Reruns, Reruns
Hark! It’s the latest from Pastor Swank:
San Diego: homosexuals plan ‘hot’ sexy mass
Grant Swank
March 8, 2008What if Christians mocked homosexuals in a sanctuary?
This is seeming familiar. Evidently, Pastor Swank has been checkin’ his email.
They would be hauled over the coals. They would be castigated by every liberal organization worldwide. They would be disciplined by Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton. Throw in Barack Obama as well.
However, homosexuals in San Diego make it regular display in a Catholic sanctuary. They have been reported to the authorities. Seemingly Rome is inept at shutting down the place. In truth, it should be burnt to the ground, denounced as the dancing field for demons.
Um, yeah. Because Bacchus House is a Catholic church. “They have been reported to the authorities” is another hallucination that has nothing to do with the original press release. In fact, the Swankster seems only to have scanned it distractedly while dipping into his supply of this:
Above: There was once a sizable store of these in the church basement
Instead, the day is set for the sexiest most obscene homosexual display during scheduled Mass. Sisters of Perpetual Indulgences will go the length to bring the satanic into a so-called Christian environs.
So wait, they do this regularly in a church, during a scheduled Catholic mass — and no one dares stop them. This is a special moment: We’re actually witnessing the process by which real-life events are converted into mass-forwarded chain emails.
Sisters of Perpetual Indulgences sent out flyers in January stating that March 8 would be the date.
Except for the nonexistent flyers and getting the group’s name wrong, this part is almost accurate.
That’s when the Sisters would present the “Leather mass.”
“Come dressed in your most SINFULL Leather Fetish Wear. We have hot music. . .lots of irreverent Sister fun on stage, and just when you’re pumped up from dancing, The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgences [sic] will present our Confessional Contest, with prizes for the ‘Hottest’ confession.”
Pastor Swank’s hottest confession: He sometimes wakes up in the morning with a column he has no memory of writing.
Pastor Swank?
Pastor wankS.
Just sayin’.
OK. This is starting to creep me the fuck out.
“Those sinful gays are having a sexy, sexy party and I’m such a bad boy I haven’t been invited. Yes, I’m a very naughty boy. If I were as naughty and nasty as they were I’d get my bottom spanked by Mistress Nancy Pelosi and Dungeon Master Big Barack Obama.
Did I mention Swank rhymes with spank?”
Do. Not. Want.
??
Pastorbator Wank dropped a noun or two in his glue.
It’s all central to his point.
I think we can be sure of that.
What does he mean ‘if’?
Does he not know that many liberals have left “the church” because of an all-too-common intolerance that includes gratuitous and unChristian hate speech towards gays?
Does he not care what sane people think?
I really don’t want to think about Pastor Swank “waking up with a column” ever again.
So, did this thing actually happen today? Anyone get video? (Actually, it’s probably happening right now, if it even exists. It is Saturday NIGHT, after all — geez, didn’t I used to have a life or something?)
Cass wins this round. Swank is certainly the most entertainingest of the two. However, Cass seems to have his hate together a bit more than our very own ‘House Parson’. Sure, misspellings and incomplete sentences DO count for extra points but it seems like teh Swankster just phoned this one in.
Oh Edmund. Must you sexualize EVERYTHING?
If the Sisters bother him, nobody better mention Southern Decadence Day.
http://www.southerndecadence.net/
Daylight savings mocks the Catholic Church!
I don’t really think Swank’s fantasies about being disciplined by Ms Pelosi and Ms Clinton are really any of my business. Why does he want to make it my business?
In truth, it should be burnt to the ground
Swank must have opened an email from Gary too.
“What if Christians mocked homosexuals in a sanctuary?”
“…denounced as the dancing field for demons.”
Yeah. “What if”, Swanks.
He sometimes wakes up in the morning with a column he has no memory of writing.
I hope he remembers to go to bed with a pencil that has a proper latex eraser.
Yeah. “What if”, Swanks.
I dunno, that doesn’t sound like mocking to me. Foaming-at-the-mouth screeching, yes.
The Xians don’t dare mock gay people. That’d mean pretending to act like gay people, only more so, to make fun of them. Even considering that is a thoughtcrime, so they stick with trying to have gay people deprogrammed or legislated out of existence – much, much more civilized than mocking, I guess.
This is what the good pastor says…. in Chinese!
They will be treated in accordance with the law more than coal. They will be criticized, every freedom organizations around the world. They will be subject to disciplinary action by Pelosi and Hillary Clinton. Barak Obama, as well as throwing.
However, homosexuals in San Diego, a regular display in a Catholic sanctuary. They have been reported to the authorities. It seems, Rome is incompetent, in shutting down places. In fact, it should be burned to the ground, allegedly dance field demons.
