I think his line

“I am a nobody…but I’m a nobody who blogs…”

should be on a t shirt.

“I’m also a person who really don’t give a hoot what people say about me.”

Yea, like “why can’t that blogging nobody learn some grammar.”

OMG I’m first! Is there any kind of dumbass thing I’m supposed to shout? A ritualized gesture I am supposed to make? Is there some sort of Overlord to whom I must genuflect? I forgot what kind of site this is. Is this the kind where we get straight to Teh Snark, or do we have to spend the first ten comments or so congratulating ourselves on our numerical sequence? Aiee, the pressure!

That would be almost as much fun as this…

http://wonkette.com/politics/she.s-tan%2C-rested-and-ready/its-time-for-a-real-republican-candidate-312687.php

Nooo-NAN! Nooo-NAN!

Is Mark Noonan the guy what makes sweet love to the goats, or is that somebody else? What manner of barnyard animal does future Senator Noonan favor?

Blogel tov, cleter!

The new addition to the above…

What a schmuck. He seems to think Reid’s abysmal approval ratings are a result of discontent with Democratic ideals rather than Reid’s failure to enact those ideals. Go ahead, Mark, run, and tell Pastor Swank to try for governor.

You missed the part where he confesses: “There is dirt to be dug up about my past, if it comes to that, but I just don’t care about that – I’m not who I was back then, and if I were to run I’d just post on the website a detailed list of the sins I’ve committed”

Save us. There are some things we’re all better off not knowing.

So, he’d tell us about the barnyard animals, then. Does he tell us when he starts his exploratory committee, or do we have to wait until he actually declares?

I wonder if I could weasel my way onto his campaign staff?

I’d wear a teeshirt that says:

“I’m a nobody – but I’m VERY regular”…

mikey

You missed the part where he confesses: “There is dirt to be dug up about my past, if it comes to that, but I just don’t care about that – I’m not who I was back then, and if I were to run I’d just post on the website a detailed list of the sins I’ve committed”

If a videotape surfaced of Mark Noonan huffing glue and diddling a chicken, it wouldn’t be as damning as this.

He’s too fucking stupid to realize that he’s already archived his most egregious sins on a website.

Fuck pussyfootin around with the Senate.
Keyes – Noonan 08, or, if it must be, 12.

This is the greatest thing since I heard Bob and David are working on a new show for HBO, half an hour ago or so.

Run, Mark, run.

There is dirt to be dug up about my past, if it comes to that, but I just don’t care about that – I’m not who I was back then, and if I were to run I’d just post on the website a detailed list of the sins I’ve committed (with no details of the actual sins, because I wouldn’t want to compromise any of the other participants, who would likely want to remain anonymous).

The text after the last comma is simultaneously the truest thing Noonan has ever written and the greatest understatement in the history of the world.

This is the greatest thing since I heard Bob and David are working on a new show for HBO, half an hour ago or so.

I see Noonan getting routed by Howell Tankerbell in the Republican primaries.

Reid’s favorable rating was 32 percent, compared with 51 percent unfavorable and 15 percent neutral. Gibbons was viewed favorably by 30 percent, Bush by 34 percent.

34 percent, what the hell is wrong with Nevadans?

From the Blogs for Bush post on this, Noonan commenting at 2:20 PM (ellipsis in the original):

Naturally, Reid’s people would sift through B4B and other blogs I comment on and pick out of context those things which can make me look bad…though such negativity wouldn’t start unless I could crack 40% in the public opinion polls.

Nah, they’d just go straight to Sadly, No! to get the shorter and funnier version.

Noonan commenting at 2:22 PM (ellipses his again):

…as an aside, the fundamental dream here is not so much to win (that is a dream’s dream), but to rise high enough to force Reid to debate me…once that is done, then the chips will fall where they may, but I’ll have considered my campaign a success just in the fact that I directly challenged Reid and forced him to defend himself against the voice of the people.

Might as well start the drumbeat now: Why is Harry Reid afraid to debate this man?

Uh, did anyone look at the logo in the top right corner of Noonan’s site?

Proofreader, anyone?

Hi, sadly’s.

