I Know, I Know! It’s A Nurse Shark! No? A Bull Shark! A Fag Shark?
Hawkins
Some Clowner has ’20 Questions for Barack Obama’:
* You’ve made unifying the American public and putting our political divisions behind us one of the central themes of your campaign. Yet, National Journal ranked you as the single most liberal senator in 2007. So, which liberal beliefs of yours are you willing to give up for unity’s sake?
* Along the same lines, John McCain has been behind numerous pieces of prominent bi-partisan legislation. So, if voters are looking for a candidate who can unify the country, wouldn’t he be a better choice than you?
Yadda-yadda-yadda, Barack Obama, have you stopped beating Michelle? And if so, why? Are you reluctant to beat other enemies of America? Floober kzankle flapjabble? Anyway, enough translating, let’s catch up with John Hawkins in mid-stream:
* In 2004, you said that you opposed the Defense of Marriage Act, which is designed to keep gay marriage from being imposed on the country by judicial fiat. Do you think the American people and their representatives should have a right to decide whether or not they want gay marriage in their states? If the answer is “yes,” how can you possibly square that with your opposition to the Defense of Marriage Act?
Indeed, &hehtera. The Defense of Marriage Act trumps the First Amendment. Every single time.
Clicking through Hawkins’ link leads, via his own pre-gurgitation of the above point, to this post by radio howler Kevin McCullough, from whom we learn:
[Obama] may be more ‘gay’ than Clinton was ‘black’ – and by a wide margin at that.
Which, you know, Pie may be more ‘badger’ than Venn Diagram was ‘linguine,’ by a wide margin. And speaking of linguine, even when disinterestedly boiled by Megan McArdle, it generally sticks to the wall longer than McCullough’s attempt to Swish-Boat Obama. Bowling and cheesesteaks, please, Kevin. Stick to the script.
Meanwhile, McCullough’s column leads to his own Clownhall blog, The Musclehead Revolution. There we learn that not only is McCullough totally NOT gay for John Gibson (!), but that he has ‘been called the heir apparent to Dobson and Falwell, by America’s most prolific faith-based writers [who are named Kevin McCullough].’ And also that something-something-emerging-technology,
… has catapulted Kevin to become one of the most listened to LIVE daily talk shows across the globe via the internet through two streaming options at WMCA.com.
And what a coinky-dink that is! Because in much the same way, I am one of the most admired bloggers in the local galactic cluster via the Earth by way of the North American landmass across the dial-up AOL account in the absence of any posts by Gavin M. or Clif on Sadlyno.com by my Mom!
McCullough is also known for porno battles with teachers who live on the Oprah Winfrey Show. And so, in a roundabout way, this leads us back to the original topic of the faggotly Barack ‘Homo-ssein’ Obama’s flamingly gaybob gayness. All brought to our attention by the tireless and very, very straight Kevin McCullough in between posts featuring tranny pics, Oprah’s cocker spaniel and American Idol.
Fuck, I need a drink. Castle or Zeitgeist?
By judicial fiat I hear by award Mr. Hawkins the title of Doughy Pantload!
Sorry Jonah, this guy’s just got you beat both in terms of doughyness, and the size of the load in his pants. You tried your best. Train hard, and maybe you can take it back next year.
Homo-ssein
Don’t give them ideas! Seriously I could totally see them picking this up and running with it. It’s at their level.
What does it take to get a blog at Clownhall anyway? A dollar and a dream? (Dollar optional)
What does it take to get a blog at Clownhall anyway? A dollar and a dream?
A (micro)chip and a chair. And a bag of Cheetos.
Great logic from the comments on the McCullough blog:
… gays need to realize that they are denied the same thing I am; I cannot “marry” another man. I can, as can a gay man, marry a woman. There is only one choice for either of us. That’s pretty fair.
Similarly, under Jim Crow, whites couldn’t be black and sit in the front of the bus. That’s pretty fair.
Here is another question for Obama:
Why do you call yourself Black when actually you are 50% White, 43.75% ARAB and 6.25% African?
Yeah, why don’t you call yourself a sand nigger, rather than a nigger?
I can’t think of anything to do except point and laugh, and shout, “Huh huh! Look at the retards!”
