I can haz Photoshop job?

Sorry, can’t help ya, but best of luck!

(The flaming Malkin is still one of my favorites.)

Hmmmmmm…..

I know ever since yesterday, after seeing Leon Golub’s painting “Interrogation I” at LACMA, I’ve been wanting to see it as a banner hung on the fence at the White House. Any chance of that?

The painting is unframed canvas, grommetted. It would make a dandy banner.

So… do you need us to buy you a grill while you’re at it?

(congrats on the wedding)

Or you could try This one

I walked into the gallery where these two paintings were hanging, and felt deeply shaken. They were painted in the 1980’s but how timely they are now.

They should follow Bush and Cheney around until their last days.

So… do you need us to buy you a grill while you’re at it?

Oh sure, you joke. I was about to post a link to our registry.

😛

We could have paid for a honeymoon to CPAC!!!

Love amongst the wingnuts!!

Oh sure, you joke. I was about to post a link to our registry.

Swe-etie, no! You prom-ised!

The obvious answer, Gavin dear:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/68058

National —
Onion News Network Freelance Writing Position
The Onion News Network is now accepting applications for a freelance writing position. For more information, please send a resume and brief letter outlining your previous writing experience to onnwritingapplications@gmail.com.

I’ll take my photoshop with the Pat Boone “dick in a box” photo, please.

Consider yourself now officially part of my unofficial loose guild of Free Lance Mercenary Marketing Communications Geeks. I frequently run into situations where I need design and layout for print and web. Usually I end up putting a designer, a writer (though I have been known to do that part my own self), a flash guy and sometimes a video or sound guy together for a project. It can be something as inane as an industrial safety video for web to a post event piece.

So stand by, don’t count on me to keep you working full time, but as long as you are seeking the coin of the realm, This Band of Sellouts will have occasional need of your services.

Oh. And buy a domain and put up a portfolio. Everybody’s gonna wanna see it before they send you a contract anyway…

mikey

I’ll take my photoshop with the Pat Boone “dick in a box” photo, please.

Above: George F. Will (Pat, as it were, is pending)

Oh, poodle, I think Helena was referring to this.

Is dinner almost ready?

If you haven’t posted your resume on Craigslist, I would highly recommend it. A lot of people don’t know about this feature. It’s different than placing an ad; it’s free, and companies regularly keyword search through the resumes for people.

http://www.craigslist.org/res/

Link is all the way on the right. And lemme just say: I’ve been on dice and monsterjobs and other sites, and pretty much every worthwhile job I’ve had for the last 4 years has come from posting my resume on Craigslist.

Oh, poodle, I think Helena was referring to this.

Is dinner almost ready?

Nice try, Saul.

Why don’t you write the Times and demand a gig on the opinion page to “balance” Kristol?

“Get to the “WORKING OVERTIME” part!!!” /homer

Or COOKING OVERTIME, I guess.

…OMG, wait, it’s literally Pat Boone with his dick in a box.

WTDFH?

You thought I was kidding???

Oh waiter! One more order of eye bleach, please.

PBWHDIAB has left me very, very upset.

#

WTDFH?

That’s the most rock & roll thing the guy’s ever done, too. I’m almost certain there’s no photographs circulating around of Little Richard with Littler Richard on display in a box.

That’s almost as bad as that shot of Carrot Top’s ginger nutsack that was floating around the Toobz a while back.

I wish I was even passable at photoshop, as I would love to dabble in something like this, and have been following your blog for 9 months or so, but just don’t feel up to the task. I live in Roslindale meself (God’s own country ya know), and have done very little work in photo shop….and writing for that matter, so that’s that, but good luck finding someone, and if I come across someone who could be interested, I will send them your way. Good luck witht the nuptials, I have been married for 15 years now myself, and think it’s one of the best decisions I ever made…done right every year gets better.

Didn’t someone post that link just a couple of weeks back? I know I saw it a few weeks ago…I think it was in the comments on the Pat Boone post.

Maybe the site is just prone to periodic outbreaks of PBWHDIAB.

I’ve posted it here before, but it was on Boing Boing so it wasn’t some dark secret.

I’m almost certain there’s no photographs circulating around of Little Richard with Littler Richard on display in a box.

Chuck Berry something something something.

Sorry, there can’t be any dinner after seeing that photo. Especially if you’re having Viennese sausages.