This malibu fire is getting scarey. My neighborhood is under voluntary evacuation order. Fire still distant, but the LA County fire department’s evacuation zone just to the south and west of us is under mandatory order.

We may be hunkering down in some motel in the valley, just us and the geriatric rottweiller, our 2 CPUs and our memories.

I don’t THINK the fire will get to our neighborhood, but it may be close; there may be embers blowing across the canyon if the fire crests Saddle Peak.

To follow-up on the extended quote Lawnguylander posted, um, what?
if I were to run I’d just post on the website a detailed list of the sins I’ve committed (with no details of the actual sins, because I wouldn’t want to compromise any of the other participants, who would likely want to remain anonymous).
“a detailed list …. with no details”
Anyone able to parse that? I’m stumped.

Good luck, g.

“I’m also instructed, as a Christian, to pray for those who say unkind things about me – to love them…I’d love him [Reid] to (political) death.”

Lay some of that Christian love on me there bro. No wait; define “Christian love” first. While you’re at it define “unkind things”. Is that like the truth or something?

Since y’all got us started on anagrams on that other thread:

Mark Noonan = No non-karma

Hey, it’s as profound as anything he’d say in that hypothetical debate.

g. Be safe. It’s just shit. Take your loved ones, a backpack or a suitcase, and move early, before the roads are clogged and the smoke is dense. Everything can be replaced. Don’t paralyze yourself by thinking. Act.

Move now. You can come back if you called it wrong, and I’ll buy you a beer. But I remember the Oakland fire ten or twenty years ago. Most of the people who died were trapped by traffic and blinded by smoke.

You can’t go wrong by moving first…

And keep thinking. Don’t ever take anything at face value. You are the best resource to keep your people together.

Good luck…

mikey

Stay safe, g. I’ve been following this through the LA Times throughout the day. I hope things settle down soon.

g–

We’re in Studio City and have friends off Big Rock. And yes–what Mikey said. Act first and accuse yourself of being alarmist later. Let us know how it goes.

Is he, by chance, Mr. Peggy Noonan?

I pray to God they don’t reproduce.

g – stay safe…the wind sounds like it is picking up. Get out of there.

Good luck, g.

Oh yes, and on topic – LOLz!

I’d love to see the Noonan/Reid debate. Can’t say I’m happy with Harry right now, but I’ve no doubt he could tear Noonan to smug little ribbons.

The fire is still a couple of canyons to the west of us, between us and the coast, and burning east and towards the coast. Right now the winds are taking it south and easterly, it’s going south of us. If we have to evacuate, our route is north.

It’s still a little premature right now. It may change at night. We’re keeping an eye on things. The Direct TV still works (cable subscribers in the Canyon are out of luck, cable went out at 3 p.m.). and we still have connection to DSL. There are a couple of good neighborhood bulletin boards, and some volunteer emergency organization phone trees. We’re in touch with our neighbors.

If we have to go, we’re ready.

Good luck a different brad.

Mark Noonan = No non-karma

also:

O no! Rank Man!

Koran on, man.

Ran amok? Non!

g: Thought of you when the Lower Topanga evac was announced on the news. Winds were very windy last night, even here in the flatlands. Hope all is well. You all can always crash @ my pad…
But do err on the side of caution, especially w/ those twisty, turny narrow roads up there, don’t want to get trapped & end up like those mikey referred to in Oakland.

Take care g. Don’t second guess yourself.

Stay safe, g.

I’d send you a few bucks, but I just sent all of my disposable cash to the Noonan for a Dumber America committee.

Good luck me? Good luck at what, not being driven insane by females?
Too late.

…a detailed list of the sins I’ve committed…

1. Eyebrow waxing.

So, now that it’s a one run game and Westbrook just sat down Ortiz and Manny, will McCarver admit that he was full of crap when he advocated pulling Westbrook in the 2nd?

Noonan or Reid? … Huh.

I’m… that’s…. huh.

Noonan would, of course, be trounced in the the most embarrassing electoral landslide since Kittens v. 3rd Degree Burns, but still.

Noonan considers himself the voice of the people? What is the percentage of people of believe what Noonan believes compared to what Reid believes? And which one has been elected to Congress again? Which one was elected SML?

