Two-Minute National Review Online
Shorter Ramesh Ponnuru: Some Washington Post writer doesn’t think he’ll burn in hell for voting Democrat, but I beg to differ.
Shorter Larry Kudlow: Damn, Hillary must be on the rag — er, I mean, depressed. That’s it. Depressed.
Shorter David Frum: The environment could be fixed if the commie tree-huggers would just stop hating on wholesome businessmen.
Shorter Phil Kerpen: Here’s an awesome idea: Mike Huckabee for Senate. It’d put him back in the GOP’s good graces, and his victory would let rich Arkansans make out like bandits.
Shorter David Freddoso: The Democrats’ plan for fighting AIDS in Africa would require wholesome Christian charities to share resources with baby-killing atheists who hand out condoms.
Shorter Kathryn Jean Lopez: The more countries John McCain adds to his ‘to be bombed’ list, the more the election will slip through Barack Obama’s fingers.
Shorter Peter Hoekstra: Treasonous Democrats took a vacation rather than fix FISA according to our Dear Leader’s precise specifications, so now intelligence agencies have to suffer through a bunch of ‘due process’ bullshit and as a result, al-Qaeda is free to terrorize America at will.
Shorter Andrew C. McCarthy: It’s not ‘fear-mongering’ to argue that relying on FISA to protect us is basically like signing a suicide pact.
Shorter Pete Hegseth: I think I know why [cough dolchstoss cough] the media and Democrats refuse to trumpet all the good news about Iraq [dolchstoss].
Shorter Rich Lowry: We’re winning in Iraq, where Americans are regarded as liberators and the natives welcome indefinite occupation.
Shorter Mark Steyn: Since the Clintons have always basically acted like movie stars, it’s possible, though unlikely, that their natural constituency of super fag homos in the Faggotty Fag Democratic Gaywad Party will bail Hillary out of her difficulties in the primaries.
Uh, no giant bag of dicks for me, thanks…
“What a bunch of stumpfucking nimrods…”
That would be “stumpfucked nimrods”. As someone who grew up in stumpfucking country, I can attest that the one with the brains does the fucking and the domestic livestock gets fucked.
Uh, oh.
Looks like the Marine Corps Inspector General hates America:
I sure hope Bill Kristol delivers him a stern lecture on what is real patriotism.
I’ve read enough eye-witness reports about how the actual posts are as bad or worse than the S,N! synopsis, but I went and clicked thru on that Steyn piece of shit anyway. Is there any control-alt-delete kind of combination of keys that will allow me to make that sonofabitch hurt?
I was thinking about seeing if Ponnuru really said that. You’d think I’d have learned to never, ever doubt the shorter. Maybe I’ll just go on to bed. It’s windy and the trees outside are creaking under their new load of snow. It would be nice to curl up under the comforter with the cat on my feet. Much nicer than reading that wingnut piece of shite.
gbear, that’s why reading that crap is so bad for you. It activates fight or flight, where you can’t actually hurt the bastard, and it’s too late to run away. I’ll bet your blood pressure is up 20 points. Take an aspirin and lie down. Try to forget.
Flawless post. Love it.
Aw, fuck, I read that Ponnuru piece. Taking aspirin and lying down now . . .
Dammit, Mencken, that tagline makes me want to join them.
I wanna be a stumpfucking nimrod. That’d be cool…
mikey
Two-Minute National Review Online
It’s almost like the Two-Minute Hate except for….
…ok, it’s exactly like the Two-Minute Hate.
The more countries John McCain adds to his ‘to be bombed’ list, the more the election will slip through Barack Obama’s fingers.
Thank you Grand Moff Lopez.
K-LO sez:
Yes, he accurately predicted that he would not be able to answer the question. From this we learn that Kirk Watson would make a piss-poor game show contestant.
On the day that Margaret Thatcher was toppled by her own party, I ran into an old friend, a hardcore leftist playwright, Marxist to the core, who wasn’t as happy as he should have been. He jabbed me in the chest. “You bastards on the right!” he fumed. “You wouldn’t even let us be the ones to drive the stake through her heart.”
Is Mark sure it was an old friend? Is he sure it wasn’t… nothing?
I’d just like to point out that supporting an illegal and immoral war is as much a mortal sin as abortion, and so no Catholic can really vote for either Obama or McCain.
Also, any bill that requires participants to make abortion referrals is guaranteed to drive Catholics out, which is pretty much going to destroy the effectiveness of the bill.
Just when you thought NRO was bad…a challenger appears.
http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Front_Page/JB26Aa01.html
Shorter Spengler: While lesser wingnuts can accuse Obama of hating America for not wearing a flag lapel, I can do it by projecting my own insecurities about being around independent women like Michelle.
The Human Steyn just regrets that other people will be providing Conrad Black with fluffing services in the big house.
Uh huh. Everyone else to the left of her was singing ‘Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead’/
You think the NRO is bad, read this
Warning may induce bleeding of from the eyes.
One of the things I like about my job copy editing for a deceitful, pathetic right-wing rag … I get paid for reading shit that I used to read for free.
Speaking of shit, did anyone see Cal Thomas’ latest “article”?
I think he beat Thomas Sowell for the stupidity prize this week. THAT doesn’t happen very often.
Stupidest post ever.
“Warning may induce bleeding of from the eyes.” [take your pick: of or from]
Note to self: coffee, coffee, coffee. THEN type, type, type. Ah well my sentence still makes more sense than the article I linked.
May I accuse Captain Ed of hating America by projecting my own insecurities about being around independent women like Michelle too?
The shorter K.Lo was too coherent.
Jay that was… what did I ever do to you, Jay?
