Will I be near the East Coast any time in the near future?

Sadly, No!

That’s okay, though, because I don’t understand what all those colorful lines are running everywhere. I do want to get to Dank Millet some day.

What? That’s a train system? Seattle’s never heard of one of those!

What’s wrong with driving?

I don’t “get it,” but I’m sure it’s v. funny. Anagrams? Spoonerisms? Whatever.

Congrats to Bradrocket and all Sawx fans.

I have public transit envy from looking at the map. Los Angeles just isn’t making the grade…

http://www.theskinofmyteeth.com

David B.

Ordinarily, “Pert Skater” would be the most appropriate anagram since the glory days of “Spiro Agnew = grow a penis”. But then “WINO BOD” had to appear on the very same map.

I’ll be coming from Carnal Request! Hooray! I live at the best T-stop ever!

PS – Anyone else think it’s a coincidence that Ace-palooza was held at Shiny Ace? Or rather, that he said it was closest to Shiny Ace, but it was really probably closer to Queer Calypso?

Don’t get public transit envy.
They turn off the T at midnight.
Cuz…. ummmmmmmmmmmmm.
Yeah.

Yep. I’m sure those are hilarious, and I’m sure Gavin worked hard on all those names, but they just fly over my head like a cruise missile.

But I would like to go to a rally with Dick Cheney’s cousin. He seems quite charismatic.

And, of course, we have BART. And assorted, unconnected Light Rail systems. None of which form a reasonable and coherent way to actually GO anywhere. I do usually drive to Fremont and take BART to Moscone Center, and I like to take CalTrain to the Giants games. But again, to do that you have to drive to Burlingame.

mikey

Ok, I fell for it. I thought that was an actual Boston subway map. What the hell is wrong with calling stops names like, gee I don’t know: “23rd St.,” or “W. 4th St.,” or even, “Brooklyn Bridge.” Get it together, Boston!

What the hell is wrong with calling stops names like, gee I don’t know: “23rd St.,” or “W. 4th St.,” or even, “Brooklyn Bridge.”

Doesn’t Boston (or Cambridge) still name a T stop after a long-defunct department store, or did they change that?

It’s a bit of Olde New Englande charm, like the Lil Rhody penchant for using “where the {landmark} used to be” as a helpful way of giving directions.

Speaking of Ace of spades, does anyone know what the f this means?

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/244239.php

We’ve got a lotta-lotta hard work today
We gotta rock at the covert gent center
To make the secretaries feel better
When they put those stamps on all those letters.

I’d go, but I’m like that alien life form they carry around in a special box on “Star Trek” — it’s so ugly that people are driven mad when they see it. I wouldn’t want to do that to any of you. Well, maybe Ruppert.

I’d go, but I’m like that alien life form they carry around in a special box on “Star Trek” — it’s so ugly that people are driven mad when they see it.

I have really freakin’ bad teeth. I’ll show you them, and you’ll be like, “Jeez, okay. We’re all in this together.”

Doesn’t Boston (or Cambridge) still name a T stop after a long-defunct department store, or did they change that?

You mean Lechmere? The store was named after the square, not the other way around. And it was only 10 years ago Lechmere stores closed.

Is Riley’s Roast Beef Still There? Under the Clasher T stop? Maybe that dates me…..

Joba, I don’t know, but it sure suggests a fertile new area for twisting ace’s panties. Does anyone do WOW? Does anyone have a twelve year old who does WOW?

Is Riley’s Roast Beef Still There? Under the Clasher T stop? Maybe that dates me…..

I don’t think there’s any roast beef places under Clasher (which is currently being rebuilt), but when I moved here it was Buzzy’s Roast Beef, not Riley’s, I think. And that was a while back.

Kelly’s, on the other hand, has several locations still around. Mmmmm….

I have really freakin’ bad teeth.

I think you can e-mail Mark Noonan and he’ll help you out with this.

Sadly I won’t be home in time.

Stop hatin’ on the 12 year olds. Mine says that WOW is tres lame, and nobody but the serious dorks plays it. Which would, of course, explain why Ace is just soooooo into it.

For all you BART fans feeling left out, here is ours…but Boston’s is funnier…

http://www.monkey.org/~ethan/2006/03/bart-anagram-map.html

Bemused,

I don’t hate on twelve year olds! I have one. He’s smelly and volatile, but I love him. He doesn’t like WOW either, but he has buds who do. Of course we’re in Idaho, so we may not know lame.

Marita —

Buzzy’s! That’s right. Riley’s Roast Beef was in Allston, at the corner of Harvard and Brighton. They had this limerick on the wall:

Try the Big One,
Sauced and Cheesed.
Try the Big One,
You’ll be pleased.

