Shorter Gateway Pundit
Posted on May 19th, 2008 by Brad
- You know what? Fuck everything. The army should just burn every single Quran in the world and piss all over the ashes.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
What? Sorry, I’m having troubling hearing you over my screaming that the “artist” who made Piss Christ needs to be drawn and quartered.
Once again proving that the right doesn’t care that bad things happen; they care that no one TALKS about it, for cryin’ out loud!
Is he live blogging his bowel movements again?
There seems to be a disturbing level of sense being made by some of the commenters there – Karly will surely show up at their door and pull their membership.
You know, the best response there can be to this is ‘the media reports on this so we fucking knock it off, and it kind of works. Every war the US has been involved in is slightly less genocidal than the last largely owing to a free press; Vietnam was terrible, but compared to the Philippine Insurrection (the last comparable war), it was a fucking cakewalk.
Of course, I guess it doesn’t fucking trouble you that someone wearing your flag is doing something so aggressively vile that it actively endangers innocent American civilians and soldiers. That’s because you’re only in it for the genocide.
Cretin.
If the ‘MSM sabotage!!!’ angle were really even close to true, CNN would be barraging the international newswaves with terrifying stories about the army’s ambivalent attitude towards premarital sex – and, for that matter, fraternization.
What a crazy coincidence that the stuff that gets reported on is what makes us angry. Could it be that CNN – a business that sells ads throughout this country and not in the clean-bordered, clearly-identified terrorist slums that exist in Dead-Ender-World – is looking to inflame our passions and get us interested in the news? What a deviously crazy conspiracy theory.
Of course, if a Muslim used the Bible for target practice, all hell would be breaking loose in the punditsphere.
Off-topic:
Michael Crichton is a fucking loon.
Someone give his honky ass smallpox.
Of course, if a Muslim used the Bible for target practice, all hell would be breaking loose in the punditsphere.
Don’t be ridiculous. The Christian G*d of the USA of America is so powerful that bullets would simply bounce off of His infernal Word. The fact that they penetrated the Quran just goes to show that Allah can be beaten up by the American G*d …who, by the way, uses the vampirical pelican as his awesome symbol:
http://www.religionfacts.com/christianity/symbols/pelican.htm
Beat that, Islamosexuals!
re: Michael Crichton is a fucking loon.
“In lieu of a letter to the editor, Crichton had fictionalized me as a child rapist,” Mr. Crowley writes.
He might also be an effing hypocrite. I distinctly remember reading a non-fiction essay by Crichton about a trip he’d taken to Thailand that included being invited by some friend to partake of some child sex for the hell of it. Crichton declined the offer but waited while his “good friend” hooked up. He found his friend’s preference distasteful or some such shit. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Ah ha! I knew that Gateway Pundit was really Colin Mocherie all along!
Er, that is to say, Colin Mochrie. The first good joke I’ve had in a good long while and I screw it up.
The vampirical pelican is very closely related to the indefinite farticle. Jonah Goldberg is still not a traitor. Would it be all that bad if he were an islamosexual? I mean wasn’t Jes*s a closet islamo, turn the other cheek, love thy brother (even though he’s dusky), and all. Napoleon Bonaparte’s link from yesterday is informative on this issue.
Fictionalized accounts are what we are supposed to read. Kevin James said so.
That Gateway Pundit link is priceless! He even includes a screenshot of a DailyKos diary with the obligatory inflammatory headline to prove how awful liberals are.
And I simply love his slogan: Where Hope Finally Made a Comeback. I guess hope made a comeback some time ago and had since slunk back into some dark corner to die.
What? Sorry, I’m having troubling hearing you over my screaming that the “artist” who made Piss Christ needs to be drawn and quartered.
Obvious answer. That was having a go at a Real religion.
In fact, it probably gave him a warm feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment.
