Whoops! Goes The Malkin
Yes indeed, it’s another weekly syndicated newspaper column from Michelle Malkin, as seen in newspapers.
All it takes is one gaffe to taint a Republican for life.
The political establishment never let Dan Quayle live down his fateful misspelling of “potatoe.” The New York Times distorted and misreported the first President Bush’s questions about new scanner technology at a grocers’ convention to brand him permanently as out of touch.
And as the spinning flashback spiral abates, we find ourselves blinking at the ceiling sixteen years later, with no memory of how we got here.
But what about Barack Obama? The guy’s a perpetual gaffe machine. Let us count the ways, large and small, that his tongue has betrayed him throughout the campaign:
I like to think that we’ve come to understand ol’ Michelle during the slow-motion ski jump catastrophe that has been her career in mainstream punditry.
A good first principle of Malkinology is that she does the same tricks over and over, and when they aren’t working, she only gets angry and does them more foot-stompingly and carelessly. The main trick is basic projection: When she decides to write a column about a fatal fault in someone, it will almost 100% of the time be a completely hatched up and calculated ploy to immunize herself or a political ally from the exact same charge.
So she’s writing about Obama as a ‘perpetual gaffe machine.’ I wonder if we know anyone else who fits that description.
Welp, let’s see what she’s dug up.
- Last May, he claimed that tornadoes in Kansas killed a whopping 10,000 people: “In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed.” The actual death toll: 12.
Okay, yes. Egad, what a gaffe.
- Earlier this month in Oregon, he redrew the map of the United States: “Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states? I think one left to go.”
Holy Toledo. A gaffe is what that is. It’s as though Obama is confusing states, which are political divisions within the American federal system, i.e., the United States of America, with putative varieties of Heinz products.
In a regional emergency — tornadoes in Kansas, let’s say — would a President Obama order Federal assistance sent to Bread-and-Butter Pickle Slices? Would wildfires in California yield a relief package to Original Malt Vinegar?
How can we know, America? How can we know?
- Last week, in front of a roaring Sioux Falls, S.D., audience, Obama exulted: “Thank you, Sioux City. … I said it wrong. I’ve been in Iowa for too long. I’m sorry.”
Beam me up, Scotty — sensors detect ‘gaffe.’
- Explaining last week why he was trailing Hillary Clinton in Kentucky, Obama again botched basic geography: “Sen. Clinton, I think, is much better known, coming from a nearby state of Arkansas. So it’s not surprising that she would have an advantage in some of those states in the middle.” On what map is Arkansas closer to Kentucky than Illinois?
OMDFG! I can has gaffe?
- Obama has as much trouble with numbers as he has with maps. Last March, on the anniversary of the Bloody Sunday march in Selma, Ala., he claimed his parents united as a direct result of the civil rights movement: “There was something stirring across the country because of what happened in Selma, Ala., because some folks are willing to march across a bridge. So they got together and Barack Obama Jr. was born.”
Obama was born in 1961. The Selma march took place in 1965. His spokesman, Bill Burton, later explained that Obama was “speaking metaphorically about the civil-rights movement as a whole.”
The hits, a.k.a gaffes just keep coming!
Let’s skip some out of self-respect (they’re all at about the same level of malapropism or triviality).
- And in perhaps the most seriously troubling set of gaffes of them all, Obama told a Portland crowd over the weekend that Iran doesn’t “pose a serious threat to us” — cluelessly arguing that “tiny countries” with small defense budgets can’t do us harm — and then promptly flip-flopped the next day, claiming, “I’ve made it clear for years that the threat from Iran is grave.”
Except here we’re interested enough to check the facts, and it turns out that Michelle is selectively misquoting her own website, and then engineering a ‘flip-flop’ by cherry-picking a sentence out of context from Obama’s response.
From Malkin’s Hot Air: “‘They don’t pose a serious threat to us in the way the Soviet Union posed a threat to us,’ Obama told a cheering audience, explaining why he doesn’t think we need to worry about “tiny” countries like Venezuela, Cuba, North Korea, and Iran.”
But even that quote is truncated. Here’s a fuller one, courtesy of the National Review: “Iran, Cuba, Venezuela—these countries are tiny compared to the Soviet Union. They don’t pose a serious threat to us the way the Soviet Union posed a threat to us. And yet we were willing to talk to the Soviet Union at the time when they were saying we’re going to wipe you off the planet.”