I don’t have anything against World of Warcraft, but I always thing of that South Park episode where the kids train for weeks to master the game, and they grow fat, pimply, and sloth-like in the process. They sit around eating greasy fried crap and talking like fucking assholes. The fact that Ace and his brood are into such games comes as no surprise to me. No offense to the non-loser gamers out there.

I think you can e-mail Mark Noonan and he’ll help you out with this.

Oh, he’d just claim that bad choices caused my teeth to look like a pre-Raphaelite graveyard.

As if someone was like, “Hey, want bad teeth?” and I was like, “Yes.”

The fact is, I would never venture into such a hotbed of socialist scum like Boston, in fact I pray for a terrorist attack there, like 9-11, like the one that happened in the alternate history of Ken McLeod’s The Execution Channel. The heartland is the best.

Fake Gary. Too honest.

Jesus, if Gary won’t be there, FORGET IT. Not even The Teeth of Despair can tempt me to take the train in to Crowds Noting Snow now.

Fake Gary, your spelling is too good. I would have at least gotten ‘socialist’ wrong. Still, the sentiment is spot on.

Barack is coming here to the Bull City on Nov 1. I’ll be representing Teh Sadly here on the southside.

Ace plays WoW? Chreebus. Even my gamer-geek friends moved on from WoW years ago.
On the other hand, at least it keeps him from going outside much.

With the exception of Back Bay, nothing in greater Boston even approaches a rectilinear grid of streets. Naming T stops after nearby landmarks actually makes a lot of sense for those of us who live here.

And a word to the wise, I’d edit your provisional party location to eliminate any hint that Cambridge is in Boston. You’re on the edge of being flame bait!

Joba Chamberlin!

That Ace link that you posted is the most hilarious thing I’ve read in awhile. To wit:

Let’s face it, your character selection speaks volumes about who you are. You are a sexually frustrated 45 year old virgin, or a prepubescent 11 year old virgin. In any event, you are a virgin.

Man I say this a lot: Project Much, Ace?

Its actually another denizen of Home Depot’s aisle 13, Jack M. And few people know more about virginity than, well, anyone over at Ace HQ.

Tell me why you didn’t actually confront these asshats when you had the chance? I wish I lived in the Boston area (except for the Bostoness and all).

On the other hand, at least it keeps him from going outside much.

Which is good, since the glare from his skin has been interfering with commercial air traffic.

Of course we’re in Idaho, so we may not know lame.

*Insert gratuitous Larry Craig joke, updated for Matt Lauer interview.*

Has Bruce RSVPed for the meet-up?

Bruuuuuuuuuce!!!

Tell me why you didn’t actually confront these asshats when you had the chance?

Ach. We couldn’t get into their Secret Clubhouse, guarded as it was by bar bouncers who’d been alerted that some Moonbat Terror or another was liable to do, you know, an unspecified thingbad.

an unspecified thingbad.

Imposing sharia on people while they’re drunk really isn’t very nice.

“Doesn’t Boston (or Cambridge) still name a T stop after a long-defunct department store, or did they change that?”

Lechmere.

I used to work near Alewife station, which I always thought was a pretty cool name.

Try the Big One,
Sauced and Cheesed.
Try the Big One,
You’ll be pleased.

I think I may state without fear of contradiction that, once I get sauced and cheesed, I’m pretty much pleased with anything I try.

Shout out to all my Somerville peoples in the Queer Parrots section! You know the ones I’m talking about….

ace et al are going to get stuck trying to decide between going to Soy Nymph stop and Queer Parrot. They’ll never make it to the meeting.

as for that WOW post on Ace’s blog. It looks to me like someone needed to rant, and got banned from teh WOW message boards. laugh.

MrWonderful, it was often that way at Riley’s. For me I was just impressed that they could use cheese as a verb.

But Gavin, weren’t you standing right next to him on Teh Sidewalk?

If I was sober, I might’ve jeered derisively.

If I was drunk, well, I might’ve tried to hump his leg.

Just sayin’…

BTW, I just intelligently looked at a real Boston subway map. I “get it” now.

However, I’ve tried to drive around Youah Fayeh City and have stopped more than once at corners with NO FUCKING STREET SIGNS WHATSOEVER. It is the opposite of helpful. Obviously, I’m still bitter.

However, I’ve tried to drive around Youah Fayeh City and have stopped more than once at corners with NO FUCKING STREET SIGNS WHATSOEVER. It is the opposite of helpful. Obviously, I’m still bitter.