D. Aristophanes:
“The law, in its majestic equality, forbids rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets and to steal bread.”
– Anatole France
A few more VERY IMPARTINT QUESTIONS for Barack Idi Amin Obama.
Your father was part of the Luo tribe. What kind of tribalist ways will you revert to in the White House?
Will you only wear a piece of goat-skin over your privates, which is quite inadequate for the purposes of decency?
Will your wife go barechested, like the African ladies in the National Geographic Mom keeps taking away?
Will you propitiate your enemy’s spirit by shaving your head if you defeat him in battle? Will you eat leopards to make you fierce in war?
Will you have the disagreeable custom of mixing cow urine with the milk you drink, after letting it stand a day or two to increase its flavor?
Will you smoke hemp through a water-pipe?
Will you take 10 to 40 wives, as is appropriate for a Luo chief?
Will your fondness for meat lead you to eat your own dead relatives, when the Bushian economic collapse leads to the scarcity of beef?
Do you believe that Apodtho is the father of all mankind, rather than Adam?
zeitgeist. on a monday night. which is drinking liberally night. get some cross-blogosphere surliness going.
also, it’s half a block from where i live, but that does not factor into my calculations, nosir.
Mr. Obama, do you think the American people and their representatives should have a right to decide whether or not minorities have any rights whatsoever? I mean, after all, there’s more of us than there are of them. That’s why they’re minorities. If the answer is “no,” Mr. Obama, then, what, do you hate democracy? The Defense of Marriage Act is a good start and everything, but let’s keep running with it… how ’bout a national vote as to whether we’re allowed to enslave our cleaning lady and keep her in the cellar or a vote allowing us to steal children from Filipino families? Majority wins.
Some more very important questions for Barack HUSSEIN Obama:
Do you like green eggs and ham?
Do you like them, Barack I Am?
Would you eat them in a house?
Would you eat them with a mouse?
Would you eat them in the night?
Would you eat them with Rev. Wright?
Would you sign a flag-burning ban?
Would you deport Rev. Farrakhan?
Hmm… lemme digest this for a few minutes. There’s so much stupid, I gotta regroup my head…
“Do you think the American people and their representatives should have a right to decide whether or not they want gay marriage in their states?”
Wouldn’t the DMA have, ya know, done the exact opposite of that, by denying the States’ the right to decide for themselves? Shouldn’t that make the Clownhall writer man PRAISE Obama for refusing to let the Federal gum’ment trample all over state’s rights?
“So, if voters are looking for a candidate who can unify the country, wouldn’t [McCain] be a better choice than you?”
You mean the man who champions four more years of Mr. 20%’s policies? That sounds unifying to me!
… 20% is a majority, right? I mean, it’s more then 50%?
If Sen Clinton somehow gets the nomination she will be the most liberal Senator, you know that, right?
Because American can only tolerate so many evil, homophobic, self-righteous, judgmental bastards at a time. Perhaps if you try a little harder and pray that American institutions you don’t like get nuked, you could be heir apparent to Pat Robertson! Dare to dream, little man.
Oh, and Hoosier X, I think you owe the retarded a big old apology. Never met one that was as evil or as dumb as these losers.
Dude, I would so love to comment on this bullshit on the townhall site…just feed them some irony to enjoy them not understanding it…but then I would have to log in and I really so do not want to receive emails or other junk from this wingnut-forum.
Jesus Fucking Christ, I need coffee to deal with this shit.
Did any of those bacon streaks admit they read the interview in The Advocate? How many times did they have to bathe in holy water?
Never mind. Need stimulants.
Closets: not just for clothes (of your own sex, that is).
Pure technicality: that’s not a tranny but a transvestite, and TV chasers are pretty exclusively gay (maybe 9-1, opposed to around 35-65 for TS chasers).
Unless you’re in a French farce or a drag show, you’ve got no excuse for caring about men in women’s clothing except being a really, really shitty homosexual – like the kind you need to take a correspondance course to keep from being kicked out of it.
What does it take to get a blog at Clownhall anyway?
A 5th grade education, no more, no less.
Yes, yes.
If Larry Craig, Mark Foley, and Ted Haggard have taught us anything, it’s that it’s the deeply closeted gays are all liberals.