Righteous Bubba said,

February 12, 2008 at 2:11

I’m almost certain there’s no photographs circulating around of Little Richard with Littler Richard on display in a box.

Chuck Berry something something something.

Chuck Berry just likes to play with his ding-a-ling

Maybe you could make some money teaching Malkin to photoshop. Gawd knows she could use the help.

Hopefully your green card and work papers are in order there, “Gavin”. Or, should I say, Guillermo…

(Cue the startled groundhog)

Oh sweet jeebus! I need an order of goatse, stat! Why, whywhywhy? No, really. Why?

And G, what about the Lions and Bears?

Awww man… Ramen noodles again?

Or, should I say, Guillermo…

Reindeer boy! And how can that be bad?

I’m almost certain there’s no photographs circulating around of Little Richard with Littler Richard on display in a box.

Little Richard had better places to put it.

I foresee a made-for-tv movie. Gavin searches for a job. Eventually, he sells out and gets a contract to write a book for Regnery (something about how Joe McCarthy was right that Obama is a Mooslim).

Then, in a dramatic scene, Brad confronts Gavin and Gavin explains how much better it is to be a rightwing hack. He gets to ride a motorcycle! And then, eventually, Gavin sends Brad off to the camps. Just like SWING KIDS except with Photoshop instead of music.

Just like SWING KIDS except with Photoshop instead of music.

How about Midnight Cowboy, with Gavin going around satisfying various Peggy Noonan types with scurrilous Hillary photoshops? Then one day his laptop won’t boot up…

so did you guys see the CPAC poster with the “life’s better under a conservative” slogan on (among other places) Digby?

It might well have been alternatively titled “life’s better in the closet.” I mean wow.

Some pix need warnings and that Pat Boone pic is one of them. I didn’t need to see that and never ever want to see it again.

so did you guys see the CPAC poster with the “life’s better under a conservative” slogan on (among other places) Digby?

Now I have. Thanks I guess. Having not been under such a creature before I suppose I’m not supposed to knock it. However, I have doubts.

Righteous Bubba said,

February 12, 2008 at 2:58

Just like SWING KIDS except with Photoshop instead of music.

How about Midnight Cowboy, with Gavin going around satisfying various Peggy Noonan types with scurrilous Hillary photoshops? Then one day his laptop won’t boot up…

so did you guys see the CPAC poster with the “life’s better under a conservative” slogan on (among other places) Digby?

Hm. If its under, I would have to see the face before I make any final judgement. Not a minor point. (Make it “on top of” and a well-placed pillow can solve any of those problems)

I’m not that surprised that YBF is encouraging gay conservatives to feel comfortable with their sexuality, but I think it is a little odd that CPAC is. Or is it that they think that it will appeal to women? If so, I’m not that surprised that YBF is encouraging women to feel comfortable with their sexuality, but I think it is a little odd that CPAC is.

I cannot speak to the truth of the poster, but while life may or may not be better under a conservative, it certainly appears smellier and somewhat crushingly weighty.

Also his pecs appear to have been inflated by a bicycle pump. There is no way that image was originally intended to appeal to straight women. Whoah.

I think I have a crush on U. I. Pink….

mikey

I’m flattered. Come the revolution, can you help me kill people? I’m still a little rusty.

Young lady, it’s not like I have any other skills…

mikey

how do we know that UIP is either young or a lady?

how do we know that UIP is either young or a lady?

A history of wishful dinking.

I’ll ask around to see if anyone knows of some work that might be a fit for you.

Getting married, eh? Congratulations and good luck. When I got married I thought it would last forever but like a lot of things that just didn’t turn out like I hoped. The baseball career didn’t work out and I’m probably never going to be CEO of an airline for instance but oh hell, I’ve still got some of my childhood dreams left. Like getting through life without ever seeing Pat Boone’s dick for example. That one’s still alive. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to read the other comments for this post.

Did someone say “A history of wishful drinking”? I believe this is my area of expertise.

#
Righteous Bubba said,

February 12, 2008 at 4:28

how do we know that UIP is either young or a lady?

A history of wishful dinking.

Pretty much. I love the intert00bz. People tend to be willing to be who I want them to be, rather than that pesky reality that tends to be so unpleasant.

And if they’re not?