Don’t worry, drive around long enough and everything eventually becomes Washington Street in one town or another. Somerville, Cambridge, Newton, what’s the diff?

t4toby: From the ace link: My role? Marsellus Wallace. Your role? The hicks in the basement of the gun store.

Internet tough guy strikes again!

I would like to go, but, well … might as well just say it straight out … Boston sucks balls.

I don’t mean to be cruel or insensitive to those of you who are stuck living in such a pestilent hellhole, but there it is. Plus, my wife won’t let me leave the house to drink after the last incident with the neighbor’s dog and the two wetsuits.

If you liveblog it, however, I will get virtually drunk with all you east coast, intellectual, elitist snobs. And then I’ll get very maudlin, play old rock-n-roll songs too loud, cry about some shit that happened far too long ago to seem like just yesterday, and eventually pass out with my head on the keyboard and wake up with a rectangular grid of welts across my forehead.

Shit, you should webcam it. And I’ll post pictures of Charlie Sheen drinking a Listertini and claim that it’s me.

Folks, remember to send some love TBOgg’s way. The fires in SoCal are worsening and they’re awfully close to his palatial estate.

Cangrejero-

So the implication is that he’s going to take it in the ass. Real nice. He might have wanted to say he was the Travolta character, but hey? What do I know?

I more than a little certain that Circle Jerk isn’t a just quirky punk band to these yahoos.

I think they need to change the name from Ace HQ to Projections ‘R’ Us.

t4t,

He wants to take it up the ass, but then he wants to do some old-fashioned torturing.

So, yeah, pretty much another Saturday night for these guys.

I usually park in the garage and get on at Wail Fee (not shown) when I come to town, though I can also take the train from Red Towncocs and save $5 on the parking.

I’d love to join you, but have a previous engagement. Fucking couples therapy…

Please, please, please book Sadlypalooza at a time/place convenient for me.

O/T, but what has Daffy of Teh Sammy been up to?

Since I live in that magical fairy kingdom known as “Same Timezone as Teh Double Super Secret Sadly HQ”, and got some reception thingy tomorrow afternoon, I’m likely to be well and truly pissed by the time you guys start politicking. Enjoy.

Folks, remember to send some love TBOgg’s way. The fires in SoCal are worsening and they’re awfully close to his palatial estate.

True, him and g.

Anybody remember “Boston Blitz”? Where the mafia kidnaps Mack Bolan’s sister and he has to come to Boston to find them? And he ends up in a firefight in Boston Commons?

Man, I ate that stuff up thirty five years ago…

mikey

I too, am coming from Carnal Request.

I wonder if Marita and I are neighbors. Or, maybe we are even the same person. That is the only possible explanation I can think of for those panties that I found.

Dang. You need to go on tour with this Sadlypalooza and make a stop either in DC or Baltimore.

My brother who lived in Waltham for many years insisted that driving in Boston was like a giant game of chicken. Making eye contact with another driver that you saw him and that he could do whatever boneheaded thing he wanted to

Lived at Divas for several years, and I miss it. Vietnamese coffee at the Diesel while reading a $1.25 John Berger book from McIntyre and Moore, finishing and hopping over to Somerville Theater— nothing beats it. Queer Parrots had it moments, though I’ve had 150 near-misses with cars in that parking lot. Plus, I was waiting to pick up a friend there in 2000 when I first heard Florida called for Gore on NPR.

[going to get a beer]

Yeah, you cowardly bums waited til Ace moved back to NYC to have your little shindig he couldn’t crash the party and put you to shame with his superior wit and intelligence.

HAHAHA!!

RUN, LITTLE MONKEYS, RUN!!!!!!!!!

Ah, shit.

I don’t suppose there’s a touring company of Sadlypalooza . . . ?

One that tours eastern Washington state? We got wine, you know. And lots of nuclear waste.

Nah, didn’t think so.

Shit.

As if someone was like, “Hey, want bad teeth?” and I was like, “Yes.”

Some Irish in your genetic background, I’m guessing. My teeth look okay now, if you’re not fussy, but it took a LOT of time & money to achieve. On the other hand, I still look like the love child of Drew Carey and Kathy Kinney, so there’s not many choose to challenge the issue. The thing about not inheriting the “good Irish” looks, like JFK or Maureen Dowd, is that I never bothered relying on my looks to get what I wanted, and wit stays sharp & sexy long after bod succumbs to gravity.

Too late for me to make it to Barak’s rally tomorrow, but I will ABSOLUTELY be put out if I don’t get an invitation to Sadlypalooza, okay? Because I will take a cab into Cambridge, if necessary, to get to that bash. And you’re going to need someone to scare any remaining Acedroids away from the conviviality, and Mikey’s on the wrong coast.