Now here’s the referenced passage in which Obama supposedly ‘flip-flopped,’ via the Chicago Tribune’s blog: “The Soviet Union had the ability to destroy the world several times over, had satellites spanning the globe, had huge masses of conventional military power, all directed at destroying us,” he said. “So, I’ve made it clear for years that the threat from Iran is grave. But what I’ve said is that we should not just talk to our friends. We should be willing to engage our enemies as well. That’s what diplomacy is all about.”
Joker made a boner, eh, Michelle?
Above: Another weekly staff meeting at Malkin, LLC
Barack Obama — promoted by the Left and the media as an all-knowing, articulate, transcendent Messiah — is a walking, talking gaffe machine. How many more passes does he get? How many more can we afford?
On the other hand, you’ll notice that they’ve stopped trying to wring any more mileage out of Jeremiah Wright.
Michelle forgot to mention that Janicka Patrick is an uppity slut.
Oops … I might have spoilt her next column.
Howard Dean has something to say to you, Michelle. Then Al Gore wants to talk to you about his new invention.
That swirly, water-going-down-the-drain-y noise you hear, Malkin? That’s you. Becoming more and more irrelevant every day.
Boner ?
Hardwood ?
We’re sorry.
Really.
Michelle’s middle name is Gaffe followed by Guffaw. As for boners, I’m sure she inspired a few jumping up and down in her Catholic school girl outfit. She may be a dumbass but she knows what her fanbase likes.
If we don’t select Hillary for the nomination, Malkin will continue publishing her damaging Obama revelations until November! We’re gonna lose!
Movie Review: Cystal Skull an incredible trainwreck,
Malkin: Movie reviewers praise Crystal Skull as “incredible.”
What he meant was there will be 58 continental states once he’s finished with his radically imperialist ambitions.
all I’m saying 57 + one more to visit = 58
continental states = 48
Canadian provinces = 10
10 + 48 = Obamanation?
all but 1% of Canuckistanians would vote Democrat. Yeah, we’ve got a few village idiots up here in what we like to call the hinterland (what you call the heartland…it’s a state of mindlessness more than anything).
The 57 states thing is very deliberate. I’ve noticed that Barack Obama has mentioned and namechecked Native Americans in all of his speeches. This is not just a speechwriter’s affectation, it’s because it’s where his head is at. For me it is totally transformational to hear a presidential nominee prominently mention Native Americans. I wish the dumbfucks running Massachusetts would be so aware. Massachusetts is a land of irony. While we have the most progressive and logical gay rights laws in the United States, our state government has a mentality toward Native Massachusett and Wampanoag and Nipmuck citizens that has not evolved since King Phillip’s War.
“Stemler said,
all I’m saying 57 + one more to visit = 58
continental states = 48
Canadian provinces = 10
10 + 48 = Obamanation?”
The secret Islamo-Fascist Obamar Qaddafi’s true intentions are revealed! Everyone knows that Old Europe is doomed to be conquered by The Caliphate, right? And Canada is, like pretty much the same as Europe, having destroyed their society with socialized medicine, right? It’s all a scheme to weaken us with Canado-European decadence so we’ll be HELPLESS when WW 5 begins! THIS is the true story Malkin should be focusing on!
sure you could believe that propaganda, or you can accept the much more likely possibility that he wants to invade Canada and turn it into a giant cracker reparation camp.
Taint? Republicans? Isn’t that where they live?
or you can accept the much more likely possibility that he wants to invade Canada and turn it into a giant cracker reparation camp.
Canada could use an Obama invasion. Have you seen what’s leading our country lately?
Hey, at least he pronounced Sioux correctly. That’s more than most telemarketers, and probably Michelle Malkin, can manage. “Sux…sox…sweeux… Sometimes I’ll let ’em struggle for a while.
I, for one, welcome our First Nations Cracker Reparation Camp Overlords.
I would think a list of gaffes would include a gaffe.
Hey, at least he pronounced Sioux correctly.
As opposed to Aquannissiwammissoo and Passagassawaukeag.
Aquannissiwammissoo is the birthplace of Rocky Marciano and Marvin Hagler.
OT, but Tbogg has officially gone over to the latte sipping, creative elite dark side. “Clinton Calvinball“
Make her become irrelevant FASTER, damnit!
One suspects “gaffe” is what the Malkins refer to their famous offspring as – & there’s no way to correct it … THAT is one strategic withdrawal the world would’ve been grateful for … can we maybe get her to keep boxing gloves & a ball-gag on for, oh, say, the rest of the year, on a dare or something? Join a weirdo sect that strictly enforces a vow of silence? Convince her that frontal lobotomy is the new Botox? Get her into body-modding, starting with a laryngectomy?