So that’s what this guy looks like…..hmmm….ever since the old ticker freaked out I’ve sort of had to avoid sites like this, but still. Criticism of the media for reporting on these matters has made me a bit ticked off since seeing 60 Minutes last night. Anyone else see that 1st report on there? DAMMIT!!!!!
Ack, you guys made me do something rare, I felt the need to leave a comment…..egads…..
Wow… that’s some seriously fucked up shit.
I think Crichton lost it when he let his successes with Jurassic Park and ER get to his head.
“Michael Crichton is a fucking loon.”
So, who are all of his female characters based on then, even the ones who show up for just a few pages? Crichton’s such a blatant misogynist it’s absurd. Of course, I’m biased, since the little girl of “little girl and little boy” in Jurassic Park was named Lex and she was (in the book) an absolute completely unforgivable idiot, pain in the ass, cause for attacks, disrespectful, you name it; compared to the genius brother who was also sensitive and caring as well as being an expert on dinosaurs. Does anyone else think Crichton is such a sexist as to be almost unbearable to read (other than just frequently being unbearable to read in general)?
Az: I really couldn’t tell you. The ‘unbearable to read’ overtook my will to continue long before I could get any closer to him.
I read through his screed on the heinous Japanese (which is what introduced the ‘japs hate blacks’ meme to America, where it refuses to die – whatever kernel of truth it might have had in the 40s-era material he used for Rising Sun, it doesn’t really now); it was pure comedy in that I read it after the financial market crisis, which made its predictions of looming Nip dick kind of funny. It was impossible to dig any deeper into, but like the only other book of his I’ve cracked (Andromeda Strain, quickly gave up as unreadable) it opened with a female corpse. So…
So, what, are our troops unwilling to actually rape the Qur’aan itself? Don’t they know they have to be willing to go the distance for freedom?
He’s complaining that because CNN reported this: Now the jihadists will be able to behead, torch, stone and rampage guilt free for several months. Does he really have no clue that Iraqis have news sources other than the American media? Or is he just afraid that Americans now know what happened?
Does anyone else think Crichton is such a sexist as to be almost unbearable to read (other than just frequently being unbearable to read in general)?
Yes.
His shirt clashes (pun! ha ha!) with his weapons.
Fashion disaster.
ZING!
I don’t know about rape, but if you engage in recreational sex with sacred texts it could lead to a tremendous increase in the number of homosexual holy books. See the next thread for details.
Does anyone else think Crichton is such a sexist as to be almost unbearable to read (other than just frequently being unbearable to read in general)?
Yes, me too.
Let’s go back to talking about the hope-filled gateway guy. Look at his funny outfit! He’s silly!
“I don’t know about rape, but if you engage in recreational sex with sacred texts it could lead to a tremendous increase in the number of homosexual holy books.”
Not to mention the epidemic of paper cuts on the last place you’d ever want a paper cut.
There is one Michael Crichton book that does not suck: The Great Train Robbery.
Mind you, that may just be because I’m a big sucker for Victoriana, and sexism in Victorian times is hardly a shocking image… (I’ve read very little recent Crichton, and he actually discusses the sexism in Victorian England– and the stifling effect it had on both genders– very reasonably, which makes the recent stuff sound sadder in retrospect.)
Of course, the Great Train Robbery also includes a loving depiction of a grown man’s liason with a child prostitute.
Of course, we can’t talk about Crichton being a sexist without bringing up Disclosure, the book which informed the world to beware of corporate ladder-climbing women because they are all predatory sluts and liars who will falsely accuse you of sexual harassment.
Of course, the Great Train Robbery also includes a loving depiction of a grown man’s liason with a child prostitute.
Yes, though a) the john is still generally seen as a fool and more than a bit of a hypocrite and b) there was definitely historical precedent. (The link is not getting marked up correctly, but look at http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1198746 for a start.)
Of course, the Great Train Robbery also includes a loving depiction of a grown man’s liason with a child prostitute.
Yes, though a) the john is still generally seen as a fool and more than a bit of a hypocrite and b) there was definitely historical precedent.
