The House That Wack Built
Doug Ross has been getting a lot of attention lately for this post, in which he utilizes a cunning visual style of storytelling to prove that the dirty bomb attack in Manhattan which is totally inevitable any day now is all Nancy Pelosi’s fault. (Like James Lileks, Ross also likes to rock himself to sleep at night by fantasizing about a nuclear attack on Seattle. What did the Emerald City ever do to these guys?)
Anyway, as I’m sure you all know from my best-selling series of “Larry Kotter, Wizard School Dropout” novels and my hit TV series Most People Are Favorably Disposed Towards Leonard, there’s nothing I love more than glomming on to other peoples’ popularity. So I have taken Ross’ idea a bit further, while still grounding it in the hard-nosed reality that characterizes his original post.
***
These are the pliers we could have used to yank out the teeth of suspected terrorists if some people weren’t a bunch of pussies.
This is one of the dirty America-hating hippies who didn’t want us to be able to use pliers against terrorists.
These are the Iranian Iraqi North Korean Syrian Islamofascists in Lake Conroe awaiting word to blow up Houston with a space laser. Probably. I mean, just look at them.
This is an artist’s conception of the al-Q’aeda space laser, which we would have been able to shut down if it weren’t for that meddling traitor Mohammed el-Baradai.
This is the sophisticated telecommunications device, modified to throw off suspicion.
This is a cat, a type of domesticated house pet that can often be entertained by the use of a laser pointer.
This is one of hundreds of laser pointers purchased by terrorists throughout the greater Houston area and used to assemble the al-Q’aeda space laser.
This is a 1998 Saturn SW-1 station wagon, a reliable, sensible late-model family car perfect for transporting components of a terrorist weapon of mass destruction.
This is the logo of “Freedom Wheels”, a Houston-based wheelchair service provider chosen as the main target of the terrorists because they hate things with the word ‘freedom’ in them.
This is what a wheelchair looks like after it has been hit point-blank by a Sharia-powered laser beam from outer space.
This is a baby, who is crying because he is sad that Houston blew up.
This is a team of emergency au pairs, brought in at great taxpayer expense to try to help calm the untold thousands of babies upset by the destruction of Houston.
This is one of many Gymboree stores that suffered highly reduced sales in the days following the space laser attack due to a high number of inconsolable babies.
This is what Houston looked like for a million bajillion years thanks to the Islamofascists.
And it was all the fault of these two.
It’s the Space Needle. You almost can’t blame them, actually.
Re: the last picture.
There have never been any hills of any kind within 120 miles of Houston, and there never will be. Southeast Texas looks like it has been run over by the biggest road grader evar.
I’m a natural detective, and I do what I need to do. I had to move here to find out why Seattle figured so highly in Lilek et als. fantasies of total annihilation. And I did, my first night here. It’s that the employees of the Rent-a-Car agencies, any of them, are women in hijab. Yes, it’s that Avis apron over an Islamic garbed femme that makes them think that it’s all over for Western Civilization. To be fair, they are complete Nazis about seeing your reservation ticket.
Powerful stuff!
Chilling!
Vote for Hillary is a vote for giant Al-Qaeda “Lasers”
Sammich,
now you see how powerful this Giant Al-Qaeda Laser is, it can even unflatten the greater Houston area
Maybe those parents should have considered the possibility of a giant Mooslim space laser attack before they went off humping and grunting and baby-having.
It’s called personal responsibility, Houston Grow up!
Is that terrorist in the original, Stephen Green with a goatee?
I’m sure I could be funnier & snarkier if only I had the courage to click on the links.
I did read Lilek’s screed about losing a US city after 9/11 and… and I wonder what exactly is wrong with these people. This uncontrollable fear they have makes them unable to look unblinkingly at whatever it is that they’re afraid of…and it makes them liable to blame and fear and hate the wrong fucking thing every goddamn time. I too felt the fear of nuclear annihilation in my youth, as US-Soviet relations dimmed and brightened; but goddamnit, it made me look as closely and as accurately as I knew how at what exactly might trigger such a thing and what could be done to minimize the chance it would happen, and gauge my chances as best I could. These guys…what, they just wished we were bigger & stronger and could make it all stop?
It’s just sad, really. It really truly is.
And this is the bed that Doug Ross never ever wets, even when he’s seen a diffrent-lookin’ person on the same street.
That second picture is haunting.