“If Larry Craig, Mark Foley, and Ted Haggard have taught us anything, it’s that it’s the deeply closeted gays are all liberals.”
You might want to check with Senator Graham. I’m sure he’ll condemn your sweeping statement!
“The Defense of Marriage Act trumps the First Amendment. Every single time.”
*cough* Fourteenth Amendment *cough*
Two facts for this clown:
National Journal is making it up. Obama is about the 90th most liberal Senator. Thank you, Voteview.
Second is that FDR and Ronald Reagan were the two most extreme (right and left) Presidents of the last 75 years.
W/R/T what it takes to get a blog on ClownHall…when I “registered” there a while back to talk shit on Hugh Hewitt, they automatically signed me up to make a free blog whenever I wanted. I’m still entertaining the notion.
It’s far too easy to be able to do anything over there. It’s like they’re desperate for attention or something…
Shorter Hawkins:
“Mr. Obama, which people or groups would you be willing to toss under a bus to win the approval of narrow-minded white bigots? If you are not, doesn’t that make you an even worse bigot for not supporting the aforementioned narrow-minded white bigots in their bigotry? Pow! Bet you didn’t see that, did ya? Bow before my superior logic Barak AL-HUSSEIN OSAMA!!! PWNED U!”
Josh, that list makes much more sense, but it will never get any play in the media. That would be like Don King presenting two “better than average” fighters who could only be seen fighting in “America and most other countries, with the exception of Sweden, Cuba, and North Korea, where boxing is illegal.” Facts don’t sell, just ask Meg.
So has Barack Obama.
John McCain supports the Iraq war, a position taken by only a small minority of Americans.
I finally remembered why Chickenhawkins was so familiar. This was the “warblogger” fuck who said that Palestinians are worse than Nazis and that the Israelis should just exterminate them isn’t he?
Anyway, I finally read this excrement. A few points:
“* Given our budget deficit, how can you justify giving away 845 billion dollars of our tax money to other nations over the next 13 years via your Global Poverty Act?”
Uhh, yeah Hawkins, why are we in that deficit again? And how just how much is this war in Iraq going to cost us?
“* Many people believe your plan for Iraq would be viewed as a huge victory for Al-Qaeda in much of the world, would lead to the collapse of democracy in that country, would boost Iran’s standing in the region, and would lead to genocide on a massive scale. Do you believe that those things won’t happen or do you believe that those are prices we should be willing to pay to leave Iraq?”
Excuse me, but I don believe there was no Al-Qaeda in Iraq before we invaded. Seems like a “victory” to me. And Who the fuck believes that there will genocide besides dumbasses like Hawkins? And, if it actually did happen, what exactly makes him think we could stop it? Also, in case you haven’t noticed, Iran’s “standing” has already been boosted. Also, the government in Iraq isn’t really much of a Democracy, and if we were serious about stopping Iranian influence shouldn’t we be backing the nationalist Sadr movement?
“* Can you give a more convincing explanation for why you no longer wear a flag pin and why you famously chose not to hold your hand over your heart for our National Anthem?”
Fuck you.
“* Given your past history of using cocaine, which is extremely addictive, would you be willing to regularly take drug tests during the campaign and when you’re in the White House to insure Americans that you’re not still using?”
So unlike the Commander Guy! Fuck you.
“…even if Fox put the attractive and leggy Kelly in a swimsuit – I’d still take Gibby’s show.”
Totally not gay, says I!
[…] Sadly, No!, this gem from John […]
“* Given your past history of using cocaine, which is extremely addictive, would you be willing to regularly take drug tests during the campaign and when you’re in the White House to insure Americans that you’re not still using?”
Oh come on, it’s not that addictive. Reporters already tracked down most of his friends from that period and nobody remembered him doing drugs at all. My gut says “nerd looking for street cred”. If he’s smart though, he can really use this to his advantage. White people love a reformed negro.
Will your wife go barechested, like the African ladies in the National Geographic Mom keeps taking away? – Fats Durston
Considering the aesthetic characteristics of Michelle Obama, this is perhaps the best argument yet for an Obama presidency: nekked, hawt first lady! 😉
Ummm … I guess maybe I should ask y’all not to tell my wife I just said that …
McCullough is the jackass who pretty much shit himself in public a few months back when he heard there was a half-second shot of PG-13 ass in the video game “Mass Effect” and then said the game “allows its players – universally male no doubt – to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images they wish to “engage” and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game “persons” hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of. ”
He was torn to shreds over that idiocy. Good to know he’s still pumping out the bullshit.