Oops, please accept my sincere apology pedestrian. I promise that’s the last time. I guess I have a morbid sense of humor. I just never thought Pantsload could be outdone. Let’s hope Spengler doesn’t write a book, ever.
Shorter Pete Hegseth: I think I know why [cough dolchstoss cough] the media and Democrats refuse to trumpet all the good news about Iraq [dolchstoss].
Whatever can he mean?
Look at all the good news!
It’s all like, Mission Accomplished! every other week over there.
Will you guys stop making those stupid fucks look smarter and funnier than they will ever be in a zillion trillion years?
Thanks.
Nice summary of the Don Siegelman case at Digby’s.
The case hung on evidence that Siegelman walked out of a meeting with Scrushy with the check, a baseless lie spouted by a convicted criminal on Siegelman’s staff, and the Justice Department KNEW it was a lie and yet continued the case. 60 Minutes tried to talk with the accuser, a man named Nick Bailey, but the DoJ refused to authorize the interview (he’s in a federal prison).
…
It has been 20 months since Siegelman’s trial ended and no trial transcript has been produced by Fuller’s court. This is in violation of the rules of criminal procedure which require a transcript within 30 days of sentencing. Siegelman can’t appeal his conviction without an official trial transcript.
The Attorney General, by the way, has said he would rather let the case go through the normal appeals process rather than open an investigation.
Kafka would be proud.
~
No, I like punishment. This whole site is like a big S&M dungeon for liberal minds. But really – there wasn’t a single sentence in that article that wasn’t dripping with pure dumb hatred.
Shorter Spengler:
We are rapidly exterminating the savage nations of the world, but it is not enough; unless we cut out the tongues of scientists, lock up the women, and halt the mongrelization of the white race, we will never truly be safe from the traitors within.
I mean really, We know that Obama must hate America because his mother was a n*gger-loving anthropologist, and anthropologists are the sworn enemy of Western Civilization?
What the fuckity fuck fuck?
Wow… David Frum has poor reading comprehension, just like that guy from ABC who said that Bill Clinton said that we need kill our economy in order to reduce carbon emissions. There was nothing in the article he linked to that suggested that environmentalists were destroying business, but the complete opposite: it was about businesses booming by becoming more environmentally friendly.
I don’t expect anyone to believe this, but I did have an idea a couple of weeks ago to post a suggestion for similar kind of wingnuttery index as the one we’re seeing today. Relatively unsophisticated, it was simply a straight line with “Idiot” at one end and “Liar” at the other.
Oh, dear god. This isn’t even a “shorter” David Brooks. It’s just David Brooks, literally:
That is, if you redefine “doggedly” in such a way as to only include examples Brooks likes and ignore any legislator Brooks doesn’t.
By the way, I am not a decent person Brooks, you miserable excuse for a f***wad.
K-Lo’s NRO article is almost an exact copy of her ClownHall article…
Huh. I’ve been battling concentrated powder for ages. I use ALL Small & Mighty 3X Concentrated Laundry Detergent Liquid (insert trademarky thing here), but does Brooks write an article about me? Not quite sadly, no.
That was great. I love the graphic, and think you should always include that when reviewing this particular group of authoritarian nitwits.
So…is The Steyn In Life suggesting that Hillary is a tranny, or something?
Sweet Jesus, who in their right mind (and there’s the rub) would ever use “any decent person” as a qualifier in a serious argument?
It reminds me of a certain recent-troll-whose-style-resembles-that-of-a-certain-doughy-author and his proclivity for saying “I have won the argument” or “All you libs are crying because I have won the argument” or “All opposing arguments crumble before my super-awesome argument-winning argument”. I mean, would anyone in real life ever associate with someone who would actually say something like this?
It’s the ol’ “Declare victory and get out” shtick, I suppose – although in the case of the trolls, they unfortunately seem to be skipping the “get out” part.
“All opposing arguments crumble before my super-awesome argument-winning argument”.
Kiki, may I please use that one in the meeting I have to be at at 10:00? I’m going to try to use that at least a dozen times before the week is over.
Only if you make it clear that your super-awesome point, which has never before been made with such precision and care, is central to your point, etc etc.
Let’s head over to the wingnut blogs and ask them if a concert by New York Philharmonic is the best way to intimidate North Korea into submission.
-GSD
Thank goodness for these writers that so many Americans are just as stupid as they are; otherwise they would be flipping hamburgers instead of carrying the banner of our country’s ruling party.
Uh huh. Everyone else to the left of her was singing ‘Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead’
Remember the day well, was one of the funniest events in my life. When the pictures came up on the TV showing her crying, the whole pub erupted in cheers.
They may as well recruit Huckabee to run against Mark Pryor; nobody else wants to. The GOP can’t find a candidate. His was the only Senate seat to switch to Democrat in 2002. Wanna hear the litany? All six statewide offices, 75/100 state reps, 26/34 state senators. Welcome to the most Democratic state in the union.
That is, if you redefine “doggedly” in such a way as to only include examples Brooks likes and ignore any legislator Brooks doesn’t.
I think “doggedly” means rolling over on your back and wagging your tail while lobbyists smell your ass.
Let’s head over to the wingnut blogs and ask them if a concert by New York Philharmonic is the best way to intimidate North Korea into submission.
Maybe if they kick some Wagner.
“We’re winning in Iraq, where Americans are regarded as liberators and the natives welcome indefinite occupation.”
You got the invade their countries and kill their leaders stuff all done, now comes the hard part – convert them to Christianity!
Hoekstra sez: “two dozen terrorist plots against the United States foiled since 2001”
My impression was that all of these plots were either those of morons like the guy who wanted to bring down the Brooklyn Bridge with a blowtorch or they were the national security equivalent of “vaporware.”
Can’t Congresscritters be held to some sort of truth standard?
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