I think Seattle hits the trifecta for wingnut doomsday wet dreams: It’s part of the US, close enough that they can really let loose on anti-mexican/moolem hate they have been building up and people will like them for it, yet far enough from them that thier Target will not get flattened. Two- its a lovely liberal city and BWHAHAAH- that will show ‘dem moonbats! And 3; They secretly they hope that Bill Gates and PAul Allen have long been admirers of thier written and left them a bajillion dollars in thier will.
(2) The inevitable implication is that, for Newsweek staff, all conservatives look alike.
does it matter which bio goes with which face when you all sound exactly the same?
You’ve seen the light.
What brought on this conversion?
i’m surprised the wingnut didn’t use stills from the odessa steps sequence in battleship potemkin.
o/t, those au pairs are quite hot, in a kind of plain, but sexy way, particularly the two in the middle
Did Leonard just pants the world and spank it, because this post seems extra awesome and my butt stings.
Are you sure most of America hasn’t been taken by terrorists and people in the cities haven’t figured it out yet? And is it true that the nice people in the fly over states are controlled by the terrorists and are trying to tell us in coded messages but the terrorists have scrambled their brains and we are misinterpreting our fellow citizens warnings as simple political gamesmanship? I’ve heard that terrorists sometimes humiliate their enemies by forcing them to fuck goats.
Why *do* you liberals hate Houston? Aside from the totally missed opportunity to build Reliant Stadium as a dome like the nearby Astrodome?
“Two- its a lovely liberal city and BWHAHAAH- that will show ‘dem moonbats!”
Yes, unlike the poor bastions of conservativism that is New York and Arlington. If only the terrorist threat could be brought home to the the loony leftbats with the moon hippies defeating the … i dunno, whatever, THEN they’d take it seriously!
Maybe if Houston had built Reliant stadium as a dome inside the Astrodome, then I might be able to respect the “taint of Texas.”
OT, but I miss having a cat.
Well, to be fair, we are packed with gays and immigrant minorities and willfully childless couples, as well as being significantly unchurched. These are some of the things I like about Seattle, but I can understand why the nutjobs wouldn’t.
Of course, a lot of women here wear hijab, including my cat’s new vet (One of the three in the clinic, anyway.). I’m madly in love with her, by the way. She’s gorgeous, and she’s nice to my cat. I don’t believe she’s gay, but that’s okay. I wouldn’t hit on my vet anyway.
I was wondering how the Hillanator had gotten that 50%+ poll ranking. It’s really quite surprising how many non-baby people despise Houston.
i have a cat too
actually, i have two cats
the other day i was talking with a new acquaintance, also a cat fancier, it turns out, and i repeated the line about “dogs have masters – cats have staff” – not everyone has already heard it, it seems
This is a baby, who is crying because he is sad that Houston blew up.
Ah, exploiting the infinks for partisan gain! CENSURE! CENSURE!
BTW, didja see who’s linking to the Ross?
Update: Linked by Instapundit and Atlas Shrugs. Thanks!
Update II: Linked by Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler, DANEgerus, Fausta’s Blog, Pajamas Media, Riehl World View and Right on the Left Coast. Thanks!
Once again I keep hoping that this kind of thing will cause a intellectual equivalent of a singularity, so much stupid being concentrated in one point, that these clowns will just disappear from our space-time.
Doug Ross? Being approvingly linked to by Atlas Shrugs, Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler, and Dan Riel is not something to proud of. Anyway, nice parody Mr. Leonard Pierce. Darn funny.
How did Ross get all those photos? The only way is … if he was a terruhrist! Fifth column!! Fifth column!!
Or how ’bout this: Here’s George. Here’s George staring at a weather map showing Hurricane Katrina bearing down on Louisiana and Mississippi. Here’s George picking his butt. Here’s a major U.S. city devastated. Here’s George still picking his butt, two years later.
Kind of like bragging about the pedigrees of dogshit down your back. Misguided.
tb,
What are you doing snooping around my backyard? I really believe my son will pick the vontage turds up one of these days. Actually, you can’t see them now because they’re covered with leaves.
I mean vintage, not vontage
So… did Ross read the article he linked to? First, it is an op-ed, not a news article, so there may be some sensational language:
Cripes, sounds inevitable. An “I-cubed” attack would be one in which people are induced to inhale, ingest, or immerse themselves in radiocative materials. The editorial suggests what (to a guy who knows nothing about the topic) seems like a reasonable enough precaution: use nonsoluble sources of cesium in cancer therapies as an alternative to water soluble forms. Sounds like a proportionate response to a rather unlikely threat.