Give me a fucking break. Obama’s rationale- that patriotism is found in deeds and acts, rather than wearing a little lapel pin- was fine stuff, the sort of thinking that would certainly pass with the Founding Fathers.
Why does this matter? Why does this matter? For pete’s sake, why does this matter?
Obama’s rationale- that patriotism is found in deeds and acts, rather than wearing a little lapel pin- was fine stuff, the sort of thinking that would certainly pass with the Founding Fathers.
Not to mention eerily close to the answer that scares the shit out of all these Christians-in-name-only when you bring up salvation as a result of works and deeds instead of just getting stamped on the hand by your reverend on your deathbed.
If patriotism actually requires more than just flag pins and loyalty pledges, why, the entire country would collapse!
McCullough is the jackass who pretty much shit himself in public a few months back when he heard there was a half-second shot of PG-13 ass in the video game “Mass Effect”
He’s that guy?
Man, now I feel bad for insulting him. It’s not fair to pick on the mentally retarded.
“* Given your past history of using cocaine, which is extremely addictive, would you be willing to regularly take drug tests during the campaign and when you’re in the White House to insure Americans that you’re not still using?”
Oh shit, Gundamhead, he did NOT just go there. I hereby demand daily drug and blood alcohol tests of W. Can’t be too careful! Christ, what a fucking hypocrite.
Need a Drink?
Zima Gold!
Ah yes.
Born-again: Are you saved?
Me: Working on it.
Born-again: HE’S A WITCH! BURN HIM!
Also, I remember hearing some crazy around 2002 blast Allah as being a “God of acts,” as if a majority of Christians didn’t even exist…
It’s fun to stay at the YMCA…….oh, wait. I see it’s WMCA. Nevermind.
Do you believe that Apodtho is the father of all mankind, rather than Adam?
This comes perilously close to a religious test for office and as such is inappropriate. Plus, duh, who doesn’t.
Jan, would you like a Gmail invite so you may set up a fake account under which to comment?
All this gay bashing is hilarious coming from John Hawkins. Because Hawkins employs Matt Sanchez (aka Rod Majors the gay porn star turned Republican activist) on his web site Wingnut News. Earlier this week the folks at Gawker discovered Matt Sanchez is obsessed with teh gay. So obsessed, in fact, that if you ask him a question on any topic he’ll go off on a rant about “teh gay jihadis.” I guess Mr. Hawkins has gotten a little too close to Mr. Sanchez, and something rubbed off.
I have a few questions that the Senator from Arizona should, nay, must answer:
Is it true that you’ve been manipulating this whole war thing to expand the power of the head of the Empire, which is secretly yourself? Wasn’t the plan a little convoluted, especially the part where you risked your own life in the war zone and got captured to look like a victim?
Are people really going buy that you’re coming after Darth Cheney, even though he was really your creation? Do you think people don’t notice the Episode 1, Episode 2, and so on in front of the movies? Yes, I myself know that Episode 1 literally came after Episode 6, but I don’t think that will confuse the people of the Galactic Republic.
Did that hurt when Mace Windu did that to your face?
Why can’t the greatest of Jedis detect your darkness even when they stand next to you?
Do you think Grand Moff Texan or OB-GYN Kenobi is the funnier handle?
“I guess Mr. Hawkins has gotten a little too close to Mr. Sanchez, and something rubbed off.”
Dear God…
McCullough’s attempt to Swish-Boat Obama.
I’m stealing that.
I am horribly disappointed that after all these comments, nobody has made a Jek Porkins joke in reference to John Hawkins. He is even wearing an X-Wing fighter pilot helmet! What’s wrong with you people? Stay on target! Stay on target!
In 2004, you said that you opposed the Defense of Marriage Act, which is designed to keep gay marriage from being imposed on the country by judicial fiat.
So the Supreme Court is doing this or something? In any case, once we go gay YOU WON’T GET AWAY.
20% is a majority, right? I mean, it’s more then 50%?