I just switch threads!!

mikey

People tend to be willing to be who I want them to be, rather than that pesky reality that tends to be so unpleasant.

Oh boy, sleep! That’s where I’m a viking!

Congrats, Gavin.

Unfortunately, my Borg-Cemetery has no need for photoshop.

P.S. If I helped someone get a job there, I’d feel guilty for a long, long time.

my wife might need your help at times when her staff is overwhelmed.

i will drop you a line.

People tend to be willing to be who I want them to be, rather than that pesky reality that tends to be so unpleasant.

Did you know that in 95% of lesbian cybersex sessions, both parties are actually male?

Its true because I said it here!

Did you know that in 95% of lesbian cybersex sessions, both parties are actually male?

I’ve been had and had again!

Sorry man. I had a bunch of great ideas but someone had to mention Carrot Top’s baby peas. Now all I can do is second the Craig’s list idea and carve my eyes out with a spork.

OK. My great idea was to check out my company’s Boston division but apparently they’ve sold it.

How attached are you to your current locale?

Dude,
No offense, but photoshop might not be your strong suit. And, after living in Boston for a few years, I can assure you that there are about 50 million people in the metro area more proficient at photoshop than you. I’m a huge SN! fan, but the photoshopped pics here are nothing to write home about. Not trying to bust your nuts. Just an honest opinion from a fellow traveler.

Maybe you could emphasize your writing or smartassery skills?

after living in Boston for a few years, I can assure you that there are about 50 million people in the metro area more proficient at photoshop than you

Yeah, but only if you count the 45 million invisible people. They don’t even need computers!

PS: I think your photoshops are swell.

Sadly, No! photoshops are da bomb.

Great. And I drive the stake through the beating heart of yet another thread.

Glurk!

(death rattle)

I’m not quite dead, yet!

Huh. I think that song is even more annoying in English.

*doop de doop doop dooo* …and I thought that Michael Hutchins was singing “Soup and Salad Bar” not “Suicide Blon………

“Thread?”

Thread?!”

“THREAD!!!!”

NO, NO, NO! Who could possible want to do such a thing? OMG Thread, you never hurt anyone. Why? Why? Why?

What? Pat Boone? Yeah, I heard of him? His what? In a what?
Yeah right.
Look where?

Oh.

I guess that explains that. Sweet dreams, Thread.

Gavin,

Good luck with the job search and congrats on the marraige. May you and yours produce many liberal fascist babies.

Probably not an option–but have you considered relocating? I’m calling travel agents this week and I’m fucking off!

Taipei, I think, or maybe Bangkok.

Got three grand and gotta get out.

But the love thing complicates. If you choose to remain in 1935 Amerika and brave the nightmare…well, good luck.

Marriage is an endless series of compromises. Why would you do that to yourself?

Because it’s love dude!

NO, NO, NO! Who could possible want to do such a thing? OMG Thread, you never hurt anyone. Why? Why? Why?

I almost posted Antonio Banderas singing “These Boots are Made For Walking”, but then I had pinges of conscience. Whatever that means.

so did you guys see the CPAC poster with the “life’s better under a conservative” slogan on (among other places) Digby?

Did the “Day by Day” guy draw that body, too? Same telltale scoliosis …

or even Warner Todd “Attend the Tale of Warner Todd” Huston),

I presume you saw his latest spew?

That guy has issues. Big, hairy issues that cause a pustulent rash.

I came home from work to find one of our cars mired in the mud; spouse and I cajoled our neighbor to help us dig it out; then we drove irresponsibly off to Malibu and ate pasta and drank expensive Italian wine for a while; now we’re back home.

I am visiting my mom in a godforsaken town in East Texas this weekend. My mom does, literally, nothing but read. She is a moderate Republican who is beginning to feel isolated in her religious wacko conservative town – yes, for the first time in her life she is feeling like a Liberal.

Anyone have any recommendations for some good non-fiction history or biography for me to order from Amazon and send to my mom to precede my visit?

So far, I am going with the biography of the Mitford Sisters; a bio of Richard Rodgers; “Blackhawk Down” (old, but she hasn’t read it) and maybe some Studs Terkel.

any other ideas?

any other ideas?

immediate evacuation?

immediate evacuation?

Naw, she won’t go. it’s irrational, but there it is.

How about Welcome to the Jungle, g?