What a clever gift Noonan has of saying something totally absurd and then finding delusions of grandeur within when people comment on his absurdity? Pretty soon he’s going to run out of absurd things to say and have to up the anty to V.P. or Attorneys General or something.

I think Noonan should move to Massachusetts, and run against Ted Kennedy.

I’d pay to see that.

Vote the bipartisan ticket:

Noonan/Colbert ’08 – Because We’re Already A Laughing Stock..

Why stop there Noonan? Go for the White House! Being the Voice of the People and all it should be no problem.

For your running mate you’d want someone who will appeal to your constituency while not showing you up intelligence-wise. I suggest Kay Grogan (for the women voters) or Pastor Swank (for the Bible belt). How about Ben Shapiro for chief justice of the supreme court? Dan Riel could be your press secretary. Emperor Misha as foreign policy adviser. Michelle Malkin in charge of Homeland Security and Fjordman in charge of immigration. Hmm, I’d like to fit Ace O’ Spades and Foehammer in there somewhere. Well, I sure you can find something to put their talents to good use.

Anyway, let the pompous-idiot-loser blogger revolution begin! Build the Empire of inanity that shall last for a thousand years.

Draft Katherine Harris!

Noonan is on a roll. Check out this from Blogs for Bush:

the point is to get as many people as possible having the most irresponsible sex imaginable as soon as it can be arranged…this because the enemy of the left is morality and the family. So, if you break down morality (and, at the same time, demoralise the young by turning them into sexual animals who’s sense of self-worth is nonexistent) and prevent the formation of families, you’ll have advanced a long way towards the left’s dream world – an entirely atomised society without functioning societal breaks upon the power of the central government.

Really, he’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Why is Harry Reid afraid to debate this man?

I don’t think “afraid” is the right word. A debate between Nooners and Harry Reid would come off like some kind of weird performance piece staged in a dank squat in the Lower East Side in the mid 80s by people with delusions of getting it to BAM. Harry Reid just isn’t that hip.

Looks like Noonan is developing a health care policy on his blog in preparation for his campaign. I think it can be boiled down to; “if you don’t have health insurance and you develop a serious health issue incurring high costs that might ruin you, no problem, man. Just ask one of your wingnut friends with a blog to solicit funds for you. Everything will be cool.”

Until the moonbats show up and start picking on the blogger in question in which case you up the ante with a campaign promise:

its hard not to comment on the incredibly irony here Mark. No, they the government is not picking my pocket any more than they are when the government takes my money to educate other children, to save others from floods, etc, etc..

I wonder how you sleep at night Mark. I will donate money to your friend because it is the right thing to do. you would think though this would give you thought as you deny poor children health care.
Posted by: kblack77 at October 20, 2007 12:07 AM

kblack,

Who is denying poor children health care? If you know of any poor child who needs health care, you just send along his information to me and I’ll ensure that he gets the health care he needs.

What you fundamentally lack is the understanding that your morality is based upon Christianity – “the right thing to do” is the right thing only because Christianity has defined it so, at the command of God. But God didn’t command us to enact a goverment program – he commanded us, as individual persons, to go out and do the right thing. You can think all you want that including middle and upper class kids in SCHIP is being generous – its not. Being generous is when you give of yourself, with no thought of reward, and for the glory of God.
Posted by: Mark Noonan at October 20, 2007 12:38 AM

You see, moonbats? Don’t worry about sick kids with no health insurance. Noonan says he’s going to make everything alright. I think we should take him up on his offer.

So Nooner’s imaginary friend is responsible for his sense of morality? Ummmmmkay.

He doesn’t know any poor children in need of health care? Surprising. He does know someone in need of a new grill — stat.

I love these guys:

Christ, teh Lord blah blah blah commands that we “do the right thing” with respect to our fellow man, but if we set up an efficient public program with the purpose of, er um, doing the right thing with respect to our fellow man, we might as well be welcoming the second-coming of HItler, Stalin, Pol Pot, etc.

If Jebus compels us to be charitable anyway, what’s the big deal of setting up public program that essentially does exactly what he “commands” us to do? If SCHIP was rife with fraud, waste, and inefficiency, I’d be all for turning it upside down to remedy its flaws. But it doesn’t appear to have these problems; hell, even its opponents haven’t accused it of such.