Sigh …
Go, TBogg. Hillary has a lot of fence-mending to do. Let’s hope she rises above her petty – and dirty Republican-style – campaign strategy, the one that lost her the nomination. (If she and her supporters can’t see that race-baiting and promoting a Republican over her Democratic competition hasn’t lost her the respect she insists she is due, they are idiots.)
Methinks Michelle has a gaff in her unsightly fishmaw. What seems like a post consisting of words is really just more gillflapping, gasping for breath.
Gavis, just gotta say, I love how you do these posts. I love the feeling of jokes within jokes on top of jokes that you bring to it.
Er, Gavin, not Gavis
All it takes is one gaffe to taint
It is a mistake to put the words ‘gaff’ and ‘taint’ so close together in a sentence.
I’m like the joker. I hate it when people laugh at my boner.
It’s a good thing John McCain never mixes up Sunni and Shia or I’m sure Michelle would eviscerate him. Right? Right?!?!
Malkin is just being mean to the Democrats because Bush Jr. hasn’t made any gaffes or anything like that. It’s just not fair.
Make her become irrelevant FASTER, damnit!
Actually I think that Malkin has always been pretty irrelevant, so no need to hurry anything.
Look at it this way. Malkin exists to provide yocks for us while slightly increasing public ill will toward the conservative movement. Win/win.
O my stars and garters I can see why Michelle is concerned. She wants a president who doesn’t make small errors when he speaks, she wants someone who goes all out with statements like “We’ll be greeted as liberators.”
Twit.
Gaffes?
Yeah. Malkin should write a column about how I fucked up his name
Michelle Malkin made a boner? But she hasn’t seen one of those in years!
sure you could believe that propaganda, or you can accept the much more likely possibility that he wants to invade Canada and turn it into a giant cracker reparation camp.
Are you kidding? After Stephen Harper they will welcome us with flowers and chocolates.
Hey, at least he pronounced Sioux correctly. That’s more than most telemarketers, and probably Michelle Malkin, can manage. “Sux…sox…sweeux… Sometimes I’ll let ‘em struggle for a while.
I learned the correct pronunciation by listening to English punk and new wave when I was a kid.
I suggested way back when that as long as we were going to invade a country that has oil and no connections to 9/11, Canada would be a better choice than Iraq.
It’s closer, and the signs are easier to read. We would have been greeted with Labatts and poutine, ehh?
“Chortle at Joker’s Boner” remains the greatest phrase anyone has ever composed.
That first line is a joke, right? She isn’t actually syndicated, is she?
Speaking of gaffes, let’s not forget rappin’ Malkin.
If only Hillary could her powers for good rather than evil.
Gavis, Gaffe, Gaffen?
Good thing Malkin and her brood are the “adults” in the conversation, charged with the sober responsibility of keeping us safe. Because her kind have done such a good job since they’ve enjoyed unchecked power, I’m willing to overlook her extreme whiney pettiness.
I need to go back to Deutch class:
Ich gaffe
Du gaffst
Er/sie/est gafft
Sie/wie gaffen
Nimrod Gently,
Indeed, when my band, Choosing to be Victims, gets it’s record deal, Chortle at Joker’s Boner will be our debut album.
How many more can we afford?
Many, many more. “Gaffes” are free!
Oh, sweet merciful Jumpin’ Jeebus on a pogo stick. Le MalKKKin gets more pathetic by the minute. Her descent into irrelevancy has loosened whatever tenuous bonds to sanity she ever had.
The proper pronunciation of “Sioux” is Lakota, or in this area, probably Dakota.
I’ve read that Batman story … it’s chockful o’ boners
The fact is that Barack Obama is one of the dumber mainstream candidates to emerge recently.
The issue of if Obama wrote his own books has to be raised. The widespread use of composite characters and fiction suggest that Obama used a ghostwriter. Obama was unable to get his proposal in on time for Ghosts of My Father, so the odds suggest that he used a ghostwriter.
Had John McCain said any of those things, the media would have swarmed him and that’s a fact.
You all try to swarm McCain on a statement that he never made, about being fine with 100 years in Iraq, when he said he would be fine with 100 years if things were secure. And things will be secure soon.
Barack Obama would have never made it without affirmative action propelling him above better qualified whites, both for Columbia, for Harvard, and for this election.
I’m really looking forward to her explanation of the idea that once a country’s ambitions and arsenal grow to the point where it’s a serious threat, they somehow graduate to the status where we DON’T talk to them.
Actually, I’m more looking forward to McCain’s explanatino, since that’s his “philosophy.”