But perhaps that might be too much, too soon?

g – go ahead and tip her over into full liberalhood – send her a copy of The Great Deluge by Douglas Brinkley.

Other good non-fiction history: Rising Tide by John Barry – also his book about the Spanish flu pandemic, I keep wanting to call it The Great Influenza but not sure that’s correct…also The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan. Or for a different kind of history/biography book, Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell. Simon Winchester’s The Professor and the Madman is really good too.

Dang…Either I screwed up my Upton Sinclair “The Jungle” link, or the S,N! filter snagged it.

That’s a serious suggestion, g, if yur mom’s ready for it.

I have not read it yet but I understand “Team of Rivals” by Doris Kearns Goodwin is very good. Linky here.
Also, “1776” , which I have read, is excellent.

Hmmm. Links to Amazon’s exceedingly stupid URLs don’t work well, thus the B&N links.

Jennifer listed a couple I was going to recommend.

Here’s some more:
The Last Place on Earth, by Roland Huntford
The race to the South Pole in the early 20th century: people doing very stupid things in very dangerous places.

Down and Out in Paris and London, by George Orwell
What it was like to hit rock bottom back in the thirties.

And the Band Played On, by Randy Shilts
Still packs a punch.

A Bright Shining Lie, by Neil Sheehan
This Vietnam War classic has been out for twenty years, but I just got around to reading it a few weeks ago. Superb.

Huey Long, by T. Harry Williams
One of my favorite political biographies.

Eastern Approaches, by Fitzroy McLean
McLean wandered through Soviet Central Asia in the 1930s, witnessed Stalin’s show trials during the Great Purges, participated in long-range raids behind German lines in North Africa, and trekked through the mountains with Tito’s partisans. And he’s a great writer!

Embracing Defeat: Japan in the Wake of World War II, by John W. Dower

Or if you want to deviate from the histories and biographies, try some of Alan Furst’s 1930s / World War II era espionage novels. They’re very, very good, and they’ll definitely get her mind off East Texas. You can’t go wrong with either of the first two: ‘Night Soldiers’ or ‘The Polish Officer’.

g, i hope that you have a great time with your mom. perhaps she might enjoy some vonnegut?

oh shoot, and congratulations! gavin!

Gavin- congratulations, and best of luck.
g- may i suggest Josephine Tey’s “The Daughter of Time”? fiction, but it is about a bedridden detective investigating Richard III and the princes in the tower- in fact, the framing story is just complimentary to the fascinating historical riddle, and the whole is very well written. Also reading an excellent new history of Timbuctoo, don’t have it with me so can’t tell you the exact title or the authors’ names… “Under The Banner of Heaven” (the history of the LDS church) should be read by everyone… “The Worst Journey In The World” by Apsley Cherry-Gerard is an account of Scott’s last Antarctic expedition, by one of the survivors… “News From Tartary” by Ian Fleming’s brother Peter is an old favorite… “Black Lamb, Grey Falcon” by Rebecca West is history,travel & philosophy by one of the best minds ever, if i could only keep one book, that would be it.

Congrats Gavin. Wish I could be of help with the job thing,but I’m not connected in that realm.

g- Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States perhaps? Dee Brown’s Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee is good,and if you wanna go really heavy,Derrick Jensen’s The Culture of Make Believe,Listening to the Land or A Language Older than Words are amazing. Or you could get her the Planet Earth DVD set,and it even made my 14 yr old sit still in awe for a long time.

g-

Get your mom to read some Nelson Algren- Somebody in Boots. Or James T. Farrell’s Studs Lonigan books.
That should do it.

g, has your mom ever read “The Left Hand of Darkness” by Ursula K. LeGuin? That’s always a good one.

Congratulations Gavin!

Since you’re a liberal I assume you’re getting married to a box turtle or an aardvark or a blender or something, but never the less congratulations.

Congrats Gavin, that’s really great news!

If I learn of someone needing photoshop, writing, editing, or general web design, I’ll mention you.

MediaBistro, dan. Check the job listings there, just like all the rest of us little people.

You libruls. Expecting ‘networking’ to get you a job! You need to get your ass out there, boy. It’s called bootstrapping.

MediaBistro, Gavin.

Check the job listings there, just like all the rest of us little people.

You libruls. Expecting ‘networking’ to get you a job! You need to get your ass out there, boy. It’s called bootstrapping.