I don’t get these people. It must really be rank stupidity that informs their every move. That’s all I can figure.

Future NRO entry (circa Fall 2010):

“Noonan’s greatest weapon in his admittedly long shot campaign is his devastating use of the eyebrow arch. Throughout his debate with Reid, Noonan responded to the Senator’s statements by deftly raising an enormous hirsute flag that silently said to the auditorium ‘Really, Senator Reid? Do you expect Nevadans to believe that twaddle?’ Noonan did not even attempt to articulate positions and policies; those are trifles not needed from a man whose forehead alone signifies gravitas.”

This is great news! Krazy Keyes has been uncharacteristically un-funny since he announced his candidancy, so Noonan’s news might be our best hope for comic relief in 2008.

And I second the “Draft Katherine Harris” idea! Or third it. Whatever.

Anyway, let the pompous-idiot-loser blogger revolution begin!

Did you see one of the slogans he’s considering is “The Powerful vs. The Blogosphere?” Holy shit, that’s funny. The whole thing is hilarious, in fact, and we absolutely must encourage Noonan to run. It’d be like the Keystone Kops running for office. Can you imagine being his campaign manager and trying to reel him in from saying crazy/stupid things? Talk about a thankless job….

Roket said,

“I’m also instructed, as a Christian, to pray for those who say unkind things about me – to love them…I’d love him [Reid] to (political) death.”

The verse actually says “pray for those who persecute you;” my understanding is that the verb and the “you” are plural, meaning Christians are supposed to pray for those who persecute Christians as a whole by, say, throwing them in jail or to lions or something, rather than those who just say things that hurt Noonan’s dainty feelings.

How long before some enterprising young humorist starts up a Blogs4Noonan site? I fervently hope that the answer is soon. I’ll even settle for very soon.

You know, as a Nevadan, I’d honestly prefer Noonan to Reid at this point. I hate the greasy little asshole, but the awful old Mormon dick holding the Senate powerball pissed me off badly enough that I just want him out.

I mean, I sincerely hope that a viable primary challenger pops up in 2010, because I’m seriously tired of Reid’s bullshit. The thing with trying to stifle Dodd’s hold made me angry enough I’d literally be willing to campaign with the GOP to get him out of office.

Fuck his pig-fucker northern Nevada small-town Mormon bullshit. Fuck his wrinkly old face.
http://alec.desperance.net/smarf/002.PNG

One quick tip to Noonan Fils, though – we really don’t like out-of-state candidates. The Republican electorate will eat you alive. I wouldn’t bother if I were you. You’re just gonna make an even worse ass outta yourself, momma’s boy.

On the plus side – and this is definitely a plus, for a Republican – Noonan is a ridiculous, pompous fraud who got all he has by nepotism. No one would take him particularly seriously even in the surreal event he got elected, and he’d never last more than a single term before the adults took over the office again. But at the very least he’d disrupt our seniority.

I’m increasingly bothered by small states’ dominance of the seniority system. We’re assholes about it a lot of the time, and we abuse it on purpose. I don’t think anyone I know would vote for Harry if he hadn’t been promising to do good by us in the big chair. (Which, obviously, the 99% of America that doesn’t live in Nevada doesn’t want.)

The really sad part is that he’d probably couldn’t fuck up things worse than Reid already does.

Alec–

Mark isn’t related to Peggy Noonan (yes, there are two wingnut Noonan families). He became a ridiculous, pompous fraud all by himself.

So, can we have a Mark Noonan Campaign Ad contest? The possibilities are endless.

Noonan would, of course, be trounced in the the most embarrassing electoral landslide since Kittens v. 3rd Degree Burns, but still.

I’m sick today, and contemplating calling in sick to work. This line made me laugh so hard that it (almost) wasn’t worth it because my throat felt like it was on fire just because of good laugh. That’s bad.

I remember Kittens vs. 3rd Degree Burns. That was 1996, wasn’t it? I especially remember how disturbing it was when 3rd Degree Burns started doing Viagra commercials.

Can you imagine being his campaign manager and trying to reel him in from saying crazy/stupid things? Talk about a thankless job….