According to teh googles.
Someone alert Swank to the cannibal cult operating within Grace Cathedral!
Suedehead gets the “First Blackadder Reference of the Thread” Award.
Oops, forgot the byline. I can has journelistickal integrals.
Santiago: Tasty sexy underground homosexuals plan
The Swank
March 8, 2008
If Christians ridicule homosexuals in shelters?
I’m pretty sure that “Pastor Swank” is really a surrealist provocation engineered by Jan Švankmajer. Certainly “Dancing field for demons” only makes sense when you realise that it is a literal translation from Czech.
What’s that, Great Gazoogle? Apparently Švankmajer is completing a new film, Surviving Life (Theory and Practice). Whooo!
Instead, the day is set for the sexiest most obscene homosexual display during scheduled Mass.
I think he might mean “sexualized” or “sexually explicit”. Were it any other rightwing religious figure I would assume a Freudian slip, but Pastor Swank could be found tied up in a wetsuit with a dom in drag digging her stiletto into his back and I still might believe that he is just that hapless. He is like the intellectual equivalent of Mr. Magoo.
Instead, the day is set for the sexiest most obscene homosexual display
Swank chomps at the bit in lustful contemplation. And what’s up with the sodomy obsession? sodomy sodomy sodomy…that’s all these idiots focus on. if you’re gay you’re in someone’s ass 24/7 or someone’s in your ass.
something tells me Swank’s a closeted wet suit preacher.
He sometimes wakes up in the morning with a column he has no memory of writing.
More to the point, sometimes he wakes up to find only the lede caught under his pillow — the column had chewed it off so it could escape.
pedestrian and i had the same thought at the same time.
I’m with pedestrian. Swank’s language is a window into his unconscious mind, so you look through the window expecting to see lubricious monsters of the Id rutting and tupping, but what he’s projecting turns out to be a Keystone Cops movie.
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pedestrian and i had the same thought at the same time.
And at 9:11 SebTime!!!elvenprincess!!11!!!
Nope, not paranoid enough. I’ll have to assume that that’s 4:20 EST and see what I can work up.
Let me get this straight: it is a charity event to raise money for people in need… and the “pastor” says the place must be burnt to the ground? I guess that’s what Jeezuz would do?!!!!
Ooooooo-kay…
It seems he’s saying Rome should be burnt to the ground. I assume he’s using metonymy there, and only is calling for Vatican City to be burned to the ground, but it’s still rather shocking.
Rome is inept at shutting down the place.
They should send in the Swiss Guards!
[must credit PeeJ]
I think I just squirted coffee out of my tear ducts. [applause, roses]
weird – I live in SD, in Hillcrest and I havent even heard of these “sisters”. maybe because im straight? (with the Lord and the Ladies…)
I mean why do these repressed dudes (Swank, maf56, Cass, Haggerty, Craig, dudes in ropes and wetsuits, well all of the GOP…) go looking for this kind of fun? Is it them, their parents, or their religion?
its sad, annoying, and pitiful…
Maybe Swank ought to come play some Sisters Bingo in Guerneville to see how wild and sexy Bingo can be…
http://rrsisters.com/bingotheme.html
You haven’t seen anything quite so surreal as beautiful, hot nuns donating money to the 4-H to raise pigs. Sure, some people can’t take a joke, but there are plenty of actual nuns in the audience at the Bingo to show that you can be a good Catholic and a non-hater at the same time.
Can you imagine the mess Swank made of his bed in the old days of typewriter ribbons and carbon paper?
I used to attend a Catholic Church every Sunday, until I realized it was actually a gay bar. Boy, was my face red!
What if Christians mocked homosexuals in a sanctuary?
No “what if” about it, Swanky. I have seen it happen.
At Trinity Methodist Church in Bradenton, Florida, about five years ago. During a Christmas Eve service, for Chirssakes.
And you know what? There were no repercussions. In fact, people laughed. They thought it was funny.
I used to go to those services as a favor to my wife. Not anymore, though. That was the last one forever.
Disciplined by Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi? Hott.
has pastor swank seen “Deliver us from Evil”, perhaps the most disturbing documentary of the past decade? is he not aware that the church, in California at the very least, has perpetrated and covered up for mass pedophilia? i mean, really covered up for, all the way up to a man who of late was promoted to pope?
seriously. fuck these people and their alleged moral authority. the mainstream ones are way worse than whack jobs like this idiot.
seriously.
I think your columns on Swank would be funnier if I could actually understand WTF he’s trying to say in the first place.
He is to the English language what I am to a MIG welder – I’m aware they exist, and what they do, but if I tried to use one I’d prbably end up holding the wrong end and burning my arms into little piles of ash.