Oh Gavin –

Weddingplanningwise, if you’re going for a smallish ceremony, I had mine at Lineage in Coolidge Corner, Brookline. They’re new and don’t know to double their prices for weddings, and while there’s no room for dancing, the food is top notch and so is the service.

I also got my wedding dress at Priscilla’s of Boston during their bridesmaid dress sample sale for $20. But that may or may not go over well with your intended.

Mikey –

young, yes
female, yes
lady, never.

Gavin: I forwarded your info to the Art Director where I work (a large book publisher), and to a friend of mine who runs a pixel mill.

Consider it sweets from a stranger.

Thanks, guys for the book suggestions!
Good stuff there.

Did you go to Jared, Gavin? ‘Cause if you didn’t…

Gavin, why don’t you auction off a photoshopped picture of people at your wedding?

aimai

Elope. Trust me on this one. When I called to tell people after my wife and I eloped, I would say about half of the people we called said “I wish we had done that.” Of course it’s the bride’s day, so you’ll have little say in the matter…

True. I wanted to elope, but the parents overruled.

It’s not always the bride, y’know.

True. I wanted to elope, but the parents overruled.

That’s why you elope.

g, I’m going to second the recommendation for 1776. It’s the first history book I’ve ever read where by the end of it I was wishing he’d write a sequel. I want to know how it all ends!

Seriously, David McCullough could make a fortune writing a whole series. 1777, 1778, 1779, etc.

Righteous Bubba – Couldn’t. Father was dying of cancer. There are some requests you just don’t say no to.

Father was dying of cancer.

That’s something of an extenuating circumstance.

We went to the courthouse with 2 friends. As we parked in the garage, we saw another friend. She said “I’m here for jury duty – how about you guys?”

I said, “Oh, we’re getting married.”

We put all our money into the honeymoon, instead of the wedding. More fun that way.

What g (& others) said. My wife & I attempted to run off to Vegas, but we let a couple of people in the family know, and by the time we got to the chapel there were about 30 family & friends waiting. But, the chapel accommodated them, we still only paid for what we wanted (but no Elvis), and spent a week blowing tons of $ on our honeymoon, going from suite to suite.

Fortunately, my wife bought into this. You can have ‘nice’ without spending megabucks. 20 years later and no regrets about not doing a Barbie Wedding.

I had this friend in sacramento in the mid eighties who fell in love and decided to get married (it was going to be her twelfth – honestly). So a bunch of us tweakers drove them up the hill to tahoe. By the time we got there, it was after midnight, but we managed to wake up the proprietors of this garish little wedding chapel. Right in the middle of the “ceremony”, she threw up. Somewhere there is a freakin hilarious audio tape.

One of the better memories of those days…

mikey

Righteous Bubba – Yup. And it wasn’t enough to stop a “Nice Guy” friend who was bitter I’d never slept with him from attempting to crash the wedding while drunk. I hope my dad’s haunting the bastard.

Ditto the congratulations, Gavin, and ditto ditto the elopement. My wife and I got married by a justice of the peace three hours from home, then threw a party at a good restaurant two weeks later.

Don’t hav any job leads, though. Wish I could help.

g, I second the nomination of “Team of Rivals”. Also, Daniel Schorr is NPR’s resident crotchety old guy, and has a new book out of collected essays. A little to the left of center, and very smart; I enjoyed it a lot.

Hey! Speaking of jobs and such.

If anybody knows of anyone looking to fill the position of “Resident Crotchety Old Guy”, that’s a position I’d truly love to interview for…

mikey

Position: Resident Crotchety Old Guy

Requirements: At a minimum, candidate must have a lawn with an adjacent porch, in a neighborhood with abundant children, and a cane. Also, must have a strong raspy voice and ability to shake said cane menacingly.

This sounds pretty dreamy.
See also

A friend of mine and I have observed a correlation: The bigger and more lavish the wedding, the sooner comes the divorce. I know that correlation does not equal causation, but I’ve seen it again and again.

Congratulations, though, and have fun, no matter what size wedding you have.

We need an update today already! After the Senate FISA vote, I needs me some good snark, dammit!

In dreams, I walk with you …

… in dreams, I talk to you.
.

Candy, we had a big, cheap wedding.

dammit mikey, stay offa my turf….

and get offa my lawn!