That depends on your attitude. What if you just decided to encourage him to say crazy/stupid things? Awesome Job! Too bad it’s unlikely anyone could ever get paid for it.

Who will volunteer to follow him around with a video camera?

That’s hazard work, right there.

Mark isn’t related to Peggy Noonan (yes, there are two wingnut Noonan families).

Well there’s a month’s worth of fuel for nightmares.

(Mea culpa on that one, although given how many right-wing momma’s boys and other nepotists we have clogging, ah, ‘citizen journalism’… well, it’s hard to blame someone for it.)

Noonan needs more lipstick.

(and make it a brighter red)

A debate between Nooners and Harry Reid would come off like some kind of weird performance piece staged in a dank squat in the Lower East Side in the mid 80s by people with delusions of getting it to BAM. Harry Reid just isn’t that hip.

Y’know, I think I was at a performance art piece like that, dragged there by an ex-girlfriend who I didn’t know at the time was washing her lithium down with Everclear. Which, after the point in the performance piece where they brought out the colostomy bags, didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

I particularly love the commenters who insist that they have the guns & numbers to just erase the hippie-lib’rul scum. Nice. Must be all the upper-class whities we see in the Armed Forces these days … what’s that?
Bush is granting citizenship to illegal aliens and furriners in return for them serving in the Army? Jeez … I wonder if they’d really stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the doughy white shitsmears that have been rounding up their relatives and advocating concentration camps for anyone darker than a paper bag…?

All hail our Noonanite overlords.

Go get ’em Mark! B4C has already endorsed Noonan for Senate.

Noonan needs more lipstick.

(and make it a brighter red)

?? I thought the coloration was quite appropriate!

Awesome, Righteous Bubba.

The comments are stellar on that site. I think this guy should be the campaign manager, he’s a super-genius!

“You know Mark theres part of me hoping that they don’t. We have the guns and ultimately, if forced, the numbers to destroy these morons completely. There is no doubt on who’s side the military would be and no doubt that the country, in the long haul, would be better off without them.”

Ooooh, tough guys. Look, tough guys!

Umm… Sparky, there’s a bunch of us non-right-wing-batshit-crazy folks who have firearms. Guess which ones!

Choose wisely…

Alec, as a Nevadan, you should know that the town of Searchlight (Reid’s hometown that he can’t go a day without mentioning) isn’t in the north. It’s in Clark County, south of Las Vegas. Just sayin’…

Umm… Sparky, there’s a bunch of us non-right-wing-batshit-crazy folks who have firearms.

Not only that, there’s a bunch of us who believe in what America the idea is about, and have been trained and blooded by the the very military these fucks are claiming to own. They’re gonna be really disappointed when the sergeants and cap’ns and majors who don’t need or have their political and career tickets punched are willing to stand up and honor their oath to protect and defend the constitution…not the fucks in charge, not the cowards who love war when it happens ten thousand miles away, not the so-called journalists who no longer care about their role in a real democracy, but the real front-liners round them up and offer them a chance – just one chance, big fellah, get on it or get out – to surrender or accept battlefield justice.

These dudes are idiots. If it happens, it will be very quick, it might be bloody, but the reality is the majority will honor their oath, and these fuckers will end up in prison if they are very goddam careful.

I’m old and dirty. I won’t give ’em that option…

mikey

As a point of clarification: I’m from Las Vegas. To us, they’re all northerners – including people in rural Clark. (Even if they’re south of us. It’s a long story, but it boils down to that we’re smug pricks.)

(That is to say, I know Reid might not be from ‘the north’ as geography might dictate, but Searchlight is squarely within the territory one would identify as the north / Mormon country, at least culturally.)

RobW: Alyuk didn’t say Reid himself was from northern Nevada, merely that he represents “pig-fucker northern Nevada small-town Mormon bullshit” as well as possesses a “wrinkly old face,” both of which he believes should be fucked.

Yeah, and there’s a pretty strong consensus on that last bit.

Damn it to hell, Alec, we need to coordinate these things from here on out. In the future, you and I need to double-click on just how much piss goes in whose mouth around here. We need to hold a goddamn all-hands on this topic, OK?

Yes: we will leverage our synergies into new dick paradigms.

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