My next band is going to be called The Banging Hasketts. I thought of it when I was at the garden center.
Dyslexia does have an up side. For one, you get to shop at Battery Porn.
Wow – Malkin’s getting shriller by the second. If the poor girl’s trying to get people to notice her again, this foot-stomping ain’t gonna cut. Only one thing – more cheerleader vids – will suffice.
Probably still pissed at getting left off McCain’s ‘bloggers to call’ list. Guess it never occurred to her that there are calendars with W’s verbal whoopsies – that’s a verbal cock-up for every frikkin’ day of the year – that would make for a more robust column on ‘gaffes’. And the new GOP poster-boy, when he’s not singing about bombing another country to a Beach Boys soundtrack, or calling his wife a cunt in public, is busy mucking up the two sects of that Muslim thingy.
Though that would be getting into a ‘oh yeah – what about this?!!” kinda argument that libtard moonbats are famous for, and which I’m not about to do.
Barack Obama would have never made it without affirmative action propelling him above better qualified whites, both for Columbia, for Harvard, and for this election.
Yeah, the only reason he graduated magna cum laude from Harvard is because he’s black. Pretty much any black dude can become president of the Harvard Law Review if he just shows up. Stupid Ivy League n*gger-lovers. Meanwhile, George W. Bush had to work his ass off to get in to Harvard– well, he was a legacy admission, but you get the point.
To recap:
George W. Bush: had to work hard for everything he ever achieved
Barack Obama: had everything handed to him on a silver platter
JK47: You realize it’s a fake troll, right? So, when you reply make sure it’s for your own entertainment or as a general opportunity to rant on a topic which has been bugging you.
Obama’s law school thing seems to be more of a quest to make himself look better than anything else. Plus, he was elected the president of Harvard Law due to his skin color, duh.
What good is it to go to Harvard Law and then to have never served as a lawyer?
I’d hope he paid for that himself, because if I were someone funding the law school of someone who got all these honors, and graduated, and decided to not be a lawyer, i’d be pissed.
Obama went to a luxury private school as well.
He makes it sound like he was raised by a single mom, but he was raised by his wealthy grandparents. And his mom had to be well off too in order to travel.
And this isn’t even going into the high likelyhood that Obama is a Muslim (remember, Obama spoke at the Million Man March in 1995)
Only one thing – more cheerleader vids – will suffice.
And it seems like only yesterday that she was the rising star taking over for Amy Kalter. Or Ann Kalter, or whatever that blond zombie gal’s name was.
And Gavin even gave us a picture!
Jeez, I log on overnight, and Gavin has hit another home run. Sadly No!, an indispensable stop on the Innertubes highway of snark and sensibility.
Oh, I’m well aware of the enigma that is Gary Ruppert. Responding to Gary is kind of like taking wingnut batting practice– keeps you sharp for when you encounter a real living, breathing wingnut.
JK47, your logic falls apart immediately, because it assumes that G.W. Bush ever achieved anything at all. I mean, outside of the mind-blowing cocaine highs.
“What good is it to go to Harvard Law and then to have never served as a lawyer?”
Obama worked as a lawyer from 1993 until 2002, dumbass.
Amy Kalter. Or Ann Kalter, or whatever that blond zombie gal’s name was.
Boy do YOU have a crappy memory. She was a werewolf. Although I never saw her turn back…
For one, you get to shop at Battery Porn.
That sounds electric!
Or violent…
Either way, I’ll bet it’s exciting.
aargh, couldn’t pass this up:
I’d hope he paid for that himself, because if I were someone funding the law school of someone who got all these honors, and graduated, and decided to not be a lawyer, i’d be pissed.
I’m sure the Harvard Law benefactors are really “pissed” that a graduate from their school is now the prospective nominee for president – coming from Columbia myself, I have trouble sleeping at night knowing that Obama didn’t continue on a path in international relations but still calls my school his alma mater. What nerve!
You too would laugh at a boner tattooed with a tiny clown’s face.
Boy do YOU have a crappy memory. She was a werewolf.
Right, right! Thanks. No wonder I was having so much trouble finding anything about her on teh Googles.
How many more can we afford?
As if, like, the fate of the world were hinging on whether Obama mis-speaks. It’s not like he’s going to accidentally hit the nuclear launch button thinking it’s his alarm clock. Or withdraw troops from Hawaii instead of Iraq.
I like to think that we’ve come to understand ol’ Michelle during the slow-motion ski jump catastrophe that has been her career in mainstream punditry.