Sorry for OT, but Tom Sowell’s latest droppings deserve the S,N! treatment:

http://www.townhall.com/Columnists/ThomasSowell/2008/02/12/the_media_and_politics

Journalists do not exist to get one party’s candidates elected or otherwise serve one party’s political interests. The public are the journalists’ clientele.

Sowell was saying this in *defense* of Limbaugh, Hannity, etc. Heh indoozle!

I’m sorry, I can’t stop with this one:

Some journalists — too many, in fact — do jump on the bandwagon of particular candidates or particular political agendas, and end up filtering and spinning the news as a result.

Again, said in DEFENSE of Limbaugh, Hannity, etc.

Does this man even know what a “Hugh Hewitt” is?

if you have to have a big** wedding, I recommend eloping first and not telling anyone. Nothing heads off those huge wedding-planning arguments like the knowledge that you’re already married!

** in terms of people, not $$. though with a lot of people you can’t help but pay a fortune. That said, $14k is a lot less than $35k, so aim low.

To the extent that they take on the task of suppressing information or biting their tongue for the sake of some political agenda, they are betraying the trust of the public and corrupting their own profession.

Head-explodey

I’m sorry, I can’t stop with this one:

Wowsers. Right from the first sentence:

Even before Mitt Romney bowed out — with class, by the way —

I’m surprised you liberals even like American History and the book 1776. Especially considering that our Nations Founders and their ideas were Conservative, hence the term “Conservative” meaning to conserve America’s established Traditions.

However I encourage you commie libs to read it as you may discover a sudden appreciation for America and the ideas of limited government and traditional American values all of which our Founders esposed. “It is impossible to effectively govern the world without God and the Bible.” George Washington.

I’m an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church, and will gladly perform the wedding ceremony for Gavin and bride at no cost other than a good meal and a couple of nice fat joints.

As a matter of fact, I just married the two of you in full accordance with the rules of my church. There’s not much else you need to do except maybe wait for some number of years until your common law union is recognized by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

You’re welcome. You may now kiss the bride.

(smattering of applause, followed by offstage shout, “Open bar!!1!”)

Geez Moff, even in your dreams you’re square. 😉

Your search – “It is impossible to effectively govern the world without God and the Bible.” – did not match any documents.

It is impossible to effectively govern the world without God and the Bible

Uh, … should we tell him?
.

Especially considering that our Nations Founders and their ideas were Conservative, hence the term “Conservative” meaning to conserve America’s established Traditions

So then are you guys all, like, Amish or something?

I likes me some quilts.

Geez Moff, even in your dreams you’re square. 😉

I’m married, not to mention be-fathered.

Go figure.
.

“…wait for some number of years until your common law union is recognized by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.”

Sorry, doesn’t exist in the People’s Republic

If they wanted to move to New Hampshire they could have one in as little as three years, but it’s no good until one of them dies. Speaking of death, here’s to the happy couple!

Re: job leads – I’m being a persistent a-hole this morning, so pardon. But have you posted your resume to the resume section of Craigslist?

I am seriously serious about this. It really does work. Or at least, it has for me and for every single other friend of mine that I’ve suggested this to.

And verily did our Ancestors use a Pen of Feathers, and knew not of the ungodly Beasts known as Mac and PC.

I too have gotten many jobs off of craigslist. Or you could pose as an aspiring wingnut writer and ask Jonah Goldberg to throw some hot mother love your way.

It’s also hard to govern the world without becoming entangled in the affairs of Europe, but old George, he was an enigma.

And verily did our Ancestors use a Pen of Feathers, and knew not of the ungodly Beasts known as Mac and PC.

Indeed their Stink was High, as they did Poop in tiny Pots and eschew Bathing thereafter.

It is impossible to effectively govern the world without God and the Bible

‘Cuz life is precious, and God. And the Bible.

/anybody get the reference?

It is impossible to effectively govern the world without black helicopters and a supra-national army imposed by stealth.
Fluoridation in the water helps, but is not essential.

ask Jonah Goldberg to throw some hot mother love your way.

Jeezus, what an image. Reminds me of that age-old philosophical quandary: If you’re up to your neck in vomit and someone throws a bag of snot at your face, do you duck?

That’s an easy one. Cmon, it’s in a bag.

