning Max Ro-Boot

I guess that Max needs a re-Boot, then.

 
 

What is wrong with trying to protect the world’s oil supply especially at a time when demand is as tight as it is?

What’s wrong with it, Max, you ignorant piece of shit, is that it’s not “the world’s” oil supply. It’s the Iraqi people’s oil supply. If they don’t want to share it with you – and under the circumstances, I certainly wouldn’t blame them – it’s not okay for you to simply take it by force.

 
 

Back when it became clear to my Republican acquaintances that the war in Iraq had gone horribly wrong, they started saying things like: “We should just kill them all.”

So if a sudden withdrawal of US troops results in a bloodbath — isn’t that a GOOD thing?

 
 

Sorry, but I have to pimp my completely awesome weinermobile birthday cake

 
 

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