[Wordpress apparently likes to blow child prostitutes itself.]
*snort* Figures. Maybe it just doesn’t like everything2.com. (The two posts trying to link it got eaten.)
Anyway, do a Google search on “child prostitution in victorian england”; the results will be enlightening.
I’ve been running into that crap, too.
WordPress (or whatever is doing it) seems to be eating or delaying comments with ‘A HREF’ links, but still allows you to just post the address.
I actually enjoyed Chrichton’s Eaters of the Dead, which was made into a pretty decent movie called The Thirteenth Warrior.
Just what was CNN trying to accomplish by reporting on this?
They were telling Americans what that army they own was up to.
M. Crichton jumped, humped and dumped the shark a looong time ago.
Now, let’s get back to planning how we can send Gangway Pundit to Iraq so he can tell the Iraqis to quit whining.
Gatway Pundit is awfully dumb, but it really is striking how he doesn’t see any problem with the actual incident, just reporting it. Of course, stories like this tend to get out eventually, and such incidents endanger the troops. So does, um, dehumanizing and demonizing the same culture where you’re supposedly trying to win “hearts and minds.”
Crichton has never been the master stylist, but for the most part he’s been a very skilled storyteller with clever ideas and I’ve been reading his books since the early 70s, so the inanity (both political and narrative) of State of Fear was soul-crushing, especially the epilogue where he seems to think that he presented both sides of the issue fairly, even though the global-warming-exists characters were all ill-informed fools (the Ed Begley Jr./Martin Sheen actor gets eaten alive by cannibals for his trouble) while the global-warming-doesn’t-exist heroes are all super-skilled, intelligent and reasonable. And the bad guys are never able to pull off any of their plans, which makes them pretty lame villains.
I haven’t read State of Fear yet (and sadly, I will), but Crichton’s portrayal of one of his critics a (literally) a baby rapist shows, if nothing else, a shocking lack of simple common sense.
I don’t find mysogyny consistent throughout his books, though it does come up pretty vividly in Rising Sun and especially Prey.
I meant to say that I haven’t read Next yet. Obviously I’ve read State of Fear, since in the previous passage I was commenting on it in detail. And no I can’t blame WordPress. This was all my fault.
I always liked his plotting, though his characterization was Teh Suck.
It might be that none of his characters can breathe on their own.
Oddly enough, I found Jurassic Park to be one of his best in terms of male/female parity, because he has a woman scientist that he slams less than usual, and her desire for children is something the male hero comes to appreciate. And I agree that the little girl was annoying, but at least he described her as behaving that way because she was confused and hostile about the parent’s divorce.
I find that I cannot pick up one of his books again. Not the old ones, and certainly not the new one. For a person of science to become so completely gutless AND spineless, and for no conceivable reason, has saddened me. Like discovering a preschool friend is now in jail as a killer for hire.
One is curious about how they wound up like that. But we really want to stay as far away as possible.
Does anyone else think Crichton is such a sexist as to be almost unbearable to read (other than just frequently being unbearable to read in general)?
Yup. Disclosure and Red Sun burnt me on him. Read ’em at 13 and thought “Man. This guy does not like women at all.” And I was redneck as hell at the time, not the groovy, open-minded cat I am two decades later. That all being said, The 13th Warrior is a hoot. Stealthy vikings. It’s like Reign Of Fire or The Mummy, fucking ridiculous but fun anyway. It’s like Hollywood is making certain movies specifically for my brother and me to watch when we’re getting stoned.
Can we talk more about recreational sex with sacred texts? That Diamond Sutra is hot.
As Freud almost said, sometimes a book is just a book.
In this case, not so much.
Of course, guys yearning for some sacred-text hot action who are truly packing heavy-duty equipment would need to get jiggy with the unexpurgated Mahabharata to fulfill their, er, bibliophile desires.
I’m not really a bibliophile. It’s just that the Devil sends incunabula to tempt me in my dreams.