But what about those dirty bombs? From his “game, set, match” article:
Hey, I don’t want to see 10 people dying from a dirty bomb in the back of a van either. Or because of a crazed gunman, or a fire, or a hurricane, or tainted peanut butter. Christ, the terrorists could be anywhere! TAP ALL THE PHONES!!!
Shorter NYT: The threat of a dirty bomb is somewhat overblown, but a few simple precautions could reduce the threat of a more dangerous scenario.
Shorter Doug Ross: OMG you guys, the NYT just said that if the government doesn’t take all our freedoms we’re all gonna die from teh durty bomz!!
RE: This whole terrorist thing.
Two words: Fluoridated water.
As we all know, dentists have the highest suicide rate, so these evil bastards are trying to take us all with them.
You have been warned, America!
Which Democrats want to prevent the government from listening to calls between two parties in foreign countries?
Answer: none. Absolutely no one.
Doug Ross is a liar.
Hey, can I at get me some madd props. Or maybe at least a tip o’ th’ hat?
I’m starving for attention and validation, I tells ya. Starving.
Jeebus, it’s the Eye of Sauron. Somebody take their Palantirs away from them, please.
Oh, and that space laser looks Persian to me.
I mean vintage, not vontage
Oh good. I was very confused, and was about to ask you what a vontage was, and why you had one shitting in your yard.
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m definitely short-selling 10,000 shares of Gymboree stock in anticipation of their sales shortfall. Who’s with me?
[…] Leonard Pierce at Sadly No! explains everything you need to know to put your fears to good […]
I don’t believe she’s gay, but that’s okay. I wouldn’t hit on my vet anyway.
D. Sidhe, I don’t see the conflict of interest here. It’s not like Mickey Kaus is the vet and he is taking advantage of his goat patients or anything. That would be wrong.
Actually, if all the terrorists wanted was Houston, I think we could reach an amicable agreement and end the war completely.
I was willing to hand them all of Texas (take my Texas… PLEASE!) so surrendering Houston’s a double win-win. Hell, let’s throw in Crawford as a gratuity.
Does Ross know that we Manhattan Democrats, being agents of the Lord Satan of the Eternally Damned, have built an immunity to radiation so Pelosi and Reid will allow someone brown to attack Manhattan, take out all non-Democrats, and install Susan Sarandon as Mayor?
Au pairs? Au baby!
That guy still thinks Bush can fight terrorism. 😡 hiilariouz.
It would be interesting to know where that picture of the corpse really comes from. Downtown Baghdad perhaps?
This is a team of emergency au pairs, brought in at great taxpayer expense to try to help calm the untold thousands of babies upset by the destruction of Houston.
There’s an upside to everything.
At Doug Ross’ suggestion I read the NYT op-ed. It’s actually about the dangers of water-soluble cesium and recommends that hospitals stop using it. So the terrorist-enablers it fingers are radiation oncologists, some number of whom might also be Democrats, or foreign born, or even practicing Muslims. Ergo, blaming Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi for this possible but still non-existent dirty bomb event is, well, stupid.
I don’t know. That space laser doesn’t look big enough to take out IKEA, much less all of Houston. Besides, Houston’s so shiny. Might bounce those laser beams right back into space. Besides, its all going to be underwater in 50 years anyway.
[…] with a *gasp* brown person that may (or may NOT) be a Muslim. While surfing my daily feeds, I stumbled across this post that cracked my shit up. Apparently, this wankstain thinks that Nancy Pelosi is going to cause a dirty bomb to go off in […]
Hmm, so there IS an upside to global warming…
I should hope not. It would put your cat in a very awkward position.
Plus, as Jon Stewart once pointed out, probably when you take your cat to the vet, the cat’s temperature is taken … rectally. The cat doesn’t know what a thermometer is; it’s just a thing stuck in its butt. Your cat will assume things about your relationship with the vet, creating awkwardness.
If you haven’t seen this, look about 8 minutes in: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ltNNQ3syA00
Of course, a lot of women here wear hijab, including my cat’s new vet (One of the three in the clinic, anyway.). I’m madly in love with her, by the way. She’s gorgeous,
The hijab at least guarantees no bad hair days.
So the terrorist-enablers it fingers are radiation oncologists,
Shit, I knew it!