And, my feminist allies will kill me for this, but I have to add:

And old bag.

Billy, I believe it’s the cost more than the size of the wedding that’s the factor. I think it’s actually that the familial infighting that frequently occurs with big, expensive galas seems to set the course for disaster. Add competing religious beliefs/non-beliefs, et voila, marriage on the rocks, right out of the gate.

If I ever decided to actually go through with getting married – and didn’t elope – I would do the barefoot in the park thing, and then have a big ass party. A keg and a few bottles of cheap wine would do it. (Those who need expensive Scotch, byob.) Then I’d find a local band willing to play for beer and a hat passing. My ex’s band loved playing wedding receptions. They’d pass the hat right when people were getting well-lubed, but before they started drifting away, and they always did very well. Plus it was fun. I’d highly recommend it. I’m sure someone of Gavin’s savoir faire will know some excellent musicians.

I’ve got to go to my biology class now, which reminds me: Happy Darwin Day!

Er, “An” old bag.

Can we all have invitations to this “big ass-party” of which Candy speaks?

Especially considering that our Nations Founders and their ideas were Conservative

The founders were radicals. The Tories were the Conservatives of the day.

It is impossible to effectively govern the world without God and the Bible
I for one would like to hear more about George Washington’s plans for world domination.

I attended a family wedding this December, and the only thing contentious about it was one family member being a mooch and trying to grab some of the attention for himself, incensed that everyone else was paying attention to those attention-hogs, the bride and groom.

the other notable observation I had of him was that if my family has another wedding soon, it’ll be one of the shot-gun variety, ’cause his 22 and 19 year old daughters were certainly advertising their availability on the dance floor.

Interestingly, he’s the only family member who claims to be a “born again” Christian.

As someone who played drums in a band at many a wedding reception, I would say that hiring a band pretty much guarantees that family members will be drunk and fighting by the last set, if not with each other then with the hall staff, the servers, the band, or with total strangers in the bar attached to the hall. God, how I hated weddings.

I for one would like to hear more about George Washington’s plans for world domination.

He tried it, and now he’s DEAD. Think about THAT.

Weddings: If any of the prospective inlaws can afford it, they should absolutely be hit up for donations, because in the majority of all normal-people weddings (defined as “weddings the vast Bridal Industry would never permit televising”) they will be the ones having the spendy ideas. The magic phrase “Well, that’s not in our budget — but if *you* really want [an open bar/$10,000 dress/junior bridesmaids]…” has helped many a fantasizing parent differentiate between their dreams and their offsprings’. Of course, then you might end up stuck with the junior bridesmaids…

Spousal unit and I only made it legal because *his* dad offered to pay for it. “If you make it legal,” Spousal Unit was informed, “it’ll be that much harder for her to run away and break your heart.” Why, yes, spouse’s parents were no longer married — why do you ask?

In my imaginary film adaptation of Chris St. James’ version of the American Revolution, Bruno Ganz and Udo Kier play George Washington and Benjamin Franklin. Christopher Walken appears in a cameo role as King George III, and Weta Workshop do the CGI work for the scenes involving the Alien Overlords…
…No, wait, that last bit belongs to my imaginary film adaptation of Childhood’s End. Carry on with whatever you were doing.

The only wedding advice I can give is not to invite any ancient mariners. They always make nuisances of themselves, boring the guests and talking so much that you can hardly hear the loud bassoon.

Hmmm, as far as our Nation’s birth is concerned, according to Wikipedia’s “American Revolution” entry, the insidious threat of muslamofascist influence was there right in the beginning:

Morocco was the first country to recognize the independence of the United States of America from the Kingdom of Great Britain in 1777. The two countries signed the Moroccan-American Treaty of Friendship ten years later.

When I read the press releases from Crotchety Old Guys for Small Government, I used to take them seriously, until I discovered that their spokeman (a certain ‘Mikey’) could not crochet. Despite his demonstrations of knitting skills, I still suspect that COG4SG is just another Republican Get-off-my-Astroturf group.

If you have do have ancient mariners, though, definitely have the Iron Maiden ones. They kick ass.

Maybe so, Herr Clyde, but you oughta see what I can do with a dozen feet of orange primacord, a quarter pound of fine mesh aluminum powder and two disarmed red smoke grenades.

Oooohh.

Pretty….

mikey