If somebody could update that old Wide World of Sports opener with Michelle as the “agony of defeat” guy, that would be teh awesome.
Michelle “Vinko Bogataj” Malkin.
That’s not dyslexia, it’s spooneritis.
What good is it to go to Harvard Law and then to have never served as a lawyer?
Oo! I know this one!
Because studying the law helps you become a better lawmaker.
If it was that easy to cause a nuclear catastrophe, Dubya would have killed all of us already.
Obama never had any intention of using his law degree professionally. He just wanted to have it so he could burst into a sleepy diner in rural PA and shout, “Get me some mother fucking iced tea you ignorant rednecks! I’ve got a law degree!”
Shouldn’t the Joker say, “So! Laugh at my boner, will they?!” or “So! They’ll laugh at my boner, will they?!” instead of “So! They laugh at my boner, will they?!”
That’s a boner right there.
The issue of if Obama wrote his own books has to be raised.
Yes, because he’s got a tough model to meet in the works of that esteemed man of letters, George W. Bush. Not to mention Jenna’s distinguished authorial efforts.
57? Including tribes?
There are 561 Federally recognized tribal governments in the US.
I still don’t know what Capt. Obammunism is basing that number on, but that hardly makes it a gaffe.
t4t,
if we’re picking apart Malkin’s ridiculous gaffes, let’s remember that both Hawaii and the Islamofascist Terrorist Training Madrassa that Obama is actually “from” are both way way further than Kentucky than Little Rock is.
promoted by the Left and the media as an all-knowing, articulate, transcendent Messiah
We took the crashing and burning Bush as a prophecy.
Noted, non-mba.
You too would laugh at a boner tattooed with a tiny clown’s face.
I for one would appreciate fewer comments of this kind. Some traumatic childhood memories are best left repressed.
If it’s a tattoo on your foreskin there’s a solution for that.
Ahhhh… you have all given me a foothold for finding my sweet clyde. Thank you all so very much.
OhMIGod the guy makes mistakes while publicly speaking! Good thing George Bush has never done that!
Michelle asks:
“On what map is Arkansas closer to Kentucky than Illinois?”
Ummmm…. this one?
http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hs=04z&q=United+States&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&resnum=1&ct=image
Stoopit maps.
–mf
So judging spatial relationships isn’t your strong suit then?
Getting out the theodolite. We’ll triangulate off the mouth of the Rio Grande.
Ok, let’s double-check with the rangefinder.
Good, now just to be sure, we’ll use the legal tape.
[scribble, scribble] Kentucky’s closer to Arkansas!
Any map would show Malkin this, but I think she wants proof or something.
I reached down WordPress’ throat and rescued my comment.
You know, if they really want to keep track of gaffes they should write up Gary Ruppert. Talk about a gaffe machine.
Or this guy I found over at the 60 Minutes site, JHBRN. He’s my new Gary; here he is on Iraqis trying to gain asylum in the U.S. after helping our troops and now being hunted down in Iraq. Talk about good old fashioned Christian sentiment (and this is one of the more polite comments). Gary, are you JHBRN at the CBS site?
“Keep the love coming! Why don”t YOU go over there to help them. The answer is not to bring the cowards here, it is to help them make their country the way they want. Last I heard, they needed more help there. Have you contributed? My children have! I know what is going on over there. You are the one that is blinded. We have been trying to teach these people since before this present war and THEY DON”T GET IT! It”s their problem! They need to fix their own country and maybe take a second look at their religion and the reason it is so screwed up there!
I vote that you go there to help them.”
I can’t help but wonder how many Rupperts have there been? And which were the definitive ones? Personally I like my Gary rabid, earnest and to the point. But to each their own.
A Gaff is also a long thick club with hooked spikes used for killing baby seals. I think Malkin should run with this and ask why Obama personally clubs babies to death with his words. Why not?
I can’t help but wonder how many Rupperts have there been?
The hermaneutic challenges are daunting, but I eagerly await the identification of Ur-Ruppert and the various mimetic Rupperts by style, word usage, frequency of errors, and time of posting.
Or I guess someone could just look at the IP addresses. Or find something useful to do.
DrDick,
I don’t know if you’ll see this, but:
The proper pronunciation of “Sioux” is Lakota, or in this area, probably Dakota.
True, true, and if my ancestors hadn’t met the fur-traders first, all this confusion could have been avoided.
thanks
Thank you all so very much.
First of all, we should thank you for this. Secondly, is that all true ? Thanks mate but I dont think that you are totally true about some of the things. But nice information, too.
…Boned?