However, I’ve tried to drive around Youah Fayeh City and have stopped more than once at corners with NO FUCKING STREET SIGNS WHATSOEVER. It is the opposite of helpful…

People who grew up here tell me they were taught that the Bostonians took all the street signs down during the Revolution, to confuse the British invaders. It worked so well they’ve never put most of them back.

When friends come to visit Boston, the advice we always give them about driving is: Don’t. That’s why there are (a) the T, (b) taxis, and (c) at least four separate trolley-tour companies that visit all the tourist spectacles, usually for less than you’d spend on parking downtown.

And Boston is still an improvement on Newton. A popular mystery novelist during the 1930s/1940s based several novels on the fact that Newton’s five, or possibly seven, separate “towns” each have their own Maple, Main, and Elm Streets, all practically within walking distance of each other. It drives the emergency-rescue services nutz, but of course neither Newton, Newton Centre, Newton Lower Falls, West Newton, or Auburndale are going to change “their” addresses without a fight. Lovely town, Newton, but as with certain bloggers, you have to accept the eccentricities as part of the *charm*.

For all you BART fans feeling left out, here is ours…but Boston’s is funnier…

I don’t know: I’d imagine it would be fairly cool to catch the tube every day at 16th or 24th Moist Sins. And I rather like the sound of Dormant Chintz Coroner: has a ring to it, doncher know.

Mind you, coming home to Lethal Plains or 19th Stank Load would be a bit of a bummer.

My favourite, I think, is Loud Pork Caramelisation. Well, that or All Over Stacey Way Hard. Lucky Stacey, is all I can say.

Heh, Soy Nymph. I dated her back in the ’90s. I had to give her up because she tasted like Edensoy Plain. Blech!

I lived in NYC for almost 20 years. Everytime I went to Boston, I always thought, “What a quaint little town!”

And after driving in NYC and beating back the crazed yellow-cab drivers with a bent bumper, driving in Boston is like a Sunday cruise through the country side, there just is no traffic in Boston…

I’m glad that Boston never grew up, it’s like a Peter Pan ‘city’. It’s New York City’s way-younger kid brother…

Oh, and you can’t anagram many NYC subway stops: W4 (West 4th) becomes 4W…

The anagrams for NYC would have to focus on the outer boroughs:

I Yank Tad? Sue Me.

Snark Wedge

Lou, Gent Lecher

End Be a Virus.

Atlas Vice Hell (the only subway stop in the Five Towns)

Sadly, Comrade R., I have not been able to locate a NYC Subway anagram map and that’s all I have the time for. There’s a war on Christmas on and these elves ain’t going to waterboard themselves you know. The best I think I could manage would be the Path but that’s been done so I’m not going to bother.

One was also created for the tube in London but believe it or not the creator was hit with a cease and desist order by Transport for London. And if you still haven’t had enough of transit system anagram maps check this out. I love that we live in a world where people will take the time to create these. Lolcat bibles too.

You’d have to go to the outer boroughs for NYC Subway anagrams:

Lou, Gent Lecher

Snark Wedge

Atlas Vice Hell (only subway stop in the Five Towns)

End Be a Virus

I Yank Tad? Sue Me.

That’s all I have the time for. There’s a war on Christmas on and these elves ain’t going to waterboard themselves you know. The best I think I could manage is one for the Path but that’s already been done. There was also one created for the tube in London but believe it or not the creator was hit with a cease and desist order by London Transport. If that’s still not enough there are more anagram maps here. I love that I live in a world where people will take the time to create these things. Lolcat bibles too.

Anne Laurie, do you remember when PBS ran some special called “the Irish” a few years back? My sister could not get over how all those sad people looked like us.

A few from Manhattan:

Scrub Collie Cum

Why Red Lack Apt?

Furry Ethos

Care to Slap?

I See a Lewd Sort

I haven’t lived in Boston in ten years, so it’s going to take the rest of the afternoon for me to break those codes.

Lenny, Carl, tell Mister Burns I’m going home to work on the contest!

One was also created for the tube in London but believe it or not the creator was hit with a cease and desist order by Transport for London.

70 comments and not one Mornington Crescent joke? For shame!

Mornington Crescent? Is it aligned to Mecca?

I have more of a Mornington Flagpole problem, myself.

(Sorry, dude. I’m trying.)

eric, thanks for the brat map!

also, sadlies, why no love for the west coast? c’mon over here, folks. we have owl pelts…