For large values of 20, yes it is.
The fact is, if Ba
reback is elected, he’ll surely have two men doing God only knows what (maybe even sleeping together) in the sacred Lincoln Bedroom. We can not allow such a travestySo, which liberal beliefs of yours are you willing to give up for unity’s sake?
The belief that happiness is a warm puppy will be awful to lose but I’m sure Obama is man enough to deal with it.
“The Defense of Marriage Act trumps the First Amendment. Every single time.”
*cough* Fourteenth Amendment *cough*
**cough cough splutter cough**
Article IV, Section 1 of the United States Constitution.
**wheeze cough**
Geez, I should see a doctor.
Whoa – better make that 4 or 5.
Doubles at that.
Dissecting anything with this level of neural stench just HAS to be devilish rough on the inner fibres of one’s spirit. Unless you’re just flat-out masochistic … in which case, bon appetit & c’est la vie!
I can confirm the negative afteraffects of leaving snark with those troglodytes … that Morgan creature ( or one of her henchpersons ) left something in my “junkmail” folder, perhaps detailing in grotesque explicitness what she thought of my comment about getting a puppy.
Seldom have I deleted junkmail with such pleasure.
I did not compound the mistake I made in reading her screeds by opening the loathsome thing … mental hygiene first, you know.
When I am blatantly cruel to craven dickheads – why do many of them then seem to take that as the start of a dialogue? Where does a conversation emerge from “you display all the prime characteristics of a drivelling yut – & this is exactly why” & who “thinks” that I want to provide 1/2 of it?
[Obama] may be more ‘gay’ than Clinton was ‘black’ – and by a wide margin at that.
When did it become OK for Christians to speculate/gossip about the sexual orientation of married people? There are only about four dozen verses in Proverbs and elsewhere prohibiting the spreading of rumors, idle gossip, etc.
The fact is, Abe Lincoln had the most perfect thighs that I have ever seen.
Hell, I certainly wasn’t going to suck on that knobby, smelly Illinois cock — sure, I was crazy, but not THAT crazy!
So, which liberal beliefs of yours are you willing to give up for unity’s sake?
None of ’em. It’s the 21st century, motherfucker, come join us.
Here is another question for Obama:
Why do you call yourself Black when actually you are 50% White, 43.75% ARAB and 6.25% African?
Ya know, the longer this election season goes on, the more I’m convinced the vast majority of wingnuts have never, ever had any sort of meaningful interaction with not-white people. Seriously. Sure, they may’ve had to deal with a *whisper*black person*whisper* at the checkout line or something like that, but having to deal with them as actual human beings? Well, that’s what suburbs are for, I suppose. And where the fuck does he get those percentages from anyway?
and TV chasers are pretty exclusively gay
Didn’t I read somewhere that transvestites are pretty exclusively straight?
And yes, I agree completely, “Swishboat” is genius.
am horribly disappointed that after all these comments, nobody has made a Jek Porkins joke in reference to John Hawkins. He is even wearing an X-Wing fighter pilot helmet! What’s wrong with you people? Stay on target! Stay on target!
They’re coming in too fast!
Whoah, his blog really is called “Musclehead Revolution”. Sounds vaguely fascist, doesn’t it? Or would if we didn’t have Jonah Goldberg’s scholarship to set us straight.
And where the fuck does he get those percentages from anyway?
They were taken (I suspect) from one of those pre-Mandela South African manuals for racial classification.
They’re coming in too fast!
Almost there … almost there …
Matt T.,
Those numbers probably come from an asshat(e) named Kenneth Lamb, who insists that “Kenyan records” he refuses to name list Obama, Sr. and all his ancestors save a maternal great-grandmother as “Arabs.”
Unsurprisingly, Pamela linked to it approvingly. There are no shadows of Antisemitism in the act of meticulously falsifying a politician’s ancestry. Of course, the fact that both of them refuse to distinguish between “Arab” and “Muslim” probably confuses their, ahem, “bold truth-telling.” Truly Orewellian.
Here’s the links:
http://kennethelamb.blogspot.com/2008/02/barak-obama-questions-about-ethnic.html
http://atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com/atlas_shrugs/2008/02/obama-arab-amer.html
c481t